Would you be angry?

[1ceng1]

Here goes:

When pregnant with her DD (now 9 mo), I agreed to buy my sis the crib bedding of her choice. After thinking and rethinking over what she wanted she made her decision on a $300 set which I happily bought for her. Incidentally, the bedding was adorable with little bees and dragonfly. We didn't know the sex of the baby so we went unisex. Anyway, 9 months later she is moving and has decided to replace her 9 mo DD bedding with another $200 set that is very feminine. Although she is buying this set herself, I am still upset that she discarded the one I bought her only 9 months ago. Besides, since the baby is 9 months old, she won't get that much more mileage out of her new bedding. She explained that she wanted something more girly. I find it just obnoxious. Would you be angry?

[Marisa6826]

Well, as far as milage goes, Sophie's 20m and still using the same bedding.

I might be a little hurt, but a gift is a gift. What the recipient does with it is their choice.

Unfortunately, I think you're just going to have to suck it up.

-m

[McQ]

Angry, no. Irritated and have an opinion on it, sure. But it's her bedding and she can do what she wants with it. Just shake your head and let her be.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

[lizajane]

i'd be mad. i wish i wouldn't be mad. but i would be. can't deny it. my crib bedding was less than $100 and i still thought it was expensive. and i bought it in green and white so that i could use it twice. your gift was very generous. i kinda think that she should have been the one to "suck it up" and keep using the bedding she already had, that was perfectly good and rather fancy instead of hurting your feelings.

[1ceng1]

Thank you for your responses thus far. I am feeling like the last poster, about my sis being the one who should suck it up. She is a bit flashy about what she has and I feel like this is a slap in the face almost like "yours is no longer good enough". Maybe I'm being too sensitive or it is years of her being uppity that is finally getting to me.

[janew]

I can totally understand why you would be upset. I think I would be too. That being said there is a little part of me that can see where your sister is coming from. I decorated my baby's room neutral too,since we didn't know gender. I liked it. But ever since I had my little girl I have dreamed of redoing the whole thing. Dh spent alot of time painting etc, and I know he would kill me, but I can't help it! Sometimes when I am rocking her in the chair I think about all the ways I'd like to change it. If we were moving- I'd re-do everything for sure- it would be the perfect excuse!! Of course the bedding I'm using wasn't a gift!

jane

[deborah_r]

I would find it pretty annoying, and I probably wouldn't be too anxious to spend big bucks on anything for her again. Then again, I can't personally imagine spending $300 on bedding for a baby or child, and I can barely imagine it for myself.

On a positive note, maybe she will save that bedding for the first 9 months of a future baby's life? Or am I being too frugal?

[lukkykatt]

I would be aggravated too. But it was a gift and I would just let it be (though I surely would be festering inside).

Guess I am too practical anyway - I got neutral bedding that I used for both boys. No $300 bedding for me either :(

[Judegirl]

Is she keeping the bedding you bought her, or throwing it away? If she were discarding it, I'd be angry. But if she were keeping it, either for another baby or just as a keepsake, I wouldn't be upset. 9 months is a long time to have gotten use out if it, I think. We plan to get rid of our bumpers before then, and that's much of the bedding...so I think 9 months isn's so bad. She liked what you gave her, she used it, it was your niece's first bedding set...I'd be happy that I was able to buy her something she liked, depsite tehe fact that she ants to move on to something else now.

:)

Jude

[g-mama]

Yes, I'd be angry and annoyed. I can see the points of what the other posters have said and realize that rationally, I shouldn't let myself be upset by it, but I know myself and I would be.


Kristen
Paolo 11-00
Benjamin 8-03

[Melanie]

I'd be miffed and probably think twice about being so generous next time. If you like it, why not ask if she can "hand it down" to you since she won't be using it?


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif

[flagger]

No I would not be angry!!!

Care to look at it from another perspective? Would you be angry if someone gave you a gift with strings attached on how you should use it and for how long and what you should do when it is no longer needed?

How about if someone gave you a $100 swing that your child hated? Should you keep it because you don't want someone to be angry? Well $100 buys a heck of a lot of diapers. Did you return any gifts you received at your shower that you had no need of or received doubles? Should those who gave you the gifts be angry at you too?

[lizajane]

i definitely think you have a valid perspective. but it is one thing to FEEL angry and hurt and as though your gift was "wasted" (note that the mom did pick out the specific bedding that SHE liked and SHE wanted) and it is quite another to WANT to feel angry, to be spiteful, to be rude and to yell at the recipient and to express that anger.

anger often comes from hurt. that was why i said i wouldn't want to be angry, but i wouldn't be able to help myself. because i would be hurt. especially if my gift had such a great monetary value, that i ignored in order to do exactly what the recepient wanted. especially if the recepient has specifically asked me to buy that exact gift for her.

so i agree with you that one should return gifts that are not useful or that will not work for your child and family because then you are NOT wasting the giver's money. you are using their money to get something you really need, and i feel fine with that. but to use something that you asked for for a while and then decide that it isn't good enough isn't my style. i personally can't afford to redecorate my kid's room, and clearly she can. so maybe i don't understand.

i really wish i wouldn't be upset. but i was being honest when i replied. i would be upset. if that makes me a bad person, then i am a bad person. but at least i am an honest bad person.

we can't help the way we feel.

[MelissaTC]

My feelings would probably be hurt. But I agree with the others that said you should just suck it up. I think perhaps years of this is finally getting to you.

My friend bought me Pottery Barn Kids bedding that I registered for when I was pregnant with Matthew. I sold it at our local consignment sale. We have moved on to other bedding and a toddler bed and even though we could have continued to use the other set, I wanted something that reflected his likes now as well as something more "boysih". I never stopped to think that my friend may be hurt by this (and she is practically a sister to me so we are very close). Do you think your sister intentionally tried to hurt you?

[AnaC.]

I would be angry, that is true and I probably would let her know, but another thing I would do is suggest that she sells it and get something more of his choice, you know she is not going to get all the money you spent in it but at least your gift will not be waisted.

[Fairy]

This is a very old thread, and to avoid confusion, I'm locking it.