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View Full Version : Mama bear roars! WWYD? (LONG)



mom2kandj
08-21-2004, 02:19 AM
This totally ruined my evening!

Our small family of four went out for a family friendly dinner tonight about 6pm. DH had thought that we would go swimming after dinner, but it was about 7pm and getting chilly when we were ready to leave. So as not to disappoint my munchkins, I suggested that we go to a local park just around the corner from the shopping center to get the kids good and tired for bed. Well, we played with the kids and two other families for about 15 minutes when 5-6 teenage girls (about 15 yo) came into the gated play area. One family was already leaving and we were still enjoying the remaining sunshine. The girls proceeded to climb up on the jungle gym and a few were muttering that they weren't sure *IT* would hold their weight. Not a big deal right?

Well, they weren't talking about the jungle gym. Instead, they were talking about the shade structure above the jungle gym. Out here in SoCal, a lot of cities are putting in permanent shade structures above our playgrounds. FWIW, they are usually big nylon awnings that are stretched like giant sails and attached to large steel posts that are set in concrete in the ground. Let's just say that my tax dollars and those of every homeowner in that city just spent at least $4000 per structure at 20+ parks in the city to cover all the play areas. Also, DH and I had commented on that particular structure because there were silver dollar sized holes that we thought were cause by fireworks fallout from the 4th of July.

Back to the story! The ringleader of the group promptly climbed up on the top of the jungle gym and then hoisted herself up on the first sail. I called out to her, "Hey you better be careful. I wouldn't be climbing up there with those holes that could rip." Her response was, "Oh, it's okay. I've done this before." Of course this was followed by laughter and bravado. Then, she moved to the next sail which was directly over my children. Of course this Mama Bear was going to get PO'ed! I said, "There will be hell to pay if it breaks and you fall on my children!" Once again, laughter and bravado from the only girl who would climb up there while we were still there. I quickly turned to DH and said, "We are leaving NOW! If these girls can't be good role models, I don't want my children exposed to them."

DH got really quiet and I thought that he was upset that I was being confrontational with them. (We kind of have a No Confrontation rule as you never know when someone might pull a gun on you or go into road rage, etc.) It turns out that he was trying so hard to hold his tongue and not create a scene that involved harsh language and intimidation in front of our kids.

Well, DH scooped up the little one while I hurried my 3yo along. She kept asking why they were climbing up on top of the shade and why didn't they understand they could fall. She kept calling them bad girls (pretty loudly to my delight) for not listening to her mommy. We finally got her shoes on and walked to the car. Once inside, DH said, "Here's my phone. You are going to call the police, right?" We called the police and left. We will be following up with the mayor, who is a friend of the family, to get his thoughts on the situation

DH talked about it when we got home. I think I handled it as well as I could.

I really wanted to yell at her and tell her that my tax dollars had paid for that shade structure and that if she broke it, her mommy and daddy would be forking over big bucks to fix it and then she wouldn't get a brand new car for her 16th birthday.

I like to be optimistic about the future of our youth, but things like this make me so mad and eventually sad. I made three separate comments to the girl and IMO three separate warnings. Not once did she think about stopping. Was I overreacting? What would you have done? Thanks for reading if you got this far. It helped to get it out.


Rose
mom 2 Katie 12/02/00
& Jack 04/16/02

Jeanmick
08-21-2004, 02:54 AM
No, you weren't overreacting, and yes, I would've done the same thing as you. My DH and I have had this conversation about the youth of today and tomorrow and like you, have had interactions with some (let me restate this: not all...some) young people that make me disappointed and sad as you are. I also want to say that when I do interact with a young person who displays a great sense of respect and kindness for others, my faith is restored somewhat. Makes us want to work as hard as we can to raise our own little munchkins to be the best people they can be.

Sorry about your experience. Yuck.

dr mom
08-21-2004, 04:39 AM
Definitely not overreacting! You were protecting your kids, who could have been seriously injured if an older, heavier child fell on them. When it comes to keeping your babies safe, there's no such thing as overracting as far as I'm concerned.

I would also have called the police - not only were those girls putting younger children at risk (what if they fell on a child? what if younger children tried to emulate them, and fell?) but they were endangering themselves as well. You gave them several nice warnings, right?

I don't like having to police other people's children, it's always awkward and uncomfortable, but sometimes you just have to step in. At the mall recently, I had to physically restrain a young boy (4-5 years old) who tried to poke my 6-month-old in the eye, while his mother looked on and did NOTHING. We didn't know these people - he just wandered over and started jabbing at my baby in his stroller, and don't you know my Mama Bear came right out, and I firmly grabbed his hands and moved him away from my child. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be grabbing and scolding other people's children, I'd never have believed it, but everything changes when you have kids! If the parents of the girls at the park don't discipline their kids (or more likely, don't even know what their kids are up to) then you get stuck handling it.

Sorry your kids trip to the park was spoiled. x(

himom
08-21-2004, 06:13 AM
You're actually pretty nice!

I would have said something to the effect that if she didn't get her fat butt off of the awning and subsequently fell and landed on my child, I would sue her and her family for every penny they owned and she would be wishing she'd never put holes in it because she would be homeless and would have to sleep under it.

Okay, I wouldn't have, but I would have wanted to.

I work with teenagers and I love the group as a whole, but a couple make me want to rip my hair out and tie them up with it until they acquire some commone sense and respect for other people and property.
Ugh! I am angry on your behalf!

Jodi
Mom to Josh, February 2004

miki
08-21-2004, 11:11 AM
I think you were more than nice. I consider what they did reckless endangerment. I would have said worse and let them watch me call the police. If the mayor is a friend of the family, I would talk to him about how realistic it would be to see an ordinance passed that would make the simple climbing of such structures illegal, it there isn't one already.

alkagift
08-21-2004, 12:17 PM
OOOhh, yeah, I would have called the police right in front of those twerps. I understand being non-confrontational too, I'm pretty much a mouse, but not when it comes to crap like that.

The other day a little boy tried to kick my son and although his mother was within earshot I had no problem telling him to stop in a "angry mommy" tone of voice. No yelling, no touching the boy, but I'm not just going to watch to "toughen up" my 15 month old.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

Mabster
08-22-2004, 05:40 AM
Good for you for calling the police - I would have done the same thing. Even though a previous poster suggested doing it in front of the urchins, you are better off that you didn't. Since the teens didn't leave, it hiopefully gave the police a chance to see them in action and write up a report with their names & addresses in it. They might think twice when they are actually part of the permanent record.

As a former Parks & Recreation employee, it gets my goat to see things like this happen. When you see all the work it takes to fund, design & build beautiful & successful play areas, it kills you to see them defaced and intentionally damaged. In the long run, the children are the ones who suffer.

And you were 100% right for doing whatever it takes to protect your child.

twins r fun
08-22-2004, 04:29 PM
Yeah, I'd say you were pretty restrained. You definitely had every right in the world to make a stink about what they were doing. If I was alone, I'm not sure what I'd have done. Probably said something to the effect that this was a kid's playground and that they needed to leave or at least not use the area innappropriately. Of course they probably would have ignored me and then I would have eventually ended up leaving. This is the kind of situation where I LOVE being married to a high school teacher. My husband won't let neighborhood kids get away with anything. If he was at that playground he would not have even let the girls on the jungle gym. He knows what to say and how to say it so that even the tough kids listen. And he's usually not even that mean about it. He just seems to be able to appeal to whatever sense of resposibility/humanity they have. The other day he chased down some middle schoolers who were setting off fireworks behind our house in the middle of the day. After making them stop, he then walked them around the neighborhood and made them pick up all the trash they had left behind! The thing that drives me crazy is that teenagers know that most people are intimidated by them and won't challenge their misbehavior. Fireworks are illegal here and these kids were doing it in the middle of the day, with people out in the neighborhood. They just didn't believe anyone would call them on it. I hope the police responded to your call so that those girls know they don't get to just run over everyone else in the world and get away with it!!

Melanie
08-22-2004, 06:02 PM
Good for you! I think you handled it well.

Melanie



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