thanks for the advice

[jgriffin]

Just wanted to remove some of the details from my post. Thanks for everyone's thoughts and advice!

[bubbaray]

OK, I'll keep my reply short. If YOU are scared to see her, there is no way your child should be around her, period. Just because she "wants" to be involved in your DS's life, doesn't mean she has a "right" to be, KWIM?

JMHO. Good luck with your decision!

Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

http://bd.lilypie.com/SasRm7.png

[jgriffin]

Maybe scared wasn't the right word. I am anxious of seeing her. I feel like such an emotional wimp around her, that I can't stand up for myself and tell her how I really feel. And that always makes me feel crappy afterwards, constantly reenacting our encounters, except saying what I wish I had said.

She has never said a bad thing to or of E, so I feel I should give her a chance. It's just tough for her to be a grandmother when she needs to go through me to be one.

[Jenn98]

My grandma is not the cookie baking kind of grandma so I know a thing or two about nutty relatives. I'll keep this brief, but just because she hasn't said anything bad to or about E does not mean she won't have a negative influence on your child. My grandma was generally really nice to me, but I have far fewer happy memories than uncomfortable memories of her. Trust me, sometimes it's better to have no grandma than a bad grandma.

If you really want her to have some sort of relationship with your child I suggest that you do it via photos, email, and mail. Send her occasional photos of E, have E draw or color her photos and possibly exchange an email or two.

But remember that you have NO obligation to this woman. Good luck with your decision!

[JoyNChrist]

I agree with what Jen suggested. You can stay in contact without having to have much "real contact," if you know what I mean. Just send pics of E along with little notes about his development, new likes & dislikes, etc. And sending samples of his artwork is a great idea too. You'd only have to do this once every couple of weeks, and she should be satisfied. A few stamps cost a whole lot less than your sanity!

That way, she still feels involved in his life, but you don't actually have to talk to her. And then if you do end up seeing her once or twice a year, she can't really complain about not being included.

Hugs to you - this is a tough situation.

[crl]

I don't have any advice. But I want to share that my grandmother (father's mother) was nasty to my mom all the time. I did not like her, even when I was a child and my memories of her are just that she was nasty to my mom. I think she was generally nice enough to me and to my brother.

HTH,

[niccig]

We had the same grandma! She was mean and bitter everyday that I knew her, and we lived next to her for several years.

[jestagrl79]

Hmmm we must be long lost relatives! I too had that grandmother. Do you think it's a generational thing?

I have a bit of the opposite problem. My father asked before he passed away that we keep in touch with his wife (my stepmom). However, she doesn't want anything to do with me or my son. Want to trade stepmoms?

Hope this works out for you, let us know what you decide to do, and how it works for you.

Megs

http://b1.lilypie.com/mrXym5/.png

[jgriffin]

Thanks for everyone's replies! After a lot of thought, I am planning on inviting her out here, but asking that she stay in a hotel instead of with us. She can come over during the day, but we won't be forced to spend a lot of time with each other if things get bad. Now I just need to write the email inviting her, which is proving difficult (having trouble with the wording, making it sound nice and not rude).

I am hesitant about her visiting us, but I feel that I ought to give her another chance. And if we're not actually stuck together for a weekend, that should be less stressful. I hope. :)