DH Doesn't Want More Kids (long)

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[mommyoftwo]

Well, I in the same position kinda. DH always said he only wanted two kids but if we ended up with three on accident he could live with that. But he really only wanted two. Then we were told due to my incredibly difficult pregnancies (I have severe hyperemesis) that it would not be safe to have any more children of our own and I had a tubal done during my c-section. Suddenly when it became a permanent thing he realized that he really wasn't ready to be done. Now of course we can't have any more of our own, but we are planning on adopting once my DH is done with his residency (4 more years, sigh). I don't know how this helps you exactly except to say that when things become permanent then you realize your true feelings about something. Maybe you can figure out a way to discern his true feelings somehow.

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[newnana]

Oh I feel for you, momma. We were down in the basement clearing out some space in the storage area over the winter. DH asked me what the stack of containers was that I was standing next to. When I replied that they were the clothes that DD had grown out of he looked puzzled. At about the same time he was asking me why we were keeping them, he blanched with the realization that they were for any future DC's. Literally he looked like he was going to throw up. We only have one. DD is a really easy child, I can't imagine his reaction if she wasn't.

I broke down on the spot. Heck, as they were stitching me up from having her I said I was ready to do it again and have meant it ever since.

That night we had a terrible fight. For the first time ever we went to bed with the issue unresolved. It lasted for weeks until finally he came to me and said that it took him that long to realize that the issue wasn't (quite) as much having another child, but all that we'd need to line up for that to happen: a bigger house, I would need a different job, he's getting older (he can't sell me on that one, he's 33) and doesn't want to be an old dad, all his friends say that 2 is much harder than one, if we need a bigger house we need a down payment and we'd need to start saving and the expense of a second child, and, and, and... In other words, the idea put him in full freak out mode.

I may have blinked twice before I calmly told him to take a breath. Then I proceeded to explain that while I want more kids, it didn't necessarily mean today and that I needed a few changes from him before I'd be willing to have more with him (he's an amazing father, but I'm uber-critical). While I'm looking for a different job (need to not work the insane hours I do or have the incessant risk of travel) I would need a little time to get established in my new job before having #2. If I have a new job, I don't need my office in the house and that could be #2's bedroom.

Then I told him what I thought was a potential plan. Right now we make double payments on everything: car, home, student loans, etc. Let's stop making double payments and defer all that extra cash to a high yield account. Let's set a date to discuss this rationally then (we picked September, wish me luck). That gave us 6 months to work on a down payment and me to work on another job. If at the end of 6 months we decide to have #2, we can either use that money on a bigger house or do a few things to this house, or fix my office up to another nursery and put all the rest of the money back into the accounts they would have otherwise been in.

Instant calm. He then said that we were partners in this marriage and why the heck hadn't he talked to me sooner. We've followed the plan and a month ago he said that if we had a daughter he'd like to name her "Aubrey." Inside I felt like I was on the best roller coaster ever, outside I very calmly said that that sounded great and never mentioned it again.


VERY long story short, you just have to find a way to get him to open up. Good luck,
Michelle

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[Raidra]

I convinced my husband to sit down and talk with me last night, and I did make a bit of progress towards getting him to open up. He said that most of the reason why he doesn't want more kids is that he grew up in a very small family and thought that was fine, and what he prefers. I tried asking him in a variety of ways what was bad about having another kid, and I really couldn't get him to come up with anything. I asked him to list the pros and cons of having a small family, and he couldn't come up with anything that way, either. I tried giving him a few examples, thinking that might help get him going, and he just said, "Yeah, like that." Ugh. When I gave him a few examples of things he might be worried about when considering a third kid, he said, "Yeah, I guess I'm worried about that stuff a little." He said that the main thing is that he hasn't been able to really think through all the possible ups and downs of having another. So.. maybe he just needs to think things through.

I'm a totally impatient person, and I hate having things unresolved. I don't mind if he takes a week or two to think about it, but I'd really like it if he'd let me know that he was actively thinking about it, and maybe even include me in his thought processes. He tends to totally forget about things if I don't remind him, so I'm afraid that if I don't bring it up for a week or two, he won't have given it any more thought.

He asked why I was all of a sudden really into having another kid, and I said that it's not even that I want a baby right now, but I want to know when we're going to TTC or start the adoption process, so I can start planning, researching, etc. If I know we're going to TTC in 6 months, then I'll be a lot more motivated to save up every penny and lose weight, whereas if we had a vague goal of TTC sometime in the next two or three years, I won't (don't) feel motivated at all. I just wish he could give me a definitive answer. :(

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[babystuffbuff]

Oh, Rachel. Big hugs to you. I don't know if this will help, since it's not exactly the same scenario, but I just went through something like this with my husband a little while ago, trying to get him to talk about TTC baby #1. Every time I would bring up the subject, he would go balistic. He wouldn't talk about it at all, except to read me a laundry list of reasons why it was a bad idea. He never said he doesn't want kids, since I know that would be a lie, but he always said "Maybe in five or six years we can think about it".

I was reading in a book (The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, I think) that some men tend to get very hung up on the financial aspects - they want to wait until they have a big house with a huge yard, zero debt, five years' worth of savings, etc. That is totally how my husband is. But that isn't our reality. We live in a city with sky-high housing costs, and we both have student loans. If we waited until we could buy a big house and all our loans were paid off, we'd be fifty years old before we had a kid. So that's the angle I took with him. I made a tighter budget, with more money going into savings. We looked into getting a financial advisor. We're getting rid of our expensive storage unit and moving to a smaller one that costs much less per month, which also gives us the chance to get rid of some unused and unwanted items that were just taking up extra space and money. We made a deal that every day we didn't eat out, we would put an extra $10 in our savings account, and that is working out great and giving us incentive to stop going out for dinner all the time. Since we live in an apartment that has very low rent for the area, and we don't pay utilities except for the electric, we are in probably the best position we will ever be in as far as cutting down on our spending and paying down our debts, so we are focusing on that.

The point I'm trying to make is, I found what 'language' my husband was speaking, and I started speaking it, too. He wasn't worried about being able to give the time and attention that a baby needs, and goodness knows he doesn't mind a messy house, LOL. :) He was just really concerned about the money, and he felt like I was ignoring that part of it. Once he saw that I understood his concerns and was willing to change things to address them, he was much calmer.

I'm sorry that you are so upset. I know how it feels to be stonewalled when you just want to talk about something that is very important to you. I hope you and your DH will find a common ground, and are able to come to a (peaceful!) solution that works for both of you. :)

Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and thinking about TTC a munchkin of our own. :)

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[sidmand]

It doesn't help any, but I just think they have a totally different thought process and don't even realize where we are.

DH had told me that he only wanted one. That he wanted two until we had one and then he saw how it changed everything (and BTW, DS is a very easy one!). I really couldn't see only having one.

I brought it up again yesterday and he told me he's pretty sure he's now on board for two! Well, that would've been good to know. I asked for a timeframe and he kind of panicked, but I'm like you, I just want to know a date, it can be in a year, but I'd just like to know what I'm working toward. I'm doing the same thing, trying to lose weight, save money--it'd just be good to have a vague date in mind.

He also finally told me that he doesn't want me getting pregnant again (we were very gung ho about adoption before DS came along) and that he's definitely interested in adoption for our next DC. Okay, that's a compromise I think I can live with--no more pregnancies, but another DC. And I said, well, when do you think we'd apply to the agency? First a panicked look and then he said he thought around this time next year and maybe bring a baby home around the end of 2007/2008. I said if we apply around this time it won't be until at least 2008 and he said, "okay, maybe a bit earlier then."

I told him I was very glad he told me and that it made me feel better just to know. I know it didn't even occur to him that that information would be something I would like to know! So, a couple of months ago, it was one child, and now it's probably two. I know he felt like I was bringing it up too much, but if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have known he'd changed his feelings!

So, I don't know really where I was going with this, except to say I understand your feelings. I hope you get an answer soon.

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png