Tell me if I am being unreasonable.

[mapg]

I've posted on this earlier, but the short version is that my husband has been with his sister after the death of her husband. He has been gone for almost the entire month. He wanted to go and I thought he should. I didn't say anything about the cost of the plane ticket when he said I want to be on the first flight out, ore when he flew home and back on 24 hours notice to vote. Which was really hard for me beacuse these tickets were expensive. He is due back (on a ticket that I was able to get for a decent price because it was booked in advance) on Sunday. My mom has been helping me and last Monday she broke her ankle while at my house, coming off of my stairs. It was a really freaky break that needed surgery and then the EKG was odd and the cardiologist put her in the hospital. She had surgery Thursday, and seems to be doing okay (she's 74), but the break was really bad and the ankle may not heal right. Here's my gripe. I called my husband and asked him to come home early, so I could be at the hospital (5 minutes from my house). It would have cost $150-300 extra to change the ticket depending on when I wanted him back. He didn't want to spend the money. Said he could do that and we would need to watch Christmas spending. I told him to stay where he was under those circumstances.
He has spent close to $4000 in travel expenses alone, I have no idea what else is on the Visa (he always picks up the check at dinner), but he is going to nickel and dime me over this 300? And he is going to be amazed that I'm irritated. How can he be so stupid? And self-centered? My sister in law would have been horrified if she had known, he's been doing yardwork, she could have paid someone to do it. And would have.
MA

[Wife_and_mommy]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. This may sound unfeeling but he was there for his sister and now his nuclear family needs him. I'd be upset too.

I hope your mom will be okay. I'm sorry things have been so rough for you.




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[set81616]

I'd be pretty upset too. Sounds like you have been incredibly supportive and now you need DH to return the favor. Hugs. I hope your Mom has a speedy recovery.
Shannon

[mapg]

We'll see how he does when he comes home today. Yesterday, he was still clueless. My brother in law wasn't much better, he flipped out when he found out he was going to have to pick up his own food for a hunting trip. My mom is doing amazingly well, she has a really high pain tolerance and she has done everything the physical therapists wanted her to do. They had to fuse the bones, so she has a long healing process. This week will be my week to pitch in, my sister's daughter has some medical tests coming up (she had gallbladder surgery last summer and the surgeon thinks he may not have gotten everything). I'm thinking of laying everything out for him, sort of a this is what's expected of you list. I always hate to do that, but letting him come up with the right response on his own isn't working out too well.
MA

[bcky2]

im sorry that you are going thru so much at once. i agree it is time for him to be home and if he can pay to fly back and forth to vote then he could come home a day early. i hope your moms ankle heals ok, she sounds like a trooper :)

[DrSally]

I agree, if he could come back and forth to vote, he could come home to help you during this time. It may be helpful to show him your perspective and lay out what's expected of him and why. Like you said, leaving him to come up with his own answers isn't working. You've been very supportive and he's been gone a long time. I agree too that some things can be paid for (yard work), and he should use his time with her for emotional comfort if you guys have the resources to help her with the other stuff. That way he could get home quicker and not leave you abandonded.

[mapg]

The odd thing is, she has plenty of money, so there was no reason for the yardwork to need him. The emotional comfort thing didn't bother me, but being up there for yard work when I was doing our yard work irritated me. I told him I needed him to take our older daughter to basketball practice tonight. He wanted to know why? He had some volunteer stuff he wanted to go to instead. He's never had to help out in any way because my mom always picked up the slack, I guess I'll have to connect the dots.
MA

[kozachka]

I am sorry to hear your mom needed surgery and her hearts is off. Hope she recovers soon. As far as your DH is concerned I think you need to sit down with him and explain that your family needs him too and his children should get time with Daddy etc.

Can you explain to me why your husband needed to fly in to vote? Could not he use an absentee ballot? Or vote at the embassy (he was in Asia, right)? I would totally balk at this expense. I get the part about needing to be there for his sister in her hour of need but not this.

[kozachka]

triple post.

[kozachka]

triple post. sorry, not sure how this happened.

[mapg]

He left on short notice, too late to cast an absentee vote, but early voting hadn't started.(He was in the US) He left everything in a hurry thinking his brother in law was going to die immediately, got there and discovered that this might be a drawn out thing, realized the chaos he had left things in and returned home. I'm not really sure why he decided he had to vote, I suspect he felt trapped and needed an excuse. But yeah, a "is this trip necessary" thought should have crossed his mind.