Bully kids and their ignorant parents

[C99]

I just have to bitch about this. I was at the mall today. There is an outdoor play structure in the shape of a giant dragon. It's all covered in cork, except for the head of the dragon, which is in concrete, and 2 little tunnels in the dragon's body. This little s**t, about 3, was sitting in one of the tunnels with his sister, and decided that no one else could come into the tunnel. Nate wanted to go in and he had to duck his head to crawl in. This little kid was pushing his head down. At first, I thought it was because he was being helpful, but then I saw Nate trying to crawl through and heard him crying because this little kid was pushing him back. His grandma was on the other side and she asked him to please let Nate through, but she said please 2 or 3 times and the kid wouldn't budge, so she just walked away. WTF? If Nate had been acting like that, I would have yanked him out of the tunnel and put him in time out. Later, the kid decided to go sit on top of the dragon head and he apparently pushed off this other little kid (about 2.5). The 2.5-y/o's mom went to comfort her son and said something to the little s**t. The grandma had just said something to the kid and then walked off. I thought the grandma was the only one in charge...until I saw the kid get bored with the dragon head and go sit down next to his mother, who sat at a table smoking a cigarette. I was so mad! I almost said something to her, but she seemed to be the kind of parent who didn't care that her son was being a huge bully in a public place (who smokes next to a playlot full of kids??).

[tinkerbell1217]

I hear ya!!! I can't stand parents like that! Grandma probably didn't have the stamina or patience for getting that bully to behave so mom should have stepped in, of course! Sounds like that mom was too interested in smoking her cig to care! Thats probably why the kid is like that in the first place! Your poor DS! I have a friend with a DS like that, or used to be like that. She did, however, pay attention and yank him out if he got out of hand. He finally learned when he couldn't go to the play areas anymore because he would misbehave and bully other children! So, he is a recovered bully! Parents do make a difference and that mom should be told so!

[Sarah1]

I HATE HATE HATE situations (and people) like that!!! Too many parents and grandparents are a) too lazy and/or b) too afraid to effectively discipline their children. It's sad, because these kids clearly need it!

[janeybwild]

That sucks Caroline.....we haven't had anything as repeated as this, but recently Megan was deliberately pushed over by a little boy, whose mother rolled her eyes and walked away. I was furious, but didn’t say anything to the mom, although I did say to the little boy "we don't push" as I picked my crying child up (I can’t write what I really wanted to do….must have been that protective gene kicking in, I’m usually a pacifist! :) ). Anyone, I seethed about it for a few days, and then realized that the next time it happens (and I know it will happen), if the parent doesn’t step in to help the situation, then I will say something, if nothing else, so that I can let it go. Not sure what though! Perhaps, “I see that your son is going through a bit of a pushing phase, perhaps you could help him to see that that behavior is not acceptable”. Hmm, I’ll have to work on my wording or risk a black eye!

[amp]

Grrr....that would tick me off royally! And it breaks my heart to think of these little ones getting pushed around by the bigger kids. Poor Nate! I dread when this starts happening w/ my kid! We haven't played at playgrounds much yet. Makes you want to yank *that* kid out of there if his mom won't, doesn't it?!

[C99]

> (I can’t write what I really wanted to
>do….must have been that protective gene kicking in, I’m
>usually a pacifist!

I am so glad that you said that. While I was watching the little s**t, I was daring him to do it again, because then I could tell him that if he came near my kid again, I'd beat *him* up. (I really wouldn't, but it would sure feel good to say it). I did tell the little kid that Nate had a right to be in the tunnel as well and not to push him, but it didn't seem to have any effect on him.

[Melanie]

Oh I can't stand stuff like that! I saw something similiar, and the parent was actually sitting there reading a book. Hello?! Like your 4 yo needs no supervision? It was about to hit a BABY until he saw me watching him.

[ddmarsh]

Oh goodness isn't it terrible how someone hurting your babe can bring out the worst in you? I have felt the same as you - wanting to say something on their level not so nice :).

I suppose it's good practice to have it happen with a stranger b/c it is really tough to navigate with a friend (we are having this problem currently!).

[westchicagomom]

I started thinking about this kind of situation a few weeks ago at the Snack-trap get together, when Mary relayed a similar situation (IIRC).

I seriously have no idea what I would do. I am ready to disown my SIL for feeding my food allergy prone DD pieces of chocolate chip cookie. So another kid causing my DD to cry and the grand/parent not doing anything....hmmmn. I'm w/ Janey - I need to think about a good reply ahead of time because I will surely be angered.

Although I do have a 10 month old w/ an attitude, so I might be the parent who has to stop HER from being mean to other kids!

Poor Nate - he seems like such a little sweetie.

[khakismom]

It really bothers me when I see parents not paying attention to their children. Kathleen was playing in the baby pool today and wanted to play with her bucket. This one little boy wouldn't give it back to her. Meanwhile Dad is just sitting there sucking in oxygen. Finally I said to the little boy, "That's her bucket. Can you please give it to her since she wants to play with it?" He ignores me and instead of handing the bucket to her, fills it up with water and dumps it over her head--which she hates! I was fuming. Again, Dad says nothing. I grit my teeth and said "That's not very nice, please don't throw water on her." Next thing you know Dad says "Wanna go in the big pool, <whatever his name was>?" Yes, please, hit the road. Let my child play in peace.

Sorry I got caught in my own tangent. :o But I understand you *completely*. It just sucks when you have to "parent" other kids because their own parents won't.

And what is up with the smoking near kids?! That's just nasty!

[mharling]

Yep, you recalled correctly.

In our situation (and Janey was a witness), a 3 or 4 year old girl started splashing Lane at a splash park. Ok, not great behavior, but I didn't really get worked up about it. THEN, she turned around to walk away, turned back around, walked toward Lane and kicked up her leg to his back. She didn't actually kick him, but she was very close and the intent was there. I ran over, looked her straight in the eye and said, 'NO KICKING'. She just looked at me, I repeated it and she walked away. I figured she would walk towards her mom or dad, but when I watched her there was no evident parent in sight.

My response wasn't the best, but it was my true gut reaction. As I've replayed the scenario in my head, I wish I would have said something like, 'He's a nice little baby, why would you want to kick him?'. I wonder if that would have gotten her to think about her behavior. I don't know.

Also at the splash park, but unrelated, was a mom with 3 kids who sat on her chair flipping through papers, paying bills, etc. In the timeframe of 15-20 minutes where I watched her closely, I didn't see her look up ONCE. Not even a quick glance to make sure her kids were still in the area. I was truly shocked. Of course she didn't have time to supervise her kids, but she had time to be smoking her cigarette. GRRRRR......

Mary
Lane 4/03
#2 on the way!!!
http://lilypie.com/days/050302/0/0/1/-6/.png

[starrynight]

I have a neighbor like this, her kids beat up half the neighborhood and she doesn't do anything about it. I told my ds to stay away from the kids but if they bother him to hit them right back.

The first time it happened and I talked to the mother she had the nerve to say "well your kid was playing here" with this attitude like if he comes to play he will get beat up.

Stuff like this drives me nuts, I'm sorry Nate got hasseled.