Not sure what I'm looking for ...(LONG)

[deenass]

Advice, support, a place to vent/rave? Just need to get this off my chest.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease, for years we have been told it was Ulcerative Collitis but now the diagnosis is Crohn's. He's been really sick with this for the past 6 or so years, in 2002 was hospitalized 5 times and had two surgeries (ne before i got pregnant, then one after I got pregant). After his 2nd surgery in 2002 we thought we were in the clear and celebrated his good helath and the birth of our son.

He was med free and illness free for 9 months, then it came back ... long story short, he's been working to get on maintenance meds so that he can get on with his life. We've seen a homeopath (hoping for some natural solutions) 3 GIs and the bottom line is he needs the drugs.

We recently discovered that he's allergic to the most popular one (with the least side effects) which is leaving him with one taht has more side effects, including a prohibition on having children while one it (and he'll be on it fo the rest of his life). So we have a one year old and a very big decision to make.

My MIL and SIL think we should freeze his sperm and i just think they don't get it... there's no guarantee that will result in a successful pregnancy and the stress of insemination, I'm not sure I can take. Neither or us know if we want another baby. I don't think we're emotionally ready for one now. He's afraid he's going to get worse and then I'll have him sick and 2 kids.

I'm just so sad that we have to make this decision. Once he's starts this drug there's no going back. I just wnated to get to wait 2-3 years between having babies or between deciding. I'm sure I sound selfish, I ahve one beautiful child and it's my husband who's sick not me. I just need to work through this.

Thanks to anyone who's read this far. Just needed to get it off my chest.

[MartiesMom2B]

((HUGS))

I don't think you sound selfish at all. It's a lot of work to take care of one child, and even more to take care of a sick husband, and EVEN MORE to take care of another child. You need to do what's best for your family and not listen to the in-laws.

If there is a chance that you might want another child you can still go ahead and get your husband's sperm frozen. If you decide that you don't want anymore children, you can have them unfrozen. I read that you don't have much time to decide - so maybe this would buy you a little more time.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. Feel free to vent here anytime.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[candybomiller]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sucks.

I would go ahead and freeze his sperm. That way you can still think about the decision in a couple of years. Right now things are way too stressful to add the decision about another baby in. Even though his sperm is frozen, you don't have to use it. Just hedge your bets.

Vent here anytime. We'll listen.

[redhookmom]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif


That sure is alot to deal with all at once. My wish for you is the strength to be a great Mom and someone for your DH to lean on.

[Momof3Labs]

Deena, this really isn't fair, is it? But hopefully the definitive diagnosis and proper medication will go a long way towards restoring your DH's health.

[lukkykatt]

I am really sorry to read this, and hope that your husband finds a medicine that works for him.

I don't know the costs involved with storing sperm, but if they are affordable to you, I think that I would go for freezing the sperm and making a decision down the road on whether or not to have more children.

Best of luck to you,

[pritchettzoo]

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

If you have the frozen sperm, you have an option later on, even if you decide never to use it.

Good luck and I hope your husband gets to feeling better soon.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (9/16/03)

[jec2]

Sorry to hear you are going thru this. I can imagine that having the diagnosis of an illness and its ramifications is hard to adjust to. It kind of takes away some of your choices and forces new and not fun ones upon you. I hope he responds well to the meds though because Crohns isn't fun from what I hear (I have a close friend who the Docs think might have it, but hers isn't yet diagnosed).

[doubleL]

Oh, I am so sorry you have to go through this. My SIL has Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis and her story sounds very similiar to your husband's. It is SUCH a tough road!! I don't have any advice, but just wanted you to know that I hear ya, I am sad for you, and feel bad you have such a weight on your shoulders. I'm sure it seems unbearable. You are not at all selfish. I hope you find peace in this situation soon.

Lou
~David 5.01
~Elisabeth 6.03

[todzwife]

A guy I dated in college had Crohn's. It was so hard to watch him suffer, I can't even imagine how hard it is for you! I recently read the book "Patient Heal Thyself" by Jordan S. Rubin. He has Crohn's, but with a very strict diet "the makers diet" he is much better and not on any medications I believe. You might want to look into it, expecially since you are already looking for alternatives. It is a VERY VERY strict diet (and kind of strange, but that's just me- I like junk food!) but it might be something to look into. Good luck and HUGE HUGS. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this right now!

[trumansmom]

I don't have any advice to offer, just lots of hugs and prayers.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[egoldber]

I feel for you. My SIL has Crohn's and she was truly miserable before they found meds that would work for her. She still has bad bouts, but the good news is she has been feeling good for several months now. In fact, she recently went off her meds because they are TTC their first.

In regards to freezing the sperm, definitely consult with a fertility specialist to get the best advice as to how to do this, if that's an option you want to consider. I know it seems overwehlming right now, but IUI is a proven technology that helps a lot of women get pregnant, for a lot of different reasons.

HTH,

[McQ]

So sorry you're going through this. It is a lot on your shoulders and you're not being selfish at all. You need to do what's best for your family. My only advice would be to free the sperm just so you have the option later. Not that you'd ever have to use it if it's not what you want, but at least you will have the choice instead of regret if you do decide you want to get pregnant again. Hope they find some meds that will work for your DH.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

[amp]

Awwww, sweetie, I just wanted to give you a big hug! You don't sound selfish. You sound human and I can't blame you for wishing things were different. I hope that you are able to work your way through this and that you and your DH are able to find ways to support one another and that you are able to make a decsion you are both satisfied with. Don't beat yourself up. Hugs to you!

[tinkerbell1217]

I would go ahead and freeze the sperm. I have a SIL who is 40 and got divorced four years ago and started seeing a new guy a few months later. They moved in together and things progressed to talking marriage and kids, which she desperately wanted. A few weeks later he was diagnosed with cancer, Hodgkins I think. The docs wanted to be very aggressive so they gave them the option fo freezing his sperm, but only one day to do it since he would be starting treatment the next day and had to get surgery also so it had to be quick. It worked out they didn't get to do it. Now, he is cancer free, thank goodness, but has little viable sperm, if any. They are both kicking themselves now. They could have waited an extra day and done the sperm freezing. She is getting older, of course, and is worried she will not be able to have a child at all now. They are still together and it is an issue. He feels bad about what happened, and so does she. Its a tough situation as he has a son form a previous marriage and although she loves the boy so much, there is always that feeling of "he isn't mine". Very tough.

So, I would go ahead and freeze the sperm just in case you really want to have another child when you DH is feeling okay again. If you never use it, at least you had the option. You do not sound selfish at all!!! I would be feeling the same way. Its a tough decision to make! Lots of luck and +++ thoughts for your DH. I hope they find a medication to help him.

Kelly

[friedmana1]

We are going through almost the same situation here. My husband has psoriatic arthritis, and has been on some maintenance meds for a while, but we are thinking about starting a biologic (like Remicade) soon. And because the drug has not been on the market for long enough, we don't REALLY know about the long term side effects on sperm count. So, we are TTC now, and then we will freeze some sperm and start him on the med. Look, I think that we are in a little bit of a different situation, but as others have said, I believe it is better to give yourself the option of having more kids later, instead of limiting your choices. Too many choices are always better than not enough. If you want to chat, please feel free to pm me. My brother also has crohn's, so I reallly know how this feels.
Hugs to you...

Aimee
Mother to Leah 10/26/02