DH just 'suggested' our chosen baby name to a friend!

[mommyagain]

I'm so annoyed. DH I have decided to keep the sex of our baby a secret until after birth. He has a friend with a baby (who we know is the same sex) due at about the same time. The mom has been asking for naming advice and DH has happily been providing her with suggestions very similar to our choice for our baby. I was somewhat disappointed when I heard that the other family's top choice of a first name was very similar to ours (just a different last syllable, but sounding somewhat similar). I decided to be mature and not complain to DH (we can't change our name idea since we are naming after someone).
Then, yesterday, DH told me that his friend asked him for advice about a middle name and he suggested the same one we want to use! And she loves it, and thinks it's the one she will use. (She doesn't know we are using also since no one knows the sex of our baby- she probably wouldn't imagine that DH would suggest something we are are using ourselves!!)
I think "annoyed" is not a strong enough word for how I feel now. Truthfully, I don't even love the first name we are using but we promised my inlaws that we would use it a long time ago (when there was a baby appropriate to carry on the name). The middle name, is the part I really like. Why did he have to give someone basically the same name as our child? The Mom even joked that her family would probably use an obvious nickmame (that we had considered as well).
DH thinks the whole thing is cute!
Would you be annoyed?
Would you go so far as to give away your secret to the other Mom so that we don't use the same name?- I really DIDN'T want to tell anyone the sex.
And is there a point in telling DH how upset I am? We'll probably get in a fight and it's too late to 'unsuggest' the name...
Uggh...}(

[Sillygirl]

Are these close friends? Will they be in your lives for the long run, will your kids socialize, etc.? I would be kind of annoyed in your situation, but if these people aren't particularly central to your lives I would think you could go ahead with your original plan, and maybe that was behind your DH's thought process as well. . .

[set81616]

I'd definately be annoyed too. Can you switch the middle and first name? Or call DC by the middle name? If yuo are close friends you might want to talk to her but then if she's telling everyone their name choice and suddenly switches people are going to want to know why. Same circle of friends might get curious...
Shannon

[american_mama]

I would be super annoyed! I would still talk to DH about it so it doesn't keep talking about the name to other people giving everyone a preview that steals your thunder once the baby is born. Tell him what he SHOULD say when people ask about names: we aren't deciding until the baby is born, our choices change every week, we aren't telling people until the baby is here, whatever... give him the line that he should use and tell him to stick to it.

As for talking to the friend, it's up to you, but I think you could present it as this is the name you will absolutely use IF it's a girl and that's why you are bringing it up to her. That way, it doesn't give away the sex of the baby.

Of course, that doesn't work if everyone knows you know the sex, but just aren't sharing it.

Anyway, I don't blame you at all before mad.

[tarabenet]

I'd be annoyed over the whole situation. And annoyed with DH, but not with the other mom. Talk to him about it -- they don't think the same way we do, and he just isn't cluing in to how upsetting this is for you. Come at it from the angle of just letting him know, since you both know that he can't "fix" what he did now. And don't try to convince him he was wrong to do it, or you are right to be unhappy, simply that you *are* and this is why. But if he doesn't realize it bothered you, he has no reason not to to it again down the road.

And I'd break the silence on the sex of my baby and have a heart-to-heart with the other mom ASAP, before she gets really really set on the name. You can ask her to keep your secret -- no guarantees, of course, but you can try. But if she knows he only came up with those ideas because y'all had already settled on them, and if she knows why you are committed to the name, maybe she'll reconsider. Otherwise, you'll both have your babies and then she'll think *you're* a jerk for stealing *her* name, and that would be a rotten scenario!

(edited for typos)

[jillc]

Yep, this is exactly what I would do, too.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I would be livid if my DH did this. Sometimes, they just do not think, do they??

Best of luck with getting everything "fixed"!

Jill

[egfmba]

Well, if you don't really like your current first name, but you promised your inlaws you'd use it and now it's their son's fault you can't, maybe you could switch the names around (middle to first, since you like it better anyway) and explain to your inlaws why you felt the need to do so. Or make your husband explain it. After all, he was aware of all the circumstances surrounding your chosen name when he suggested it to the friend.

Is it possible he didn't like the name to begin with and that's why he told someone else to name their kid that? Maybe try to find out if he even loikes the name, because if he doesn't truly like it, you may be able to reconfigure the whole name anyway without the inlaws' feelings being hurt.

Either way, good luck with the situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

eva

[robinsonbn]

You are a better calmer person than I am. I don't think annoyed would cover it for me. Like you we have been keeping well the name a secret...partly also because I told DH he could choose the first name because I wanted the middle to be after my step-father. He hasn't narrowed it down just yet but I definetly put in my two sense :) anyway I would flip especailly if they are close freinds! I mean naming your child is a big deal. I think if you love the name you chose that you should tell the other mom, but tell her it is important it remains a secret. Also mention to your DH that he needs to stop doing that, like I said u are way calmer than I am I think I would have flipped out on him. (course I also have entered the I'm not taking any #### phase :) ) Maybe he told him because he thinks it would be cool if they have the same name? However, I think that the other mom would understand I mean naming your baby is a big deal and if it is that important to you let her know. After all (and this may sound completely bitchy my apologies) she wasn't sure up until recently you have known for awhile so she should be able to change it, you had dibs! Ok well good luck to you! I hope everything works out.

[Melanie]

OH my, I'd be SO irritated at Dh.

Is your baby due first? If so, then I wouldn't worry about it.

If hers is due first, well, I just don't know.

[mommyagain]

Thanks to all of you who responded (and validated my growing anger!!)
I very gently requested from DH that he not "suggest" the name to anyone else and explained that I preferred my children have more individual/unique names if possible- If I wanted them to have the same name as half their classmates I would have just looked up names on the "most popular name" lists and gone with whatever was the top!
He still didn't really seem to get it(he said "why, I think it's cute") but he went on to say that he now thinks the other Mom is going with a different middle name anyway. At least we didn't have a major fight over it this time. Now I just have to confirm that she's really not using the name...
Thanks again...