My mom totally rearranged my pantry. What did your crazy mom do over Thanksgiving?

[bunnisa]

We left mom & dad with the children for a couple hours on Sunday and my mom, against the advice of my father, decided to completely rearrange my walk-in pantry while we were gone. I was not happy. You'd have to know my mom. At dinner that night, once DH left the table with DS, my mom brought up the subject and it went like this:

Mom: "I'm sorry if you're **offended** (said accusingly) that I organized your pantry. I just put like items together." (uh, "like items" were already together, and I've somehow managed to avoid starvation with my own method of organization)
Me: "Well it wasn't needed, and it feels intrusive. You should have asked me first"
Mom: "Well I'm leaving tomorrow and you won't have to deal with me again."
Me: "Mom, don't guilt trip me."
Mom: "I'm not guilt tripping you. I promise that I won't help you with anything again."
Me: "Mom, you're being immature. The right thing to do here would have been to ask me first. Do you go to your friends' homes and rearrange their pantries?"
Mom: "No, but I help my daughter. You know, no one helped ME with anything when I was younger. And your aunt and I are helpful people, that's just how we are. We like to help."
Me: "Mom, do you see my point?"
Mom: (Clearly not seeing my point) "Yes."
Me: "Next time, ask, mom. Just ask."

My mom is a control freak. No one helps her because she won't LET anyone help her, she claims she's the only one who can do anything correctly. She rearranged my pantry because she didn't like how I had arranged it, not because she actually cared about helping me. If she wanted to be helpful she could have swept, vacuumed... perhaps could have even washed the dishes that were sitting out! The fact that the conversation devolved into "Boo hoo no one helped me!" just further proved my point that it's always all about her. What she calls "being a helpful person" is actually being a very controlling person.

I spent 1.5 hours yesterday trying to get it back into order and I'm still not done. I found the nutmeg with the noodles, the yerba mate with the beans, and more decidedly "unlike" items together.

DH just laughed and laughed. He said my mom was acting so insane that I should laugh too. His exact quote, "What sane person rearranges other people's closets?"

Anyone else have an insane mom/MIL story to share?

...blessed wife and mama to two!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[trentsmom]

Sounds like you got yourself a drama queen! As soon as I read, "well, i'm leaving tomorrow and you won't have to deal with me again," I felt like telling her, "Oh, come on! You've got to be kidding me!" Did your mom watch too many melodramatic movies & tv shows growing up? :)

[dcmom2b3]

OMG!

Your mother and mine must have been separated at birth. So I guess that makes us cousins!

My wacky mom stories are too long to recount, but a couple of my faves, that I can laugh about now, also fall into the "no, this isn't about me, I'm just helping you live the way I think you ought to" category. Suffice it to say that you are not alone.

Best,

Mary-Helen

[saschalicks]

My mom starts a sentence with "I'm not one to judge..." and then goes into a judgment. It cracks me up. Sometimes I call her on it, sometimes I don't.

My MIL and I do not get along at all, but my favorite most recent one was that we told her that she can't repair the relationship with us but to focus on the kids. The next time she came to our house w/her husband I wasn't there (on purpose). The time after that her husband who hadn't seen the kids in at least a month didn't come and then she told DH that he'd written us off. When I called him on not being a grandfather (as he would like to be called), he said that I wasn't there the time before so it was obvious I didn't want to be around him. ???? What does that have anything to do with seeing the children? Who cares if I'm there or not. Geez.

I feel your pain. My MIL is very passive aggressive as your mother seems to be. I'm mean who else says "I'll be gone tomorrow". That's not the freaking point. Stay out of my stuff is the point of all of this.

[kijip]

Ack! I would have freaked! What a PITA. Good luck sorting it all out.

[Saartje]

I have no insane stories to share... but if you wanted to be equally insane/passive-aggressive, you could add a padlock to the pantry door the next time your mother visits. :P Too bad she doesn't sound like she'd have the kind of sense of humor (and self-awareness) it would take to appreciate that.

[newnana]

Oh, we definitely have the same mother. How did we never meet?

Anytime she comes over (not often because it's a 4 hour drive and that's too much for her), the first thing she does is start to snoop... I mean clean our house.

MOM, I asked you here to visit with us and DD, not to come be our maid! And please stay out of our bedroom!!!! then we get into the exact same routine you did. She was just trying to help, she didn't have any help when we were little and my dad was nowhere near as helpful as my DH so I should be greatful. She's sorry that it's in her nature to try to help me but now that I'm a mom I should understand.

No. No. No. No. And then DH shakes his head at me because I should know better than to get upset. Duh.

I feel your pain,
Michelle

[set81616]

My MIL and her sister went to MIL's niece's house and rearranged furniture for her while she was out. The problem is she has MS and uses a walker in the house and she couldn't manuever everywhere anymore. MIL does stuff like that at my house too but luckily she lives 1hour 22 minutes away (as she kept saying at Thanksgiving) and so can only be bothered with coming for a few hours every few months (and usually that is because she realizaes my mom will have flown in twice to see DS and she hasn't come once).
Fun times, fun times.
Shannon

[kozachka]

I was about to write a full blown b!tch of my own last night complaining about DH, my boss and my mom but luckily met my very good GF so offloaded on her, had couple Belgium beers and did not feel like spending another hour compiling my b!tch.

Anyway, my mom came over this Sunday uninvited to DS' birthday this Monday and brought a huge bag of candy (DS get very limited amount of candy normally) and a huge 1.5 kg cake. That Tuesday and Wednesday she spent doing laundry for my brother who lives in a dormitory, used half of my washing powder and since we don't have a dryer in our appartment and it's muggy outside put his huge pants and shirts all over the place inside our not even 650 sq. ft place. To top everything off, she gave my brother half of whatever cake was left, which she gifted to DS, saying that we'd waste it anyway. WTF? A gift is a gift, we do whatever we please with it, waste if we want, no? I flipped out last night, my mom and brother, who has been to my apt. three times this week (enough already), walked off. And I went to meet my friend for a drink, which I desperately needed by than. This morning we made up but I wish my mom had more respect for my personal space and property.

[elephantmeg]

lol, my mom (somehow inbetween having a horrible stomach virus while she was here) decided to order us bumpers for our coffee table-and not mention it until they sent her the shipping confirmation and then sends this e-mail...argh!

Hi, Honeys, We hardly had a chance to talk and never really discussed this, but I ordered some stuff for the edge of your coffee table to protect Munchkin's head. If I overstepped my boundaries, I think you can just refuse shipment, and I apologize.

[tiapam]

My mom is always trying to "help" too. She never chooses the obvious tasks, only those *she* actually wants to do. After my C-section I asked her to vacuum and she said she doesn't do vacuuming. She thinks my house is messy, I told her I am doing the best I can, and can't she accept that and she said, no, because I don't think you are doing the best you can! I know she thinks I have it so easy compared to her.
Yesterday she said she does not understand "girls" today who say their kids are driving them crazy. She estimated that she said that ten times total even though she has seven kids. Then she said she doesn't understand why all the "girls" today have to use lip balm. Need I say more?

-Pam

DD - Two years old!

[casey0729]

What the heck does lip balm have to do with anything? My Mom does the I'm not one to judge thing but it's more of a "maybe I'm old fashioned...." She wouldn't dare rearrange my stuff though, just like I wouldn't do that to hers. My MIL rearranged a couple of my cupboards once but after I explained my system to her (frowningly I might add) she realized that I am not, contrary to her belief, an incompetent boob.

May I ask what yerba mate is?


KC

http://b2.lilypie.com/AWLtm5.png

[maestramommy]

Yerba mate is a kind of herbal tea from S. America. It's supposed to be a caffiene free alternative that will energize you. We drank it for a while, even though it tastes vaguely of soil. Then DH mentioned that he started to have peeing problems that stopped after he stopped drinking it. During my preggo time he told me not to drink it. We still have an unfinished package that must be a couple years old.

[DDowning]

LOL, reminds me of the time right after DH and I got married. MIL and her long term boyfriend stayed in our apartment we had at the time for two weeks to watch our pets while we were on our honeymoon. We come back and she had rearranged our kitchen - and rearranged our walk-in closets and drawers. Took us almost a week to figure out where everything was and put back but the fact that she had gone through my underwear drawer freaked me out to no end! Thank goodness she lives on the opposite end of the country!

[Sillygirl]

No stories, here, just a comment that I thought the OP handled the situation beautifully. That conversation you transcribed is a great example of maintaining your boundaries and standing your ground respectfully, without being sidetracked into irrelevancies.

I guess you've had a fair amount of practice, but still, well done.