First Time @ the Park Alone with my Twins---Mean Kids!

[chiqanita]

Our neighborhood (HOA) has a private park with soccer fields/pool/& 2 play areas that is rented by a children's soccer club.

Today the twins and I hopped into the van and drove down to the neighborhood park. The boys ran to the play area and were having a ball when a group of 4/5 year olds showed up after their soccer practice. They could've played over on the larger slide but opted for the toddler play area where we were. My little guys were so happy to see these other little boys...big smiles on their faces...me too.

Big kid #1 slid down the slide and right into one of my DS. I told him to say excuse me next time and that it wasn't nice to slide into anyone. Another little boy came over and yelled in my DS face "Don't put wood chips on the slide!" I told him we were taking them off and that he didn't know the rules yet because he was only 2. Another little boy squirted us with a water bottle more than once. I told him we didn't want to get wet so please stop squirting us. Finally, another little boy jumped right in front of my DS and pushed some wood chips at him. I told him not to do that because it wasn't nice.

All the while this was going on the moms were sitting not 4 feet from us chatting away. I pay HOA dues not them...well not that I know of since they are a soccer club from the area. This is where I live and my sons should be able to play here without a problem. All of this happened to my very sensitive twin. He seemed sad all the way home and for sometime afterwards.

Why does this happen? Why don't some moms watch their children? I'm starved for adult conversation, too but I would still watch my children for their safety and others'.

I'm done.

[ribbit1019]

How insanely mean were those kids???!
I am sorry your little guy's weren't respected. :( This happens to us frequently, DD has started holding her own just in the last couple of weeks. Figures just as I feel better about taking her to the playgroung it gets really cold...
Christy
Wife to Richard
My Waterbabies
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[DrSally]

Oh that's horrible. I can't totally picture your little guy, new to the experience and excited to play. It must have been confusing for him. The best thing I think you can do is to teach him how to bounce back and brush it off (by empathizing, but then changing your mood if you can). This will prob be the first of many opportunities to try to do that with him. I totally feel for him--your description of the car ride home made me sad! (I was a sensitive kid too).

[dules]

Grrr. That's so frustrating and must have confused your kids.

I have, in the past, loudly asked if "This child's mother" is here. :) I don't think it should be my job to correct another kid's behavior and I'm not comfortable doing it - but do as you did when I have to.

Some moms just don't care, either. We had a similar experience once with 2 boys who were definitely bullies in training not letting my DD onto the equipment - she'd climb the ladder, they'd block her access, she'd try the stairs, they'd block her, etc. and I kept having to ask them to move and that she's only 2, they're bigger, please play nicely, she won't bother you, etc.

Finally I asked for the mother (knowing that there were only 3 kids there, and 2 other moms chatting about 20 feet away) and the two moms came over, I let them see what was happening, and they actually said, "Oh, they're just high energy. Nothing we can do about that". Grrr.

Again, sorry, and you can see this is a touchy subject for me too. Good luck and I say keep pushing good behavior, and shame the other moms into helping you if you need to.

{{hugs}}

Mary

[Beth568]

You know, almost every time I take my kids to a park/playground I'm amazed by the lack of attention some parents give their kids in this sort of situation.

When my DD1 was really small, I often found myself surprised at how some parents just didn't bother to stay close to their toddlers on playground equipment, for safety reasons. Now that she's 5, and her sister is almost 2, I let the older one play on her own, but I always have an eye on her, in case she's doing something dangerous, or doing something that will make another younger child uncomfortable.

I'm sorry you and your kids had that experience. :(

[Tracey]

I don't have any advise, just commiseration. Here's a doozy for you.
We were out of town with DH on a business trip. DH and I decide to take DD, who was two at the time, to the children's museum. DD was happily playing with some puppets when a 5 or 6 year old boy who weighed probably 100lbs ran up growling and snarling and snatched the puppets from DD. I basically moved her on to another area. This same boy yelled at my husband to get out of the firetruck. The grandmother that was with him about yanked his arm off when he yelled at DH. The yelling at DD apparently held to significance. At this point, I knew this kid has a prison cell waiting on him in his future.

We stayed until the museum was about to close. DD picked out a toy dinosaur from the gift shop. On the way out there is a playhouse outside and all the kids ran over to it. There were about three 8 year old girls in there and DD. That boy ran out of the museum and tried to go into the house, but the older girl blocked the entrance and said "no boys allowed". The kid hung out around the outside of the house. The older girls' mothers told them it is time to go. Now DD walked out of the house with her dino and the boy tried to take it. DD screamed and started running. He started yelling and growling like a monster with his face in a snarl and his hands outstretched trying to grab her. She was in a panic running for her life. I was running toward her and scooped her up before the kid could get her. I have no doubt he would have hurt her if he had caught her. The boy actually ran into me with his forward motion and I said to him, "NO! That's not nice!" and I actually saw in his eyes that he contemplated hitting me. He settled for sticking his tongue out at me. Grandma never did a thing and was sitting on a bench in the distance.

[jgiovagn]

I am totally with you...it is SO frustrating to see kids behaving badly and the parents doing NOTHING!

This happened to us recently as well. It's bad enough when the kids at the playground are running around like maniacs (yes, I know kids do that) and running over two-year-old DD and doing things like going down the slide backwards, head-first (I watch DD watching them and say loudly, "Don't even think about it! That's not safe; we go down the slide on our bottoms"). But on our last trip, there were all sorts of "mean kids" there, throwing wood chips at DD and not letting her on things and - get this - crawling UP the slide while she was coming down! And it was the tunnel slide - she started crying, "Mommy, there's a boy in here, I'm scared!" and I couldn't get to her. Ugh.

I honestly can't believe the behavior of these children. And I'm not sure which is worse: when there is no parent in sight or when they're right there - doing nothing about it!

The fact that this was your neighborhood's playground makes it even worse - you and your little ones shouldn't have to be subjected to that. I have no idea why this happens, but thanks for letting me vent too!

Jean

[C99]

>All the while this was going on the moms were sitting not 4
>feet from us chatting away. I pay HOA dues not them...well
>not that I know of since they are a soccer club from the area.
> This is where I live and my sons should be able to play here
>without a problem. All of this happened to my very sensitive
>twin. He seemed sad all the way home and for sometime
>afterwards.

I'm sorry that your sons were not treated nicely by other kids at the park. This may be unpopular opinion, but I think that your attitude about who "belongs" at the park stinks. Even if it's inside a subdivision, it's still a public park. I live in a large city. There is a large park with a playground 1 block from my house. I own a house and pay property taxes that go to support the park district (among other things). There are tons of people who use this park - some of them are my neighbors and fellow homeowners, some are not. Some kids behave nicely and respect the other kids and equipment. Some kids don't. I have no way of knowing who is a child of a homeowner and who isn't - but it's really irrelevant because it's a public park. If someone is acting in a manner that I think is inappropriate and the parents are not paying attention, I usually say something to the kids about it being for *everyone*. If the kid is older, he'll go tell his mom/babysitter and, 9 times out of 10, the mom/sitter corrects him as well. I also tell my son that we don't put woodchips on the slide/walk up the slide, so while I'd probably correct him if he repeated it meanly to someone who didn't know any better, I'd give the kid credit for trying to enforce good playground etiquette.

[lisams]

I'm sorry that happened to your boys. I too get frustrated with parents who just don't watch their kids and feel that park time means they get a break and don't need to parent, or decide that they'll let another parent take care of the problems. These kids know they can get away with it too, because mom is "taking a break". Grrr, I'm mad for you.

I hope your next trip to the park is much better!

[chiqanita]

Thanks Christy -- I told DH about it and he was even more upset. I don't usually go to parks with the twins because it isn't easy to watch 2 two year olds in that setting. I'm just going to have to teach them 'brush it off'. It's finally getting cooler here, too.

[chiqanita]

DH even noticed his demeanor when he got home from work. He is sensitive and usually has to assert himself with his twin brother who likes to demonstrate dominance often. I didn't get upset or anything at the park. I really tried to show him to move on. Thanks

[chiqanita]

I think I'll have to do as you do in the future. Since I am/was a teacher I'm very comfortable and used to talking to other people's children and always with respect. Believe me, it didn't always work in the school setting either. I just want my children to be able to play in a playground and stand up for themselves if necessary...or 'brush it off' if necessary.
Thanks for the hugs

[chiqanita]

You know I've been there several times during these practices but usually with DH and usually the play area is empty. Anyway, one time when the park had cleared except for us there was one lonely little boy sitting on top of the slide...his parents must've dropped him off. I hated to leave him there but then I saw the coach loading up his car. Where was his momma?

This was the same little boy who was squirting us with the water bottle.

[chiqanita]

Yikes! That was a horrible experience! I hope someone helps that li'l fella out before it's too late.

[chiqanita]

I agree, if the parent is there and doesn't really consider it an issue well that is infuriating. I'm sorry your DD was frightened in the tunnel slide...one of my DS is very leary about that slide and usually backs out of it. I dont' know what I would've done if it were us.

[chiqanita]

Hey Caroline you are entitled to your opinion. For the record while I was typing I didn't smell anything malodorous. :)

Just for clarification, this is not a public park. It is a private park maintained by our HOA not the city. It had a gate/fence around the play area but due to some damage has been taken down until a new one can be put up. The residents in our neighborhood have key fobs to access our common areas...the park/pool. It is a park with a small play area... a slide for big kids and a slide for toddlers. We were on the toddler side. The field adjacent to the play area is what is used by soccer clubs. I live in a suburb, used to be farm country.

I was venting something that I felt bad about. I felt bad for my 2 yo twins who weren't treated in a nice manner not by one child but by 3 different little boys. I know it's just the beginning considering the world we live in but it was our first and it happened in a place I didn't expect it to happen.

[chiqanita]

I think we will return and at the same time/day but this time with DH. We'll each be able to focus on one child and help him learn the ups and downs at the park....and I'm not talking about the slide. :)
Thanks!

[disneymom2]

I just wanted to say ITA with you!! Especially since the park is a private park. We have private neighborhood playgrounds inside our development and luckily they aren't frequented by older children. Most of the kids are 3 and under. Once in awhile there are a couple 5 yr olds playing, but they are usually well behaved and supervised. Now, if I went to a local public park I would probably expect alot more kids and alot more "acting up". We usually stick close to home though. My DS is on the small side, but he seems to hold his own with kids his age. Don't know how that would work if the kids were twice his size! Lots of luck to you on your next trip to play!

[maestramommy]

OMG, what is going on here? This is the second post in a week I've seen about mean kids at the playground. I just saw a VERY disturbing CSI episode where a group of kids (literally, only one was over 21) would jump tourists in alleyways and beat the cr*p outta them for fun. In the end the police officers were trying to figure out why these kids went south, absentee parents, moral compass out of whack. Their chief said that our culture teaches us that you don't have to feel guilty about anything anymore, and that Vegas is predicated on the "do anything you want, we won't tell" mentality. So you put the two together, and after a while you can kill someone, and you don't even have to feel bad about it. Dh and I were talking about this and wondering why it does feel as though general respect for your fellow human seems to have gone down these days, that it really takes a village, and the village is disappearing. Reading posts like this tells me human disregard is taught so young! Kids do something unthinkingly, and no one in authority calls them on it! So discouraging.

[chiqanita]

Thanks for the support!

ITA with you about public parks/play spaces as opposed to smaller HOA private parks. I would definitely stay close to my children in a public arena but tend to stand back a little and let them gain confidence in our private little park. When we do see other children at the slides there is always a parent or two standing nearby or actively participating (like us). I'll be glad when the fence is back up and we can use our key fobs to gain access. I want to add that I know my sons will be 5 one day and hope that they will not be obnoxious but I will be close by to supervise.

We're headed over there this afternoon.

[chiqanita]

I completely agree with you and we were talking about the same thing recently.
So sad. So frustrating.

[Lynnie]

yeah, it is tragic. I live in south florida, where young teenagers have been going around beating homeless people - sometimes to death. And these kids are like 14-16, and come from families that seem to care. So now, some people are dead, and the kids who did it are being charged with murder as an adult, which will result in even more lives wasted and ruined.

sorry that happened to you guys.

and, fwiw, I didn't take anything in your post to be offensive or elitist. It sounded to me like you were rightfully distressed about what had happened.

[maestramommy]

I was actually wondering "who comes up with this stuff?" then remembered those beatings in Florida, and thought, yep, lifted from real life.

[Lynnie]

scary. I wish it were just people coming up with it, you know ?

[Melanie]

I'd complain to whomever rents the park to the soccer club that they are being disrespectful to the residents after their practice ends. It might be enough to have them call the club and the club mention it to the parents.

Sorry about how your boys were treated. HOnestly, my son has been to Disneyland more than the local park just because of this. I feel badly when I see posts of people happily walking their kids to the park daily, that he never goes. Now that he's older, we do go more often b/c I am less worried about his safety and being bullied than I used to.