Rant about another Mom at Gymboree today...

[MegND95]

We are leaving for an out of town wedding tomorrow, and I needed to buy some tights for DD to wear. I took the kids with me, and ran into Gymboree. There were several Moms with kids in the store, and I parked mine in front of the TV, along with three other kids. After about 5 minutes of searching for the correct size tights, my two year old ds finds me and starts asking me for a lollipop. I told him "No, I don't have one," and he walked back to the TV. Meanwhile, I was trying to browse a bit, when my ds comes back and more insistently asks me for a lollipop. He was starting to get mad, and I walked with him back to the TV area. Another Mom had given her three kids suckers, and of course, given that my ds is two, he wanted one too. After I said that I didn't have one, he started to melt, and we had to beat a hasty retreat.

I was really irked that this Mom gave out candy to her kids in front of other kids who didn't get a treat. Her children were behaving well, and if the suckers were a reward for good bebavior, why not wait until they got in the car? I am not opposed to the ocassional bribe or sweet treat for a "good behavior," but I would not dole them out in front of other kids. Certainly, my kid started to act up, and needs to learn that just because other kids get treats does not mean he does too. But the boy is two...Hrmph.

I did get the tights I needed, so all was not lost!

[Sillygirl]

Well, this is the B!tching post, so feel free to vent away. I'm sorry your shopping trip was rough. I have to say it would never occur to me not to give my kids something in a public place because other kids might see it and get fussy. Maybe that Mom has found that a sucker bribe keeps her kids quiet enough for her to get some shopping done. Her choice, and I think her actions weren't unreasonable. YMMV.

[Bethann31]

I feel for ya. I'll bet it was a difficult situation. I agree with Sillygirl that it was the mom's prerogative and she didn't owe your kids a treat, but I wouldn't have given my children a treat in the store in front of other little ones, unless I had enough for all of them, and they had permission to get a treat from their mom. I had the "it is impolite to eat in front of others" drilled into my head for so long that I might take it to the extreme though....
Otherwise, my children would have had to wait until the others were gone OR we left the store.

Beth
mom to:

Josh 3/90
Mollie 4/92
Jeffrey 12/94
Katherine 6/03


http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/lamlamsvi20030604_4_Katherine+Grace+is.png

[kozachka]

I can certainly relate to how you feel, we try to limit DS' sugar intake and seeing other kids eat their treats does not help. The worst part is when people share their kids' treat but that's a whole other post. Personally, I think the mom just bribed her kids with suckers thus having more time to shop.

[saschalicks]

I agree with sillygirl. I totally see where it did annoy you and you have every right to be. However, it would not have been on my mind not to give something to my children b/c they are around other children. However, would I give him a lollipop? No. But I guess I wonder what if it had been a slice of an apple? Would it have upset you as much if your DS came to you and wanted a slice of the apple and then had a meltdown when you didn't have it? I guess only you would know right. I'm so sorry that it upset you though. It is frustrating to deal with a meltdown for any reason.

[MegND95]

What is frustrating is that the kids all sit right on top of one another in Gymboree, and they all see what the others are doing. Heck, I give my kids food in public places all the time. Would I give my kids candy when they were sitting right next to kids that don't have any? No. Do I think that Mom should've given my kid candy just because hers had some and he wanted it? No way. But in making her shopping trip better, she made mine worse! (This said with some humor. My world is not crashing down because I couldn't browse around Gymboree)

This is a completely personal choice, but as a Mom of three small kids, I do try to consider how my actions could potentially affect other Moms, and I was miffed that she didn't extend me the same considertion. Does she need to? No...but it would be nice. Hence, this post in the b!tching forum.

[madelinesmom]

I have to agree with the two pp. I have only one and I bribe her with a bag of gummie bears when we shop. (They don't melt and they are easy to share, we also use them for weddings, church, etc.) I can't imagine shopping with three as the op described. I agree that you should always offer the other children some if it is okay with the parent. But when you have to shop with your kids as I do most of the time you do what you have to do...

That said I hate meltdowns in public for whatever reason and I know that really stunk...I always get red in the face and feel so flustered and usually just leave.
Jane
Madeline and Emily's Mom
1/20/03 11/29/05

[jal]

I'm not sure how I would react in similar circumstances...

One part of me says that "if I figured out that I can keep my THREE kids under control in public with a simple lollipop, I'm going to give them the lollipop and it's up to other parents to teach their kids not to covete (even at age two) what others have (they have to learn life isn't fair).

But at the same time, having only been used to dealing with one child in public, if I knew he was around other kids, I don't think I would be giving him something that I know other kids around are going to want and can't have.

So a part of me sees a difference in dealing with one child v. three children.

Of course I've also go to admit that I some how managed to train my child such that as of age 4 he has never had a temper-tantrum.

[deborah_r]

My first thought is that it's a really bad idea to give 3 children sticky, potentially messy lollipops in a clothing store. I'm surprised the employees didn't complain to the mom. Maybe she was spending a ton of money. :)

[HannaAddict]

I have to agree with sillygirl too. I just think we parents have so much to worry about, that giving your child or children a treat and worrying about how a stranger's child will feel is just asking too much. I am sorry that it caused a melt down for your little one though, that sucks.

Kimberly

[egoldber]

I think the employees at the average Gymboree are too busy to give a hoot what your kid does. Seriously. I used to feel bad about letting DD have a lollipop in the store (we often go to Gymbo after she gets her hair cut at a place in the mall that give lollipops to the kids afterwards), but I long ago ceased worrying about it. Now we walk in the door and DD runs for the TV and thats the last I see of her until we check out. Its one of the main reasons I buy a lot of Gymboree, LOL!

[MamaParis]

We were at a Ralph Lauren outlet once and the saleswoman was giving out suckers to all of the kids who walked in the store.

She even opened it for my DS (who was lie 18 months old at the time).

I told her no thanks and that he'd end up ruining merchandise if he was allowd to have a sucker in the store - but she insisted - so Ii just said "ok fine .. your funeral!" LOL

I pitched the sucker as soon as she was out of sight ...





As for the OP.

I know what you mean. I'm usually aware of other kids in situations like that and I'll usually ask the mom if its ok if their child can have a snack pack or some trail mix or whatever snack i have n hand for the day and then I make my kids share with the other kids. It keeps everyone happy and teaches my kids to share at the same time.
I've had moms say no thanks or refuse a snack and thats 100% ok with me, and their kids just had to learn that they can't always have what others have.
I've done that to my kids before - some woman has m&ms or something and asked if she could give some to the kids and I declined becase I'm not keen on giving the kids chocolate at 8 am! ;) But she still gave it toher kid and mine kept asking me for some. At some point they need to learn that they can't have everything.

Sorry you had to deal with the meltdown though - My son is famous for total meltdowns in stores. My oldest is pretty laid back and everything rolls off of her ... but my DS is a mess! LOL

[nov04]

I agree w/ pp's. Although a lollipop wouldn't have been the food of choice, I wouldn't have hesitated to give my kid a snack in a store.

I can understand your frustration though.

[Melanie]

That stinks. I hear you. I was on a group outing with friends and one of them did that to her kids RIGHT in front of Ds and made a HUGE deal of letting them pick which ones they wanted. It's one thing to discreetly buy them and give them to your kids (it was her bribe to get her kids in the car...another story altogether), but another to make a huge deal right in front of mine. All the while knowing I don't give Ds things like that. Luckily he didn't even care but the thoughtlessness really pissed me off.

[jeminaal]

I'm sure the mom didn't mean to make your trip to Gymboree difficult and I bet she'd feel awful if she knew how you felt. I can understand why she gave her children the lollypop at that moment, though.

I've been in a few situations where children have been given a treat that my children do not (or cannot) have right in front of them. My kids may whine or have a tantrum and sure, it's inconvenient and trying for me, but it becomes a "teachable" moment for them. This lesson is an extremely important one for my children to learn since my daughter has a significant peanut and walnut allergy.

On a side note, I don't (or encourage my children to) offer treats/snacks to children we don't know. Friends, yes. Strangers, no. I guess I don't because I wouldn't want a stranger to offer us anything to eat, especially since we have potentially life-threatening allergy issues in our family.

I know I'd feel awful if a snack my children had caused a tantrum in a 2 year old, but like other posters have said, it's a life lesson he/she has to learn.


Hope your next trip to Gymboree will be a better one. :)

Jeanette
(formerly known as jeanmick, member since Feb 2003)

DD Born Christmas Eve
DS Born Valentine's Day