Exp #2 and completely annoyed w/DH over his lack of willingness to step up

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

I have calmed down immensely in the last 24 hours but I need to vent. I am expecting baby #2 at the end of July. Right now I do everything for ds. Since I'm a SAHM DH feels like he brings in the money so when he is home it's his down time. It is really bugging me how little he does for ds. He doesn't do anything on his own for ds. He wants us to all be together on the weekends but often says "can you help me out here" if he is doing something and ds wants his attention, etc. I see it and think how do think I make my own breakfast, let the dog out, etc when I'm alone with ds??? Hello ever heard of multitasking. The latest thing that is making me lose it is the fact that since I'm having baby #2 via C-section I've been trying to prepare him to care for ds while I'm in the hospital. My orig understanding was that his sister a labor & del nurse would help him out while I was in the hospital. I expected that she would help him but he would still have to care for ds. The only time I asked him him to take off from work was a week around when I would be in the hospital so that he could be here for ds. I've been trying to involve in him ds' care so that he is prepared and all I get is push back. I've been feeling like he thinks he can "wing" it. I really want to gradually involve him so that it is easier for ds. I've also been working on altering ds' bed time routine so it will be easier for him to have someone else besides me put him to bed. He doesn't even change the kids diaper! I've been feeling so emotional about this whole situation and I thought it was being magnified by hormones but I noticed how calm I was this past week while DH traveled for work and he's back in the house for a few hours and I'm crying again. It made me realize that my emotion is from complete frustration. He gets annoyed that "we can't discuss anything without me crying". He just doesn't get it. He lives his life as he pleases going to the gym,etc. The latest thing that put me over the edge is after interviewing a new babysitter on Friday to start caring for ds now part time and then to help me for a few weeks full time while I recover, DH said to me "so she'll come and stay here while you're in the hospital". He was somewhat serious/somewhat joking. I was like you have to be kidding me. He said well she'll come really early and stay all day because even though I'll be off from work I'll still have to get stuff done. That was not my plan. I've been wanting to pin down what his & his sister's plan was but this lack of willlingness to assume responsibility during this time really pissed me off. I was hoping his sister based on her personality would help him but also make him do a lot for himself. Now I see him having the Sitter here full time (the likely candidate who will not see ds the 2 wks prior to my delivery for any significant time due to a class she is taking 9-5 those wks) and him off doing work, going out to the gym etc and just physically being present. He seemed to be able to have time to enjoy our vacation in May. UGH!! We haven't talked about this since Friday because frankly Friday night I was too upset to get into it & today I was busy. I may just write my feelings down so that he can read it and they can be expressed without me physically demonstrating the deep sadness/frustration that I'm feeling from this situation. I'm so disappointed in dh! It would also be nice to have a break from the bathing/bedtime routine for a night or two. I feel like if I go into that he will tell me to take it easier somewhere else and will balk at my plans to paint #2's room myself and other things that I want to do before child #2 comes. He always tells me to not go overboard when we have guests etc, to take it easy but how does he think things will get done. Well thanks for listening to my vent! If anyone has any tips on how to get dh more involved based on their own experiences I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[egfmba]

I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, especially at this point in your pregnancy. You're totally entitled to be angry, frustrated, and sad about all this stress!

My DH didn't catch on until I just stopped doing things. I mean everything. When he noticed how often I asked, "What are you buying for dinner?" instead of "What do you want for dinner?" he began to understand that I'm not some live-in maid. He finally started washing dishes and cleaning up and changing DS's diaper.

As for when he asks for help when your DS wants attention, maybe you could say, "No, I can't help you. DS wants his father, and that's you, not me. Since I'm not DS's father, you're on your own." It may make it clear to him that he's what your DS wants. Or, if you're really passive-aggressive (as I can be), play Cat's in the Cradle. You know, the Harry Chapin song about the distant father?

Anyhoo, I hope your DH steps up and that you find peace as your birth approaches. Hugs!

Eva

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[niccig]

Hugs Mama, you need it.

As for how I get DH to help, I hate to say it, but I normally have to totally lose it, become a screaming crying banshee, we have a huge fight, I storm off (to another room, outside, get in the car and go to the nearest starbucks for 2 hours - not kidding I really did this, he knew I was coming back, he just wasn't sure when). Once we calm down, then we talk. I wish I didn't have to have a meltdown, but I think he then realizes that I'm totally overwhelmed and things have to change. I know it's not the best communication style and I'm not recommending it, but since DS came along, it's what's worked. We do need to find another way to resolve our issues.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. DH and I were arguing pre-DS about having kids and I was worried about having to do it all, he get very upset and wrote me a long-letter explaining exactly how much he wanted a child and what he was wanting to do. It convinced me, and DS was conceived w/i a month. Mmmmm, I think I need to find that letter, good ammunition for the next time he's managing his fantasy sports team rather than helping out. But I do have to admit that DH gets up with DS every morning from about 6-6.30am, so I can sleep an extra hour or so - I am not a morning person - so maybe I need to cut him some slack on the fantasy sport.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you can get the message across that life as he knows it is OVER. Friends have told me that their DH really stepped up after DC#2, as there was no other choice. Hopefully, he gets the message too.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[chiqanita]

Oh momma, I'm sending a gentle hug your way and some positive thoughts.

Now about your DH, what a stinker! I don't have experience in this area but I feel for you. However, I do like to write everything down in a journal ever since my twins were born. I use it as a way to track our days and their development to appointments and illnesses. So...

I suggest you get some kind of journal...a notebook or something that DH won't mind handling. Devote a page for DS's: Daily routine, Favorite Toys, Favorite Foods, How to comfort DS when he's unhappy/having a hard day, Emergencies, etc... Label the front with DS's name in huge letters, colorful, too. Keep it somewhere you know DH will see it. Read it out loud when he's in the room. If he won't devote some time now to learning what he needs to learn about caring for his child while momma's recuperating then maybe he'll turn to your How To Journal later. I would also call SIL and thank her for offering to come over to care for DS while you are in the hospital. You can tell her about the journal, too.

Good luck and try to stay positive for you and your two babies.

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[kedss]

I agree with the PP, writing a journal for DH for what your day is like is a good idea. Maybe stick little post it notes all over the house in the coming weeks so he knows where things are. Definitely get him to start changing diapers. I would talk to his sister and make a plan with her, I would NOT leave it up to DH, the sitter is not an option for him.

I would try to write things out for yourself, what you want to say to him, then be straight to the point without tears and explain how important this is to you that he starts doing his share.

Big hugs, mama!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[elephantmeg]

This would TOTALLY be us if I hadn't gone back to work. I/we had decided on my working 3pm-11pm so that DS wouldn't have to be at the baby sitter's much. Well, DH basically did no baby care until I started back to work but now does 2-3 nights a week and is slowly getting better at it. Not enjoying it but getting better. LOL, the quote from last week was "how do you do it all day?, he screams". No kidding. But I won't start on the discussion we had last night about his non-involvement Saturday at my BIL's wedding. I was essentially a single (nursing) mom in a strapless dress. Loads of fun!

Hang in there!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[jacksmomtobe]

Thanks for everyone's supportive messages. They really made me feel better. DH is traveling for the next few days so I will try to get my thoughts together so we can discuss the situation. My C-section date was set today so I feel I know better what I'm dealing with time wise. I had hoped to see my SIL this weekend but the plans fell through. I did leave her a message today about the C-section date and since she is a L&D nurse I'm sure I'll hear back from her tomorrow. Maybe we can work out a solid plan now that I know the delivery date and when help is needed for dh. A big part of me wanted him to have to deal with ds' care so that he could see how tough it is to be in my shoes. A lot of times he says what a great Mom I am but I don't think he gets how busy I am each day and how tiring ds can be at times. Also thanks for the journal idea. I had in passing thought about writing some stuff down for the new Sitter but it makes even more sense to document ds's habits,routine, etc. as a reference for DH. I just want the time that I'm in the hospital to be as painless as possible for my little guy.

Thanks!

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[khalloc]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but just stop letting him act the way he is acting. Its his kid too, MAKE him take care of your DS. I d most of the work for my DD but my DH does help out quite a bit too. He changes diapers, watches her in the mornings while I shower & get ready for work, takes her for some time in the evening while I do stuff for me, etc...If I were you I would give your DH a good kick in the ass. Who does he think he is??

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[firstbaby]

I could have written a lot of your posts as far as the division of labor in my house. The closer to the end of this pregnancy I got, I learned a very valuable lesson - whoever flinched first, lost. :) Meaning, if DS woke up early one morning, I would not jump out of bed - I would wait for DH to get him. If we had to eat on paper plates because the dishwasher was not magically loaded and run, tough. If DS needed a fresh diaper while we were out, I asked DH where he packed the diapers (I always made sure I had grabbed some). DH learned a lot about HOW to be helpful and that there were some basic things he could do in caring for DS. DH has always been an engaged father, but he left all of the household / child care big issues to me. Now, he is much better and it only took a few short weeks :) Good luck!!!

One other thought - I am always telling DH that the day I stop trying to communicate my frustrations or desires to improve our relationship, is the day he should start to worry about us. Maybe making that point to your DH will make him realize you are just looking for a partner in this which is NOT too much to ask.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[lizajane]

i think writing out a daily schedule is a great idea. and making lists of things like what he likes to eat, what get can't eat, what will happen if he is late for his nap, etc would also be a good idea. i did this when my parents were going to watch DS1 while i was in the hospital. i think they all teased me behind my back at first. but then they all got into this frenzy (the other grandparents were here, too) about what to feed him for breakfast and FINALLY my dad just got out the list and made him some food. so i think they realized they DID need the info and i am NOT just crazy!

my DH does help and he does do diapers, bedtime, etc. BUT i still do not get ENOUGH help from him. i have had to just stop doing it all. i CAN'T do it all. i am sorry to say that he (and maybe even you) is in for a BIG surprise. you simply CANNOT do it all and take care of two kids. there is no more naptime/free time when you can clean or prepare dinner, etc. there is no more running out to the store with one kid to get some last minute groceries, etc. you will have one asleep and one awake or one screaming and the other whining. or one who demands to be held and the other who is starving... not to be scary!!!!! but it is just a fact. in my house, IF i make dinner, ONE of my children will scream the entire time i am cooking. it is just plain fact. 5pm is a very bad time for my kids. so many days now i just open some soup and heat it up and sit down and eat it with the kids. and when dh walks in an hour late, he has missed dinner and that is just TOO bad. when he tells me he will be home BY 5:30 and he gets here at 6:05, TOO BAD. dinner is at 5:30. period. and if that means we have frozen waffles for dinner, then we have frozen waffles. and if there are no more left when he gets here, then he eats cereal.

the sitter is an AMAZING idea and it is wonderful that you can afford the help. that isn't something we can do right now. but if you can, hire a maid to come once of twice/month. look into the prepared meal services or the places where you make a bunch of food all at once and freeze it. if you can afford help, GET IT. don't count on him to change right away, just find a way to take care of yourself.

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[billysmommy]

One thing that really helps us (I learned it from a mama here) is me asking him. I used to expect him to just know what I needed for help and get frustrated when he didn't, now I'll ask him specifically for help but still give him a choice. Examples, Do you want to clear the table and empty the dishwasher or give Billy his bath? Do you want to put Billy to bed or entertain (ie keep from crying) Benjamin?

It is amazing how well this works. I feel good because I am getting help and he doesn't feel frustrated/resentful that I am telling him what to do because he gets his choice. We also each have one night a week where the other one is totally in charge and does the cooking (or ordering), cleaning up and bedtime. It is nice to have one night to look forward to :)

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[mommy111]

Kim, Can you just show him this post? It may make him understand how sad/frustrated/powerless you are feeling and what a wonderful wife you are and that, really, he is expecting too much of you and shouldering too little of the responsibility, especially now when you will be away.
Good luck with DC#2, I hope you are able to enjoy the arrival of your new addition without worrying about what's going on at home!

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[jacksmomtobe]

Some random thoughts on all the postings...

Lori I like your idea of giving him a choice of what to do rather than telling him. I think that will be more successful with dh's personality.

I know I need to communicate how I am feeling. At this point I really think dh has no idea. We both think very differently. In speaking with a friend over the weekend she said that she realizes that the times that most frustrate her with her significant other are because she assumes he knows what she is expecting. She found that if she communicated her expectations then he had a better chance of meeting those expectations.

I can tell you that I could not not do things. Having things disorganized around here would drive me crazy and I'm not sure dh would get it. DH does tell me to relax but for me until certain bare minimum of things are done each day I just can't relax. One major difference between dh and myself is that I really like to do things for myself whereas dh would turn to the option of hiring people to do things for him. I have just started up again having cleaners come once a month. I was glad with the job they've done but it is a hassle for me to be out of the house while they do their job so more than once a month would outweigh the inconvenience in my mind. I also prefer to care for my children myself. Not that I'm against having a babysitter because that will definitely be a lifesaver while I'm recovering and I do like having time when I know I can get things done where I don't have to drag ds along. I just would never be the type with a full time Nanny ( and not be working). I think raising children is such an important job and I feel if its feasible for parents they should be the primary caretakers. And that statement is not to fault those who cannot financially have that option or choose to work but for me esp since I'm an older Mom who has had a career, raising my child is a more important job than I could do outside the home. I guess I really feel strongly that the week I'm in the hospital he should be the one taking care of ds not someone else.

Also some dynamics that play into our situation are the fact that dh travels a lot for his job and often comes home around 7-7:30 when he is not traveling. He likes to go to bed early so that doesn't leave him too much time to do much during the week nor does it leave much time to take part in ds's nightly routine. The mornings are fine..well at least for now. I have a really workable routine with ds. DS is very easy going and will busy himself while I take a shower. DS typically comes to snuggle with me if he gets up earlier than normal and his normal wake up time is around 7 am which is fine with me. Don't get me wrong dh loves ds and wants to spend time with us all weekend long. He doesn't really understand how much I would enjoy some time to myself..not that I've communicated that..but he feels like he doesn't see me that much during the week and in a way takes it extremely personally if I don't want us all to do something. Frankly during the week when he is not traveling a lot of times I just want to read my book by the time he gets home.

A friend asked me today why I think dh is the way he is. I couldn't really come up with an answer. Some of it is that we fell into our roles. It's not like dh doesn't do anything. He often cooks on the weekend and picks up stuff during the week for dinner. He will wash dishes after dinner or during the weekend. He also takes care of the dog which was my role prior to ds. I think he just doesn't get how much is involved in caring for a child and thinks that I have a lot of "free" time. I am able to accomplish a lot due to the fact that ds is so easygoing and flexible. One thing that played into our roles is the fact that I breastfed ds. I had issues with pumping and then got so little production when I finally figured out the problem with the pump then dh fell playing hockey and broke 4 ribs & punctured his lung so my pumping time disappeared (I had to be out walking the dog, etc because we lived in a condo at the time). Thus there was no real opportunity for dh to feed ds a bottle which emphasized my role as primary caretaker early on. I think in a lot of ways dh feels excluded because ds and I have such a close bond. Until recently ds was always wanting Momma 100% of the time. I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out. I think it would be eye opening for him. Plus I feel that taking care of a child gets easier the more you do it. The more times you feed them, the more times you deal with an episode of crying etec the better you understand the child. I remember being a new Mom and how daunting the simplest things were.

I'm going to try to put my feelings in writing while dh is traveling the next few days to make him understand that there are real feelings and emotions causing me to react emotionally ..not that I'm just hormonal. His sister called today and left me a message saying that she wanted to catch up to see what she can do before, after the baby etc to help. I really think it would be beneficial for her to help him for part of the time I'm in the hospital because she is no bs and would make him do things for himself but help him on how to do things if he needs it. If we have a Sitter here then that just won't happen due to the balance of power. The Sitter won't tell him what to do and he wouldn't ask for a Sitter's help on how to do things.

I'll let you all know how things progress. Thanks again for the support.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[american_mama]

>>> I really wanted the time that I'm in the hospital with #2 to force dh to step into my shoes a bit so he could have a better understanding of what I do day in and day out.

Oh, I fantasized about the same thing when DD2 came along, but it didn't happen. First, of all, a few days (max) in the hospital will not compare to being with a child day in and day out. Second, they will spend a lot of time visiting you. Third, your child may be more subdued at home without entertaining mom at home. Love how they save that docile behavior for dad. Fourth, my DH takes major shortcuts when caring for our girls (pizza for dinner, videos for entertainment, no fruit or vegetable or baths or laundry or bedtime stories.) As an example, I was in the hospital a week with DD2 and my older daughter wore the exact same clothes every day.

Sadly, I went away for a week for my grandma's funeral and left DH with DD1. It appeared, from all reports, to be an exceptionally easy week. Made me mad! I would love to hear DH say sometime that he doesn't know how I do it, but I doubt I ever will because he'll never do it as completely or continuously.

[jacksmomtobe]

Just wanted to let you know that all turned out ok. Baby Caroline decided to arrive a few days earlier than scheduled. Once my water broke I freaked at first then I finally documented things he needed to know about Jack and let it go at that. We ended up having Dh's sister come be with Jack while I was delivering and she kept ds overnight the first night. I was a little annoyed at that. She offered and dh felt he needed his sleep though I felt DS needed his Daddy. As it turned out DS was very distracted by being with his older cousins. The only meltdown occurred at the same point I decided to call (ds didn't know I was on the phone). I got to hear him screaming "I want my Mommy". :( Oldest cousin said his Mom was busy and would call me the next day. SIL called back later that night to say ds was ok and just crashed. DS had a bumpy few days being without Mommy (I had a C-section) but survived. DH did have to deal with DS being upset when he had to leave me when they came to see me in the hospital. DH did have the Sitter come over a few hours each day due to some work commitments but was basically able to cover DS's needs. I even had to throw DH a curve ball where he had to get the car seats installed (DH is not handy and I normally do it and then have it checked which I planned to do the day dd decided to arrive). He also had a big deadline at work and managed to survive both. Unfortunately DS prefers Mommy doing all for him so I'm still doing the bulk of the work. Not even the Sitter could change his poopy diapers. Luckily recovery was so much easier this time! We've had the Sitter here full time though that hasn't worked out completely as planned but it's gotten us through. This week I'll have the Sitter for a few days then will go it on my own until our regular Sitter returns to school and will help a few mornings. DH has gotten more responsibilities at work (happened right around DD's birth) and will be traveling more. He was a bit of a big baby that his promotion at work was not recognized but got better after I got him a Congrats card. Guess he will never be the Dad who helps out all of the time luckily he has a good heart and other positive qualities though if he could only not go deaf with DD cries!