It is still a surprise when you find out the gender before the birth!!

[sbjf]

For example "Are you going to find our the sex of the baby or are you going to be surprised?" Um...we are going to be surprised when we find out the sex of the baby at our next u/s, yes.

It annoys me when people say things like, oh there are so few surprises left in life, yada yada yada, yeah well I agree! And I'll be very surprised to find out the gender of this baby no matter when they tell me what it is, at an u/s, after amnio results or at birth!

It's not like we did ivf/pgd and selected the gender, ok, then I can see it's not a surprise!!! LOL :-)

[votre_ami03]

lol - I agree with you. I have had a few friends that were keeping it a surprise & then caved b/f the baby was born.

I can kind of see the flip side though, birth is a wonderful, emotional & amazing thing & it adds to the excitement, but no matter when you find out, it is still a SURPRISE!


Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030722/1/7/2/-7/.png

[lmariana]

Oh my goodness! I totally missed your announcement! Congratulations on "surprise #2"!!! What an exciting time!

I totally agree with your post by the way. Whether discovering the gender at the ultrasound or birth, it's still a surprise!


Mariana
www.heinzandmariana.com
Mother of Gabriel, 08/14/2003
Join the Babybags Swap group! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybags/join

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030814/1/5/0/-5/.png[/img] ([img)

[C99]

I think it's just hard to phrase that question.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I agree and while I respect everyones decisions I don't care to be made to feel like my event was not some awesome suprise. I've actually said this same thing before..when they tell me in the sono room it is telling me the same way I will be told in a labor room. Plus in labor I will be suprised with so many aspect of the delivery that I won't be lacking excitement I am certain.

You know what bugs me...I might get flamed but I hate when folks ask me what I am naming my child and then feel the need to tell me they aren't sharing their name that it will be a "suprise"...as if I am on pins and needles living for the birth of their child and the revealing of the name.
I guess it is in the tone that is said for sometimes I don't care but sometimes there is a tone to it like they are the only ones who have ever given birth and the world is living for their name announcement...just say "we don't know"...but to act like it is some hege secret from the world is weird to me.
Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL
* DOSSIER IN THE HANDS OF TRANSLATOR

http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[jbowman]

I hear you, Bonnie! I know everyone is different (and I completely respect those who choose to wait to find out), but I wanted to share my story.

Before I was PG, I thought I wouldn't want to know the sex of the baby. The minute I found out I was PG, I kept saying to my tummy, "who are you?"

I was dying to know (and so was my mom--when I was 16 weeks along we were shopping for clothes and all of the gender neutral stuff was driving her bananas. She said, "call your doctor and tell him that I want to know now!" I still laugh about that!).

So it was a huge, wonderful surprise when I found out that I was having a girl! Half of the PG was behind me, so I got to spend about 20 weeks not knowing and 21 (grrrrr-she was late!) knowing that I was expecting a girl. What a nice little gift to be given at the midpoint of PG! I don't regret finding out early (I mean we'll all find out eventually, LOL!).

I agree with Neve, too. The labor/delivery aspect is so exciting and surprising--I didn't need anymore surprises!

[aliceinwonderland]

NEVE! I so hear you! The way you put it is how I actually feel (and if that is evil, well, so it is!)

[Melanie]

While, we never asked/phrased it like that, we kept Ds' name a secret b/c we didn't want any commentary on it before he was born/named. We have family members and friends who probably would not have hesitated to share their opinions of names we'd chosen before birth, but thankfuly the type to keep their mouths shut after.

So that is why we did it. But I never said, "ooohh...it's a SURPRISE!" LOL.




>You know what bugs me...I might get flamed but I hate when
>folks ask me what I am naming my child and then feel the need
>to tell me they aren't sharing their name that it will be a
>"suprise"...as if I am on pins and needles living for the
>birth of their child and the revealing of the name.
>I guess it is in the tone that is said for sometimes I don't
>care but sometimes there is a tone to it like they are the
>only ones who have ever given birth and the world is living
>for their name announcement...just say "we don't know"...but
>to act like it is some hege secret from the world is weird to
>me.

[jubilee]

I am probably one of the odd ones, but while pregnant with Logan I wanted to find out the sex during the ultrasound and NOT tell my husband. Since it was his first baby, I wanted the higher drama of seeing his reaction at the birth. But he wouldn't let me keep the secret from him, he was at the ultrasound and refused to leave when we were looking at the private parts. I was disappointed he wouldn't be "surprised". Sure, like you said, we were both surprised during the ultrasound- but the drama at the birth is what we missed by finding out in advance. I think that is what people are expressing when they say you won't be "surprised". But even using that word (surprised) is kind of odd... how surprised can you be? There are only two options! :)

[mmaimp]

I agree that it’s a personal decision that no one else should comment on! When someone asks me what we’re having I answer, “ A BABY!” I think it gets on their nerves but it’s really none of their business if I find out or not. That being said we choose to not find out again because I have all the gender neural clothes from DS and can always add girl items after if I need them. It drives our family batty to not know but I think that is some of the enjoyment for DH and I.

I also don’t tell the name before hand. If someone asks me I just answer that I don’t know yet. We went to the hospital with a list of names last time but I knew that if it was a boy I would pick Anthony to honor my DH's late Grandfather but DH did not even know that! It was a wonderful moment in the delivery room.

[brubeck]

ITA Bonnie!

I always feel like people are being 'high and mighty' when they say that they don't want to find out the sex. They tend to say it in the manner of, "I'm a very patient person and _I_ can wait to find out.". Well guess what, I can exhibit patience too! But darn it, I WANTED to know the sex of my babeis ASAP. Don't put me down for it!!!!

***This is not meant to flame anyone specifically on this board who chose not to know the sex until birth, it is merely a reflection of the people I know IRL who made that choice.***

As for the name, we didn't want to tell people in advance in case we changed our minds (we did with DS about an hour after he was born) and because we didn't want any negative input (like we got when DH accidentally let DD's name slip to MIL before the birth). But what we said to others was that we hadn't decided yet. It was a nicer way to not give them an answer.

[Melanie]

Oh, I almost forgot a naming story! My friend's parents told their parents their baby's name was going to be X, or Y after "Uncle" Y. The grandparents were so excited they told "Uncle" Y. The parents picked X after the baby was born and went home. Found out about Uncle Y and ran back to change the baby's name on the birth certificate b/c they didn't want to hurt his feelings. LOL!!

[lizajane]

if i ask, i just ask, "did you decide to find out the gender" when they have had the ultrasound, or just before. (so that it doesn't mean, will you find out ever... specfically, will you find out via ultrasound. 'cause, duh, at some point they have to find out!)

i don't like it when people ask me if i am going to find out or if i did find out and then say, "oh, but why!?!" well... if you want to know... it is because i didn't want to freak out that my baby was a boy at delivery and have even one moment of disapointment because i was wishing for a girl. so yes, i am a terrible person and thank you very much for making me feel awful for being so compulsive and panicked about how i will feel about my child's gender. and for this baby, because i didn't want to buy new stuff when i didn't need to, because we already have boy stuff. but if i did get to buy pink stuff, then gosh darnit, i wanted to buy pink stuff!!!

i laugh when i say something about "him" or "schuyler's brother" and then people ask me, "oh, is it a boy??" um, no. we are calling a girl "schuyler's brother." ????????????

[sbjf]

>But even using that word (surprised) is kind of odd... how surprised can you be? There are only two options! >

LOL, that made me chuckle.

[sbjf]

Thanks a bunch Mariana!! We are definitely excited over here!

[sbjf]

You are right, it is just hard to phrase. Before I was in this situation I also used to refer to it like that. Then I realized that hey, I'm surprised whenever I find out!

[KrisM]

We decided to wait until the birth to find out. It was neat, since DH got to announce it to me. I liked that. But, I agree, it's a surprise whenever you find out.

People would ask me "are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl?". I'd answer that probably, sometime before Kindergarten, we'd check and see. I'm mean, duh, we'll know eventually.

We didn't share the name before, either. Mostly, it was so that DH and I could come to an agreement and choose what we wanted without getting people's reactions to it. Nobody is going to say bad things about a name when there is an actual baby there. But, plenty of people feel fine trashing a name when it's still a future baby.

[StaceyKim]

I TOTALLY agree!!! People said the same comments to me and it was annoying to listen to. I couldn't wait to tell my family and friends the sex after our 20 week u/s and it was just as special and a wonderful surprise each time. I just say how awesome it was to bond with my baby knowing what the sex was early on. I named both my babies at their 20 week u/s.

[jec2]

Same here. I KNOW there are people in my life who would comment one way or the other. I know I do. And, I find it hard to hide/disguise when I don't like somebody's choice of name. However, once the baby is there and I'm seeing or holding him/her "Herbert" or "Helga" doesn't seem so bad to me. Mostly I didn't want people thinking that they were invited into the naming game. As a result of us not revealing the name it limited their input which is what I wanted. I wanted our choice to be "ours."

[mamicka]

You know, I've always been a "will you find out or will you be surprised?" asker. I never thought about how it sounded to some people & I hope no one ever thought I was being rude. I'll have to find a better way to re-phrase. I've also always said that we'll wait to be surprised, but almost always explain that if I found out now & it was a girl, I wouldn't be able to stop shopping & that would be a very bad thing. So I would say that I don't want to find out now exactly because I have no willpower, not because I do.

Allison

[amp]

When someone asks me what we’re having I answer, “
>A BABY!”

This is EXACTLY the response we gave when I was pregnant with DS! We didn't want to know until he was born what gender he was and I loved doing it that way! We are in the think stages of what we want to do this time. I got my way last time and DH enjoyed the suspense right up until the end. This time I told him I'd be inclined to do it the same way, but that if he felt a burning need to know sooner, I would try to honor that. He hasn't made a true revelation on how he feels about it yet.

[8isenough]

Bonnie...it seems everyone is so quick to give you their opinion, especially when they weren't asked for it! :)
DH and I went half and half...every other pregnancy we left finding out the gender until the birth and the other half we went ahead and discovered it during the ultrasound. It is truly so personal a decision and certainly there is no right or wrong time to find out. If you found out with your first, maybe try something new this time around...whatever you decide, here's hoping for a healthy child.

[mamahill]

So, Neve, what are you naming her? I'd tell you mine, but it's a SURPRISE! Ugh, I hate that too. Not only am I spoiling the surprise (yeah, whatever) and finding out ahead of time (Nov. 19!), but we probably won't even decide what the name will be until I've held the baby, or at least SEEN the baby. But then, I could never keep a secret, so people will know our "pool" of names. I'm horrible with surprises.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I swear we don't know...but it is a toss up between Aynsleigh and Bronwyn. I wish I knew, if I knew I'd share it in a heart beat, but we honestly go back and forth between the two. Ansley is not popular here but lately when I share my names people say "Oh I know someone with that name" and suprisinlgy a gal I play Bunco with who has always been "Holly" to me said she is Ansley. Granted slight differing in pronounciation but it left me leaning more towards Bronwyn (Steve slightly leans towards Bronwyn)...but then a gal who I admire sooooo much said "you can't name her Bronwyn there is a funeral home in Raleigh called Brown-Wynn)...when I asked mom if she like Bronwyn she said "not particularily" (which doesn't suprise me in the least)...

I hope I don't decide while holding her...but I am wondering if it might boil down to that.

To be so opinionated it is odd I don't have much of an opinion between the two...

I Can't keep a secret either :)...

Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL
* DOSSIER IN THE HANDS OF TRANSLATOR

http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[Phoebe]

>You know, I've always been a "will you find out or will you
>be surprised?" asker.

Until I was announcing my first pregnancy, which was exactly four years ago, I didn't even know this was something people asked! So, the first few times it really caught me off guard. I'm sure I answered very smugly, "Oh, we're waiting for the blessed event to find out" ;)

>if I found out now & it was a girl, I wouldn't be
>able to stop shopping & that would be a very bad thing.

Isn't that the truth!


Phoebe,
Susan 4/01
David 6/03

[alicia67]

I realize this is the Bitching Post...but did you ever think that people are just trying to make conversation? I doubt that people are really looking down on you because you find out before the birth!

[sbjf]

I actually have never felt that people were looking down on me when asking me that question, it's just the actual semantics of how they phrase it that bugs me. I guess because I feel it is such a HUGE surprise to find out at the u/s and I'm already counting down the days till the big u/s, so when someone asks me, 'are you going to find out early or be surprised?' it just strikes me as very wrong now that I'm in the position myself. Before being pregnant I too used to phrase the question that way, now I don't because I can see that it's a pretty big surprise no matter when you find out.

[Jeanmick]

ITA w/ you about being annoyed if people got on our case about finding out early (which we did). Luckily, we never encountered reactions like that during both of the pregnancies and thus we were never bothered by the question of being "surprised" when asked. All friends, family members and even strangers who were curious were supportive of our choice.

[crayonblue]

I heard this exact phrase last week. "There are so few surprises in life so we wait to find out the gender of our babies." My MIL was asking a friend this question and this was how she answered. My friend glanced at me when she said it and my first thought was that she didn't want to offend me since I was itching from day one of pregnancy to find out the gender! I was plenty surprised at the ultrasound. I like things planned and prepared for and no way was I going to try to decorate a baby room not knowing what we were having. That's just me.

Next time I hear this I think I'll say that we were surprised- just 20 weeks early!

[sbjf]

When I hear that, "There are so few surprises in life so we wait to find out the gender of our babies.", that really annoys me. Hello...there are a LOT of surprises in MY life anyway! It was a surpise that I wouldn't get married till I was 32, it was a big surprise that I would have to deal with infertility for 2 years before getting pg, it was a surprise that that pg would end in m/c, it was a surprise that I got pg again so quickly right after the m/c, it was a surprise that that pg went well and produced a healthy boy and it was a surprise that I got pg 2 months post partum while breastfeeding full time! :-)

[crayonblue]

I agree! I have had plenty of surprises! I was plenty surprised that babies don't sleep all that much and that I would have an 11 month old who still wakes up a couple of times a night. I was planning to have a 6 week old who slept through the night! This has been enough of a surprise for me! In the hospital, I told my MIL, "You said all newborns do is sleep, eat, and poop! Well, mine cries a lot too!"

I do understand that waiting until delivery would be a different kind of surprise and very exciting.

This morning on The View, Elizabeth (who is pregnant) asked Angie Harmon if they found out the gender before her child was born and before she could answer Elizabeth said that she and her husband are going to be surprised. Then Angie kind of stuttered around trying to explain why they chose to find out. It is not something that needs to be justified!

[shamrock]

Oh that comment drove me nuts! Whenever you find out the sex of a baby it is a surprise. I had a coworker who just wouldn't let it rest. She kept going on and on about how wonderful it was to find out she had a niece there in the hospital waiting room. Like it would have been any less wonderful to have known 5 months earlier.

[StaceyKim]

I have heard that surprize comment so often :it is ridiculous.
Looking at that baby face for the first time is a huge surprize whether I know the sex or not!

[aemeric]

People just don't think before they say these things. My reply is I had three surprises. First, that I was pregnant. Second, at 14 weeks the US technician told us the baby is a boy. Third, at 20 weeks the US technician said "oops, the baby is a girl." LOL. And how funny for someone to say there are so few surprises. As children grow, they are an endless source of surprise and amazement!

April

[steph2003]

It has been enlightening reading everyone else's responses! I chose to find out at my 20 week u/s because I couldn't wait! I'm like a little kid!!!

I was excited either way & I was still excited after I found out "it" was a DS. I did encounter those who acted all hoity because they had chosen to do it the "old fashioned" way & wait until the atual birthday. Maybe they don't mean it that way but one mom to be actually said to me, we're just thankful either way - we don't care. It was like she was implying that because I found out at the u/s I wasn't thankful...that all I was thinking about was boy or girl & not that he/she was healthy. Well darnit, I WAS thankful & didn't care but that still didn't stop me from wanting to know day one boy or girl?! and I know with the 2nd I'll wanna know as soon as I can!

At the opposite end of the spectrum I totally respect those who would rather wait & I don't badger them or tell them why they need to find out sooner!

[lfp2n]

I found out definitively at 18 weeks after amnio- so I announced my pregnancy at that time to family and friends with 'I'm having a baby- its a girl'. After reeling from shock, I get a big lecture from my mum 'how could I do this, I ruined the childbirth experience, it won't be a surprise anymore!' Hello I'm 37 and having a baby- I think that's plenty surprising enough for anyone. She still doesn't agree on this one and thinks I lessened the experience, I guess we just have to agree to disagree.

Lucy DD 3/03

[C99]

My mom got pregnant with my sister at 40 (I was 15). In retrospect, I think the fact that she was pregnant was a major surprise. But I will say that the whole experience -- we knew that she was having a girl, we knew the name, and she had a scheduled induction b/c she had gestational diabetes so we knew the birthdate -- definitely influenced my decision not to try to find out the sex at U/S with Nate. To me, it felt like there wasn't really a lot of element of surprise in there, and that was why I wanted to wait. In no way do I look down on people who don't have that attitude, but that is was my explanation for waiting. I guess I just never really thought of it not being a surprise at U/S.

[mamarazzo]

"Are you going to find our the sex of the baby or are you going to be surprised?" - I think the only answer to this question is "Yes." ;-)

MR

[josephsmom]

My DH and I waited until birth to find out, and I had mixed feelings about it afterward. I was sorry we didn't decorate the nursery before the birth, because there was never enough time to get it just the way I would have wanted it. Also, after the birth, I didn't like using the gender-neutral clothes and blankets we'd bought beforehand; I wanted all-boy things! On the other hand, after a truly horrendous L&D, I really relished the sweet moment of watching DH's reaction to hearing, "It's a boy!," and watching the proud papa go shopping afterward for boy things. And, if I'm ever fortunate enough to get pg again, I think I'll wait again. After almost 3 years of buying boring boys' clothes, I think I'd bankrupt myself before the birth if I knew I was having a girl!!!


Helene
Mommy to Joseph, 12/29/01