DO NOT presume to tell me how to live my life

[farsk]

I am so angry...so angry that I have the shakes (ever get that mad?)

My mother just called and said that I HAD to come up with some way to get MIL "more involved" in Ellen's life, because Ellen's teachers at school "feel sorry for her"

Feel sorry for this, MIL.....
1. Completely cutting off any good will and affection that we had established (we used to eat lunch together 2x week, go to auctions, etc.) when DH and I announced our engagement.
2. Buying your Son-IL a guitar for Christmas and getting me a 1/2 hour massage. (note the inequity)
3. Making rude and hateful comments every turn
4. Jockeying (sp?) for a seat next to my husband at all times
5. Bitching about me and the way I raise Ellen to your daughter, "Can you BELIEVE she'd STILL BREASTFEEDING!?"
6. The condescending looks, eyebrow raises, and general snarkyness
7. Turning down opportunities to spend time with your son and granddaughter (we just ate)
8. The belief that your car will not drive itself to our home
9. The belief that your phone only receives calls and doesn't make them
10. General commentary on my parenting choices to everyone who will listen.

MIL comes to school sometimes during her lunch to play with Ellen. Sometimes, I have taken lunch late and she comes in when I am there. I have not burdened Ellen's teachers (who I consider friends) with this information as it does not paint a flattering picture of MIL, other than to be generally displeased when she is in the room. Now I'm the bitch? Why would I want to subject myself to someone who puts me down at every turn? Why does she NOT take up the opportunity to spend time with her son and granddaughter when given the chance?

Thanks for letting me blow off some steam. Shaking is now to a minimum.

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry. Do you have some chocolate nearby?

We've gotten letters from family members telling us how warped Gracie will be unless we let DH's parents be involved in her life. Um, they lost their opportunity by being abusive to him. Why on earth would we let them be around her? DH's grandparents have refused to be a part of Gracie's life unless we let his parents. It's not happening! My stepmother used to say stuff, even after they threatened to kill me, about how we needed to work things out. She hasn't said anything since we got our will together and asked if they would be able to honor our intentions of Gracie having no contact with DH's parents. I feel like a Montel show! (Otherwise our life is so completely boring, so I guess this is our drama?)

Why do parents have to be evil? Can you imagine doing anything similar to Ellen? I would cut my own foot off before hurting Gracie.

Hugs,
Anna

[deborah_r]

Wow. Sorry. That sucks.

Any chance you can move far far away from them??? :)

[psophia17]

I'm kind of amazed that the school would let a woman who says that she's a grandma just come on in to the classroom without asking the parents if that's okay - very strange, if you ask me.

Other than that, I wish there was something to be done about family members like that. I have a few, and avoiding them is a big pain, but what else can you do?

Sometimes it's too bad you can't choose your family...

-Petra

DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

[cvharris]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I'm also wondering what she is thinking dragging Ellen's teachers in on the whole thing.
Hang in there!!!

Carolee and Ben (6/14/03)

[KBecks]

Perhaps talking to the teachers will help. It sounds like your MIL is trying to get them on her side, which is inappropriate.

Also, you may want to cut off these little lunchtime visits at some point. Perhaps I'm paranoid, but I'd hate for your daughter to get "mind poisoning" from grandma. When she gets older, your daughter will observe how grandma treats you, and you'll have to be a good role model for someone who is polite, but doesn't get pushed around. Your daughter will be on your side, but look out for bad influences!

Then, blow off your mom's request for more interaction, and feel no guilt. Blow off MIL while you're at it.

Take care of yourself and your daugher!
KBecks

[shamrock]

I'm sorry you have to deal w/ all that. I'd be a bit upset that my mother was telling me things I needed to do w/ my MIL. I'd also be a bit bothered that she had so much contact w/ my child's teachers and that they were sharing opinions like that with her.

It sounds like you are right in your choice to avoid her!

[tarahsolazy]

Margarita, anyone? Sounds to me also like MIL is somehow trying to win over Ellen's teachers, which is just pathetic and sick. Does DH support you on these significant issues with his mom? I hope so. Hope its better soon.

[calebsmama03]

Mmmm.... Margaritas sound SO GOOD right now.... Oh well!

To the OP - totally sucks, but I can relate in some way. My father and I have little to no contact because of how abusive he was to me and my sister. WHen we visit town, I do bring C over there, or let my mom take C for the day so he can see him, but I have no desire to have him come visit us here, nor do I feel the need to call him or make polite conversation. Then I get this "birthday card" from him with a long note essentially saying that he has a "right" to see his grandson (mind you, he didn't even say a word when we announced we were pg - not congrats, not that's nice, not even f#$% you - nothing!) and I can't keep him from coming out here to visit "his grandson", and I'm a bi#$% for being so "mean" to him because he's never done anything to me to cause my reaction. Puhleese! As far as I'm concerned any chance at reconciliation is gone for reasons too many to list here!

It's really too bad parents behave this way, but I think you're totally right on to avoid exposing DD to that kind of toxic personality! Everyone else needs to butt out, IMHO ;)
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05