Can I please just gripe about MIL one more time?

[lmladuke]

I'm sorry - I really am not a nasty person, but MIL just rubs me the wrong way!!! We just got back from a weekend with them at their summer house (it rained the whole time and DS slept awful and kept crying that he wanted to go home) so I am crabby.

Anyway, when I told her I was pregnant with #2 (and it was a girl) and she said "let me know what you need" I replied we really would not need much as we had all of the big stuff from DS. I did tell her I did not need a bunch of blankets that were pink because honestly I had a ton from DS and who cares if you use a blanket that has blue in it in your carriage (my carriage is blue BTW)

Let me interject that when I was PG with DS my MIL knitted and crocheted a TON of blankets and sweaters. While I think it is nice she wants to make something for her grandchild, I don't think she needs to make 10 of each thing - other people send you that stuff too - and quite frankly its not really me (no offense)

So back to my story - she starts showing me the BLANKETS she is crocheting for the new baby. And then she shows me a toy bag she is making for the baby because she made THREE for DS. Can this woman ever give a practical gift? What's wrong with a gift certificate to baby gap so we can buy this child clothes when she gets bigger because that is the one thing she will need.

At this point I have determined it is hopeless - I told her specifically what I did not need, and lo and behold thats what she is giving me!!!

Oh add to the fact that she had no milk or juice in her house this weekend for DS. I brought everything else, but you think she would at least have milk!

Sorry, just needed to vent - as DH is like "what's the big deal?"

Lori

[votre_ami03]

No offense, but I am kind of with your DH on this. It's a nice jester, no matter what. My MIL would never buy anything as cool as a GAP card for Nolan *lol*. She knitted Nolan a blanket & I tucked it away in his crib drawer & will keep it for him. I don't have to use it just because she gave it to me. I get outfits that I won't use & I can either exchange it or sell or donate it.

I wouldn't be upset over the milk thing either. I am sure it's just not something she thought of. Can't really be upset over that.

This is just one person's opinion though, take it with a grain of salt. :)

Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03

[SeekerMage]

(((((hugs)))))
Those MIL's can be a real pain in the rear cant they? It totally sounds like my MIL, not to have the proper things around when she knows the kids are going to be there (we provided a bib, cup, and other things just so they were there when we came) and not to get the things that you ask for. Mine always says things like what do you need that for and then gets things that I really dont want, like lap pads that I never used!

As for the blankets...hehe Ill take them! Lil'bit has one that she LOVES. My mom made it for her baby shower and its already falling apart after only 6 months and my mom has arthritis in her hands so making another one is taking forever! I guess what Im saying is be glad she is making a gift from the heart, they are rare even if unwanted. I could not get my mil to make my kids something if her life depended upon it. Its rare enough as it is just to get her to make dinner when we come, half the time its Taco Bell or some other take out...yummy!

Any how....complain all you want...we all have them and cant get away from them. Hey maybe we should start up a MIL gift exchange hehehe :)

[StaceyKim]

I love how she asks you want you need and TOTALLY ignores you. Is that passive aggressive or what?!
We got tons of ugly clothes (that cannot be returned because the stores don't exist here in Chicago) and I was cleaning out DS closet and of course they still have the tags on them. I will end up giving them to good will or something.
You don't have to USE anything she gives you. Just store it away if it is not your taste. That is what I would do.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I would do anything for gifts like that. No offense to each his own, but I can think of nothing better. This obviously brings great joy to her and you have a right to wish for what you want but I guess she has the right to give what she wants. My mom quilted by hand quilts for every neighbors kids while I was growing up...sadly I knew these young moms probably thought "that doesn't match my pottery barn ensemble"...Tristan got one quilt from my mom, and it's not my favorite but she made it. When my mom dies her quilts will be sprinkled around to all of these gals who probably don't even know my moms name, or worse yet at a thrift store for $5 (folk like me buy them up). These moms of these girls sent me...

1. two absorba sleeping wear from Marshalls or something
2. nothing
3. at 13 months overalls for Tristan for a 9-12 month old

I can only hope that these will be put away (the ones in excess for your childrens children for they might really appreciate them and I supect in that day in age there will be few with such items)...

I'm really just trying to give you a pep talk, and being pro you honestly with a different angle to look at them.
I think the most important thing for you to realize is that she enjoys doing this, you won't change her (that's the most important thing) and if you did I imagine it would crumble her spirit to the core to ever question these generous (with time) gifts.

Good luck, I'm really sorry this is so upsetting to you, for you have the right to be upset but I guess I just think you are so lucky and would LOVE to have such gifts.
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[DDowning]

Please by all means, you are free to vent. That's what this forum is for!

On my own personal note, my maternal grandmother is known for her crocheted items. She's made doilies and other items but she is mostly known for her blankets. At least every grandchild has one when they got married (over 21 grandchildren!) and those that have their own children get a baby blanket (17!). She's on a limited income and its the one thing that she can do. I have 3 of them - some of them are, too put it modestly, not the prettiest things (she use different combinations based on what she could find/afford), but I've kept everyone of them. One thing she does is put a little tag on them that says "Made from Grandma with Love". Carson has a baby blue one she made that is just gorgeous and has the same little patch. Its tucked away like the others. Sadly, my grandmother's health is starting to fade a little bit and I know in a short time she'll join my grandfather. At least I'll be able to pass on a little bit of her memories to Carson when he gets older.

[starrynight]

Sorry but I have to agree with everyone else. It's the thought that counts. Yeah she shouldn't have asked what you needed if she was going to ignore it but expecting a baby gap gift card is a bit much IMO.

But vent away because I do understand how that could be frustrating. My mom would do that a little, she would ask what do you need. If I said 'sheets' she would get him onesies, but when we needed onesies she got socks. Some grandmas like to get what they want or like to get without feeling like they are only buying practical needs I guess!

[Vajrastorm]

I bet you have other issues with your MIL. How do you get along with her in general?

[lmladuke]

Obviously not very well. She tends to do whatever she wants in every situation. I think people are misunderstanding my email in part - I think it is lovely that she wants to make something for her grandchild. I do not object to it - it object to the level of which it is overdone - 1 handmade blanket would be much appreciated. 4 or 5 all at once are in my opinion overwhelming. And I am not expecting a gift card to the Gap - I am saying do not ask someone what they want/need unless you really plan on listening to their response.

Maybe I am just used to my relationship with my mother, where she tries to help me and DH in ways that she really is helping. And if we ask her not to do something, she respects our wishes

Lori

[amp]

Lori - I think others are simply trying to give you some perspective. People are always trying to do the same with me. I don't like my MIL and caring friends and family are always trying to give me some bit of wisdom that will help. What they don't understand is, it won't. But I appreciate that they are trying to ease my mind, just as I appreciate when MIL does something nice, thoughtful, unexpected. It still doesn't change the fact that practically anything she does rubs me the wrong way. I think we both have the perspective that anything she does is crappy, so you're frustrated even when she is trying to use her powers for good. Unfortunately, like my wonderful MIL, she'll ask, but she won't follow what you tell her anyway, and may in fact do the exact opposite. Guess we just have to get used to it. x(

Hang in there. And in the meanwhile, vent away.

[lisams]

Since she loves to make things and obviously has time to do so, maybe you could drop some hints for her to make something you need or want. Maybe she could quilt a cover for a photo book, knit a hat and some booties, make curtains for the nursery, or something like that. It sounds like she loves doing this, but 5 blankets for a second child does seem like a lot, especially when you have plenty from the first child.

Good luck!!
Lisa

[lmladuke]

thats a good idea. Iknow the few times I have asked her to make something specific she did it immediately.
Lori

[egoldber]

If she likes to do thing on request and you want clothes, look into books with crochet and/or knit patterns for babies and toddlers. Maybe she could make some handmade clothes for the new little one? That may satisfy her creative urges. :)

HTH,