Feeling so alone...(long!)

[firstbaby]

I feel like such a horrible wife writing this on Father's Day - but I'm so frustrated!!! Our first Father's Day was pretty much a big flop. DH went golfing for the day (and I mean from 9 am until 5pm). Okay, that's fine, honey - I want you to do what you would like. Meanwhile, I'm seeing all these families together in our neighborhood and feeling lonely. But, he went with his dad, so I'm thinking grin and bear it. So I go to IL's for dinner and to wait for guys to get back. Meanwhile, nephew (who is constantly sick) is drooling all over DS, touching DS's mouth and nose, etc all while MIL is holding DS. I sat there and tried to be a good sport until nephew starting playing with DSs hands. Finally, I say "Let's not touch the baby's hands". Now, I know it takes a couple of days to catch something but DS has been up screaming twice already (he's been in bed for one hour). So DH is frustrated that I'm upset - especially since it was his family upsetting me so I felt like I couldn't speak up at the time. Also, I am normally up two to three times / night to nurse DS and I've told DH that I'm exhausted and would like to try CIO to drop one of the night feedings. DH keeps saying "Oh, but I hate to hear him cry - I just can't stand it". Finally, I told him tonight that it's fine if he can't support me in my exhaustion but then he needs to start to lactate so he can help me out with night feedings. Reasonable, right?

So the reason for my post is to 1) air how annoying today was without DH 2) air how annoying it was to spend today with DH's family and 3) is it unreasonable to expect a 6 month old to sleep for more than three hours at a stretch at night?? It's so frustrating to hear about these babies that sleep through the night no problem and not feel like I'm failing or doing something wrong!!!

Thanks for the cyber shoulder to cry on :)

[redhookmom]

http://www.amitymama.com/vb/images/smilies/bighug.gif

You are not failing or doing anything wrong!

I am sorry you had such a frustrating day, espcially for a sleep deprieved MaMa. You are your DS's voice so I am glad that you asked your nephew not to touch his hands. It is a good lesson for him not to touch babies. I often tell little friends "DD loves to have her toes played with..."

I know how hard it is not to get a good night's sleep. My advice would be to talk to DH sometime when you are not frustrated. You guys could make a plan together. A modified CIO worked for us. The first night was hard. The second night DD cried once for 3 minutes.

I am not sure how it works if you only want to drop one feeding... That might get confusing for DS.

Sending some magic sleeping dust your way!

[amazz]

That sucks. No other way around it. I don't have any advice on the sleeping through the night thing as my first is due in Oct., but I can so commiserate with the DH thing. Sometimes my DH says the dumbest, most inconsiderate things at just the WRONG time. And when he golfs it seems that I don't matter at all and I can imagine how frustrating that can be on his very FIRST Father's Day. My DH said that for Father's Day next year he wants a new surround sound system! WTH! How about something that has meaning from your son or daughter like an engraved picture frame with his or her picture for your desk at work or something like that?! I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

I hope that the night and next couple of days go alright for you and that you don't kill, mame, or otherwise harm your DH. :)

Angela

[Sarah1]

You poor thing!!!!!!

It's tough to hang out with the ILs...and the sick nephew would have bugged me, too.

You aren't doing anything wrong! But I can see why you are exhausted. I'm no expert, but from what I've read and what my ped has said, at 6 months old many babies do not need to be fed during the night. We dropped the last feeding when Audrey was about 6 1/2 mos and it did take a couple nights of CIO. It was no fun, but I can't argue with the results.

I think if your DH cannot bear to listen to your DS cry, then he needs to share the responsibility of waking up with him at night to replace one of your nursing sessions with a bottle feeding. JMO, but you need a break!!!!

[lmariana]

I'm so sorry about your day! I bet the whole sleep deprivation things just makes everything worse. At 6 months, assuming all else is normal, you are not asking too much to sleep more than 3 hours at a time!!! I hope you bought him some nice earplugs for Father's Day, 'cause he's gonna need them! :)

We also did a modified CIO routine. We started delaying our response times gradually...5 minutes, then 10. It never took more than 7 minutes though. However, I found than his night wakings were due to wetness and not hunger. Once we switched to Overnight diapers, he slept like a log.

Something else we did, along with the delayed response times, was a gradually decrease in the quantity offered at the night feedings. It was easy for us, since we formula fed and could monitor actual ounces, and I'm not sure how this would work with breast feeding...but we started offering smaller bottles at the night feedings, kind of in the attempts to "wean" him off of them. The theory being that it's not worth it for him to wake up for that small amount of food.

Anyhow, I'm not sure if that's what did it, or he was just ready to sleep more, but it now he sleeps.

How many naps does he take a day and for how long each time?

Mariana
www.heinzandmariana.com
Mother of Gabriel, 08/14/2003

[new_mommy25]

Oh, I am so sorry about your DH. Seriously, guys are so clueless. Yeah, he doesn't want to hear the baby cry but he doesn't understand that you are the sleepless wreck. My DH is the same way. He kills me sometimes.

Cheer up mama. :)

[tippy]

Another cyber shoulder here! Sorry you had such a crumby first father's day (and night). I nursed my ds (still am) and went through the same thing but up until he was 11 mo old! I finally read the Ferber book and got some great information on sleep cycles, and how to go through the process of sleep training your child. I recommend the book highly (and this is from someone who was sooooo against cio and thought that ferber was cruel). The book was nothing like I expected and really made it possible for me to tolerate the first couple of nights whe ds was crying. He also talks about reducing the amount of time (breastfeeding) or ounces (bottle) so that your child can un-learn needing a feeding during the night. I personally wouldn't do this until reading the book although I do know parents that have. In any case it certainly helps to have the support of your dh when doing something like this. Maybe if you do read the book you can point out some of the paragraphs that support your decision!
Good luck and keep us posted.

[C99]

That stinks! In addition to the sleeping thing, perhaps you should sit down with your husband and discuss what your expectations of family events/holidays should be so you can avoid feeling this way on a future date or next year.

[mclianne]

No advice, just comisseration...

You definately aren't alone from what I have been reading on the boards. It's not at all unreasonable to want a 6 month old to have a long stretch of sleep at night. And it's very disheartening when yu read about all the ones that do, and you are struggling to function in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation!

[Vajrastorm]

Sorry your Father's Day was so lousy ...

To offer a slight difference of opinion, I think many babies aren't able to sleep through the night at 6 months. I have an 8 1/2 month old and we're still night nursing. Now, with the teething, I haven't had more than 2 hrs in a row for weeks. Its tough, thats for sure, but (for my baby) it would be unreasonable to expect her to sleep more.

[tippy]

I agree with pp that teething can be tough! Just a clarification...Ferber doesn't say babies should "sleep through the night". What he does say is that we all wake at various times throughout the night in keeping with our circadian (sp) rhythm. His whole intention is to help you get your baby be able to self soothe himself back to sleep and not to depend on a bottle, breast, rocking etc...Sorry if I didn't make that clear in my pp.

[StaceyKim]

I think since you are the one getting up in the middle of the night for feedings that it is up to you on how to sleep train him. If you want to try CIO, then you should do it. Chances are DH won't even wake up to hear the cries and if he does and is tired the next day, so be it! Then maybe he would understand how exhausting it is for you. You need a break! Can you pump milk for the night feedings so DH can help out too??

DS should be ABLE to sleep through the night without a feeding but I would do it gradually. Maybe take away one feeding for a week and then drop off the other ones. He is not going to starve without those feedings and wil probably start drinking/eating more during the day. Have you started to give him solids yet?

I wouldn't mind if DH went golfing on Father's Day but that is only because he is SO helpful with DS and works very hard plus he loves to golf. If DH didn't do much in the way of helping me out I might feel resentment! DH spent the day with us but his father isn't living and my parents live far away too. If they lived closer we would have spent the day with them.

I would have spoken up about the sick nephew touching DS hands for sure. I actually would have whipped out the hand wipes right there and then.

I think mostly you need more help from DH or at least some understanding of what you go through. Being sleep deprived is very hard and stressful. So, I would try your sleep training methods!

Good luck!!!