Totally petty re: second baby being overlooked

[Jenn98]

I'm due with my second DD this December. I'm thrilled and so excited, but it seems that this baby hasn't generated nearly the excitement that DD#1 did. She was the first grandbaby on both sides, so everyone was over the moon with excitement for her and followed my every move during pregnancy. When we announced we were pregnant again we got such odd reactions from everyone about how soon it was (they will be 17 months apart) and just general "oh. that's nice" kinda responses. And no one has offered to throw a shower (I do not have sisters or sil's so there is no one to 'encourage') It's totally not about the gifts at all, it's about celebrating the baby. I had 3 showers for DD#1. How do I explain that in the baby book? And to make matters worse, DD#2 is due Dec 27th. I have a Dec birthday, and DH's is just after the first of the year, so we know what it's like to be overlooked on your birthday. I've begun thinking of ways to combat this (celebrating half birthdays, etc.) but I can't control everyone else.

::::sigh::: I told you it was petty. but I just feel bad that no one wants to celebrate this baby. I wish it were acceptable to throw my own shower (again, it's NOT about the gifts!) and I'd even consider throwing a Meet the New Baby party after she's born, but that will be the height of cold/flu season.

:( :( :(

[jeminaal]

I truly understand how you feel. My second child was overlooked and not as celebrated as my first. DS was never given a shower (or even a sprinkle). I would've declined it, but no one even offered to give one for him, and the most of my relatives and friends in the US within 5-10 miles of us. :(

I'm not exactly sure what I'll say if he asks why he wasn't given a shower and celebrated like my DD was. I'm hoping he won't care (since he's a male), but he'll certainly know that he was just as loved as his sister was when he was born.


Jeanette
(formerly known as jeanmick, member since Feb 2003)

DD Born Christmas Eve
DS Born Valentine's Day

[saschalicks]

Please know you are not alone. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful best friend who decided that every baby should have a shower. She threw me one for DS#2. However, that was the most of it. Most people like you were just shocked I was pregnant so soon. Mine are 17 months apart too. Ours was born December as well. Not as many people came to the hospital. Not as many came to his bris (circumcision). All around he felt like the, well 2nd child. I love him just as much. People are starting to see how special he is though. He's developing his own fan club. :) I know in the end he will know that we love him as much as his older brother.

Cheer up your DD's arrival will be celebrated here! :D

[mommyoftwo]

Yup, I totally know the feeling. It was especially hard for us because we had moved 10 hours away from all our friends and family. No one gave us gifts (well, one family did), hardly anyone sent us cards, and even the grandparents were much more hum-ho about the whole thing. No one came to visit me in the hospital and I was there several days. It was frustrating and I felt very alone. I agree that every baby needs to be celebrated in some way. Sorry people aren't stepping up to the plate. I think it's even worse when the babies are close together. I think everyone assumes you have everything already and there hasn't been enough distance between the two children for people to get all excited again. At least that's what it seemed like for us.

[buddyleebaby]

I can relate.
When we announced we were pregnant, everyone's response was "Again"?
Even my mom!
I did have a friend offer to throw me a shower, because I like you feel that every baby sgould be celebrated for the blessing he or she is. I ended up declining and we are planning to have a meet the baby get together in October.
I think, unfortunately, no baby is ever quite as celebrated as the first, but in the end they are all equally loved.

[ribbit1019]

We had the same experience. It isn't petty at all to want each of your children acknowledged. In our family showers are a way of welcoming babies to the world. I felt really bad when no one mentioned doing anything for DS.

Though my mom did say we were going to have a sip and see, it never happened. But I really don't mind. It isn't like we really needed anything (they are just one day shy of being 22 months apart) DS still got a lot of presents (well, clothes) and a lot of people sent cards. No one but immediate family came to see us at the hospital.

It was depressing to me, but I am hoping that he will also not care about the lack of a shower since he is a male. I plan on covering the shower page of his baby book with the cards we got. :)

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[RwnMayfair]

It's understandable, I frequently feel that Elowen was overlooked in some respects having been our second, and I feel bad for her because of it. Of course, she could care less, but I still feel bad. ;) I also could have cared less about gifts, I just wanted her celebrated in the same way as her brother. And yes, I felt very petty (and still sometimes do!) as well.

I sincerely hope every second (or third, fourth, fifth, whatever) baby is celebrated and loved just as much as the first. :) I certainly celebrate them just as much for myself and my friends. :) Lots of good thoughts for you, your second child, and know that you're not alone in your feelings. :)

-Melissa

Taran, November 20
Elowen, August 20

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[BaileyBea]

I hear you! I am going through the same thing right now. It really stinks sometimes. especially when you are excited etc...

I did have a friend who offered to throw a shower but I got so many remarks like "You're not going to have another shower are YOU?" From my two best-friends. This whole thing made me so uncomfortable that we decided to have a Sip-N-See in October and forgo the whole shower thing.

We really only need a stroller, so I hope family send $ to help us purchase that stroller. Other than that I have little to no expectations from friends or family. So far no one wants to come help me w/the baby. I had to hire a Doula to help w/the birth, another lady to take care of DS, and a home Doula. ARGH! DH hasn't really complained mostly because when I talk to my Mom or Aunts I am usually in tears afterward. They just really hurt my feelings.

The whole thing is rather depressing. This baby is such an after thought to most of my family. It bums me out.

It will be okay though, these 2nd ones will still be loved by their parents. I personally plan on ripping out the Baby Shower Page from the book. I'm making some special things for her and trying to make it as equal as possible w/DS.

You're not alone...

[jbowman]

I have a Dec. birthday, and so does DD#1--I think December birthdays rock! Love 'em! The only downside to Dec. birthdays is the crappy birthstone IMHO. My other DD was born in January (I have no experience with these, so we'll have to see how it goes, LOL).

Two of my good friends threw me a "pamper the mom" party a month before my second daughter was born. It was so fun and nice. It was a surprise, and a really sweet way to celebrate me and baby #2. Maybe someone could do something like that for you?

I don't think that DD #2 has been slighted in the least (we had 30 visitors in the hospital, LOL). I'm still very touched by how everyone has welcomed her. I think you might be surprised! :)

[Lovingliv]

I have a different perspective completely!!!
I am preggo with #2 and my sister mentioned a sprinkle! I refused. I view showers/sprinkles as a way to help the parents....not so much celebrating the baby. JMO. I do know what you mean about people not being as excited about subsequent babies as your first. I think that comes from the excitement that they have for the parents "becoming parents" for the first time....again not so much about the baby!

Everybody loves Babies Jenn,,,,,and they will love your second born just as much as they love your first!

[Lovingliv]

Alicia, My mom had the same reaction....made me ball my eyes out.
This coming from the woman who had three under three and four more after that!!!
Don't sweat it....more babies too love!!!!

[Jenn98]

Maybe it's that I'm the second child in my family and I have deep rooted issues about being overshadowed by my insanly smart older brother ;) But, it all worked out in the end because he was "too smart" for his own good, got mixed up in drugs/alcohol and spent time in prison for multiple DUI's and never went to college. I, on the other hand, have graduated from a major university, married, have a home, a career and a wonderful family of my very own :)

I just wish people (our immediate families mostly) were excited about this baby. Maybe they forget how soon she is arriving - I'm 20 weeks along! I love her like crazy already and can't wait to have both my girls in my arms. I could care less about me. I kinda like how they forget I'm pregnant so I don't get nagged all the time about what I can and cannot do. But, I just don't want this baby to feel any less loved. Like I said in my original post, it's petty, I know. I just need to get over these pregnant hormones and I'll be fine :)

[Lovingliv]

I am the sixrh out of seven, so maybe that is why I look at it differently. Overshadowed is an understatement for me :)
You are certainly entitled to your feelings, I hope I didn't make you feel like you are not. And feelings are never petty, IMO.
My mom had already let me know that "Olivia will always be number 1."

Like I said before, this coming from a woman with 7 kids....but she is wonderful in so many ways. I know she doesn't mean it and when this new lil bundle arrives she will be just as insane about him/her as she is about Liv.

A friend once said that each child is born with his/her own love. I thought that was a beautiful thought!

Hang in there Mama! What doesn't come from others,,,will come from you!

[Melanie]

I'm sorry. I completely understand. It was the same way for us, and they are not even the same sex and are still the only grandchildren on either side.

As for the baby book, you could throw her a party after she's born, like a Baby Welcoming party in the Spring and put those photos in her book. I feel the same way when it came to the gifts pages. I ran out of room in Ds' and Dd's did not even fill a page. I started listing ones from the same people on different lines so it will look like more to her, someday.

[bubbaray]

Sorry to hear that!

I completely relate. When I had DD#1, it was exactly the same. Not a single gift or card even from the family. One shower (clothes only, all in size 0-3m, that she never wore, was too big for as a newborn), that was 1w before my EDD. We purchased everything ourselves. In the end, that was a good thing as we got what we/I wanted. However, to this day, I'm still ticked off at people who I threw showers for and didn't reciprocate, as well as at DH's family who give major gifts to all the other GC's and never even give DD so much as a birthday gift.

I'm not expecting squat for this baby. HOpefully its also a girl, so we have everything we need.

My only advice: expect people to be ignorant. They usually live up to your expectations. Sigh.


Melissa

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