My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[elliput]

I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

In my book, you did the right thing.

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[goodnightmoon]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you're upset. :( I don't have any experience with anyone who is bipolar, so I do not know what is appropriate, acceptable, etc., but it sounds like your SD needs to take some ownership for her actions and grow up.

Laura
mommy to Eva Marie 2/16/05

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[buddyleebaby]

Hugs, Susan. It sounds like you care very much and your dh is lucky to have you. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change her behavior.
I haven't blamed my parents for anything since I moved out of the house at 17. I am an adult, I make my own choices (good or bad) and I have to face the consequences.
Your step-daughter sounds like she either needs to talk her issues with her father out, or let them go altogether. the way she is dealing with her anger is not helpful to anyone, including her.
That said, none of that should be on your head. all you should worry about is loving your dh to the best of your ability. It's up to the two of them to work out their issues.

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[nicoleandjackson]

(((Hugs, mama!)))

I'm glad you got some things off your chest. It doesn't sound like she is ready (or able?) to take control of her life. Our family is in a similar situation where my sister is disrespectful of my stepmother in ways that range from subtle to blow-your-hair-back aggression. The only advice I have is for you to manage your expectations of her--it seems from your post that your DH is able to do that to some degree, and now that you've vented to her, you can only hope that 1) she actually "heard" you, and 2) that she takes some or all of it to heart.

I understand you that it's terribly difficult to watch someone hurt the one(s) you love. I hope you guys can find some peace with this, or that her attitude turns around soon.

Nicole
Mommy of Jackson 4/30/02

http://b5.lilypie.com/nD9Jm5.png

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[dules]

I'm sorry. That's a terribly hard situation. I don't know if it's realistic to expect her to show up at baby showers or actually give a gift to her dad or do any of the things that you might expect someone to do, though, given her disease and the way it manifests in her (the car towing comes to mind as an example).

Have you and/or DH sought counseling? It might help to talk with a neutral third party to help you (or you both)find ways to cope.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Best,
Mary

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[Queensgirl]

What a sad and stressful situation. It must be very difficult for you to witness her actions (or lack of). You spoke your mind, so at least you were able to have your say.

Mental illness is very difficult to deal with- I say this not to excuse her behavior, but remember her "logic" is very different from yours and others who are not bipolar.
She may never change, and if she's consistently taking her meds, well, then, this may be as good as it gets. Her issues with her dad are just that-and if he's dealing with them and not getting upset at your reaction (or hers) then don't feel bad and leave it at that.

Obviously, she has a great deal of resentment (which may be worsened by her condition). Unfortunately, some people don't change or become "wiser" as they age. I would say that is even more apparent with someone who has a mental illness. She may not be able to control or express certain feelings/emotions and take responsibility. Or she may use her condition as a crutch. I hate to sound redundant-but don't expect much from her.

I wish you and your family all the best- seems like your DH is very understanding.

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[mamato1]

Susan-

Bi-polar is a legitimate mental disorder that can be managed with medication and therapy. It is neither an excuse to be rude and inconsiderate nor an excuse to not take care of oneself. If she wants to be better, she can be. I am not saying her situation is not rough. I am sure it is a terrible burden and challenge that she has to face everyday. But, that is not license to act the way you have described. I think you were well within appropriate boundaries to call her out for what she has done.

Hang in there. A good friend of mine has bi-polar and has recommended a book to me for my bi-polar student's parents. I can not personally vouch for it, but she is ususally spot on with her recommendations. Here is the Amazon link to it. http://tinyurl.com/kyho3

HTH
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04


http://b3.lilypie.com/FnI6m5/.png

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[KBecks]

Well, I think it's time to revisit the suggestion to let go of a lot of the judgement.

The relationship is between your DH and his daughter. What you think of how she treats him isn't really that important. It matters how he feels about how she treats him. He may be just delighted to see his daughter on Father's day and not care one bit about the bill.

I think you are coming across to her as very negative, and it's only going to strain her relationship with her dad further if you are being judgemental. Think what you want about the situation, maybe discuss your hurt with your DH, but otherwise, keep it to yourself and let him handle it. It will hurt your DH *more* if your negative comments result in step-daughter spending less time with DH because of *you* laying the guilt on her, which I think is a fair assessment of what happened.

Your husband doesn't need you looking out for his feelings, I think he's an adult and he can manage just fine. ETA: and as step-mom your rights to lecture step-kids are *very* limited, if they even exist at all. This is not your business, IMO.

As for the baby shower, I think that she probably just doesn't care about having a new step-sibling. The child is important to you and yoru DH, but there's not much in common for her to share with the step-sib. You can feel it's disrespectful, but what's the point of trying to force something? Your daughter will have plenty of people who love her, and perhaps over time, a relationship will grow between them, but if you try and force it, it's just going to cause hard feelings and seem like you're meddling and trying to control everything.

Take care, I imagine the feelings and disappointments you feel are hard. You're right in stating it's not your fight to have, so do your best to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, who pays for dinner on Father's Day is extremely unimportant.

ETA#2 -- Also, with the birthday coming up, she has had good intentions, but bad follow-through. By your comments, your message seemed to be that she's going to fail this year because she failed in the past. Not very encouraging at all. You may have killed her motivation to try now. Is that how your DH wants you to treat his DD? I think it would be a more loving act to your DH to encourage her to succeed, give positive reinforcement, assist if you can get away with it, and live with it if it doesn't work out. A gift to your DH would be to try and love and understand his DD the way she is, emphasize the positive, whatever you can find, and don't dwell on all the negatives, because your dislike of her just puts him between two people he loves and cares about -- that's a tough place. If you can't let go of your resentment for her, then do it for him.

BTW, I think you and your DH were perfect to stop paying for school. She's an adult and can take care of herself. Also, I understand that weight gain is a possible side effect of the bipolar meds. I had a friend who experienced that too.

Sorry, it's always hard to hear. Hang in there.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[stella]

Sorry Susan - and big hugs...

I have never gotten the result I wanted when I have told someone that they should be more (insert quality here) grateful, responsible, thoughtful, appreciative, etc.

In fact, we had a big family blow-up when I told my younger brother he needed to be more appreciative of what our mom was doing for him. It caused a LOT of hard feelings.

I just generally don't find that venting my frustrations at that person is ever very helpful and if they have an emotional disorder, such as bipolar...it's probably less helpful.

But I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I can see that you love your dh an awful lot and that you are hurt for him, but he loves her anyway and these kinds of issues have to be between them.

I'm sorry.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Thanks Kbecks, you really know how to kick someone when they are down.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[megs4413]

Hugs Susan! It's hard to watch someone you love be hurt over and over.....

IMO, there is no age for growing up really, but there certainly is a life requirement for it! At some point everyone's life requires that they grow up (okay not adam sandler's ; )) but some people don't step up and hold themselves accountable for their own actions....maybe your talk was the prod she needed to grow the .... up and take responsibility for herself....

i would have been very hurt, too, if my s-d had not attended my baby shower and I couldn't have sat idly by for long if I was dealing with someone like this! be strong...and make sure you take care of your relationship with Dh...you dont' want to put her between the two of you!

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

I'm sorry--have you ever been a stepmother or a stepdaughter? I don't see how Susan isn't allowed to have feelings just because she's the stepmother. I would hope if someone were treating my dad like crap, my stepmother (yes, I have one! for 26 years now!) would step up and say something. Because my dad would not stand up for himself and would instead turn it into blaming himself somehow, and she knows that. If someone treated your husband like dirt, would you just sit there silently and suck it up?

Nothing my stepmother could say to me would keep me away from my father. I would see him separately if need be, but blaming any disintegration of the father-daughter relationship on Susan is entirely out of place. The daughter is TWENTY-NINE; we're not talking about some twelve-year-old here.

Susan, I'm sorry your step-daughter is hurting you and your husband. My mom and her late husband had problems with his daughter before he died. She was stealing money from him (supposedly tuition money but she never enrolled or would enroll and drop courses to get the refund) while he was dying of cancer. She never pulled her head out of her butt and broke her dad's heart because of it. I hope that your SD gets treatment and learns to appreciate her father at least.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[KBecks]

Sorry, if it's not useful, then ignore. Just trying to look at it from another angle, ETA: and meant it in a way that might be helpful.

It does sound to me like you have very negative feelings toward the step-daughter overall. But what do I know?

Perhaps it's just a vent and you really are loving and nice to her and *she* is an ungrateful b*tch. I just think there's two sides to everything.

I still think that who pays for dinner is no biggie. Getting too caught up in those details is usually unproductive and depressing.

Anyway, sorry if it hurt, just ignore.

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[pb&j]

Hugs, Susan. You absolutely have every right to be open with your stepdaughter about how she makes you feel. Your DH has his own relationship with her, but you are the mother of her sister, and the wife of her father, not just a bystander. Her mental illness may make her unable to follow through on commitments in her life. However, it shouldn't mean that her actions have no consequences.

I've never walked in your shoes, but it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can.


-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/32812.gif
http://b1.lilypie.com/aKGqm5/.png[/img] ([img)

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Nope, I'm not a stepmom or a stepdaughter, but I have been in relationships with people and observed the dynamics.

If someone treated my DH badly, I'd expect him to deal with it himself. Of course I would feel bad for him and comfort him if he needed to vent and talk about it, and I would be supportive. But I wouldn't go and get in the middle.

I think that a dinner bill is no big deal. Now if she handed the card and then demanded a new car, that's something else entirely. I think the step-daughter was trying to make an effort for the birthday,whether she would be successful or not, and Susan kind of shot her down on it. (ETA: I think the daughter also *tried* for Father's Day, but it was not acceptable to Susan.) I think it would have been nicer to say something *encouraging* about the birthday plans - like that's great, I know how much DH would love to spend time with you that day, it's really important to him. Then try to have DH and SD connect before the birthday to make specific plans in case she forgets.

Now, just giving that as an example of a way to be more positive. It's very difficult when you're actually dealing with the emotions of hurt and anger towards someone you've labeled as ungrateful and hopeless, so it would take some real effort to try and be more positive.

I'm not saying the relationship is not good because of Susan - the father daughter realtionship may be mostly OK; I'm saying that Susan's actions don't look like they're very welcoming towards SD.

I still say, take any good you can find, reinforce the positive, and try to minimize and forgive the negatives as best you can. Holding onto anger over a dinner bill is just not useful, and it's kind of petty, IMO. I hope Susan can get over some of the hurts rather than hanging onto them and try to move on with step-daughter with emphasis on finding the positives and making the best of it.

If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil. Ignore if it's not useful, but I meant it to be food for thought, and not in any way to put down Susan. I'm giving suggestions for the future that I think may help Susan, her DH and her SD. But I'm just an internet poster, so what do I know? Maybe I've got it all wrong.

ETA#2: I'm a big believer in the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself and your reactions. So that's very much where I'm coming from. I think if Susan chose to treat her SD with more positive energy, she would definitely be the *bigger person* in the relationship. Perhaps the SD doesn't *deserve* to be treated nicer or hasn't *earned* Susan's respect yet, but it's something that Susan could try that could possibly help. I think that loving (or even *trying* to love) those that are hard-to-love is a great gift that requires a lot of patience and selflessness. And it's super-hard to do.

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[KBecks]

Susan,

I just wanted to say again, I'm sorry if my posts have hurt you. You seem to be in an emotionally raw place and so the advice may not be what you need right now..... maybe all you need is validation of your feelings and that it sucks to have to deal with a family member who continually disappoints you. It *does* suck, I am sorry you are going through it.



That said, I'm going to offer one last thought for something you might want to try..... if you want Step-daughter to get over some of her old issues and hurts with how DH raised her, you could set a good example by getting over the baby shower.

I feel bad that you had the "ugly exchange" with the step-daughter -- I feel bad for both of you and what your family is going through.

Also, I know a woman in my DH's family (his aunt that we rarely see) who has been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. into her 50's now. I hope that's not what you have to deal with, but it's possible that the step-daughter won't ever meet up to your hopes for what the relationship should be. I do think it's perfectly appropriate for you to grieve and to feel that hurt and disappointment, but I do think it might be helpful for you to get those feelings out and over with, and then just take each day as best you can, rather than dwelling on or focusing on the hurt.

*hugs* (If you want them from a jerk like me!) :)

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. Family stuff is just so hard. But you are coming at it from the perspective that you love your husband and your family, and do not particularly enjoy seeing them get hurt, frequently and consistently. I do not think anyone can blame you for that!!

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[kedss]

Big hugs, Susan. In your position, I would have talked to her too, and told her how you feel. It may not make things better, but at least you were honest with her, there is no reason for you not to be honest with her.

Sometimes it takes a long for people to recognize when they are screwing up their lives and that their parents have very little to do with it.

As far as your stepdaughter's involvement with your children, I'm not sure I would want her that involved if it isn't something she can commit to without feeling resentment.

Big hugs

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Moneypenny]

I just want to ditto everything Ry said. She summed it up perfectly. You DO have a right to let family members know how you feel about their behaviors and a mental illness does not totally excuse poor behavior. From how you describe the situation it sounds like the best you can do is tell her how you feel but then accept that there is nothing more you can do than share your feelings with her.

Hugs to you!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[janeybwild]

Susan, so sorry you are dealing with this yet again. It’s never ending isn’t it? Our family has my half sister to deal with, who shows some of the hurtful and thoughtless behaviors and actions you describe. She is 43, and I have come to the realization that nothing I say will magically make her see the light. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to intercede on my parent’s behalf with my sister, only to have it make things worse. I definitely don't have a solution, but I do have hugs for you. You are absolutely allowed to be royally PO'd, probably more so because your DH can't be. Hugs to you.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[karolyp]

Susan I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to offer you hugs as well. I can't even imagine going through that and I am just so sorry to hear these problems are coming up again.

Please take care mama.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[boolady]

ITA. You are NOT a bystander, this affects your life, your kids' lives, and your husband's life. You are a family- she is part of it, and so are you. You can't parcel that out into separate little mini-relationships and say that some are your business and some are not.

In the short time I've been on these boards, your love and affection for your family has come through loud and clear to me. No one wants to see anyone they love hurting. I will be thinking of you and your family as you try to sort it all out.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[Vajrastorm]

Susan, Kbecks has given you excellent advice. I know it isn't what you want to hear. I know that you feel angry and hurt at your stepdaughter. But if you ever want to have any kind of peace with your situation, you need to let go of your expectations and anger. All you can do is set your own boundaries. You cannot make her be the person you want her to be. She will never be that person.

Best of luck.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Good advice offered in an unkind, and repeatedly scathing fashion is worthless.

Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[octmom]

Huge, huge (((hugs))), Susan. I'm sorry you are in the middle of *all* of this.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[Bethann31]

Susan,
I am so sorry that you have been put in such a difficult position. It is far too easy for people to give "tough love" advice when they have no knowledge or understanding of a situation. I will not hijack your thread with my own problems, but my life often resembles a combination of the show "REBA" and the movie "Single White Female." I have great deal of difficulty dealing with her and I'm often not very nice. I have been soundly criticized by people on this very board for telling this person how I feel, or just plain not being nice to her. I have been told that my life would be so much easier if I just got along with her. Trouble is, none of these people had met her IRL. When people see her and how she "takes over" and treats me, all of a sudden things change. Then I get a hug and a "I had no idea how bad it really is." Clearly, some people here have no idea how bad it can be for your family.

All of this to say, Hang in there, Susan. Don't keep it to yourself. Vent to your husband. Make sure he knows that her treatment of him and your family is hurting all of you. Keep telling her how you feel, if you need to. Your family has to be your top priority. You don't want your younger children to see how their half-sister treats their dad, and come to believe that is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable behavior and she needs to be called on it. She sets an example every time she is around them. I do hope you get the support you need from your husband, though.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)

[pritchettzoo]

>If this is harsh, sorry. I guess I must have listened to too
>much Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil.

That may explain it. It would be hard to find bigger horses asses than those two.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03) and Eli (July '05)