last post update

[boop boop dee dee]

I posted a few weeks ago in thelounge about trying to figure out when my due date would be because I had 1 week of AF, a week off, then another week of AF. I was hoping to get an ultrasound to get a better idea of whe we would be due, but unfortunatly do not need it anymore. We lost the baby last Sunday. This past week has been horrible! My parents were over and I do not have a very close relationship with them. We did not tell them we were PG, so we were not about to tell them that were miscarriaging. I cannot believe it has been a week. Seems like a blur. I go in for more lab work tomorrow, which will be the 5th time in two weeks! I have been very down this week and work has sucked! Everyone there knew I was PG (due the nature of my job, some things I was not allowed to do and everyone figures it out) and then everyone knew I lost the baby. So, instead of talking to me, I was just ignored all week. It just sucked!!! I don't really have anyone IRL I can talk too, so I feel very alone. I know these things happen, but you never really think they will happen to you, YK?? It was exactly 5 pm last Sunday when things started going downhill, so it has been one week on the dot. Any BTDT moms and advice??
Thanks
one sad mama

[cleo27]

I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to send some big (((hugs))) your way. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know some people feel like it is better that other people IRL know what is happening, but I think I would rather deal with it in private. I'm sorry nobody at work has acknowledged your loss. They probably just don't know the "right" thing to say.

I'm so sorry for your loss and am thinking about you.

Hugs,

[Lovingliv]

I am so sorry. I think some people don't know how to do deal, so they ignore it. Does not make it any easier. Big hugs, Mama.

[firstbaby]

I started tearing up reading your post. I really feel for you. We also had a really early loss last year and I can understand your feelings. The only advice I have is to do what you need to do to work through this and grieve. I know it sounds obvious, but when we had our loss, we just kept going. A few months later, we were thrilled to be pg again and things worked out. But at random times I will think about that loss and am very sad. I wish I had really worked through it last year. Hugs to you!

[mommyoftwo]

I'm so very sorry about your loss. It totally sucks. I had two MCs, the second one starting the day we had guests coming from out of town so I know what you are feeling. Fortunately they are wonderful people and we ended up telling them what was going on. But I think a lot of people don't know how to handle the loss and what to say so they say nothing. It just makes things awkward and uncomftable for everyone. I'm very sorry they seemed so insensitive. I have the feeling that most of them thought they were being kind and giving you space. What you need is for people to not treat you like a lepper.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. My DH and I actually went out of town the second time for a weekend because we had to get away for a while. We had to MCs in six months and I just didn't know how to deal with it. We spent the weekend alternating between talking about our feelings and crying and doing fun things to distract ourselves. I think it was a healthy way for us to deal with all of our feelings. Of course, that was before we had children so it was much easier to do something like that. At first I felt guilty feeling so sad because the MCs were so early on. I had a friend who lost triplets at 24 weeks after giving birth to them. I felt like she had more of a right than me to grieve. She was wonderful and reminded me that a loss is a loss no matter when it happens.

I still feel sad when I think about it and sometimes even cry about it. But it does get easier with the passage of time. I think finally being able to have children has helped some too. Feel free to PM or email me if you want to talk one on one.

ETA: Men seem to have a much harder time talking about their feelings with this kind of loss. My husband was afraid to talk about it because he thought it would make it harder for me if I knew how sad he was. It was a long time before I knew that he was as devastated as I was. My friend who lost the triplets had the same experience. Our DH's just didn't know what to say and how to sort out their feelings. Encourage your DH to talk about his feelings and acknowlege his grief.

[JTsMom]

No advice here, but big hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[janeybwild]

So very very sorry for your loss.

[buddyleebaby]

I'm sorry, mama.
Huge hugs to you.

[tarabenet]

No experience, no advice. But lots of hugs. I'm so sorry.

Benet

[BaileyBea]

Big ((HUG))! I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a m/c too and I remember how painful it was to work through. You have every right to grieve for your baby. The best thing is to talk about it w/someone and find ways to reach out to your DH. It's got to be hard for him too. You and your DH should do something to remember this baby. It can be something you come up with in your own way. You can TTC again when you are ready. You will never forget the m/c and you may remember the baby at special times of the year.

All I can do is recommend you do what I do at these times. I just say a special prayer and talk to my little angel. It makes me feel better.

Please take care!

[almostamom]

I don't have any advice for you, but I'm so very sorry.

Hugs,
~Linda~
http://lilypie.com/pic/060427/fDdc.jpg http://b2.lilypie.com/qW3mm7.png

[chlobo]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a m/c this past winter. It really was horrible. I also had to have a lot of bloodwork over hte course of miscarrying & getting back to "normal". No one knew I was pregnant & I don't work so I didn't have that stress. Sorry folks at work are ignoring you.

One bright spot is that many women, at least according to my ob, experience a "bump" in fertility following m/c and get pregnant "easier" right after. My OB encouraged me to try right away as soon as my HCG was back to normal.

[deenass]

Just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss.

[juliasmom05]

(((HUGS))). I am so sorry for your loss.

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[octmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03
DD, Katie 3/06

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[jal]

I wish I had words that could ease your sorrow, but I have none to give. Only the voice of experience that can promise you the pain and sorrow in will ease with time, but the memory will stay with you forever.

It's been three years since our first MC (the first was after we saw the heart beat, the other two happened before we got to a firt ultrasound). The pain and sorrow of that lost angle is behind us now. Yet from time to time, things occur that bring our little angle to mind, and we remember the hole that still remains in our heart.

[SheriRae]

Hugs to you. I am so sorry. Please know that you are not alone. There are many of us here that have experienced miscarriage and what you are feeling is absolutely normal. As a number of mamas have already told you....time will ease your pain. As time goes the shock will wear off, the tears will come and go, you will not forget, but your pain will ease.

As for your co-workers, I found that if people do not know what to say, they will say nothing. This is very difficult for me. I had my closest family members say nothing. It was not that they did not care about me or what I was going through, it was that they were afraid to speak. I wished they had not been afraid.....for that reason I will never be afraid to reach out.

Take care of yourself as you heal.