Playgroup Snub: a flashback to high school , YIKES

[dr mom]

DS and I started going to our neighborhood playgroup a year ago; we aren't there every single week, but we go regularly. I've always felt that the group was divided into cliques, with an "in crowd" and everyone else...and I'm not part of the "in" clique. DH has maintained all along that I'm just being too sensitive about it, and I kept going to the group because DS enjoys the social interaction with other kids.

Today, an event that proved my Hostile Clique Theory:

I had a new patient on my schedule, and as soon as I walked into the exam room, I realized I knew her - from the aforementioned ill-fated playgroup. I introduced myself (first & last name), smiled and added "but I'm fairly certain that we've met before." "No, I don't think I know you," she replied. Now she was seeing me out of context and maybe didn't recognize me - so I helped her out - "I live in XYZ neighborhood, we're in the same mom's group, our kids play together every week - you're Leo's mom, right?" Yes, she said coolly, she did live at XYZ and she was Leo's mom and she did go to the playgroup - "but," she added frostily, "I don't know YOU."

Yikes! It's a small neighborhood playgroup...there's no freakin' way she could possibly not recognize me...I think that was a deliberate snub!

And, in case you're thinking maybe she was being seen for something embarrassing and was desperately trying to preserve her anonymity, all she came in for was a wart. On her finger. Nothing racy or scandalous.

I was so ticked off by her haughty attitude (guess it proves my snooty clique theory after all) that I froze the dickens out of her stupid warts. :P
I hope it hurt.

What a bee-yotch!

[Jenn98]

Totally unethical, but the next time you see her at the play group ask loudly how her warts are coming. ;) That'll teach her to be mean to you.

You should start a subgroup of all the "Out" mommies and not invite the "In" mommies. :)

[Wife_and_mommy]

Wow. That wart must have been darn ugly for her to be so snotty! Sorry you were treated so rudely.



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[1ceng1]

It's sad, but I too notice a high school clique mentality among moms in my neighborhood and DDs school. I also noticed in my younger DDs gym class that the more attractive the mom is, the more they tend to be approached by other moms. There are some moms who look a bit harried and other moms tend to talk to them less--kind of like the girl in high school who never put on makeup or did her hair.
As posted in in another topic, a lot of these "more popular" (for lack of a better term) moms have nannies even though they are SAHMs, and naturally look more polished.
Just my observation.

[cmdunn1972]

Well, it looks like you got the last laugh. Not only is that woman snooty, but she's pretty stupid to treat you that way right before you burn her warts off. She should've been making nice with you.

Heh. She knows you _now_! ;)

[ribbit1019]

Yuck!! I wouldn't want to be part of the IN group if they act like that. How stupid is she for being rude to you before you are performing a procedure for her.

She's lucky it wasn't me doing it, she likely would have lost one of those fingers! :P

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[Sillygirl]

Not only snotty, but dumb as a box of hair. Don't piss off the lady holding the freezing gun!

Somehow, I don't think you're missing a THING by not being in the "in group." Just like high school, right?

[Roleysmom]

Hostile Clique Theory made me LOL! She's snooty and obviously dumb as rocks. I agree, why in the world would you be obnoxious to the person who is about to medically treat you? I hate how this stuff still happens in real life, as opposed to high school. Actually my high school wasn't as cliquey as I've found some of my parent interactions to be. I love, love the previous poster's idea of inquiring loudly at next play group about the status of her wart. It was a genital wart was it not? Heh, heh.

Paula
Mom to Roley Julia, January '02

[JTsMom]

>
>I was so ticked off by her haughty attitude (guess it proves
>my snooty clique theory after all) that I froze the dickens
>out of her stupid warts. :P
>I hope it hurt.
>
>What a bee-yotch!

Thanks a lot- there's coffee all over my computer screen now! ;)

Obviously, she has no class. If she represents the clique, who would want to be a part of it?!

[pb&j]

>
>Heh. She knows you _now_! ;)


LOL!



-Ry,
mom to Emma, stillborn 11/04/04
and Max, 01/05/06

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[MelissaTC]

Eeeeks!!! Glad that you froze the dickens out of her warts. }( She is definitely a bee-yotch!!! I can't believe she said that to you!!!

[Melanie]

Oh what a BITCH. And what a dumb way to treat a doctor whom you are about to see. She's not the sharpest pencil in the cup, is she?

[saschalicks]

>"but," she added frostily, "I don't know YOU."

>What a bee-yotch!

Makes you glad you're not so "in" right? I can't wait for you to go to the next playgroup. You'll have to keep us posted.

I have to say my high school wasn't that cliqueish, but my birthing class was. OOOHHHHH who woulda' thought that I was from the wrong side of the tracks. Yah righ!

[tarabenet]

Yup, some of the Mean Girls never seem to grow up. I think some of them get worse with time. Everyone's aware of "Mean Girls", right? The movie based on the book "Queen Bees and Wannabees"? But here's the thing: the witchy Queen Bees / Mean Girls have no power if there are no Wannabees. Make nice with the other apparently "outcast" momies. I promise you they are a smarter, nicer, much more fun bunch of women than anyone in the "In Crowd". And then you'll have friends to be on the lookout for at playgroup, and the "In Crowd" mommies will have no one to be catty about except each other -- serves 'em right, too! And you'll realize just how worthless even an "Oh, yes, the playgroup! Of course I know you!" would have been from that silly simpleton. Next time she comes to your office, she'll be trying to convince you that you know her! (Don't admit anything, though! LOL)

[Lovingliv]

Your the DOCTOR, she is the patient. Sounds like she needs an enema stat!

How nasty can you be....my theory would be that she is jealous!
I don't miss highschool, not even a little!

[dules]

Oh I am LMAO at what you did to her. ;) I had a similar experience but through our nanny so I never had to deal with it face to face - we live in a nice middle class town but two houses away is a real upper crusty town - so kids often play together, especially those with nannies.

My nanny and DD were playing at another girl's house and the mom came in, and my nanny introduced herself and said who she worked for. The mom feigned not to know us, and the nanny insisted that we were only two doors away, to which the woman replied, "I know who they are, I simply choose not to know them." WTF and LOL! She later introduced herself to me while we were waiting for our DHs' train from NYC and I had a hard time not making a wisecrack. ;)

BTW, did you get my email? Can I send you $$ or do you want to send us the item that fit in the range instead? LMK!

Best,
Mary

[RwnMayfair]

It honestly amazes me how the clique thing still exists for people even as adults. I noticed it a lot with the expats when we lived in Austria, and still notice it every now and then. It always ends up disgusting and/or hurting me. I guess I keep having a secret hope that at some point it will be gone, especially in groups formed of mothers, but no such luck yet. :(

I'm really sorry you had to experience such a snotty attitude though!

-Melissa

Taran, November 20
Elowen, August 20

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[xmasbabycomin]

I completely sympathize! You are so not alone in feeling dejavu
to adolescence around other parents!

I'm not a size 4, I don't wear (or own for that matter) a Prada purse and shoes on field trips to see Dora w/DS, my children don't wear monogrammed/head-to-toe coordinated outfits on the playground, and I don't do full makeup or drive a BMW SUV to drop off DD, so therefore I'm obviously not worthy of having a conversation with.

The thing i wonder about is if it does/will affect my children negatively at all. It's only Mother's Day Out, but DS never gets invited to playdates, only the birthday parties that all the kids get
invited to. Is that just because Moms a freak to them, or what?
Should I care, since DS has other social outlets? (I could go
off on the fact that MDO is at a church and how their behavior
isn't exactly Christian, but that's another story...) I guess
I also encourage my child to be an individual, so it's probably
going to get more difficult to tell how much his socialization
is based on me and how much on him.

i'm tired, so I hope that makes sense.

[holliam]

OMG, what a lovely, lovely person NOT!

I'm laughing so hard just imagining you attacking her wart.

Come to our playgroups!! We're not hostile or cliquey! I even have a couple warts you could help with. ;) LOL

Holli

[dr mom]

I love the local AP playgroup!!! :) I've been (temporarily) working full-time because a colleague just had a baby, so haven't been available for daytime activities. Jared and I have been to La Leche PM a couple of times, and once things slow down a little at work, we'll be more involved in playgroup again.

I thought the neighborhood playgroup would be so convenient because the playground is right at the end of our block, so no wrestling him into a carseat. I don't quite fit in amidst all the mainstream mommies ("Ohmigawd, I didn't know they still made CLOTH diapers!") although this is the first time anyone has been overtly rude.

Bet she doesn't ask me to perform anymore painful procedures, though, LOL!

[crayonblue]

Rude behavior never ceases to amaze me, especially from moms. I attended a play group for awhile and I felt about as welcome as a wart! :) I tried really hard to be friendly and interested even though I was obviously the new kid on the block. After starting a conversation with one lady, she got up in the middle of our conversation and went and sat by someone else! At that point, I decided to look for a different group!

I've been a part of a number of playgroups now and here's my theory. It's not necessarily the super rich and super beautiful who are snooty. It's most of the time the wannabes who never were and who haven't grown out of the high school mentality of putting others down to make yourself feel better. Hope you find a much better group soon! :)

[Fairy]

I so hear you! I was never popular in HS, and in Junior High I was downright nerdy. So, I can spot a hostile clique a mile away. I still hold out hope that for most people, HS clique attitudes are left behind once you go off to college, but here I am in my mid-thirties, and nope; now it's just mommy bey-otches, rather than HS bey-othces. And where do I see them? The playground. What is it about the freakin' playground? Also, agree with PPs that she's gotta be completely stupid to piss off the chick with the freeze gun. Hysterical!

If you wanna play with us at our playground, pass me a note in gym.