Working on my dissertation is driving me nuts

[Nicsmom]

I am so tired now. I am working on my first chapter and I have encountered so many obstacles that I cannot begin to explain. I was hoping to finish this chapter tomorrow and now I know it is not going to happen. Worst of all, I keep telling my advisor that it will be ready soon and then I have to explain to him why I have not finished. He must think that I am watching tv all day and having the time of my life. Instead I am in my basement all day, staring at the computer, writing paragraphs that I end up deleting.

I am feeling like a failure today. This process is exhausting and I am yet to see any rewards.

Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[Lovingliv]

Sounds like you may need a break from it. Can you put it down for a few days and not touch it...to give you some perspective? It must me hard...but hopefully soon it will be over! Good luck!

[Nicsmom]

thank you very much for your response. I think you are right. I am going to take a short break.

Thanks

[alexsmommy]

Anyone and everyone who has written a dissertation has been there. My dad works in education and sent me a series of really funny cartoons regarding writing the dissertation while I was working on mine. The one that sticks in my head is a guy looking like he hasn't slept or bathed in weeks, shaking, handing it in with a caption along the lines of "I ran out of ink and I didn't have time to go out and get more so the last chapter is written in my blood but its finished." I looked at that frequently to remind me I wasn't alone.
I remember your pain. You will get past this and get some momentum. Good luck.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03

[anamika]

Ahhh....I remmeber those days....dimly ......b'cos I was so exhausted from staring at a blank screen.
And the first chapter is *the absolute hardest* - the terror of the blank page. It gets soooo much easier on from there. What really helped me was to break it down into even smaller goals. 5 lines per day for the first few days. Seriously, try it :) I would use large fonts and double spacing to make it look like I had typed more. DH (who defended before me) kept assuring me that he would do the same and that it's like this for everyone!
Also, remember it doesn't have to be word-perfect the first time. It helps to just put something down. Believe me, between your advisor's corrections and yours, it will be rewritten many times.
Good luck,

[cvanbrunt]

Who said "Anyone who thinks childbirth is hard hasn't written a dissertation"?

When I was writing mine the dogs got upset with me because I didn't get up from the dining table for hours at a time. I defended about two years ago and still can't sit in that spot. You will get there and it will be glorious. Suddenly, you stand up a little bit straighter, read books without reference sections and enjoy movies without feeling guilty about the time you are wasting.

There's nothing worse than a blank page. I sent my advisor junk just to get feedback and feel like I was making progress. Don't know how many advisors would put up with reading first drafts but it helped me out at the beginning.

Hang in there! It's worth the pain.

[mypa]

Yes, the first chapter is the hardest! Take a walk, get some fresh air, smell a flower, sing a little song, smile even! I promise it will get better and in no time you will be on a roll and the writing will pour out of you.

Not to put a damper but I also found it difficult at the end when the work is almost done but just needed tidying up because I was sooooo sick of reading and re-reading it that it truly did feel like it was written in blood. Now that a few years have past and I look back at what I wrote, I can't believe how brilliant I sounded :P . . .because of course I don't sound like that these days. . .

[squimp]

Good luck honey! I also sat in a basement writing mine, and your post brought back memories of getting out of bed and walking the 5 steps to my Mac II, sitting at the computer, trudging to the taco stand for lunch, eating my lunch on the floor surrounded by piles of papers, sitting back down at the computer. It took me three months, and that is fast by today's standards. And I didn't have a kid then, so I just am amazed that anyone can do that.

But you can do it! Just get those words on the page, you can go back and edit later. I do lots of writing now, and I always start in the middle. I'm a scientist, so I start with the methods - it's the easiest, and watching those words appear on the page makes you feel like you have accomplished something. So if you're feeling discouraged, maybe start with something easy, maybe checking literature or whatever, then you may ease back into it. It is hard, but it is a great feeling when it's done. Really!

[DrSally]

I hear ya. I found that just getting something on paper helps. If your advisor is like mine was, you will go through countless iterations (I think I went through 25 whole revisions, but didn't have to change hardly anything after the defense). Just having something on paper is a starting point, too, for discussion and suggestions. I know the guilt and feeling self-conscious for not having things done is always there in grad school. The rewards are very delayed. Once you get on a roll, though, it will come together! Sometimes looking at someone else's dissertation for layout and organization ideas helps get one started too.

[Nicsmom]

Thank you all so much. I can definitely relate to everything you all say. Your advice is great. I am going to work a couple more days and I am sending my advisor whatever I have by Wednesday. I cannot deal with this chapter anymore unless I get his feedback. Thanks again, you are great.