I feel I am no longer functioning... (very long and pathetic)

[momma_boo]

Everything is a mess these days at home and at work. It's gotten so hard to be motivated to do anything, so I'm almost shutting down and not doing anything above the bare minimum.

I'm too tired and feeling too crummy. I swear I woke up this morning feeling like I have a hang-over. The nauseau and vomiting is beyond annoying. (I'll confess, I've got a "bun in the oven." I think I'm about 7 weeks. I go to the OB next week to take a look and get the due date, but I think it will be mid-end of March, which is actually right around DD's 2nd birthday.)

Right now, I'm feeling like everything is sooo much harder. The house is a complete MESS. I did DD's laundry on Sunday and am still picking out her clothes each day from the basket that is sitting in the dining room. Fortunately, her clothes are small enough that they don't seem TOO wrinkled. Her room is soooo dusty (never mind the dog hair all over the floor). I console myself by saying that I do change her sheets regularly and do try to vaccuum the living every few days b/c of the dog hair.

We have work starting on our bathroom tomorrow, so that is going to contribute to the overall feeling of CHAOS in the home.

And work, oh geez. I was telling DH last night that I should be fired. My office is a complete mess as well. (Can't see much of the actual desk these days b/c of the piles). I am so unmotivated here, it's horrible. I'm so backed up on work, I haven't bothered to look at my mailbox for a few days because it would just mean more work to pile on. Argh. I've been saying for years (before DD!) that I need to hire someone to assist me. I think that's become much more imperative these days. I just can't focus and honestly, most of the time, I just don't CARE.

I just really need to whine and whine and whine. I wish I could go home and just lay down on the couch with a blanket and watch movies all day. But I have to really try to conserve my time off at work, esp since I'll be going on maternity leave next year (we don't have paid maternity leave). Before DD was born, we saved up money so that I could stay home with her for 4 months. I really want to do that with #2, but haven't figured out how we'll be able to do that. (We are just about to start doing work on the house - bathroom and kitchen).

I'd console myself with some brownies a la Marisa, but can't stand sweets right now because it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth (contributing more to the nauseau).

Plus, I think I'm stressing out more about having #2 than I did with #1 for some reason. I'm worrying about money, space in our tiny house, daycare, etc. (We currently have DD in a wonderful home-based daycare that's a 2 min drive from our house. But the lady has talked a few times about retiring. So now that's my greatest fear).

And then all this heightened alerts in the NY/NJ area adds another burden. I commute to NYC from NJ every day, on the subway. Incidentally, the subway line I take happens to go underneath Penn Station/Madison Square Garden (where they will be having the Republican National convention). Makes me feel great since my boss (the CFO) and her boss will both be staying home the week of the convention, purposely to avoid any hassles. I really really don't want to deal with an incident and having to figure out a way to get home from lower Manhattan (where I work). My only consolation is that DH works in NJ and since he drives an "official" vehicle, would be able to get to DD no matter what. Obviously I don't let my fears keep me from working (not that I have much of a choice in the matter, but I know that I really don't want to continue working in the city. Just for the commute time along (total of 2 hours a day). I just have to wait until late next year.

Ok, I'm done being a brat now. If you've made it this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me. If I try to whine to DH he just makes me feel guilty by telling me how fortunate we are with what we do have (and occassionally putting in some stupid comment about how I should have just married someone rich instead) so I don't even try anymore.

[trumansmom]

HUGE hugs coming at you! First of all - CONGRATULATIONS!! How exciting!

But please know, being pregant while parenting and working is HARD! Reading your post took me back almost exactly a year ago, when I felt the same way. It's just so darn hard. If there is any way to hire an assistant - do it! If you can hire someone to clean your house - do it! Now is the time to swallow your pride and ask for help. You first priority is to your children and DH. Then your job, then everything else. A dirty house isn't going to kill anyone (my son survived!), but you have to take care of yourself.

I can't imagine what the stress of all the heightened alerts must be like. But it sounds like you have thought it through and have a good plan if something were to happen.

Vent all you need. Being pregnant while parenting is hard. Worth it, but hard.

Take care-
Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[amp]

Esther - I just want you to know that I read every word....but HELLO, CONGRATULATIONS! A baby on the way! That is fantastic news!

I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy. But you know that the nausea and the exhaustion are probably due to the pregnancy. Wait till you get a boost in another month or two. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better soon!

And let us know what happens with the OB visit and when your official due date is when you find out!

Again, congrats!

[Marisa6826]

Congrats Girlie on the new baby. Let me know when the nausea kicks it and we can celebrate with brownies all around ;).

Now. Let's see if we can come up with some solutions.

First. Can you take a Friday off just for yourself and sleep in? The babe will be at daycare, DH at work, and you will just have a date with your bed. Screw the house.

Second. Hire a cleaning lady. Sounds expensive, but so is your sanity. I promise. It will be worth every penny.

Third. The bare minimum is completely acceptable at this moment and time. Are DH's hands broken that he can't fold laundry? Tell him that you need his help and he's got to kick in for a while. No is not an acceptable answer (if necessary, I will come over myself to reinforce this ;) ).

Fourth. I know it's more expensive, but have you thought about taking the ferry downtown during the convention? I know they temporarily suspended the WTC PATH a few weeks ago due to an accident, but maybe it's back online and you can switch trains in Hoboken to the PATH? It would only be for a week, but at least you won't have to deal with George and friends at Penn. Besides, the ferry is an AWESOME way to get across the river.

Fifth. I completely understand the fear of "two under/near two". PM me, call and we can commiserate. Where in NJ are you? I'm in Essex county ;)

Chin up. It WILL all be OK. Promise.

hugs

-m

[amazz]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I have to tell you that with all that you do you're making me feel bad! ;) I don't have a toddler and don't work outside the house and sometimes I still don't get anything done around here. I think that is called pregnancy. :) I agree with PP that DH needs to help you at home..you shouldn't be expected to do everything yourself, especially since you are pregnant! You not only have to take care of yourself for the sake of you but for the sake of the baby.
As far as work goes, is there anyway you can get an assistant? It sounds like that's just what you need. Maybe you could get an intern or something for a little while if a FT assistant isn't possible. Depending on your boss (some are great and understanding..some are not), she might appreciate your honesty that you need some help right now rather than finding out that you haven't been able to get your work done (if that really is the case).
If you really are worried about money, maybe it would help to sit down and take a look at your budget. When I start to freak out about money, my DH hands over the checkbook and computer and tells me to calm down b/c we have plenty of money to get by on. FWIW, I love to budget other people's money (part of being a financial counselor I guess) so if you need an outside nonjudgemental perspective you could try to find someone like me in your area to take a look for you.
BTW, I don't think you or your post are pathetic. Have you read some of my posts on here lately?! :)

I hope you start feeling better soon and congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Angela
EDD 10/15/04

[JElaineB]

I'm so sorry you're feeling bad! But CONGRATS on the "bun in the oven"!!! You deserve to be doing the bare minimum right now! How crappy of the higher ups to take a week off and you have to work during the RNC. Definitely take some long lunches that week! Hope you are feeling better soon, hugs to you!

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[McQ]

A big argh (work/house) and congratulations (BABY!) all rolled into one! Don't feel bad for one minute about complaining. You've got a lot on your plate. And let's come up with some things to make it easier for you.

Work: Get that assistant. And is there any way you can work from home during the convention?

Home: Put your DH to work. Make a list of the little things that would make your life easier.

You: I remember being SO tired the first trimester and having a toddler to deal with. Make sure you factor in some time for yourself to rest. And don't worry about what's not being done around you.

Take care & we'll be thinking of you.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

[marinkitty]

Esther:

Huge hugs and CONGRATULATIONS! Take it easy on yourself. A less than sparkling house is no big deal, and a little pet hair never killed anyone (I hope - as my house is knee deep in cat hair at the moment). And hey, at least you did DD's laundry. Last week I just spaced and didn't do it and you should have seen the getup she wore to bed the night I realized all her zippers were dirty!

Can you get someone to help with the housework and ask DH to pitch in a bit more? Definitely hire that assistant. And could you work from home during the convention or would your job not allow that? I'm sure the stress of the heightened alerts with everything else you have on your plates is just that last straw.

After you get DD to bed, just kick back and relax on the sofa. I've been slacking so badly the past few weeks and going to bed so early, literally at 8:30 some nights. Working and being pregnant with a toddler is so hard.

Keep us posted on your dr. appt. It sounds like you and I are due right around the same time and our girls are the same age too - if you want to chat off line PM me! We should be getting that famed energy boost soon!

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03)
Another March baby EDD (3.23.05)

http://lilypie.com/days/050323/0/0/1/-6/.png

[lisams]

First congratulations on your exciting news!! I'm sorry it feels like everything is falling apart right now, I have those days and I'm not even preggers, so I can't even blame it on hormones! Seriously, that first trimester is so overwhelming for so many reasons. Things will calm down, you'll get your energy back. Take things one step at a time, eat whatever sounds good, hire a little help (maybe a teenager looking to make a little extra cash can fold laundry or do some light housekeeping?) and take a day off if you can just for yourself.

Sending ((((hugs)))) your way!
Lisa

[MKH76]

Esther,
I didn't get a chance to read everyone's posts, but I did want to put in my two cents...
I did read every word of your post because that was me about a year ago. Now here I am with a two year old and a 4 1/2 mo old, a very needy husband, a full time job outside of the home, not to mention the home that needs being taken care of, breastfeeding (and pumping at work, racing to the daycare on my lunch hour to nurse). I'm not trying to say you are going to get from bad to worse, but I wanted to enlighten you that it is a tough road ahead, and if you do not make changes now, you will be even more so overwhelmed with two.
I know this is the bitching post and not the advice area, but I wanted to share with you that I have taken off work at noon every Thurday (just missing 4 hours a week from my paycheck) and have time for myself, it really inspires me to keep going. Even if it's just a dental appointment, or cleaning the tub with out little hands trying to eat the comet. I keep the kids in daycare for those 4 hours and they are mine to do whatever will make me happy. I started doing this a few weeks ago and my energy level has skyrocketed.

Big hugs to you....

[starrynight]

Congrats!! I have hit those 'don't care' moments in my life too. Right now I'm in one of them, the house is a wreck and I'm letting it stay that way. Laundry, dishes and cooking is all that is getting done around here.

Hang in there, everything sounds like a mess right now!!

[ethansmom]

Congratulations and big hugs!!

I can't imagine (well, I just don't want to!) being pregnant with a toddler. The exhaustion was enough without a little one around. Here's hoping you'll get your energy back really soon!

I feel so bad for you with the upgraded alerts...you certainly don't need the stress. As far as work during the RNC, your bosses are jerks if they don't let you work from home that week. Is your sick time separate from your vacation? Perhaps you won't realize you're prego until you see your doctor after not being able to get out of bed for a week....

As far as the hubby, perhaps he's feeling like there's nothing he can do for you? Maybe if you give him some tasks - pick up dinner, run the vaccum, etc. it would give you a break and make him feel like he's able to fix things.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[1ceng1]

I honesty know where you are coming from on several of your points. My DD is about the same age as yours (born 1-31-03) and we are thinking of conceiving again this month (what am I nuts!) I give you credit for going ahead and getting pregnant with a young toddler. The thought of having 2 really scares me but I feel pressured to do it so the kids will be close in age.

Anyway, my house used to be so clean and now it is a mess. Our master bathroom is also under construction so we are living out of the hall bathroom and it is a big mess with everything is little baskets until we can move back into the master bathroom. DD is so demanding I have no time to do anything even thought I am a stay at home mom.

Just remember that this too shall pass. That's how I get through it. And when I think back to when DD was a newborn I realize how fast time goes by and wish I had spent less time stressting out and more time "in the moment". Believe me, I know you're probably at your wit's end, but just think, someone else in NJ will probably soon also end up pregnant with #2 with major morning sickness and a very messy house less one bathroom.

[mharling]

Esther -
You have nothing but sympathy from me. I, too, have had all of my energy zapped out of me and barely get anything done. I did 2 loads of laundry today and the kitchen's clean; best day I've had all week! My to do list isn't getting any shorter.

I respect you so much for dealing with everything else you have going on. You are absolutely not being a brat! I feel the same way you do without working, let alone in the area of the heightened alerts. My hat is off to you!

Here's to getting through the next few weeks! Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. I am so with you!

ETA - FWIW, I am also more scared about going from 1 to 2 than I was from zero to 1. I think it's a very valid concern!

Mary
Lane 4/03
#2 Due 3/2/05
http://lilypie.com/days/050302/0/0/1/-6/.png

[jbowman]

Hugs to you, Esther! I only have one child, but I can certainly appreciate the stress of work + baby + messy house. Most of all, I understand the fear of losing a good child care provider (arggghhh!). Don't feel guilty about your feelings...after all, that's how you feel and you can't change that.

I would call in sick at least one day (maybe two) during the RNC. Sounds as if you really deserve it!

[lrucci]

Ester,

So sorry that you are feeling crummy. On the bright side, congrats on your pregnancy!!! That is wonderful news. Hope all goes well for you.

Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh 7/19/03

[momma_boo]

Thanks everyone for your sympathy/congrats/advice.

I'm feeling a little less despondent today. DD has actually been very good the last week (minimal tantrums and screaming at bedtime). I think it also helps that about 3 of her molars have poked through after weeks of agony.

Jeanne - you are my new role model/hero. I'm counting on you to help all of us who are expecting #2 with any and all wisdom you are gaining from your experiences with Truman & Eleanor.

Andrea - thanks for the congrats. You are too sweet. I think I tried to be really subtle and drop a hint when I replied to your thread a few weeks ago about using baby shampoo (made a reference to #2). Ha ha - I was trying to be sneaky, LOL!

Marisa - I would love to take a day off. But actually, DD's daycare is going to be closed for a week in August, so I'll need to save my time for then (don't worry, DH will be taking care of her on some days too). Plus, we are actually going to go on vacation for about 2 weeks in the end of September - whoo hoo! My sister is having a teeny tiny wedding on Hawaii! (I can't say I didn't discourage that idea, LOL).

I'll definitely have to look into the Ferry. I feel stupid since I hadn't thought of that as an option. It's still a pain since it'll cost more and I still need to figure out how to get to the office once I get off the ferry (I work on Canal St in Chinatown).

Perhaps we can get Sarah and Sophie together for a play-date at the Short Hills Mall in August when we're home.

Allison - good suggestion to try to work from home during the RNC. I'm sure my boss wouldn't have a problem with me doing that once or twice during the week (especially since we have the capability of accessing our work e-mail through the internet).

Holly - wow. My DD is only a week younger than yours and I'm sure that our #2's will be due around the same time. It'll be fun to see how we progress over the next 7 months!

MKH76 (don't know your name, Mom of Joshua and Megan) - thank you for your reality check. You are so very right about how I need to start making changes now. I have to really start to get DH more proactive in doing things. He gets annoyed b/c I don't tell him what to do and I get annoyed b/c he doesn't just KNOW it and do it himself. I am starting to realize that if I don't make changes, it will be HORRIBLE after the baby comes and I continue to try to be the SuperMom/Wife. I really, really LOVED your idea of leaving work early once a week. I do that once in a while actually. (Last time was a few weeks ago, so I could clean the house). Heck, I think even doing that once every other week would do a lot to help me maintain my sanity!

Mary - thank you for letting me know that I'm not nuts for being so nervous about #2. Yesterday when I went to pick up DD from daycare, the mom of the only other "baby" in the group was leaving with her son. The head lady told her that I was pg and she smiled at me and said, "You are BRAVE." ha ha. I thought that was a perfect response from someone with a similar aged baby.

You guys made me feel so good about "dumping" everything online. It's hard sometimes to really be able to open up like that with friends/family who don't really get it (most of my friends aren't even married!).

[drsweetie]

Esther, something that's helped me is breaking my large goals down into smaller ones -- so rather than going into the office feeling that I have to take care of the ENTIRE huge pile o'work waiting for me, I instead know that I only have to take care of a small part of it. Or instead of cleaning the ENTIRE house, I only have to vacuum the cat hair off the sofa.

Also, and I'm surprised no one's mentioned this, have you considered talking to a counselor? (I know, I know, WHEN?) Maybe I'm just biased in this direction because I'm a psychologist myself, but I'm speaking primarily as someone who had a terrible case of post-partum depression (as well as pre-partum and partum depression, LOL), and some of the stuff you're saying rings that same bell with me. Sorry if this is an overly intrusive suggestion, but we gotta look out for each other, right?

Ellen

[alkagift]

I second Ellen's suggestion. I've been there and it took a long time for me to realize that feeling sad and angry WASN'T my fault and it wasn't DH's fault. And as someone here told me, (thank you Sarah H and Barbarahow, if you're reading this) sometimes you just need to be able to vent to a person who will validate every feeling you're having and make you feel like fixing it is possible! And it is! Congratulations to you, it WILL be ok!

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[Marisa6826]

Esther-

Would LOVE to get together with you while you're off.

As far as the ferry goes, they have a little bus that does the downtown loop. It appears that the ferry bus (it's free - part of your ticket price) goes along W. Houston. A little further up from Canal, I know. How far East are you? I'm sure for a week, between us, we can figure something out ;). There's another ferry that I think goes to S. Street Seaport. Not sure on that one, though.

Here's the ferry routes:

http://www.nywaterway.com/commuter.html

PM me, and I'll send you my number.

hugs

-m

[tippy]

I LOVE the "you should have just married someone rich instead" comment! ARG! Oh well, we understand even if he doesn't get it! Congratulations on your pregnancy! I remember when I was pregnant being so tired that I didn't think I could lift my hand up off the pillow. I can't imagine feeling that way and working full time, and taking care of a toddler (sorry if I'm not helping!). But...the reality is that you can do it. Lot's of mommies here have been through it and even though I am sure it is HARD it isn't forever and this feeling (physical and emotional) will pass. It sounds like you are feeling a little better already :D . I think that putting it out there and getting the feedback you have helps to put things in perspective. Please keep posting, don't worry about sounding pathetic (you don't!) and hang in there. It will get better!

As far as having to be in the city the week of the Republican Convention, I had told my dh I really wanted him to take that week off (it's our anniversary week and his birthday week anyway). His boss ended up telling him and his co-workers (they are in sales) to take that week if they could as he would not be coming in either. I don't think it would be out of line for you to ask to work from home for the entire week! You can always say your dh would prefer you to stay out of the city for safety reasons. That combined with the fact you are pregnant may do it. Ya never know, nothing ventured nothing gained. The worst they can say is no! Good luck and please keep us posted!

[papal]

Sorry i am late joining the party.. congratulations!!! What wonderful news.. sorry you were feeling crummy and glad you are feeling a little better now... feel free to dump on us anytime!!
Congratulations again!! Wooohooo!!!