Dr. Ticked me off!!! Now I don't know what to do! Warning Long Post...

[robinsonbn]

Ok this should probally go in the Bitching Post forum but since my Epidural one was here I decided to put it here. Now, I wasn't going to say anything but the more I think about the more upset I get. Those of you who read that post know I had decided to try a "natural child birth" and that my Dr. seemed to be ok with anything. Well, I just had an appointment with him and was asking him questions (to perfect my birth plan) first it all started with yet another med student doing the pre-examination then him comming in. He was no help at all! Just kept saying we'll see out it goes! When I told him my decision he said we will see....that is it like I was asking permission! I won't even get into the fact that he made me feel like I was taking up his precious time with the questions. He said a few weeks ago that as long as things progress ok we let you do whatever. Then he gets all skimpy on the details! He also told me only clear fluids and no food. Which ok but then he said I like using Iv's and I said well I would like to be as mobile as possible and he said "we will see how it goes". I asked about his methods he uses to avoid episiotomies and his reaction was so strange kinda like well there is a massage but if I feel I need to do it I do...I was very taken aback and started to lose trust! The only clear answer he gave me was that DH could be involved in the birthing process as much as he wants...though he seemed appalled when I said under surpervision of course? Oh, and I asked that if he couldn't make it to my birth another OB be there not his midwife...I said it was becasue I felt better with an OB but the truth is I have heard horrible things about her and her carelessness. He seemed really mad at me I had requested this! He also has convinced himself I have PIH...I had one visit at 24 weeks were my BP was 140/80 (I had just walked half the hospital to get there mind you when they took it) every other time my BP has been well below that averaging 132/73 or less and usually I have been active when they take it! I also monitor it at home and it is always fine. So that is why he says we will see I am thinking because he thinks I am going to stroke out. He also said well your BP has been good since we put you on the Trandate I was so taken aback becasue he tried to put me on it and I said I wasn't taking it! He seemed completely surprised when I said I hadn't been taking it and was still convinced i had PIH! Sorry I know this is getting long but I am sooo sooo mad. He also didn't answer me at all when I asked what methods he would use to avoid a C-section he literally avoided the question! WTF was that! Now this man comes highly reccomended but after this last visit to me he seems flighty and has ruined my confidence in this "Natural Birth" I mean I don't think I trust him anymore! Any Dr. that just says we will see or avoids questions really bothers me, oh and convinces himself I have somthing I don't! He was talking like he is sure I am going to need a C or epidural or need an episiotamy somthing. I got better support on this subject from my freind who is a huge Epidural fan! I don't know what to do now I literally almost walked out but it is to late to find a new Dr. no matter how mad he made me right? I need some advice, I seriously find myself hoping one of the OB's have to be there and not him. I literally lost all trust. I mean should I go in to my appointment next week guns blazing and say look buddy this is what I want? I just what should I do? I could see myself firing him (if that is the right word) in the middle of labor that is how upset I am. I just I am very upset about this...I shouldn't have started typing about it casue now I could go on and on and on...please some advice and sorry this was such a long post!

It took all I had to keep the language clean...

Oh, 1 more thing when I told him I wanted to avoid induction and wait till he(DS) is ready..he looked at me like I was nuts and said again.."well we will see..." in that not caring like he already has his mind made up the opposite tone like everything else!!!

Very Po'ed and Confused,

[robinsonbn]

oh and sorry if this jumps around and gets confusing, kinda started just letting it out and typing...Oh and I forgot to add he did say for pushing I had to be on my back with knees to my chest....well if another posistion will be more benificial for my child or I then I want to see him stop me from moving!!! Isn't your pack like the worst posistion to be in? I just don't get it he seemed ok and like a good Dr. till now...

[saschalicks]

Brittney,
You have every reason to be upset. I think you have every reason to think about a switch and quickly. Remember you are in charge NOT the doctor. If his answers aren't along the lines of what you like then move on.

Here's what my doctor said to me and I have to say in retrospect she is amazing: 1. no epidural w/out you on board, 2. no induction until at earliest 41 weeks. PERIOD! I went in there at 37 weeks begging to get it out and she told me if I wanted induction then I had to find another OB. 3. She doesn't do an episiotomy unless necessary (she then added she's only done 3 since she started practicing). 4. I had 1 high BP and she did not tell me I had PIH, we monitored carefully, but that was it

Why am I telling you all of this? B/c I want you to realize there are OB's out there who are of the same mindset as you. I think you need to do whatever you need to do to get the doctor you are most comfortable with. This doctor is not it for you. The fact that at 35 weeks you are this upset is not OK.

Good luck

[FiveLittleDucks]

While I can understand one can never predict what will happen during labor/birth, your OB sounds very controlling and condescending. I can understand him preferring to do things the way he is most comfortable, but you are the patient/customer. His job is to help deliver your baby safely while keeping you happy and safe also.

I actually preferred being on my back to deliver, but again, every labor/birth/woman is different. What works for some won't for others. It's your OB's job to understand that and accomodate you in every way possible.

[robinsonbn]

any chance your OB is in Ohio? But is it to late to change Docs I mean will another even take me? Also, would I still have to pay this one the whole fee (he has a flat rate apparently).

[Saartje]

I only have time for a short answer, but here it is: Find a different OB, if you can, someone who you'll trust to respect your desires with regard to your labor. While cautioning you that things may not go as expected or desired is appropriate, he doesn't seem to be taking your opinions about what will be happening to your body into account.

[brittone2]

Wow, red flags everywhere!!! Eeek.

Personally, I'd start calling around ASAP to find a new provider. This man is condescending, his views are outdated, and you absolutely should NOT have to ask his "permission" to accomodate some of your requests. The "we'll see" sounds like some sort of passive agressive comment or one an individual would hand out to a child to temporarily pacify them.

I think a lot of people switch care providers mid pregnancy, and occasionally way late in pregnancy. I switched about halfwayish from an OB to a midwifery practice, for somewhat similar reasons (the hospital I was originally going to deliver at mandated IV hep lock, no eating/drinking in labor, ice chips only, no tub or shower in labor, etc. etc.). When I asked my midwives, they said they have people switch right up until the very end to their care...they've had people switch beyond 35 weeks, for sure.

It may take some calling, but I'm sure you'll find someone. I'd be up front about why you are switching practices, so that hopefully you don't run into the same kinds of issues w/ another doc. Do you have anyone in mind? Can you call some local doulas (check out DONA's website for example) and see if they can give you recommendations? They often get to see a variety of docs/midwives in the trenches while they labor with clients, so they can probably tell you who really walks the walk, kwim? Maybe even call a La Leche League leader, or local lactation consultants. Anyone who may have experience w/ moms that have done unmedicated birth...it is at least a starting point if you don't have someone in mind.

Your doc works for YOU, and you are an adult, capable of making informed decisions about what is best for *your* body and *your child's* body. After you secure another provider, I'd be sure to tell him exactly why you "fired" him. It probably won't change his interventionist mindset, but maybe it will make him think for a brief second.

I would seriously RUN the other direction from this man, as fast as I could. He sounds like a cascade of interventions waiting to happen unnecessarily. You aren't over reacting, and you have every right to be beyond PO'd. If you moved, you'd need care, 35 weeks or not, kwim? I think you'll be able to find someone. There have been other moms here that have switched late in the game and were very happy they did.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your DC, and for taking a stand. As long as women keep their mouths shut in these situations, providers like this are going to keep having enough patients to stay in practice, and that's unfortunate. It is awesome that you are speaking up.

Hugs. I'd even try calling some Doulas today if you can.

[kijip]

I agree with the PP, it is time to find a new doctor if you don't want to be dealing with that attitude in labor. This late, it will be hard to find a new one but you might be able to find someone if you start calling right away. Good luck.

[ribbit1019]

Where in OH are you? I have some doula/natural birth advocate friends and I can prob find someone for you.

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[robinsonbn]

Near Toledo, but we are doing this without insurance (don't ask that was a fiasco thought we had it) so I am not sure we can afford the extra cost though i don't know how much doula's cost...thank you for your post

[Rachels]

Run! Run! Find a midwife or a natural-childbirth-friendly OB. It's never too late to switch. The pushing on your back (lithotomy position) is listed as a *harmful* practice by the W.H.O. This is your body, your baby, your birth. Don't let this guy anywhere near it.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
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"When you know better, you do better."
Maya

[Globetrotter]

My SIL went through something similar with an outdated and very condescending OB. Fortunately she had a doula, and that made a big difference (something I would recommend).

She tried to switch providers but couldn't find a good one who could take her that late. It's worth the effort, though!

She and the doula stayed home as long as possible, which helped a lot. As soon as she got to the hospital things went downhill, though in the end it was alright (not ideal).

Kris

[robinsonbn]

Thank you, I do have 2 others in mind like I said this guy comes very highly recomended and so did another Dr. the ironic thing is that I got my pg test done at the other Dr. but chose to go with this one because more people I knew recomended him. However, the recomendation for the other Dr. I am calling came from Dh's freind's wife and they have 5 kids! I should have thought about that..Also I have recently found out she did 3 out of the 5 natural, by just I mean literally about 5 min ago. I guess 5 or 6 people raving about 1 Doc only 2 of which have kids both only 1 should have not out ruled the other. Anyway thankyou for your post I am actually calling the other Dr. on Monday if he won't take me then I have 2 other options whom I have never heard anything about from anyone. I live in a northwest Ohio and there are only a handful of Ob's for the hospital(which I absolutely love!)So it gets hard if I had my way from the begining the Doc would have been a female but there are none around here and going to mine from Akron (were I am from moved for school) was to hard. I mean 2 hour drive in labor not the best idea. ok there I go babling again. :)

[BaileyBea]

I agree w/the PPs that this Dr is not the right fit for you. Now I hope I can give you some good positive advice.

1) OWN YOUR BIRTH EXPERIENCE.... this means, don't let them take the time, energy, and birth YOU want to have away from you.

2) Get a Doula

3) Drs are not really around much during the labor, so you don't have to worry too much about his neg. energy if you, your DH and the nurses all focus on the natural delivery plan that you want.

4) Take all this frustration and anger for his ill treatment of you and your DC and PROVE HIM WRONG! Darn it! ;-)

(My Dr. did the very same thing w/DS and I came home - got angry and proved him wrong! My Dr was not on call when I delivered DS and I had a woman Dr who had two natural deliveries who was amazing.... my prayers were answered w/her)

5) Be completely prepared for a natural birth. I didn't want an IV so I made sure there was no reason to have it.

Strep B - Make sure it's Negative!
When they checked me for Strep B in my 36th week I did a douche wash made up of 3/4 water to 1/4 hydrogen peroxide and I douched my parts with in... yes, inside parts too as well as the labia. I also took 3x the amount of acidopolis (yogurt) than recommended for 4 days. This helped make sure that I did not have a positive Strep B. It works and this was recommended to me by a wonderful Midwife. If the test comes back negative there is no reason to put a hep lock on you which will make you more mobile.

EPO & Red Raspberry Leaf Tea
Start drinking the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea now. And around week 38 start inserting in your vagina an EPO (Evening Primrose Oil). Just pop a hole in the EPO gel tab and insert.

Practice
Practice your breathing and mediation. If you practice taking deep breaths now and find time to relax and visualize your birth or a relaxing place this will help out w/your Blood Pressure etc.. I did Hypnobirthing and I would sit and try to relax every muscle in my body while I visualized the ocean in Monterrey California. I did this very quickly before each blood pressure check too.

My blood pressure is ridiculously low with each pregnancy... when DD in the last few hours of labor it was 96/48. I think it's due to the way I meditate.

6) Have a plan for each situtation and before making any decisions in labor sent the Dr. out of the room and talk things over w/your DH. There is nothing wrong with asking for time to think out each suggestion they make.

I had DD last week and there was one part of the labor that didn't go as planned. I asked for 1 hour to try things on my own before using Pitocin. I don't regret that decision. I was in my right to ask for what I wanted.

7) When you get to the hospital ask for the head nurse.. Then tell that nurse you want a natural delivery and request a nurse that has the most experience with natural deliveries. I did this both times and let me just say that both times the nurses were outstanding and much more supportive and helpful than the Dr.

8) Positions for birth... you should be able to do whatever you like especially if you aren't hooked up to an IV. If they tell you no... just yell at them and say Yes, I'll do what I want.

9) I ate crakers, popcicles, ice chips, and a PB&J.

10) Stay at home as long as possible before going to the hospital.

HTH Good luck.. you can do this Mama!

[writermama]

I agree with PPs that you should look into switching. I'd be concerned not only because he was dismissive of your wishes (which is enough), but also because he didn't seem familiar with or attentive to your case.

Try calling doulas in your area today (often they can get back to you on a weekend) and ask if they can recommend facilities and care providers who are friendly to natural birth. Call the la leche league in your area -- they probably can't give official recommendations, but someone might be able to tell you about her OB or midwife.

It may be difficult to switch this late, but definitely look into it.

hugs to you -- I switched at 26 weeks after an OB gave me the "we'll see" answer to all of my natural birth preferences. Grrr.

[babyready]

This is a wonderful solution if you are not able to switch Drs. A doula that would advocate for you is totally worth the money!! They are just wonderful to have around no matter what, even with a wonderful and supportive Dr!

And staying at home for as long as you possibly can might greatly reduce your need for interventions.

But first try and find a new Dr. or midwife. Make sure you stick up for yourself at the hospital. You're allowed to be demanding!

Good luck!!!!

[robinsonbn]

:) The tea yes I have been looking into that. I also ordered the Hypnobirthing book and cd should be here soon (fingers crossed) I have been practicing and researching though my confidence took a beating at the Dr. now the Epo that is for ripening the cervix right? It won't make me go into labor early will it, I was actually reading about methods for self induction and cervix ripening last night. How long to stay home was another answer he couldn't give me, see when I switch though I tend to have trouble being mean and assertive like I yell and then say sorry, so if I find another Dr. I will probally feel bad telling this guy why I fired him...

[robinsonbn]

Wish I would have asked these questions at 26 weeks course he kept putting off the whole going over the birth plan thing, I thought it was because I may change my mind. When he wouldn't make a specail appointment to go over it like I asked I should have realized somthing....*SIGH* thankyou for your post glad to see I am not alone.

[ribbit1019]

Doulas usually run around $200-$400, round these parts, though their rates are negotiable. If you tell them outright your situation, they may be able to help you or find someone to help you.

I am in Cleveland so I am not sure if there is someone I can find for a rec out that way but I will try. Email me with more specifics, i.e. what hospital you plan to deliver at, what your current docs name is etc, so I can talk to a midwife and doula I know and see if they can recommend anyone. I won't be online until tomorrow likely, just so you don't think I am ignoring you. ;)

About the flat rate still being owed thing I don't know. I know my OB's office charges a flat rate for prenatal appointments, but I went through insurance. I would call the billing office on Monday and be honest. They will make gesticulations since you are so much later in the game, but ignore them. You need to do what is best for your health (and that includes your mental health!) All you have to lose is your Dr. finding out and realizing that he needs to take you seriously and stop pacifying you, as if you were 10. "Well we'll see", grrrrrr.

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[writermama]

It's your first time and there's no way you could know what you don't know, ya know? What I mean is don't beat yourself up for not doing something sooner, just work with what you can do now.

(I mean, it's not like you could know the guy would turn into a jerk -- and so better to find this out now than in the hospital when he tells you that you "need" interventions X, Y, and Z because he thinks you have some condition you don't have.)

And you're definitely not alone.

If for any reason you end up staying with this guy, get a doula. Get one even if you don't, but if you do, you'll need one. Yes, it's an added expense, but as I explained to my DH, a doula is cheaper than an epidural, cheaper than our out-of-pocket costs for a c-section, and cheaper than therapy for me after a bad experience.

from the hypnobirthing website, here's a list of "labor companions" in ohio:
http://www.hypnobirthing.com/new_page_45.htm

from the DONA site, here's a list of doulas in Ohio:
http://www.dona.org/search/results.php?region=US+-+OH&doulas=birth&x=29&y=9
and often when you call doulas, they may recommend others who aren't on the list.

[BaileyBea]

Yes, EPO softens the Cervix.

Now how long to stay home really depends on you. When you time your contractions etc.. Once they get closer like 5-7 minutes apart for 1 hour etc.. you may want to think about heading into the hospital.

When I had the baby last week my contractions went form 20 mins to 15 to 10 to 7 to 5 to 3... When they were 3 mins for over an hour that's when I called everyone and told them to gather their stuff

With my first son the contractions changed and got stronger all of a sudden that's when I knew it was time to go. I could feel my body opening up. Sounds corny but that's how it felt. When DD I kinda had to go soon it had been 12 hours since my water broke.

[lisams]

He's working for you, if you don't like his services, fire him and find someone else. You don't have to feel like you need his permission to have the birth you want. He's already assuming you're going to need interventions that you very well may not need.

Good luck! I hope you're able to find someone who will be more open to your wishes.

[kcandz]

I did not use a doula so please take that into consideration when reading this post.

I think you should still change doctors or go with a midwife/birthing center. It seems to me (not knowing exactly how they advocate) that all a doula will add is stress in the delivery room, while she is fighting for your rights against a doctor that is showing clear signs already that he won't listen. In a hospital setting, where the hospital is scared about liability, when it really gets down to it the doctor will get his way, because the doctor will act in (in his professional opinion) the "best interests" of baby and mother. So it is up to the doctor's discretion and if that doctor is conservative and leaning towards interventions (easier for him) and is already showing attitude that you are "rebelling" against him, how can a productive labor occur? A birth plan is not a legal document.

I had a friend who changed doctors at 36 weeks. It was a situation very similar to yours - first birth, uneasy vibes in other prenatal visits, then when down to the nitty gritty for the birth got the wrong message. My friend barely knew her new doctor, but had a great birth experience.

Fire that guy. Create conditions for a beautiful birth while you still can.

[Jo..]

Switch. Now. If not, you'll wind up with an experience like mine: After 14 hours of pitocin, when I was at my lowest and most worn down, the doctor tried to bully me into an early amniotomy. He was all about the interventions. He actually threatened me that if I didn't let him MANAGE my labor, I was "buying myself a one way ticket to a c-section". We got into a FIGHT, and he got so mad at me he stormed out and I got a different doctor mid-labor, LOL. Nothing like a good fight in the middle of labor to get your blood going ;).

You're setting yourself up for a HUGE uphill battle if you don't switch. My alarm bells are clanging away for you. GOOD LUCK!

[babyready]

Hmmm...I guess when I say advocate I don't mean argue with the Dr. I just mean help you express your wishes. Such as, telling the nurses to quit offering meds or that you would prefer to stay on the birthing ball than on the bed.

Being in labor can put some women in a vulnerable position and it is nice to have someone ther supporting you. And giving you a nice massage or applying pressure when needed.

[Momof3Labs]

>how they advocate) that all a doula will add is stress in the
>delivery room, while she is fighting for your rights against a
>doctor that is showing clear signs already that he won't
>listen.

A doula will NOT communicate with a doctor or nurse for you; you must still do that yourself. So this scenario painted by the PP would not happen. But she will help you gather information to make decisions, particularly ones that are consistent with your birth plan (if you choose to stick to it). She can also help you labor at home for as long as possible, which will reduce the interventions once you do arrive at the hospital.

[Momof3Labs]

The OBs most recommended around here were horrible for me too - so interventionist, no confidence in my body, etc. I found a wonderful doula and midwife team, and DS2 was born with no IV, no pain meds, naturally in a hospital.

It is not too late to switch, although you may have to pay for each OB visit you've had so far, and then pay the full flat fee to the new OB. When I switched, that's what happened (but I switched at 18w, not at 36w), but we have great insurance that picked up most of the tab. If you can't switch for financial reasons, GET A DOULA. It WILL help since she will be on your side; she can probably help you get a nurse who will support your desire for a natural birth, too. You'll be surprised at how little contact you have with the OB once you go into labor - they really don't show their faces much at all!

Another thing, you probably can't dictate whether you'll have an OB or a midwife at your delivery. It depends on who is on call. So that is probably an unreasonable request, but IMO none of the rest is.

[robinsonbn]

I just wanted to say Thankyou for your post and congrats on your new baby!

[robinsonbn]

Congrats on your new baby he is adorable! and Thankyou for your post..lol I actually am worried about having to fire him there. The freinds episode when Pheobe is in labor keeps running through my head :)

[robinsonbn]

So I have a question do people listen to the Doula because they have certification or because they aren't afraid to get into people's faces. I am asking because my mother helped deliver my sister's baby, my cousins, and my aunts...She was their support team. Now we always planned on DH being the only one in there but maybe my mom could stand in as a doula...she is the families medical proxy for most situations because of her experience with hospitals (the above births, my step-father's kidney transplant, my father's scirosis, two elderly grandparents, ect.) So she is not afraid to get in their faces or question everything. She also knows how to read a medical chart and most machine's. I had always figured she would intervein(sp) if needed only because well we are mother and daughter..have identical personalities and thought maybe her and DH together would drive me nuts :). But if you think should would work I could do that that way I won't have to get to know a new Dr. and Doula ( new people make me nervous). The other thing I was thinking about incase I could not change Dr.'s is this is there anyway I could have my cousin (a Dr. who lives in Kentucky) on the phone and make it so he gets to intervein(sp) somehow? He is a family practitioner so I don't know if that would work..I am just trying to think of Ideas. Our local hospital is very small and they call the facility a "Birthing Center" with birthing rooms only. But the size does make me weary because there are only 4 Dr's and my doc's midwife (who I heard very bad things about) to choose from..I don't want them to all be like hey that is the girl who fired Hedges and have a bias towards me. Thankyou everyone for your posts. These boards have been really really helping me these past few months..I have learned more and gotten a better handle on things then I had in the first 6 months of this pregnancy :)

[Momof3Labs]

As I said in my post above, the doula's job is NOT to communicate with the medical staff. At least, a certified doula will NOT do that at all. The medical staff listens to YOU, the patient. But the doula will support you and give you information, even if the medical staff is pushing you to do something that you don't want to do (the medical staff will likely NOT be interested in giving you both sides of the story to make your decision). The doula may also know the hospital, doctors and nurses, and may know how to get you what you want (by advising you to request a certain nurse, going in at a certain point in your labor, changing to a certain doctor at this point, etc.)

I don't believe that your mother or cousin on the phone will be able to intervene for you either in the way that you describe (and I can almost guarantee that the staff won't have the patience to deal with your cousin on the phone - that's not who they take orders from). And I can assure you that having your mom in the room, arguing with a nurse or your OB, will be VERY stressful for you while you are in labor - I know because I had some bad nurses during my labor with DS1 that had some disagreements with both DH and me, and it was very stressful and definitely slowed things down.

Finally, your mom and your cousin on the phone won't change the fact that this doctor does not respect your birth plan or your wishes.

[purpleeyes]

Hello-

I don't have any specific advice (other than to agree that doulas are WONDERFUL!) and since the PP's have been very helpful and detailed, I just want to send you ((HUGS)) and ask you to remember to take some time for yourself (and your baby!) to NOT think about labor for a little time-perhaps a bath, or reading a good book or a mindless tv show.

I say this because I am an overthinker-and I know that if I were in your shoes I would be getting a little obsessive and I would really need to relax!

So take a break, and let us know how you're doing in a little while. ;) We'll be thinking of you!

Hugs,
Beth

[BaileyBea]

I don't know about everyone elses experience w/a Doula but here's mine.

With both births my Doula helped me with birthing positions that would work better for how the baby was desending at that particular time. Meaning on all 4's or on my side. She brought massage tools and gave me a foot, leg, hand and arm massage during and after contractions. She was very encouraging and a cheerleader. She changed out my aromatherapy towels. Offered me water. Got DH dinner and something to drink. She gave DH suggestions on what to do. She performed accupressure. She knew how to read the medical lingo but did not interfere w/the Drs or the Nurses. We had an agreement that if they made suggestions I needed to think over she made a sign to DH and DH would tell the Dr or Nurse to leave the room while we thought things over.

This worked out great for us. Worth every cent!

Your Cousin would probably not agree to be on the phone during your delivery. I think this is against Drs code of ethics etc... He wouldn't have any rights at your hospital and his presence would probably not be accepted by the staff or your Dr. I could be wrong though.

Funny, I am a very shy person with my body parts in general. But during birth I just plain did not care. So the fact that I didn't know our Doula very well didn't bother me too much. We had met a few times before the birth of my son and I had to think of her as my advocate and let it all go. But seriously I wanted the baby out so badly during birth I could care less who was looking at my cha cha! ;-) Ha Ha!

[Melanie]

I'm sorry you are having doubts in your birth attendant. I can only imagine the stress. I just want to really recommend you trust your gut instinct. If it says he is the one for you, then stay. If not, you don't want to have regrets.

" He said a few weeks ago that as long as things progress ok we let you do whatever."

This is what is upsetting to me. He will LET you do whatever.

Anyway, of course I come from a completely different side of things (BC Hypno/Waterbirth with MW) so pretty much anything an OB says irritates me, so YMMV.

[Melanie]

He still may be highly-recommended and adored by some; however that does not make him right for you. I have a friend who adores her MD who has her flat on her back with an epi getting her babies vaccuumed out each time. *shrug*

I would go out on a limb and say, *most* OB's don't support the birth you are hoping for. Some will placate you and roll their eyes behind your back; and others it sounds as though you have met. A fully natural birth means that they may be there longer, they may have to wait around longer, they may not be able to have you on their schedule. This is not what *most* want.

I hope you find one who is a better fit for you. If you don't, having a doula, MW, Hypno-instructor, friend/relative (not your Dh) or other birth attendent who will help advocate your pre-designated wishes while you are in labor would be a good idea.

[Edensmum]

All of the things he is saying are telling you in not so many words that he is not really supportive of the things that are important to you. He is right that many things you will have to wait and see as you can not plan labour. However his lack of answering things straight that are important to you is his way of saying they are not important to him.
If you really want a natural labour, and not epi or cutting I would look for a good midwife and consider a birhting center. They are much more likley to be supportive of what you are really interested in.
I suggest you go to a La Leche League meeting and talk with some other moms who delivered recently and ask them for recommendations.

[Edensmum]

Your mom would not be a good sub for a doula, if you want her there then that's another thing. A doula is trained to help you through labour, to manage pain and make decisions Etc. Your mom arguing with medical staff sounds stressfull.
If you really want a natural birth you would be better off inthe hands of a midwife. OBs are for intervention most of the time.
Eden 9/04

[Fairy]

I agree with Melanie. I had a high risk pregnancy, so I was with a team of perinatologists, and the truth is that most docs are going to prefer to manage your birth their way, not yours. They don't do this because they don't care what you want; lots of them probably do care what you want. It's jsut that they know better than the rest of us what is best for your body at the time it's happening. I don't want to sound like I"m taking your doctor's side, cuz I think the real problem here is his bedside manner, which is clearly el stinko.

If you don't have insurance, you're behind the eight-ball. However, I'd do what you can to find a new doctor that you can be comfortable with. The new one might agree with everything the current one says, but it's how they communicate that -- or not -- that makes the difference. Your question of what they do to avoid episiotomies is a good question. What can be done is minimal, of course, but they should communicate their approach to you with respect for your question even if they don't agree with where it's coming from. That's really the bottom line.

Also, FWIW, I had two or three docs in the practice that I didn't care for, and one I actively disliked. But I knew I was in the ver best place with the very best care. As it turned out, one of the people with a kind of non-bubbly personality (I really need folks to have a sense of humor and also appreciate mine) delivered me (c/s), and I was hoping for one of the others. However, thank god it was him, because I had complications, and he was the head of the practice and probably saved my uterus. And in the end, he was a good guy.

Best of luck to you.
-- Fairy

[Fairy]

I've had so many heads up my crotch that to say I don't care anymore is a huge understatement. However, I cannot fathom my mother, cousin, or any other close family member other than DH in the room with me being my doula. Serously. I'm sure it's jsut me; everyone's diff. However, for me, the bigger a stranger they are, the better for the full frontal exposure, if ya catch my drift.

Just wanted to throw that in there.

[robinsonbn]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their posts they helped a ton as usual :) Especailly since I couldn't really ask the mother's around here because well they have their bias's towards doctors because they know them. Anyway, I have an appointment with my childbirth educator/lactation consultant/ pregnancy partner (its this service my hospital offers to make registration better and also help with problems such as this). I hadn't thought of asking her about it until yesterday up until now its been classes and normal labor birth questions. She is actually the reason I began thinking of a "natural birth". I am going to explain to her what happened tell her my wishes and see what she has to say. From what I have concluded so far the hospital is on board with my wishes as they call themselves a "birthing center" it is a very small hospital. They only offer Birthing rooms with all the amenities large whirlpool tubs, birth balls, ect. And they made it a point to show what their beds can do for various birthing positions especailly squating and all we taught in the class. She also will hopefully be able to grant me some knowledge about the other Ob's that are on call and point me in the right direction. Hopefully, we can figure somthing out. If for some reason another won't take me or they are going to have the same views as my current I guess then prehaps I should stay with this one but go in on Wednsday "guns blazing" and get right down to the point of how the last visit made me feel and my wishes. One of Dh's best freinds is actually a favored patient of his apparently and her entire family goes to him so I was thinking of possibly bringing her. Since, DS will be her nephew she is not afraid to get to the point of my wishes ect. I hope something can be figured out. I do agree that my mom in there would be chaotic and that my cousin on the phone won't work. I also will look into a doula. Again thank you all very much, I will let you know how it works out after my meeting with the Pregnancy Partner tomorrow. I was going to call the other Doctors today but it Labor day :( So as much as I hate it it has to wait until tomorrow, ok well Thanks again :)

[mommy111]

You go, Jo!!! I guess I read your birth announcement quickly b/c I didn't get the 'fired' thing from there, but *wow*, I'm truly impressed!
To the OP: That Dr is a jerk. Apart from not respecting your wishes and his bad bedside manner, he's not even very competent when he thinks you're on meds that you're not on. Dump him, or if not possible, can you switch to someone else in his practice?
Good luck and don't stress if you can't find anyone different! Fortunately, your labor will hopefully go wonderfully and naturally with or without him, because that's how nature intended labor to go!!!

[KBecks]

You sound very upset and it sounds like the doctor visit was not helpful for making you feel confident about the birth.

How far are you in your pregnancy, perhaps you could find another doctor that you are more comfortable with. Otherwise, perhaps you can work it out with your current doc. I think that hiring a doula may be helpful for you, but I don't know much about that, so not much advice there. But having a knowledgeable, experienced advocate may ease your mind during your childbirth.

Anyway, best of luck. Some docs aren't great communicators, but the points you made about feeling rushed and the mis-diagnosis seem very concerning, I would be upset too.

ETA - please keep in mind that even the best birth plan doesn't mean that things in labor and delivery go exactly as planned -- there aren't any guarantees on how things will turn out, and you may need to be flexible about the process. Having an open mind will help you roll with it and hopefully get through the experience with less stress, espeically if things dont' go perfectly to plan.

[purpleeyes]

BUMP-

Just wondering how you're doing Brittany! Hope thigs are working out...


Beth

[robinsonbn]

I am ok. I had to change my doc appointment till tomorrow morning though because my stupid car decided it had a clogged fuel line. I blame the watered down treated gas they sell us! Anyway, it is tomorrow morning at 10:40 then I am heading to Akron for a few days to my parents house. My mom and I are going to finish all the baby shopping. I am excited I love girls days out! When I get back though I will updaye everyone on the Doc front. Thank You so much.