I Just turned in a really crappy paper and its all my fault UPDATE

[bisous]

It just gets worse...
I set a schedule for me to work 5 hours a day on this paper to turn it from crappy into great. To do this I go to bed at 8:00 with my son and would wake up from 1:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. and then go back to bed for 2 hours. I can't tell you the sense of accomplishment that I felt on Tuesday evening. I loved my paper. I was due to be sent via email on Wednesday morning. Would you believe that I had tech problems sending it? Would you believe that it was completely done and perfect and then I would have something happen that was outside of my control? My professor evidently does not believe it and he is just so not impressed. I ended up sending the pape at around 1:00 instead of 8:30. 4.5 hours late to be exact. Can I blame my professor for being upset with me? Not really. I hate excuses I really do. I just got an email from my teacher cancelling our appointment today (which I had to get special childcare provisions in order to be able to make) on account of my "late" paper. I just look like such a fool and my teacher will probably never know that this is just SOOO not like me. I'm just so frustrated and trying to figure out how I can redeem my good reputation for this class and I don't know if I can.

Thanks for reading this far...
Jen



I am so disappointed with myself. I have been burning the candle at both ends lately trying to be a good SAHM and handle three grad classes at the same time. This time I think I really blew it. I'm in an independent study class with a professor and the final paper is essentially my entire grade. I have been staying up a few extra hours each night for the past two weeks trying to get it done and what did I do last night? I fell asleep while trying to get my DS to sleep. I had to email the incomplete, imperfect, error-ridden paper to my professor who doesn't know me or my work at all and I have nobody to blame but myself. Luckily, it was only a first draft but I'm so concerned that I will never recover my reputation as a good scholar. This is SOOO not like me and I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it come to school. I am just so terribly disappointed and can't talk to my DH about it because he is in class.


Thanks for letting me vent. :(

Jen

[maestramommy]

Aw Hugs Jen! No BTDT, but personally I think you are an amazon for being a SAHM and a fulltime student. See if you can get any extra sleep between now and when you have to start the rewrite. Maybe it'll freshen your perspective.

[oliviasmomma]

((((Jen))))

I am also a full-time student and totally know your frustration. It probably isn't as bad as you think, though, if that helps! I always think I am handing in carp and then when I read it later (after a nap and maybe some wine ;-) ) it isn't as awful as I remember. (Not good, but not horrible!) Rough drafts are just that--rough--as long as the bones of your idea are there the prof will get it! I'm sure s/he has seen worse!

[Nicsmom]

Oh Jen, I understand how you are feeling now. But as the PP said, it probably is not as bad as you think. I admire you for being a SAHM AND a full time student. That alone deserves an A+, regardless of the paper. Kudos to you.

[ellies mom]

I feel your pain. I'm taking two classes this term and I've got a huge draft due this week as well as three tests(one down thankfully). I'm also on the board of DD's indoor playpark which has ended up being way more work than any of us expected. So, I'm a lousy mother, a lousy wife, a lousy housewife, a lousy board member and a lousy student. And the only things I am good at these days, I have no time for. And I'm exhausted. Just dead tired. It sucks.

Anyhow, sorry to hijack your vent. Hopefully, your teacher will be impressed enough with your final draft that he'll realize the first one was just an anomaly.

Big Hugs!!!

[bisous]

Thank you for your response--it means a lot. I think I will definitely get some extra sleep in preparation for the rewrite. I met with my prof. today and it was as bad or worse as I had expected. Surprisingly, I'm feeling galvanized to go and just knock his socks off now so maybe it is the motivation I needed. :)

[bisous]

It is so nice to hear from a fellow student. It sure seems like we are dealing with similar life situations right now, doesn't it? I had a meeting with my prof. and it was actually really bad to the point where I am completely starting over. Its a little disappointing and frustrating but at least I get to try again. :)

[bisous]

Thank you. I think that when I wrote this post I really just needed to hear that. All of these posts make me feel great. :)

[bisous]

Wow! Two classes and three tests--how do they even do that? I totally understand where you are coming from and I hope that things look up for you. I'm going to get some sleep tonight and tomorrow morning I am going to make a game plan to try to "get through" this semester but I am SOOO looking forward to the end. I hope your tests, drafts, board meetings, and family go really well smoothly. Sending you hugs right back.

Thanks for writing.

[candybomiller]

When I was a student, I always made sure my first drafts were crap so I would have a LOT of room for improvement. :)

[maestramommy]

Good for you! He he! I often find the need to prove to someone they're wrong about me a big motivator. Primitive, but it works :-)

[tarynsmum]

I totally know the feeling. I have a 2000 paper (not too bad) due on Tuesday. Have I started it? nope.

[egfmba]

Okay, I just joined this club. Okay, so not just. It's not the first time I've run myself ragged and counted on that last minute that I didn't get, but still, it's my latest, greatest attempt to self-sabotage...

Long story...short version:
Paper due yesterday. Had 2 weeks to do it. Between other classes, DS, DH, pregnancy, life, etc., worked on it in pieces. Thought I'd have T-giving to finish it. Well, family, blah, blah, blah. Thought, at least there's the weekend. DS gets ear infection, I get intestinal problem, weekend shot. File a motion for an extension of time. For one day. Didn't do a great job.

Could I have? You betcha. Am I motivated? Not even a little bit. Would I have done it right anyway if I hadn't been counting on that last 'minute' of time to get it done? Yep. All my fault.

Gonna fail. Just know it.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. First thing I thought of was this thread.

Focus off me, on OP:
Don't sweat it. It's a first draft. You'll get a rewrite and you'll dazzle 'em!! It's a stumble, not an obstacle. You'll do great!

eva