Annoyed at People Telling Me Who My Son Looks Like

[Kieransmom]

I've been stewing for 24 hours and I just have to vent.It's kind of crazy but it's really upsetting me. Why do people insist that when you have a boy they HAVE to look like their father?

I went to my old job yesterday to visit. My son is a year old so we go every once in a while to say hello so they can see how much he's grown. Every time we go EVERYONE there starts saying "Oh he's beautiful. He looks JUST like his father." He doesn't. In fact, he looks exactly like I did as a child. When I tell them this they insist that I'm wrong. What?!? It's an insult in disguise. I think I know who my child looks like. He's blonde with blue eyes and looks just like I did. My husband has dark hair and hazel eyes with very very distinguishing strong features. People who knew me as a child say how much he looks like I did. Why is this? Do people think girls have to look like their mothers and boys have to look like their fathers?

In fact, every once in a while I hear comments when we are at my husband's family's house. They also have never seen me as a child but say that he definately looks like me but they'll throw in some odd comment like "don't you think he looks like Great Great Uncle Joe" or some off the wall distant relative. I guess that just annoys me because of hearing my co workers telling me this for a year.

I know it's crazy but would you be insulted?

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[gour0]

I had this same thing! Sometimes I think that people just have their preconceived notions of who a baby should look like. My SIL was holding my son in a store and someone told her he looked just like her. Whatever. There are bits of everyone in there if you want to think like that! He looks like himself. Period. He got his chin from his dad and everything else from me. And, I, in turn, got my looks from....? Great Uncle Joe? Who knows. :)
Try not to let it burn you too much. People who know you will figure it out. People who don't know you are unimportant.

[bluej]

I have one child who looks like me, the other two are mini-DH's. And no, it's not my DD who looks like me (good thing her daddy is a pretty boy :) ). Feature-wise, Caden is a mini-me. However he has his dad's coloring (blonde, blue eyes). So I would say he's a pretty good combination of the both of us! Anyway, when he was a baby and well into his toddlerhood, whenever we would be with DH's extended family EVERYONE would make the same comment 'he doesn't look anything like his dad'. Uh, no he doesn't, what are you implying? Would it have been so hard for them to say, 'wow, he looks just like Jen.' I mean really, WHAT were they trying to say by saying he doesn't look like DH? And so what if he looks like me instead? It infuriated me so much! Still kinda does actually. If I were you, next time I would say 'really, what about him looks like his Daddy?' I bet they can't say what, they just think that's the way it's suppose to be.

[californiagirl]

It amuses me but doesn't bother me. DD looks a lot like me, and I look almost *exactly* like my mother. But people used to tell me all the time that they could see the resemblance between me and my stepfather (I do in fact look more like him than my father). And a few people do think DD looks more like DH than like me. She's not yet 11 weeks so mostly to us she just looks like a baby and oddly is darker-skinned than either of us.

[cinrein]

I think a lot of people like to study children and parents and see what features got passed on. I know I do, but I never say anything about it. I think it's fascinating how some kids look exactly like 1 parent, or a combination of both, or neither.

I hear all the time how much Anna looks like me. I think she resembles me a little bit, but I don't see that she's a mirror image. Once a woman in a dept store kept following me around saying, "OMG, I can't believe how much she looks like you!" Freak! I think sometimes DH feels kind of bad that she doesn't look a little bit like him, but she did get blue eyes from him (mine are brown).

So to answer your question, I'm not insulted. As long as no one calls her ugly, I'm somewhat amused by all the observations. If your friends and family weren't commenting on that, it would be something else. :)

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[pritchettzoo]

People are just whacky on the "look alike" thing. I have been told I look just like my stepmother. I don't--she's short with dark hair and skin, whereas I'm taller with red hair and pale skin. We seriously do not resemble each other in the least. Yet people feel the need to find one.

I'm not saying not to be mad--just don't take it personally. People are generally nuts! :) You could always smile and say, "That's strange--he's not the biological father" just to screw with them if you're feeling particularly snarky. }(

Anna
Mama to Gracie (9/16/03)

Edited to fix the snarky smilie...

[sirensrise]

well,i have one tops all. i once had a lady in a coffee shop asked us if my dh was dd's father. i almost went"well, good question!"LOL. all asian people tells me that dd looks exactly like dh. everyone else tells me she looks just like me. i think people say all kinds of things sometimes just to hear their own voice, some times with dh's family, i think the sils loves her and just want to have somehow some kind of connection with her, (older women, no children of their own, etc)i dont know if it is true with your dh's family. you know who your ds looks like more than anyone else. (i am still not sure who mine look like, LOL)and enjoy your baby!

[amp]

It doesn't bother me nearly as much when other people say he looks like his dad as it does when my MIL says "he looks like (insert relative's name here)" and when she tells DS "you have hair just like a (our last name)", meaning, their family, not mine. Now, ordinarily this would bug me, but since I am adopted and you can't look at my family for family features and resemblance, it drives me nuts! I always remind her, "There's an awful lot of me in there too, ya know!" As if I were merely the vessel by which he arrived and nothing else! Grrrrr!

[billysmommy]

I think it's kinda funny how people who only know me tell me how much Billy looks like me and people who only know DH say how much he looks like him. But people who know both of us think that he is a combo. He definately has features from the both of us but if you put his pictures next to my brother's baby pictures you couldn't tell them apart - except for the clothes :) Especially since he got his haircut :)

[AngelaS]

I hear ya! I have one dark skinned,haired and eyed child who obviously looks like DH's family. I have one dark eyed, pale skinned and BLOND child that obviously looks like me.

My MIL is CONVINCED that both my children resemble their side of the family. Um....NO! Ticks me off EVERY time she says it!

[jbowman]

It doesn't bug me as much as it amuses me--everyone says that Ellie looks exactly like DH. My response, "I'm just relieved she doesn't look like the postal carrier!" I am kidding of course, but it is funny to see people's faces after you say that!

[TraciG]

So far about 5 people have thought Sydney was a BOY !!!!!!!! My mother keeps telling me to have her ears peirced, I dont get mad, plus one of them said they thought it because she is husky ( she has chubby cheeks ) & the other said she is big, she really isn't just those cheeks !!!!!!!!!

People who see her with me & my hubby say she looks like him which she does.

[atlbaby]

I can understand your frustration. But people seem to cross gender lines for my DD because they say she looks just like DH! Ok, she does, but you can still tell she's mine! From the time Arielle turned about 4 months people have decided she looks just like DH. She has my features, but those aside she looks like him. I don't know why it bothered me so, but for a good 18 months I was fuming every time I heard this (particularly from MIL:) ). I guess as a mother I just wanted someone to say, "Oh she is SO your daughter!" Now that she has a personality, we can tell that this is true, LOL. At least no one is saying Daliya looks like DH! She's light like me and has my eyes but none of this matters because she looks just like her sister did at this age (apart from the cheeks).

Try to set it all aside and keep looking at your baby pictures to see the real comparision!:)

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle, 10/30/01
and Daliya, 10/27/03

[StaceyKim]

I totally agree with you!!! I hate when people especially say....

>>>throw in some odd comment like "don't you think he looks like Great Great Uncle Joe" or some off the wall distant relative<<<

I am just waiting till DS gets a bit older so they can REALLY see who he looks like not that he looks 100% like me but he is a TOTAL combo of the both of us.

A lot of times I do think people say dumb things because they don't know what else to say.

[nwaddellr]

Adoption always throws off those people trying to make comparisons. My parents had three girls (myself included) and then adopted five other kids who kind of fit in the the family, looks-wise. It's always great when some random person says - "Ohh - Jen has her father's eyes" when that individual has never met Jen's father! Just goes to show, they will always try to fit you into the pattern of the parents.

[lrucci]

I have kind of the opposite problem. DD looks very much like me when I was a baby. Almost everyone, including the nurses who helped deliver her, says how much dd looks like my dh. The funny thing is that dh's parents are the only ones who DON'T think she looks like him.

Another adoption story... My aunt and uncle adopted a baby girl from Korea last year. My aunt gets stopped by many people who comment on how cute the baby is and say how much the baby looks like my aunt. (My aunt is light skinned and has blue eyes and light brown hair. So there are definitely no similarities.)


Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh Elizabeth 7/19/03

[tippy]

LOL!

[llcoddington]

I recently sent some pictures of Lauren to my mom. She called when she got them and I asked her who she thought Lauren looks like. She said, "She looks just like me. She's so cute!" I don't think she meant it to come out like it did, but I don't think she looks anything like me mom!

Lana

[Andrea S]

I have not had that problem people think Andrew is my twin, but now he is getting older he looks like his father more. I think people just do not know what to say.

The thing I hate is when they are commenting on out smart they think Andrew is or his outgoing personality they always say he is just like his Daddy or when he was walked at 10 mos just like his Daddy when I walked at 10 mos too. I am glad they think Andrew is the best, but some of that came from me too.

Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/14/02

[Sarah1]

When DD was really small, EVERYONE said she looked like her daddy, and yes, for whatever reason, I would feel these twinges of annoyance. I think it's because, after carrying this baby for 9 months and taking care of him/her all day (I'm a SAHM), I'm like, can somebody recognize MY part in all this, as opposed to gushing about how much she looks like her dad? It's like in some weird way you aren't getting the credit you deserve. It's irrational, but I had that feeling.

Now that DD is older, she looks more and more like me, and people often comment, "oh, she looks just like her mommy." And for whatever reason, it makes me feel good. I don't know why. She definitely resembles her dad, too, which makes him feel good. I think it's a base human desire to be able to tell, just by looking at your kid, that that kid belongs to YOU! Nobody wants Great Uncle Joe taking credit for their own kid's looks!

[starrynight]

My mom refuses to admit my girls look just like their dad, especially the youngest and it's hard for her to admit ds resembles his dad a bit also. She insists my kids look like her and her relatives, especially if someone says "oh wow Eliza looks juat like her daddy!" I mean even complete strangers joke 'oh there's no denying that kid'. (she honesyly is daddy's clone! ;)) My mom is a redhead with green eyes, all 3 of my kids are brown haired and brown eyed, how do they look like her??

Some people are just weird about that stuff, since none of us look like mom she has to claim my kids do I guess. And some people think kids should look like their dad for whatever reasons. I think all babies should look like mom, we do all the work ;). It drives me nuts but doesn't insult me. But I know my older kids do resemble me sometimes so if someone says otherwise I'm more likely to let it go because I know better kwim? I save my getting ticked and snarky for when they comment about how I raise the kids LOL.

[lmladuke]

I got that from the minute DS was born. He resembles me alot especially when he was little but my FIL kept saying how much he looked like him. He would bring out photos of himself as a baby and say "see, doesn't he look like me?" Even DH would say "No Dad, he looks like Lori" One time, just to shut up my FIL I said "maybe he does resemble you around the ears" -DS has ears that stick out a bit. That stopped the comments!

MIL and FIL used to always say "oh DS has the most beautiful eyes" and would never say he has the same eyes as me.

Finally, when people would say "who does he look like" I would reply "He looks like Jonathan (his name)" That usually did the trick. I am going to stick with that response for the new baby when she comes.

Lori

[Denyse]

I get that all the time but it usually doesn't bother me too much. Ds looks very much like me but has some of dh's traits in his face so you can kind of see both, depending on his expression.

That said, Dh's grandmother ticks me off to no end. When we are around her, she loudly comments over and over, "He looks JUST like Reg as a baby. HE looks nothing like Denyse." Or even better "he doesn't look like HER" I've gotten to the point where I'll say, Actually he looks EXACTLY like my baby pictures. And she ARGUES with me and anyone else who dares say he looks like me. "No he doesn't!" It actually makes her angry when someone says he looks like me. His family has MAJOR issues, if you can't tell. I just laugh her off and say something along the lines of, Oh well I guess you'll have to look at my baby pics sometime.