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View Full Version : I might have to kill my fil



candybomiller
05-22-2004, 02:01 PM
I don't want to hurt him, but I just might have to. He is driving me absolutely insane. Last night, as I was getting ready to leave for Friday night services, I was snuggling with Matt, who isn't feeling well. I was hesitant about leaving him, and he said to me "He won't even notice you're gone." WTF??? I'm his mother, of course he'll notice that I'm gone, you miserable piece of crap. I don't even know what to think about this one. Then, I was talking to him about the fact that we're going to adopt to find out how he would feel about it. He actually said, and I quote "AS LONG AS IT'S NOT A BLACK BABY." Oh my God. Are you serious?!?!? I can't even deal with the man.

There's more, but I'm getting so upset typing this that I can't even go on. If I do kill him, can anyone else with PITA in-laws contribute to my bail fund?! :)

Sarah1
05-22-2004, 02:13 PM
OMG, Candy.

Definitely from another generation!!!!

As far as his comment about your DS not noticing you being gone, he probably didn't mean anything by it, probably wanted to make you feel better about leaving. So that one I'd try and let slide and just chalk it up to typical annoying IL behavior.

But as for the baby comment, I can see how that really got your blood boiling. Not exactly the thoughtful adoption discussion you envisioned or hoped for, huh??

Melanie
05-23-2004, 02:48 AM
OMG! WHAT a thing to say! I'm such a snot (although I might have been stunned speechless at that) that I would probably say, "Oh no, not a black baby, but we're thinking probably a (and name every other minority group or disability), but not black." *eyeroll*

Rachels
05-23-2004, 09:21 AM
I'm jaw-dropping speechless about the black baby comment. Holy smokes.

As for the "he won't even notice you're gone," my mom said that once, too. I think it was intended to make me feel better, but of course it didn't do that at all. If I'm any kind of a decent parent at all, my baby will notice if I'm not around. I pointed out to my mom that that was actually a ridiculous thing to say, and she hasn't said anything like that again. I think it was a harmless slip-up. In the case of your FIL, though, I don't know. Yikes. Every time I think we've made some progress as a society, a story like this pops up. Yowza.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/knit.gif

"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm

farsk
05-23-2004, 10:42 AM
Hello!

As president of the "I hate my MIL" organization, I can assure you that our legal department has bail money available for just such situations.

Good LUck!

amp
05-23-2004, 12:18 PM
>As president of the "I hate my MIL" organization, I can
>assure you that our legal department has bail money available
>for just such situations.
>
>Good LUck!

Hee hee! Ditto! My name is Andrea, and I hate my MIL."

cvharris
05-23-2004, 08:00 PM
Candy,

It's amazing how some folks of an older generation can be so closed minded and have such different parenting beliefs...my grandmother is a sweet woman, but she is the same way - so racist! And her son (my dad) married a Korean woman! I wonder what my mother went through dealing with her.

I would be livid about both the comments he made, but just chalk it up to ignorance. And yes, I'll contribute to your bail fund if you need it! :)

Carolee and Ben (6/14/03)

candybomiller
05-23-2004, 11:18 PM
Thanks everyone for all the support. He leaves on Tuesday, he leaves on Tuesday, he leaves on Tuesday....he leaves on Tuesday......

Why can't he leave todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????????

starrynight
05-25-2004, 01:32 AM
Holy crud! He sounds a bit like my dad, he always told me never to marry a black guy, I didn't but not because he told me not to geeze!

And I'll bail you out if you return the favor some day, I'm *this close* to shooting dh grrr. ;)

KYBelle1102
05-25-2004, 03:30 PM
Oh, I totally sympathize with the racial comments about adoption. My mother is born and raised in the Deep South...where they don't take too kindly to "foreigners". Cultural diversity hasn't exactly been embraced in her neck of the woods. I am fortunate that I had the good sense to escape as soon as I possibly could. When we started checking into adoption, Mom made the remark "I'm not real fond of international adoption." Which translated in Mom's language means, "If they don't look like 'us'..." I told her, "As much as you have moaned and groaned about wanting to become a grandmother, I would think you wouldn't care if our child was white, black, yellow, or green & purple polka dots..."

Later on, when we were further along in the process, she made another racial remark, and I said "Mom, you might as well get it in your head and start dealing with it that there's a good chance that your grandchild might not have blonde hair, blue eyes and light skin..." Her reply:"Well, wouldn't you know about that before he or she comes along?" DOH!!! My reply: "Yes, we're open to a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds. If you can't deal with your grandchild not looking just like you, then that's your choice to make." I don't cut her any slack. She knows I'm serious that if I ever hear her make a racial slur in front of DS, she won't be welcome back in our house.

As it turns out...DS has blonde hair, blue eyes, and very fair skin...but I still don't want him to be exposed to bigotry and ignorance from his own family.

Melanie
05-25-2004, 07:46 PM
My Dad is from the South and back in the 80's Cabbage-Patch-Craze when there were none to be purchased anywhere, I found a black one and he wouldn't let me buy it.

lmariana
05-26-2004, 10:33 AM
I TOTALLY understand!!!! My DH's family is the EXACT same way!!! They must have crapped kittens when he married me (I'm hispanic). :)

It's completely ridiculous they way they talk about different races and minority groups. His family will even bash Hispanics in front of me!!! I'm like...HELLO...I'm hispanic! My sister-in-law even uses the "n" word. And she wonders why we don't let her babysit...

Mariana
www.heinzandmariana.com
Mother of Gabriel, 08/14/2003