My view on why Father's Day is not as much a big deal to my dh...

[boys2enough]

This is obviously piggy-backing on Flagger's post in the lounge. I have been thinking why it does not mean the same thing to DH? Last night I told him about Flagger's post, and he said, (in addition to saying, "I like this guy already!" lol) "I LOVE Father's Day because it is NOT Mother's Day!"

I think why Father's Day does not mean the same thing to him because

1. he gets up whenever he feels like to on the weekend anyway

2. he does not have to take care of the kids, esp. the little one, anyway

3. on the weekend, he pretty much sits around the house and relax anyway

4. he gets to buy whatever "toys" he wants anyway, Father's Day or not

5. he does not help around the house regularly anyway

6. And yes, he has to mow the lawn on the weekend anyway, Father's Day or not

I know I am making my DH sound like a jerk. He really is a nice man. We just sort of divide our duties between us: inside vs outside the house chores, and he usually takes our 6 yo out biking and other fun stuff while I take care of the more difficult DS2. But Father's Day does not come with any "extra" fringe benefits for him, kwim? Ok, maybe some gifts, but he can buy them if he wants to any day of the year. Oh, yeah, on that day I am also not allowed to nag him for not helping around the house. So maybe that's something.

Similarly I get antsy around Mother's Day because I never get a rest on Mother's Day. No breakfast in bed, no "I take the kids you go out," no "I'll clean the house etc." Ok, I went out shopping by myself that day, but it was when DS2 was taking a nap... Just like every other regular Sunday. But his sleeping in and not helping around the house become even more annoying on the day that is supposed to be "My Day Off." Ok, maybe "suppoed to" is too strong a phrase. But "I would love to"...

Maybe we should just "abolish" Father's Day and Mother's Day in our household and reinstate it when the kids are older.

Thank you for listening.

Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

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[bluej]

If my DH had a brother, I would swear you are married to him! Sounds like your household runs the same way mine does. Maybe some day, twenty years down the road, we'll finally get to sleep in and have a day to ourselves!

[C99]

It's weird to me to think of Mother's Day as a "day off" from mothering. I always spent Mother's Day WITH my mom as a kid. We did nice things for her, took her to brunch, etc., but still generally spent the day with her. That's the kind of celebration that I want to have for Mother's Day *and* for Father's Day -- not a day off from my kids, but a day WITH my kids.

[AngelaS]

This is SOOOO true!!! Our house runs much the same way and I TOTALLY agree with you!

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

I totally agree, my DH is the same way...
He is wonderful, but he just doesnt get how much it would mean to me to have a day off....well I can get the day off whenever, but I come home to the same chores I left plus a big mess...they just cant seem to multi task!
For fathers day this year, my DH is working, so I am off the hook. I'm going with a girlfriend to San Franscisco!

[boys2enough]

>It's weird to me to think of Mother's Day as a "day off" from
>mothering. I always spent Mother's Day WITH my mom as a kid.
>We did nice things for her, took her to brunch, etc., but
>still generally spent the day with her. That's the kind of
>celebration that I want to have for Mother's Day *and* for
>Father's Day -- not a day off from my kids, but a day WITH my
>kids.

Hi, Caroline,

I didn't mean a day off and AWAY from my kids necessarily. It is more like I wish DH would offer to do something around the house so most of my day won't end up doing all the chores that I do every day. Well, he did say this, "You don't have to do the dishes or anything today if you don't want to." I knew what he meant though: leave them until Monday! lol.

In addition, having a difficult and demanding baby and being a sole person that he wants to have anything to do with has been kind of hard on me physically and mentally. It would have been nicec to have a day off from this kind of stress. I know I am going to sound like a terrible mother, but my view on parenting and on my role as a mother has chanaged tremendously ever since I have my high maintenance baby. Yes, it is nice to be loved so much, but sometimes it puts a lot of strain on my psyche.

Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

Edited to ensure that my tone does not sound (too) defensive. ;-)

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[MartiesMom2B]

I asked DH about this yesterday and he said that it's true that men just don't care about gifts as women do or this day as much as we do. However I still want to show appreciation to my husband who works so hard so that I can stay at home with our child and for being a good dad to our child. I do try to let him know this all the time.

I guess I'm lucky because DH will take DD on the weekends and let me sleep in. Tomorrow, I'll let him sleep in for a change. He never cooks but tomorrow I'll be making what he wants to eat. He usually gets whatever I make.



Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03