Tell me it will get better

[JBaxter]

I guess this goes in the bitching post. Some days I have the most delightful 2yr 9mo old child in the world but lately...
Ok is my son just rotten?
Small list of things he has done
stuck a paring knife in my leather sofa ( this was retrieved from the dishwasher and all the other knives were hidden)
used the vacuum sweeper to vacuum up poop on his carpet
colored his penis green w/ washable marker the day before his well baby visit at 2 ( not all of it comes off because you cant rub that part very hard)
picked me a whole bunch of marigolds ( 6 plants)
traumatized the 7yr old neighbor girl by being naked for the last few MONTHS
fill my tea kettle w/ legos & bunny crackers on different occasions I didnt find this out until AFTER it boiled
made me coffee in my French press coffee maker and got the water from the fridge door
climbed a book case and pull off a glass ( 3 stitches)
dumped out a bag of flour, container of oat meal and a MONDO bag of coco coco puffs ( all on separate occasions)
I hide the screw drivers because he tries change his toys batteries
peed down my floor vent
poked a small hole in a bag of bird feed so I put it in a old bucket in the garage now several pairs of foot ball cleats are filled w/ seed
I have my deep freeze double locked because he is able to get the popsicles out and ate a whole box in the course of 1 day. My garage door to the kitchen is metal and I cant figure out how to lock that one ( that he cant undo)
I have my fringe locked basically for the same reason ( hole pack of cheese and trying to fill his own juice cups)
My cabinets are locked and I have chimes on the doors when they open or close
my chairs are handcuffed to the kitchen table so he cant use them to climb ( I get lots of comments on that)
The water is usually turned off under my sink because it is fun to use the sprayer
He played w/ a whole box of tampons one day but what I Didn't know is he opened them and flushed them ( small clog)
clogged the toilet w/ a box of kando wipes and a roll of TP ( now I keep it in the kitchen cabnet so if you are at my house you get your ration of TP before entering the bathroom downstairs)
knocked the DVD/vcr behind the big screen trying to change his DVD while standing in the back of a Tonka dump truck
I left a box of eggs out on the counter and he got out a skillet and cracked 10 of them and was standing on his bathroom stool w/ a whisk trying to reach the knob to turn on the stove.
These are just things I thought about of right off the top of my head there are many more.

OK so reading my list -- I really do watch the kiddo but there are things I HAVE to do like cook , laundry clean pull a few weeds and even some times pee myself you may wonder why I'm posting -- Has to do with the 2 police officers that showed up at my house today. Seems I have a panic button on my security panel and "someone" pushed the code. I don't know the code so since Nathan and I were the ONLY ones home today it had to be him. DH got the call from the security company while sitting in the airport wating to board his plane that was delayed 3 hrs that a distress code was issued from our house. Because it was a distress code they didnt call the home number but the 1st auxillary number on the list his voice was shaky when he called me.
I have 2 other boys and they were active but nothing like THIS
he started his "2's" at 18 months and is still going strong.
Is it bad to want to put my child in a cage?
ETA -- picture of my handcuff childproofing (FYI they are 2.96 @wal-mart)

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/35116.jpg

[janeybwild]

You can let him out of his cage when he's 21 :) Good job you have this written down, and can show his future bride what a gem she is getting. Hugs to you.

[Radosti]

Huge hugs to you. No suggestions. I am sitting here shaking in fear of the upcoming terrible twos. Yikes!!!

[Wife_and_mommy]

As sexist as it sounds, all I have to say is that's a boy for ya. I had a friend whose son followed trouble to the moon and back....

I can imagine you're going prematurely gray. I sure would be. Hugs to you and I hope it ends SOON.


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[maestramommy]

It sounds like you have a very high energy, enterprising, curious, busy child. No advice, since I'm not there yet, and Dora doesn't show any signs of this. Why does this make me think of Ramona Quimby, from the Beverly Clearly books?! Tee hee! Sorry, I know this is a really challenging situation, and I don't blame you for wanting to put him in a holding pen. Can you actually do that if you have something you HAVE to do? Would he benefit from a daycare?

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Oh Jeana, you are freaking me out! Peeing in the vent has got to be the worst, how will you get the smell out? Nick is only 20 months but I keep seeing him standing by the dining room table. I can read his mind and see the cogs turning "That chandelier looks fun!" I know it is only a metter of time before we find out if a 48 inch chandelier can hold my thirty one pound monkey-boy. Hugs to you.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[elliput]

He sounds like a very intelligent and inquisitive young man. :-) A cage might not be a bad idea, but I based on the other items you have mentioned, I would not be surprised if he figures out how to pick locks next week. ;-)

[bcky2]

when he toasted your pen.

when he dumped out the laundry soap and fabric softner all over the floor.

hmmm i know that there are more that you have told me but i cant remember right now :) be glad that he doesnt have a twin ;)

[JBaxter]

He only peed down the vent 1x the week of potty bootcamp ( naked week) LOL. I think my shreek was loud enough to keep that from happening again.
FYI I spayed merlins magic down the vent and I havent had a problem ( water teatree oil and a little dr bonners)

[JBaxter]

I have him registered for 2 mornings of Montassori school starting Aug 31 ( thursdays & fridays) we go to playgroup wednesdays liberary story time mondays and speech on tuesdays. I was hoping I didnt over schedule him LOL

[JBaxter]

> yup I forgot the toaster and the fabric softener

[JTsMom]

You MUST print this out and save it for him! I'll bet you could sell this stuff to a major network- way funnier than Dennis the Mennace. At least it seems like he's TRYING to help by doing some of them!

Reading this, I can see my future. Someone must have told Jason he turned 2 instead of 1 in May. Friday night I found in climbing my dresser- not standing in a drawer or on a handle climbing it- he just held on to the top and pulled his entire body weight up. I yelled for my husband to come see, and when he got there we just looked at each other and said, "We are so screwed!"

Hang in there. If worst comes to worst, you could always borrow the handcuffs from the kitchen chairs! ;)

[wencit]

Jeana, I know it's no solace to you, but I'm ROFLMAO! I read that list to DH, and he said your son sounds like an engineer in training. I just think he sounds precious.

Hugs to you! Hang in there, mama!

[Radosti]

A friend of mine who is now a successful neurosurgeon was a complete menace when he was little. His mom told us a story of how he was in his crib at 14 months and saw his dad repair his lamp with a screwdriver. He was supposed to be taking a nap, so his dad (the head of the neonatal unit at the city hospital) left the screwdriver on the table with the lamp and left his room.

When his parents came in to check on him, they found the crib partially taken apart. He had climbed out of the crib, got the screwdriver and proceeded to take apart the crib.

[crayonblue]

Your son sounds like my younger brother.

Here's some things my brother did! (might make you feel better that another mom went through this!)
1) Poked about 20 holes in his water bed with a knife, all because he wanted to see what was inside.
2) Put the kittens in the mailbox for the mailman (mother cat then took the kittens and fled)
3) Ironed the top of my mom's dresser- still has an iron impression to this day.
4) Climbed on top of the washing machine, found the bleach, managed to open it and poured a puddle on the dark carpet.
5) Stashed my mom's kitchen knives outside in a pile. Hid some under his bed too. This all despite my parents having a locked knife drawer.
6) Followed my older brother into the woods, got lost, police came, a neighbor found him walking around in the woods in his underwear. (He was 2 years old.)
7) Called 911 for fun.
8) Poured salt into the VCR. No more VCR.
9) When he was about 9 months old my mom lost him and finally found him sitting in a cabinet in the kitchen eating a container full of brownies.
10) While visiting my VERY particular grandmother, he took one of her collectible dolls and put it in the cat's water bowl.

I'm sure there's more. My brother is now 16, still alive, and a great kid! :) Oh, and he's VERY smart and starts college in a couple of weeks and wants to study philosophy! :)

[niccig]

I empathize with you. Looking at your post, I can see my future. DS is only 18 months but he is showing similar tendencies. You also have to ask for toilet paper in our house, and he worked out how to open the childproof gates a few months back. I'll have to remember the handcuffs for the chairs. They're still too heavy for him to move, but I'm sure not for long.

I think they're just naturally inquisitive, which is wonderful, but boy is it tiring for us.

I hope the twos end quickly and the threes are easier.

Nicci

[JBaxter]

Nicci
From what my other 2 Ds's were like. 2 is just the warm up THAT's why Im scared LOL

[kaylinsmommy2]

Actually, I think you must have a very smart family. He sounds very curious and quite intelligent to try to get his own popsicles, cracking the eggs into the skillet (! you must be teaching him well), and use the chairs to climb stuff. And you sound quite accomplished in child proofing. :) I would never have thought to handcuff the chairs to the table, to ration out the tp at your house, and all the super duper locks.

Your house sounds like fun!!

Caroline
mommy to Kaylin 6/5/04

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/bunbunadb20040605_-9_Kaylin+is+now.png[/img][/url]

and one on the way, due 2/26/07

[kozachka]

After reading your list, I can't complain about my DS any more. Take my pretend hat off to you. Your DS a lot like my DS but he has taken twos to a whole new level. He is smart if it's any consolation. When my DS got his hands on the eggs he loves so much to watch me cook and break (I hold the egg, he breaks it), 4 of them ended up on my kitchen floor. It was couple months ago so maybe he is more coordinated now but I try my best not to let him out of sight. If I have to use the bathroom, DS 'holds' me so that I don't 'fall into the toilet' ;). He is afraid of the same thing for some reason so it works for now. Otherwise he'll get into trouble. Life is never boring here. Hang in there. I don't know from personal experience how long the twos will go for but ours started at around 18 months as well.

[JBaxter]

I chuckled when I read that he holds you so you dont fall in the toilet. Last week I was reaching for the toilet paper ( when it still was IN the bathroom) Nathan was standing "Ready to flush" and as I leaned forward he wiped my butt with a Kandoo wipe. WOW is all I could think to say. He was very proud mommy was all clean LOL

[niccig]

Nooooooooo...don't tell me that. Let me stay in denial. DS is a great problem solver, and I think it is a wonderful skill to have. But, it is difficult when he's only 18 months. Other parents of less curious children don't understand. Yes, I correct my child, yes I watch him and childproof the house, but it doesn't matter what I do, I'm always one step behind him, and it sounds like I always will be! lol

Nicci

[kozachka]

LOL! DS holds onto my knees so this is not likely to happen in our house thankfully but as he is at that stage where he says "show me your pipi (sp?)". Of course, I say "no you can't see mommy's pipi". I've gotten pretty good at the acrobatic feat of going to the bathroom without exposing myself to DS standing right in front of me. And if I fail to cover up even just a little bit, DS reminds me of it immediately.

[TraciG]

Oh my goodness, sa my DD would say !

[JBaxter]

I got a "what happened --- pe pe all gone" LOL

[Lovingliv]

This is good comic relief for the rest of us! THanks for sharing and he is so smart!!!!!!

[kozachka]

>I got a "what happened --- pe pe all gone" LOL

LOL! To further facilitate comic relief I'll share what else my DS says, i.e. "I want pe pe like THAT". To which my response was "u-h-m, when you grow up you will". Hope he does not think that he'll get a pe pe like that literally.

[casey0729]

My 15 month old generally stands at the side while I am going and likes to slam the toilet seat into my back a few times. Maybe he thinks I am choking?? The other day I went into the kitchen to get a coffee and when I came back (in 60 seconds no less) he was on top of the dining room table trying to consume a banana, peel and all.

Maybe I should keep a list of these behaviors for posterity. I could entitle it "things ds might do on your first date so be careful!!"

[kgoble78]

The coloring the penis green is cracking me up! My son turned 3 in June and has become a bit of a problem lately, too. I keep telling myself that "this too shall pass". He is either being really sweet or a real terror. Let's just hope they will outgrow it.