I'm tired of people discouraging me. I'm due in 4 weeks with my first

[ivparker]

People are really freaking me out. They start telling me these awful stories of still born babies and things like that. Now any kind of weird pain freaks me out. I'm not sure if something is wrong with the baby. Also, I think everyone wants to tell me about their horrible birth experience. Its the last thing I want to hear right now. I mention that I want to try to do drug free birth and they laugh at me. I don't make any comments just nod my head. I have had comments like, "what's the point. It's not like anyone will give you a gold medal for not taking drugs." I don't think anything less of someone who chooses to use some medication but I just feel for myself that I would like to have an unmedicated birth experience. I have many of my own reasons, but I don't like it when people discourage me. And the biggest one is me going to use cloth diapers. I get laughed at a lot for that one. People who don't even know me well would say that they should take bets on how long I last. Its not like they know me as a person who can't handle it. I try explaining to them my reasonings and telling that it really won't be as bad as they think especailly since I will mostly be using fitteds and aio, but they just treat me like I'm a silly new mom. And maybe I am, I don't know, but they don't have to put me down for it. I sometimes wonder if they put me down because they didn't do that way and they just want their way to be the "right" way. I don't care what they decided to do, I just want to do what I want to do without feeling stupid. Thanks for letting me vent. The thing is that maybe all the put-downs may be good for my husband and I because now we want to prove everyone wrong, moreso not to back down on our convictions.
Ivanna

[MartiesMom2B]

Ivanna:

I got the same coments when I was pregnant too. The worst was when my SIL told me how much blood she lost when she gave birth at my baby shower. I think we all gave her a nasty look because she tried to laugh it off. If possible just try to ignore them. The put downs are a good motivator though. I think that's what pushed me from thinking about cloth diapering to going forward and getting them and using them. Plus when you show all the doubters how easy it is to cloth diapers - they are amazed.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[dotgirl]

You know, people did things like that to me when I was pregnant. At first I nodded, or just tried not to discuss it. But after a while (maybe as I got bigger and more uncomfortable and less in the mood for things), I started just asking, "Why would you say something like that to me?" Sometimes I'd follow it up with "I really think I need positive energy about my decisions right now - they're not up for discussion. Thanks".

It didn't stop people from being a pain, but the look on their faces was priceless.

[jbowman]

>I sometimes wonder if they put me down because they didn't do
>that way and they just want their way to be the "right" way.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that statement! Unfortunately this will continue after the baby is here (actually may even be worse). The best thing you can do is stick to your convictions and trust yourself.

Good luck--you are about to experience the greatest thing in the world! Have fun the next few weeks and enjoy the whole birth experience...DH and I constantly talk about when Ellie was born (it's when our lives changed forever!).

[Marisa6826]

Well, as far as whacko stories go, I would look at them with the sweetest smile and say, "Why ever would you want to tell something so inappropriate to a pregnant woman?" and then just watch them squirm.

And concerning the comments about the no drugs, cloth dipes, etc. Just respond, "Thanks so much for your interest. I will keep your ideas in mind" and change the subject or excuse yourself to pee ;)

People can be such asses.

Good luck!

-m

[jk3]

How awful. I think it's strange that people are telling you horror stories. Sure I heard about long labors + the like but to bring up stillborn babies is absolutely unneccessary to say the least. You will get lots of advice, especially after the baby is born, and it can be hard to take. It's usually a reflection of the people making the comments-not that that helps.

Congratulations + good luck on the birth. I am sure it will go fabulously well!

=)

[papal]

What kind of an unthinking idiot would talk to a pregnant woman about stillborn babies!!! MORON!
I guess the whole UNCALLED for advice comes with the mom territory.. people seem to think it is absolutely fine to criticize parenting choices that thinking moms and dads have made... really ticks me off.

Don't you worry.. you will have a fabulous birth experience!

[redhookmom]

Sounds like you hangin with wrong group of people!

Remember these are all parenting CHOICES. We all make our own. I think when people put you down or laugh at your choices they are simply insecure in their own choics. KWIM

Sounds like you have great plans. I hope that you prove them all wrong.

[Rachels]

It's terrible how women undermine other women at this incredibly powerful and exciting time. If you need a different voice in your ear, mama, PM me. I had a 38 hour labor but a natural birth, and it was a wonderful, powerful, transformative experience. Your body was made to birth and you can do it. Garner support from people who believe in you (hire a doula!!!), and trust that part of you that knew how to grow this baby and certainly knows how to deliver it. If I can help support you in any way, please let me know.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Sarah1]

The last month of pregnancy is really hard. So many people want to give you advice. I tried to avoid any conversations relating to pregnancy, childbirth, and newborns, and more importantly always tried to keep it light. You don't need added stress.

As for those jerks talking about stillborn babies, that's incredibly insensitive, and you have every right to be POed!

[Vajrastorm]

First of all, the big secret is that you DO get a medal. We don't like to talk about it, but you'll find out at the initiation. ;)

I had a NCB, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Absolutely!

Surround yourself (IRL or online) with people who can share your positivity. Avoid those who would dump a bunch of poop on your plans.

Hooray for you for following your own path!

And I look forward to seeing you at the award ceremony. }(

[himom]

Don't let them get you down! There are a bunches of us on this board who tried natural childbirth and were very happy with the whole experience. I got the same comments you are getting but I'm glad I ignored all the naysayers and did it my own way. DS's birth was exactly as I had hoped it would be and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

If you need positive stories we can provide! There are lots of successful moms, births, and CDrs that can give you lots of moral support.

Best of luck with labor and delivery. Once you discover something that works for you, go with it. You are in charge, and you'll do great!

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua, born February 2003

[suribear]

I hired a midwife and doula and had a big old birthing ball in my family room. And this was for a vbac. You can imagine the comments :)

Try to tune them out. I can't imagine people talking about stillborn babies. GEEZ.

I think this is preparation for parenting. My parenting style is also different from most (nothing crazy, mind you!) and sometimes it gets tiring having to defend it. On the other hand, I've obviously had an influence on some of my friends, as many of them are now more aware of nutrition, extended nursing, car seat safety, etc...

Kris

[amp]

Ivanna - Please don't let everyone scare you! You will have aches and pains when you are pregnant, especially as pregnant as you are right now. If you keep feeling that baby moving as usual, everything is probably just fine! As far as the horror stories of birth, every single woman's experience is going to be different. And in the end, you won't care because you'll be holding your sweet baby! I ended up having an 11th hour scheduled C-Section, which was something I was terribly afraid of. In the end, it worked out to be a terrifying and beautiful thing. I just kept telling myself, hey, it's not like I'm going in to have a gallbladder (or insert anything) removed. I'm coming home with a baby. I can do anything for that! And it was true. Granted, I was terrified! But DH, my family and the hospital staff were outstanding and did everything in their power to reassure me. And none of the stories or fears I had detracted from a birth that I am proud to say I handled and look back on fondly even! And they aren't kidding when they say you'll barely remember how it felt once you have that baby in your arms! THAT is the MOST blessed and amazing thing you will likely ever feel. Keep that in mind.

And relax! You're a mama now. You'll get through whatever is thrown your way during the birth because it's your job! You're stronger and braver than you realize! Good luck!

[ivparker]

Thank you everyone. You have really put my mind at ease. I think the bottom line is I need to stick with my convictions and listen to people like you will give me encouraging stories. In the end, that's all that matters is that I have a happy healthy baby. I can't wait to see him. You all are great!
Ivanna

[californiagirl]

There are a few -- only a few -- times in life when the most effective and appropriate response to a situation is to burst into tears. Being very pregnant and having people tell you stillbirth stories is one of them.

[MamaKath]

>>I sometimes wonder if they put me down because they didn't do that way and they just want their way to be the "right" way. I don't care what they decided to do, I just want to do what I want to do without feeling stupid.<<

I've learned over the years when it comes to parenting, many people see decisions that do not match their own to be wrong, debatable, attacking their own, etc. It does not end here, so stay strong and think of some good answers.

Q-Why would you want to cloth diaper?
A-I am thinking that it will help me fell fulfilled to do a few additional loads of laundry. ;-)

Q-Why would you go without drugs? You think you will get a gold-medal?
A-Well actually, I heard natural childbirth is an anticipated Olympic sport and I would like to be able to make the team.

ETA- If you are not into the wise guy responses, a simple "This is what we decided for our family and I would hope you could wish us the best." usually suffices. :-)

Just wait for the bottle vs breast, vaccination vs non-vaccination, circumcision vs intact foreskin debates. My own mother did the bottle vs breast one until I sat her down and told her that my doing things differently wasn't an attack against her parenting choices, it was just that I was doing what was right for my child and family. :-) Best of luck and huge hugs!

[JenniferPT]

I can't believe people would harrass you like that! Any of my girlfriends who went the drug free route have my respect! I'm more than willing to admit I'm a wus. As it turned out, I had to have an emergency c-section at 32 1/2 weeks and was secretly pleased I didn't have to even go though a vaginal delivery w/drugs!

Why not just say what you want to say to these people...it should shut them up and they'll, of course, chalk your "meaness" up to being pregnant! Oh the things you can get away with saying! Just imagine how delicious it could be!! :7

[alkagift]

I absolutely hate comments like you've received...I even just hate reading about them, I'm so sorry you have had to deal with those kinds of comments. Rachel is right, this is a transformative time in your life and the last thing you want to do is feel any more anxious! Sometimes I think some people have some sort of drive to be cynical--as though it's more acceptable or hip to be pessimistic and negative. The heck with that, cynicism gets you nothing! You do your own thing, Ivanna, and you will love the choices that you've made because YOU made them and not anyone else.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03