Dear DH (TMI)

[cmdunn1972]

Dear DH,

I love you. You're a great husband and father, but I find your personal habits sorely lacking.

I buy the most premium toilet paper on the market, Charmin Ultra. I have even bought moist tp. Apparently, it's not good enough because you do not use it. How do I know? Well, guess who does the laundry!

Not only do I find streaks in your undies, but I have noticed similar markings on your side of the bedsheets. Did you know that I put no fewer than 3 cups of bleach per load of whites? At that rate, we could buy shares of Clorox. It's not a pretty sight.

Then, after I've seen what a mess you make of laundry, you decide to get all horny and come onto me. Honey, with the memories I have of cleaning your tighty whities, not tonight, okay? If we haven't done the nasty in a while, then it's because some memories are harder to recover from than others.

Please wipe. The laundry and I would appreciate it.

Love,
Your Wifey

[VClute]

Bwa-haa! Thanks so much for the laugh. I really needed it.

Amy in NC
mom to Dixon, born 2/14/05
...and a sequel! Due 3/30/07

[cmdunn1972]

How I wish the issue was total fiction...

[atlcombs]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! :D That was too funny! I am sorry though and hope things get better down under!
~gina

[kijip]

Yeah, this certainly gets filed in the TMI forum.

You have to wonder how someone reaches adulthood without being fully toilet trained.

I think you are totally justified in putting this on his pillow. Then, if there is not an improvement, you should email it to his friends and family. Just kidding. Well only sorta.

[Beth568]

*snort*!

What I find both amusing and sad is how often this very topic seems to appear on these boards. WHAT is going on with all these men? And it's an issue in our house, too...ick.

[kijip]

>What I find both amusing and sad is how often this very topic
>seems to appear on these boards. WHAT is going on with all
>these men? And it's an issue in our house, too...ick.

I am frankly surprized that this is apparently a common issue. It seems MILs can't tell us much about potty training after all :P. Maybe they were "using" the toilet at 12 months, but clearly the potty training job is still undone into adulthood. Pass the barf bag please.

[bcky2]

ROFLMAO!!!!!! that is just way too funny. well not for you im sure. on the tmi front my dh makes my ds get up off the potty to wipe him. i asked him why the heck he does that as it is easier to wipe him while he is sitting down and he responds well that is how i wipe x( how the heck do you go #2 and then STAND UP to wipe. i am so grossed out by this i have a hard time even thinking about it, bleck! now the bed sheets, that would just be my breaking point.

[punkrockmama]

OMG. I damn near peed my pants reading this.

I just threw out a pair of Dh's underwear today when I was doing laundry. I called him and told him he was totally gross and why I thought so. He replied that well you know he must of just had a rough day that day. *barf*

Boys are dumb AND gross.

I have NEVER seen anything on the bed sheets though. Woman you are a SAINT.

[StantonHyde]

DH is an ER MD and he says that there is a surprisingly high number of people who seem incapable of wiping their own rears. And then don't get him started on obese people who can't see/feel their way to get there---no matter how bad my day is at work at least I don't have to look at/smell that!!!!

[ribbit1019]

ROTFLMAO!!

I only wish we didn't have similar problems....though I mentioned a recent bedsheet incident to him and I haven't had any problems since.

Now can we talk about the sticky section of my half bath's carpeting right at the front of the toilet? I told him he had to start sitting down to pee, I couldn't take it anymore. I can clean the upstairs bathroom tile a whole lot easier, sit or take the stairs buddy.

Seriously men are g-r-o-s-s.

Christy
My Waterbabies
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[mclianne]

Oh how I have held back posting this bitch many times. What is it with our DHs??? I have..err...discussed this problem with DH often since our marriage, suggesting maybe he ought to wipe more than once. He insists that he does wipe well, sometimes "even 3 times"! He then asked how much more do I want him to do? How many times do I wipe? I replied, "Until I'm clean!"

He insists, that it is not a wiping problem. It is an unexpected "moist fart" problem. Blech! Now I really don't want to get romantic...

[kozachka]

Guess I should be thankful that DH insists on washing down there after a really long stay in the bathroom. Normally the amount of time he spends there drives me crazy but apparently there are benefits. Have you ever considered installing a bidet? I am only half joking when I say that it was one of the reasons we bought our house in CA. MIL has Toto bidet toilet seat in her bathroom and a bidet nozzle similar to this one http://www.biffy.com/viewdoc.asp?cat=0&id=1&sid= at the guest bathroom and her condo. It is around $100 and is totally worth it. You can also go for a mini-shower, I think there are about $35. We were travelling in Thailand this May and those were everywhere, even in public bathrooms. HTH!

Here's a link for minishower: www.minishower.com/hand_held_bidet.html
and for Toto washlet http://www.friendlyplumber.com/toilet_toto/c100_washlet.html

ETA: spelling of the word bidet and to add a link

[cmdunn1972]

Great idea, Elena! Maybe DH wouldn't snub that like he did the moist tp.

[cmdunn1972]

Yeah, me too!

[cmdunn1972]

Well, you were warned! :P At least I tried to phrase things with some discretion.

The toilet training duty is definitely going be mine. I'll insist on it lest I get left with *2* sets of nasty tighty-whities!

OMG Your email comment just about made me fall off my chair this morning. It's an idea... }(

[cmdunn1972]

I wish I knew, sorta. However, I refuse to follow DH into the bathroom after he does the deed for an inspection. There's a line we must draw in a relationship.

[cmdunn1972]

Makes me wonder if that could be the problem.

Unfortunately, DS is nowhere near potty training yet since he hasn't shown any readiness signs. (He's only 16 months.) So, there's no discreet way to ask DH what he does.

All I know is that the Charmin goes somewhere (which is more than I can say for the moist tp), but it apparently isn't effective enough.

[cmdunn1972]

Sheila, I love how totally direct you can be about such matters. I would be mortified and too worried about embarrassing him!

[cmdunn1972]

I wonder if DH's weight is part of the problem. Maybe there's just not enough room around the seat for him to sit and wipe all at once.

Your poor DH! I'm sure he washes his hands thoroughly before and after working those kinds of cases.

[cmdunn1972]

The mess on the floor by the toilet has appeared in our house too. I am a HUGE fan of disinfectant! What, is the commode not large enough to accomodate them that they have to miss the big hole altogether?

[cmdunn1972]

For those of you who have discussed this issue with your DHs, how do you phrase these types of discussions? As much as I dread the laundry, I dread talking about it with DH even more since it'll embarrass him so much. (He's very sensitive about some things.)

[bcky2]

you mean in casual conversation you cant just be like oh hey by the way do you wipe standing up or sitting down? or else be like there is a poll on the bbb about if you wipe standing up or sitting down, so what do you do? I think i would die laughing if i had to ask. it was bad enough that i couldnt look dh in the eye last night after having to think about the fact that he stands up x(

[kelly ann]

Colleen-

You are a saint to not want to embarrass him. If I had this problem with DH, I would just tell him to stop the skid marks all together or he can start doing the laundry. I don't know if my "tactfulness" will work in your situation :) Luckily DH is the complete opposite...he is yucked out when DS comes back from school with a little extra in the underwear.

Good luck!

ETA: He can't be completely in the dark about this - doesn't he see it when he undresses???

[saschalicks]

Although I do not have this problem w/my DH, I have had no qualms telling him the things that gross me out.

I think your best bet is: You know honey I love you and I wouldn't change you for the world, but is it all possible for you to wipe a little better? The bedsheets and underwear is getting a bit too gross for my taste. I would so appreciate it.

Butter him up it's always the best way. Let us know how it goes.

[saschalicks]

My parents have had the Toto toilet for years and I have to say that thing is a dream come true. DH & I say that when we buy our first house that is our first "furniture" purchase.

[cmdunn1972]

Um... You're joking, right? I guess IRL I'm a bit shy about discussing such matters. It reminds me about those awful icebreakers where they pass around a roll of tp and instruct everyone to break off the number of sheets they use. Some things you just don't want to know. The white lie about a BBB poll question might be a good idea, though. I'm not sure if I want to know the answer, however.

[cmdunn1972]

I don't want to embarrass him, and maybe it's just my way of denying the whole problem. You can bet that I handle his undies only by the waistband as I toss them in the wash though! I feel for Miranda when she found out she was dating skid-marks guy.

[cmdunn1972]

Maybe I can just buy a sign saying, "Please remember to wipe" and hang it over the commode. At the very least, it will be comical to gauge the reaction from the grandparents! :o

[Puddy73]

Maybe he'll get the hint if you start putting pantyliners in his tighty whities.

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." - Jimmy Buffett

[bcky2]

lol, yep i was just kidding :) and believe me, you dont want to know!

[cmdunn1972]

OMG Jennifer! I'm going to add "panty liners, XXL" to my grocery list now. }(

You're killing me, girl! :)

Not sure if I should add a layer of panty liners to the bedsheets, though. LOL Can you just picture that?!?

[npace19147]

so I can't help now but wonder, does your DH sleep commando? Otherwise, how do the stains get on the sheets? Maybe suggesting your DH sleep in something would help!

[cmdunn1972]

Yep. He says he gets too hot otherwise. x(

[npace19147]

Well, I think you are a better person than I am then! No way would I be dealing with that in the laundry. Luckily my DH wears boxers and wears them to bed.

Could you show him the sheets after an incident and let him know it's not acceptable? Tough situation here!

[set81616]

OK, so I bring this up with DH and he goes, hey you know I've had problems (twice in college he thought he had to fart and well...). My response is we have been out of college for 7 years. So he brings up one of my wonderful old pairs. Yeah, I was giving birth and I asked you to throw them away not wash and keep them.

Next time , though I have to be careful what I say. He liked the wet farts so much he is going to start using it. Oh how did I get so lucky to catch such a dream of a man?
Shannon

[cmdunn1972]

I might say that the next time he gets frisky with you that you do an underwear check first. If there are any markings down under, no deal. ;)

[oliviasmomma]

I think that was Steve--and she eventually married him! (Big SITC fan here)

[oliviasmomma]

I think I have a partial explination--but I'm not sure how gross this will sound. DH seemed to have this problem on occasion (rarely) ultil DD was born. He'd never been told that girls wipe from front to back always--I freaked out at him for not doing it correctly a day or two after we came home.

Anyway, the problem never happened again! (I think the back-to-front method is not as complete??)

I can't believe I posted this--thank goodness DH doesn't go online often!