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View Full Version : do NOT want to hear MIL go on and on...



lizajane
09-07-2004, 10:56 PM
about how much she ALWAYS wanted two boys and how she ALWAYS wanted to be a boy mom and how much she LOVED having two boys blah blah blah...

i heard it when i found out schuyler was a boy and i just CAN'T bear to hear it knowing that it is VERY unlikely that i will ever have a girl. if we do, it will be by accident. or adoption.

JUST BECAUSE IT IS WHAT **YOU YOU YOU*** WANTED DOESN'T MEAN IT WILL SUDDENLY CHANGE WHAT **I I I*** ALWAYS WANTED!

don't get me wrong. i don't want anything other than my perfect family with my perfect little boys who are at this point in perfect health (and God willing, always will be!!!!!!!!). but no, i didn't sit around as a child and fantasize about having two sons. it is just a fact. a fact i will no longer share as my sons grow up and will be able to overhear me and understand me and have hurt feelings. i now fantasize about my sons growing up to be happy men. i am madly in love with them both!

but it just BUGS me to no end to hear her go on and on because i do not want to cook for everyone and clean up after everyone and perpetuate some ridiculous stereotype of the mom who "takes care" of everyone. (except herself!!)

my MIL didn't even have a CHRISTMAS stocking until I started making her one! because it never occured to her three men, on whom she waited hand and foot, that she might POSSIBLY want one, too!

sigh. good thing DH has me to set him straight. ;)

lizajane
09-07-2004, 10:56 PM
about how much she ALWAYS wanted two boys and how she ALWAYS wanted to be a boy mom and how much she LOVED having two boys blah blah blah...

i heard it when i found out schuyler was a boy and i just CAN'T bear to hear it knowing that it is VERY unlikely that i will ever have a girl. if we do, it will be by accident. or adoption.

JUST BECAUSE IT IS WHAT **YOU YOU YOU*** WANTED DOESN'T MEAN IT WILL SUDDENLY CHANGE WHAT **I I I*** ALWAYS WANTED!

don't get me wrong. i don't want anything other than my perfect family with my perfect little boys who are at this point in perfect health (and God willing, always will be!!!!!!!!). but no, i didn't sit around as a child and fantasize about having two sons. it is just a fact. a fact i will no longer share as my sons grow up and will be able to overhear me and understand me and have hurt feelings. i now fantasize about my sons growing up to be happy men. i am madly in love with them both!

but it just BUGS me to no end to hear her go on and on because i do not want to cook for everyone and clean up after everyone and perpetuate some ridiculous stereotype of the mom who "takes care" of everyone. (except herself!!)

my MIL didn't even have a CHRISTMAS stocking until I started making her one! because it never occured to her three men, on whom she waited hand and foot, that she might POSSIBLY want one, too!

sigh. good thing DH has me to set him straight. ;)

C99
09-07-2004, 11:01 PM
I'm sorry, Liza.

Sometimes I think moms of (grown) boys are saints; sometimes, I think they are just martyrs.

I also wonder if maybe your MIL says that she "always" wanted 2 boys and she loved being a mom of 2 boys because she really did want a girl at some point and she was disappointed, so she convinced herself otherwise?

C99
09-07-2004, 11:01 PM
I'm sorry, Liza.

Sometimes I think moms of (grown) boys are saints; sometimes, I think they are just martyrs.

I also wonder if maybe your MIL says that she "always" wanted 2 boys and she loved being a mom of 2 boys because she really did want a girl at some point and she was disappointed, so she convinced herself otherwise?

jubilee
09-08-2004, 01:07 AM
You know I've always wondered what I would say when Logan is older, if anyone asks me if I wanted two boys. The truth is no... I wanted Logan to be a girl... but that's not how it turned out. I love Logan SO much, and I certainly don't want him to ever feel that he is second best in my eyes. I'm very happy with my house of men, but I still feel a little wistful. We are done having babies, and it looks like adopting isn't in our future either. (However if a bunch of money fell in my lap, I'd adopt in a heartbeat!) That said, maybe your MIL is just saying that to cover over her feeling of loss of not having a girl? I will really look forward to my sons getting married, and hopefully their wives will become like daughters to me. Just remind your MIL that she is lucky to have you as her daughter now :)

jubilee
09-08-2004, 01:07 AM
You know I've always wondered what I would say when Logan is older, if anyone asks me if I wanted two boys. The truth is no... I wanted Logan to be a girl... but that's not how it turned out. I love Logan SO much, and I certainly don't want him to ever feel that he is second best in my eyes. I'm very happy with my house of men, but I still feel a little wistful. We are done having babies, and it looks like adopting isn't in our future either. (However if a bunch of money fell in my lap, I'd adopt in a heartbeat!) That said, maybe your MIL is just saying that to cover over her feeling of loss of not having a girl? I will really look forward to my sons getting married, and hopefully their wives will become like daughters to me. Just remind your MIL that she is lucky to have you as her daughter now :)

diekatze
09-08-2004, 02:05 AM
Same here. My MIL said that my first baby would be a boy and I got a boy. Now she sings that my second would be a boy too(I am not even pregnant yet!!)

She always talk about her THREE sons and how she never wanted a girl. How miserable her sister-in-law was since she had three daughters that she left the last daughter in the hospital because she didn't want her...over and over and over again....

I love my son but I always wanted a daughter and my husband is even worst. He always jokes that he wants me to continue to give birth til we have a daughter. He feels that his mom(my MIL) was rather lonely time to time with 4 grown men, I mean quite men.

Whenever we talk about this infront of MIL, her old story comes out....I hate it.

diekatze
09-08-2004, 02:05 AM
Same here. My MIL said that my first baby would be a boy and I got a boy. Now she sings that my second would be a boy too(I am not even pregnant yet!!)

She always talk about her THREE sons and how she never wanted a girl. How miserable her sister-in-law was since she had three daughters that she left the last daughter in the hospital because she didn't want her...over and over and over again....

I love my son but I always wanted a daughter and my husband is even worst. He always jokes that he wants me to continue to give birth til we have a daughter. He feels that his mom(my MIL) was rather lonely time to time with 4 grown men, I mean quite men.

Whenever we talk about this infront of MIL, her old story comes out....I hate it.

jk3
09-08-2004, 08:12 AM
I'm so sorry. I know how difficult and annoying this can be. When I was pregnant I was told by my lovely MIL that I would definitely have a boy becuase, and this is a direct quote, "We do not make girls in this family." Later on she informed me that I was probably having a girl because my face looked fat but at that point we knew we were having a boy!

I love my DS more than I could ever have imagined but I was most upset when we found out he was probably a boy at 14 weeks since I knew that's what my MIL wanted. Sick, I know. If I'm lucky enough to have other children, I'm pretty sure they will be boys which is more than fine. However, it would be nice to prove her wrong!

Some people THRIVE by raining on other people's parades. Don't let her take away from your happiness at this moment. If I think of any snappy retorts, I'll let you know!

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

jk3
09-08-2004, 08:12 AM
I'm so sorry. I know how difficult and annoying this can be. When I was pregnant I was told by my lovely MIL that I would definitely have a boy becuase, and this is a direct quote, "We do not make girls in this family." Later on she informed me that I was probably having a girl because my face looked fat but at that point we knew we were having a boy!

I love my DS more than I could ever have imagined but I was most upset when we found out he was probably a boy at 14 weeks since I knew that's what my MIL wanted. Sick, I know. If I'm lucky enough to have other children, I'm pretty sure they will be boys which is more than fine. However, it would be nice to prove her wrong!

Some people THRIVE by raining on other people's parades. Don't let her take away from your happiness at this moment. If I think of any snappy retorts, I'll let you know!

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

bluej
09-08-2004, 09:37 AM
"but it just BUGS me to no end to hear her go on and on because i do not want to cook for everyone and clean up after everyone and perpetuate some ridiculous stereotype of the mom who "takes care" of everyone. (except herself!!)"

We can raise our boys together! I'll be raising my boys to be good husbands. Ones that pick up after themselves, know their way around a kitchen, know how to buy gifts, etc. That is my goal in life, to put an end to boys thinking that housework is 'womens' work. Strong and sensitive is what I'm aiming for. I have a good DH and I have no idea how it happened. He is the only boy in his family and grew up with the idea that the men get waited on and the women do all of the work. I thank the Lord (probably not often enough) that he does not have that way of thinking. Of course, I wouldn't have married him if he did!

bluej
09-08-2004, 09:37 AM
"but it just BUGS me to no end to hear her go on and on because i do not want to cook for everyone and clean up after everyone and perpetuate some ridiculous stereotype of the mom who "takes care" of everyone. (except herself!!)"

We can raise our boys together! I'll be raising my boys to be good husbands. Ones that pick up after themselves, know their way around a kitchen, know how to buy gifts, etc. That is my goal in life, to put an end to boys thinking that housework is 'womens' work. Strong and sensitive is what I'm aiming for. I have a good DH and I have no idea how it happened. He is the only boy in his family and grew up with the idea that the men get waited on and the women do all of the work. I thank the Lord (probably not often enough) that he does not have that way of thinking. Of course, I wouldn't have married him if he did!

psophia17
09-08-2004, 11:51 AM
MILs are pretty non-thinking sometimes - I know my mother was to her SIL, and I know mine often is to me...but what can you do?

We've been living with my MIL and her family for about 6 weeks while we look for a house in their area (3000 miles from where I grew up), and my MIL takes care of everything - FIL cooks the dinner (yuck, but MIL's cooking is yuckier), and DH and BIL do NADA. No laundry, no dishes, putting anything back, etc. DH, back when we had our own place, did tons of stuff, but now he's not sure what to do when I ask him to change a diaper. He thinks MIL (who loves me and who I love) won't love me as much if I ask him to do woman's work, which poopy diapers obviously are, therefore don't ask...? The worst is that MIL gets up at 3am to clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, etc., wakes up FIL, BIL, and DH for them to get to work on time, and cleans up after all of them without thinking about it...but if I leave a dirty bowl in the sink, I get yelled at because women know better and told that my mom didn't raise me right...?

But them, MIL has two sons, and doesn't appear to know that men have the capacity to clean up after themselves...and the boys in her household don't want to rock the boat. Meanwhile, I'm doing my best to teach DS to help with the dishes (he puts his plastic ones in the sink for me after his meal). MIL hasn't seen this yet, but I can't wait until she does :-)

She's really hoping for me to have a girl next time, though - I guess she wants a helper?

-Petra
DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

psophia17
09-08-2004, 11:51 AM
MILs are pretty non-thinking sometimes - I know my mother was to her SIL, and I know mine often is to me...but what can you do?

We've been living with my MIL and her family for about 6 weeks while we look for a house in their area (3000 miles from where I grew up), and my MIL takes care of everything - FIL cooks the dinner (yuck, but MIL's cooking is yuckier), and DH and BIL do NADA. No laundry, no dishes, putting anything back, etc. DH, back when we had our own place, did tons of stuff, but now he's not sure what to do when I ask him to change a diaper. He thinks MIL (who loves me and who I love) won't love me as much if I ask him to do woman's work, which poopy diapers obviously are, therefore don't ask...? The worst is that MIL gets up at 3am to clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, etc., wakes up FIL, BIL, and DH for them to get to work on time, and cleans up after all of them without thinking about it...but if I leave a dirty bowl in the sink, I get yelled at because women know better and told that my mom didn't raise me right...?

But them, MIL has two sons, and doesn't appear to know that men have the capacity to clean up after themselves...and the boys in her household don't want to rock the boat. Meanwhile, I'm doing my best to teach DS to help with the dishes (he puts his plastic ones in the sink for me after his meal). MIL hasn't seen this yet, but I can't wait until she does :-)

She's really hoping for me to have a girl next time, though - I guess she wants a helper?

-Petra
DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

deenass
09-08-2004, 02:06 PM
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!

Okay, I only have one boy, but I SERIOUSLY wanted a girl (still do) and EVERYONE knew it. When I found out I was having a boy I told people I didn't know what I was having. It took me a few weeks to deal with it (don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son, but I will always want a girl).

I let my husband tell his family that we were having a boy, but he also had to tell them that I would not listen to how wonderful boys were, how sweet boys were, how awful teenage girls were to raise, etc. He told them I WOULDN"T listen and that if they did insist on sharing that I very well might hang up on them (which I did at one point).

I'd have DH deal with it and tell her not to wax on about it because you DON'T want to hear (let him blame it on crazy pg hormones, whatever).

Good luck!!!!

deenass
09-08-2004, 02:06 PM
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!

Okay, I only have one boy, but I SERIOUSLY wanted a girl (still do) and EVERYONE knew it. When I found out I was having a boy I told people I didn't know what I was having. It took me a few weeks to deal with it (don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son, but I will always want a girl).

I let my husband tell his family that we were having a boy, but he also had to tell them that I would not listen to how wonderful boys were, how sweet boys were, how awful teenage girls were to raise, etc. He told them I WOULDN"T listen and that if they did insist on sharing that I very well might hang up on them (which I did at one point).

I'd have DH deal with it and tell her not to wax on about it because you DON'T want to hear (let him blame it on crazy pg hormones, whatever).

Good luck!!!!

lizajane
09-09-2004, 04:32 PM
ok, so far the only thing i have gotten from MIL is an email that said she liked to dress DH and BIL alike sometimes. VERY reasonable. and i was able to reply that i bought schuyler and brother matching bathing suits today, so i was nice and played along well. i have been avoiding the phone... but here is to hoping i can get away without ANY "two boy mom" speaches!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah1
09-12-2004, 11:55 PM
Ugh. I feel for you. That's really annoying. Your DH sounds like an awesome guy (I loved that he went and set up all your biz stuff), so clearly he doesn't subscribe to your MIL's silly stereotypes. :)