UGH STUPID BALLET TEACHER

[cuca_]

I am soo furious right now!! I enrolled DD in a pre-ballet class for 3 years old. The class is offered through the city recreations program and she just had her second class today. DD is very active, and I wasn't sure how she would do in ballet, but I figured that since the class was cheap we might as well give it a try. The first class went fairly well. Today, I noticed that DD wasn't following all of the teacher's instructions. She wasn't being disruptive, but they were supposed to follow a simple routine and she would just twirl instead of following the whole thing. I notice the teacher had to ask her to sit once or twice, that sort of thing. She was defiinitely far from being the star pupil! I was watching the class from outside (throught a window) and saw the teacher pull out a bucket of foamy stickers to give out to the girls. All the girls were sitting in a group right in front of the teacher. Well I see the teacher give each girl a sticker and then when she gets to DD she skipped her. Poor DD had her little hand extended for a sticker and did not get one. At first I thought that she might have gotten one and that I missed it. Well when I go into the classroom, I asked DD and she said she did not. Then, the teacher (I don't know if b/c she heard me ask DD or what) walks over to us and hands me a purple heart sticker, while telling DD that she will give me the sticker because she does not deserve one as she did not follow directions. She then tells her that maybe I will give it to her at the end of the day if she behaves or is a good girl (I forget her exact words). At this point I was fuming (and still am). I took the sticker, peeled it, and looking at the teacher told her that DD was getting it right now, as I did not believe it was good practice to give some 3 y.o. stickers and some not. Then I told her that this would be our last class and asked for a refund. I really cannot believe that a teacher would give out stickers and deliberately skip over a 3 y.o. child for "not following directions." I have no problem with the teacher telling DD to follow directions, and being strict, etc..., but I certainly have a problem with this. Heck, I would have preferred that the teacher tell me that she had to kick my kid out of the class. I just thing that deliberately excluding a 3 y.o. in this manner is unbelievably cruel!! I just had to vent!!

Carmen
DD May 2003
DD May 2005

[Pennylane]

Wow, you handled it much better than I would have. I think I would have been tempted to deck her one! How can you expect a 3 yr old to follow a routine. My DD is almost 5 and is just now starting to understand the concept of that in her dance class.

Good for you!

Ann

[egoldber]

I think that was a totally appropriate way to handle it and I would have been furious as well.

I used to like rec center classes, but I have now been burned 2 or 3 times by really poor teachers. I now take DD to a ballet studio where the teacher is a former Montessori preschool teacher. The difference was amazing! She had a class of fifteen 3 and 4 year olds all organized and working together while they all had a fantastic time. The "free spirits" were lovingly and gently re-directed and no child was made to feel left out.

Anyway, long story short, cheap classes *may* be OK, but often times, you get what you pay for. I'm sorry your daughter was made to feel belittled.

[jesseandgrace]

OMG, especially because your 3 year old was acting like a normal three year old! Good for you!

[madelinesmom]

You were so right to give her the sticker and you need to complain to your local Parks and Rec. They might not know that the instructor sucks. I work P/T as a computer instructor in day care centers. Everyone gets a sticker at the end of class, everyone, no matter if they are climbing on the walls... everyone gets a sticker. This woman should realize that she is providing a service that you are paying for and if you aren't happy not only will you not pay for the service you will also use your most powerful tool, word of mouth, to let others know what happened in your situation. I know if I heard your story I would not enroll.

Jane
Madeline and Emily's Mom
1/20/03 11/29/05

[Jenn98]

Okay, if the girls had been 9 years old, and your DD was being disruptive and your DD had been warned during class and *then* the teacher skipped her I might not think twice. But at THREE!?!? That's a little extreme, IMO. I think you did the right thing. Sorry you had to deal with this.

[Jenn98]

DP - sorry!

[ShanaMama]

Wow that is really weird. What is she doing teaching 3 yo if she doesn't understand them at all? Maybe she should switch to a 10 yo class. Better yet, maybe she needs some re-educating herself.

[julieakc]

>Okay, if the girls had been 9 years old, and your DD was
>being disruptive and your DD had been warned during class and
>*then* the teacher skipped her I might not think twice. But at
>THREE!?!? That's a little extreme, IMO. I think you did the
>right thing. Sorry you had to deal with this.

ITA... you can't single out a 3 year-old who was acting like a normal 3 year-old. Everybody gets the sticker for their participation in class! Ugh....clearly this teacher needs to learn more about appropriately dealing with this age group!

[smkinc]

Ugh!--I think the teacher was totally inappropriate to a 3 yo.

I think Beth is right, I've really started evaluating the quality of the classes we try to take.

I enrolled DS in swimming lessons at our local pool. The criteria for being in the class was at least 3 years and PT'd, since the local swim team is hosted out of this facility, I assumed the classes would be structured to to teach basic swimming skills to 3 yo's who were potty trained. WRONG!! One of the teachers was very good, the other I don't think had ever been around pre-schoolers. She was coaxing a shy girl into the pool and DS was splashing around a little, it went in the girl's eyes and the instructor told him not to splash. FF 2 minutes as she's trying to teach the class, which is mostly---singing and splashing the kids in the face with water (to get them used to water in the eyes). DS got out the pool, came over to me and 'told-on' the teacher--'She's splashing me in the eyes!' We dropped out and went into a mommy and me type class--BTW--I'm now looking at semi-private lessons!

Mary

[dogmom]

I hate to say it, I'm not suprised. I know a few people who danced seriously and somewhat professionally and they are ALL suffering post-traumatic stress disorder from the F-upped world of ballet.

I had a friend who just went through a similar thing with her 7 year old in girl scouts. Her daugher *only* sold 35 boxes of cookies and there was an "incentive" for selling 100 boxes. All the other girls in the troop sold over 100. Of course since my friend is in the middle of a divorce and dad won't put the cookie list up a work, like all the other girls get, and my friend didn't work yet, that might have something to do with the lack of cookie sales. That and my friend didn't have selling cookies as first priority in her life at the moment.

The troup leader had all the girls in a circle and gave out gift bags with the "incentive". My friend's daugher got an empty gift bag and burst into tears. When my friend confronted the troop lead and asked WTF she was told that she had discussed it with some other mothers and thougth it was "fair". My friend thougth it would be nice if she had known ahead of time, since apparently every other mother in the troop knew but her. Maybe she wouldn't have brought her daughter to the "award" meeting or had something ready for her to make her feel better.

I think this kind of stuff is one of the worst parts of being a parent. Watching an adult take some kind of pleasure in making your kid feel bad.


Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve 6/18/06

[punkrockmama]

^^WHAT? The troop leader gave a little girl an EMPTY gift bag? That's so freakin' mean, I would have shoved a Somoa (and I love those cookies so I normally would hate to waste one) up her nose!

To the OP. I'm sorry that happened. Good for you for giving her that sticker right away and sticking up for your kid. You're a good mom. :) Here's hoping you can find a class for your DD that has a GOOD teacher!

[cuca_]

Thanks for all your responses. I'm glad you think I was right in responding how I did. I still get teary eyed thinking of my poor little DD happily waiting for her sticker with her hand extended and being skiped by the teacher. Beth, I think you are right, you get what you pay for. This was our first Rec. Dpt. class, and probably will be our last. I guess I didn't have any huge expectations about the content of the class itself, but did not think of the possibility of getting a horrible and mean teacher. Jeanne, that story about your friend's daughter is horrible. I can't believe people can be so downright mean, especially to young children. I talked to the Director of the program about it and requested a refund and he said he would have to talk to the teacher and get back to me. He was supposed to call me last night and did not. I am going to keep pestering him, not so much because I care about the refund, but because I do not want other kids treated this way. I am planning on writing a letter to the Director, his supervisor and anyone else I can think of. I am so disappointed for DD, she loved getting dressed in her ballet outfit and going to her dance class.

Carmen
DD May 2003
DD May 2005

[annasmom]

That is absolutely horrific! Like that little girl really needs to be treated that way!

And to Carmen, your little girl is very lucky to have you looking out for her! The dance instructor needs to be educated on age-appropriate behavior for 3-year olds!! You were right to get her out of that class.

[MissyAg94]

Oh Carmen, how awful! I got teary-eyed reading your story and she's not even my baby! I hope you find a class that has a better teacher and that your DD will love.

[Tracey]

I'm not into rewards and punishments, so I'm not taking up for the teacher at ALL. But, I wanted you to know that this was the practice at my daughter's dance studio last year and it was not a cheap place. All of the teachers probably read this in a magazine or newsletter or something for ballet teachers. I don't think you'll be seeing that refund. We are not in dance this year and opted for gymnastics. My daughter didn't like because she had to deal with the hitting and pinching and running around going on in there. I think they are just too young for structured dance routines.

[egoldber]

I think it depends on the school and the philosophy though. My DD's ballet school is a "serious" dance studio, but for the younger ages the classes are all developmentally appropriate and made to be fun for all participating levels. Expecting a structured dance routine at age 3 is just not appropriate.

So I really think it depends on the school and how they approach dance in the early years. We do ballet because a) DD LOVES dressig up in the clothes and 2) she has gross motor delay issues and ballet is tremendous for working with that. We also do gymnastics too and I am also extremely picky about the particular instructor that we get.

[niccig]

I know a ballet teacher and she won't teach ballet until children are at least 5 or 6. She said you have to be strict in ballet as you can hurt yourself if you don't do it properly and that expecting a structured routine at such a young age is unrealistic and damaging for self confidence when the child can't do it. She said they should be free to move and express themselves, rather than be told where and how to stand. I'm sure she and the teachers at Beth's DD's school aren't the only ones. I hope you find one in your area so your DD can still enjoy dance, be included and have FUN!.

[wyovol]

Oh, yuck! I used to be a dance teacher and taught many a 3 year old. Anyone with any common sense knows how kids that age act. I'm sorry you got a bad teacher. You handled the situation well!

Diana

[kcandz]

quote: "I think this kind of stuff is one of the worst parts of being a parent. Watching an adult take some kind of pleasure in making your kid feel bad."

So well said. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about that happening in the future for my sweet sensitive DC. It is bad enough when older kids are mean, but they are kids and (hopefully) still learning. But adults *should* know better. And adults who don't or won't certainly should take themselves out of jobs involving children.

[oliviasmomma]

Yep, I took ballet for 12 years and that was the philosophy of my teacher as well. She also said that it really can mess with muscle development if you start too young.

[cuca_]

So the Director of the program called me yesterday. He was nice, but said that they will most likely not give me a refund. (Big surprise). He said the teacher has been teaching for 10 yrs. and has never had a complaint about using this method. I said to him that the fact that other parents have never complained does not make the practice acceptable or correct. I feel awful for all those kids that have been subjected to this practice during the span of her teaching career. Apparently she was surprised that I was upset about the incident, especially since she did give me a sticker to give to DD later! I explained to him that my DD was acting like a typical 3 y.o and it really upset me that she was mistreated for it. I explained that while some kids will learn the routine quickly and follows the class, others will not, and that is totally normal. I told him it was obvious this woman had no kids and no training in dealing with pre-schoolers. He suggested that I write a letter to his supervisor, which I plan to do. I really could care less about the $75, it's the fact that young kids are being treated this way for acting their age. I really, really appreciate all of your responses. I think we will be putting ballet on hold for the time being and probably look into gymnastics and swimming.

Thanks

Carmen
DD May 2003
DD May 2005

[writermama]

That really stinks.

It kinda fits with my memories of early ballet classes - at least what I haven't blocked out - and is probably why I quit ballet very early on.

Have you ever heard of "music and movement" class? I don't know if anyone still does them, but it was something my mom had me doing as a toddler.

Unlike learning strict routines, it was age appropriate. We'd listen to music and then act it out: "dance like a raindrop" "blow in the wind" "stomp like a dinosaur" whatever the music evoked. Twirling and self-expression were encouraged. ;) I remember that I liked it -- and that's more than 30 years after the fact. Maybe you could find a class like that?