MIL Vent - Xmas Presents

[Raidra]

First off, let me say how grateful I am to have a mother-in-law that wants to spend money on us.

That said, starting in August, my mother-in-law has been telling my husband how the whole family has decided not to do Xmas presents for adults, that money is tight for everyone, and we should just focus on the kids. They talk on the phone every other week or so, and my husband said she brings it up every time. My family has decided to do the same thing, so my husband and I were relieved that we only had to buy for the kids in the family, since we have absolutely NO money.

A few weeks ago, boxes started arriving at the house with presents for the kids. She's spending Xmas with us for the first time this year, so she shipped everything she bought online directly to us. She spent quite a bit of money shopping online and got them some nice presents.

So, today we get three HUGE boxes. Like.. HUGE. I opened them up figuring they were unwrapped presents that I'd need to hide, but no, they were all wrapped presents. As I started taking them out of the boxes, I noticed that about half of them were addressed to me, my husband, my sister, and my parents (my parents and sister live with us).

What the hell? I mean, I appreciate that she spent money on us, but that really puts us in a tough spot. We feel obligated to buy things for her, but we have no money. I was already planning on making her a small scrapbook to go in her stocking (I already had enough supplies on hand), but now I have to spend money that I don't have. Ugh.

[californiagirl]

That's terrible. I mean, it's nice of her and all, but blecch, saying one thing and doing another? Ouch. Can your DH ask her about it?

[Smiles81]

Is it possible that she wanted to buy your family these things, b/c she is staying at your house, but doesn't expect gifts in return, especially because she spent the past four months saying no gifts for adults? Honestly, I would just buy her a little something, maybe a nice picture frame with some pics of your children etc.

[tarabenet]

I would definitely assume something along these lines. She wants to do something nice for you, and clearly (from the phone conversations) doesn't want you to feel obligated to do any gifting in return. The scrapbook you've already planned, especially assuming it will have some pics of the family, will thrill her beyond imagining.

Relax, think positively and count her as a blessing in your family. Christmas is stressful enough.

[randomkid]

Since your DH has been talking to her about this regularly, why don't you have him talk to her about it again. "Um, Mom?...I thought we weren't buying gifts for the adults this year. What are all these gifts addressed to us?" Her answer might be all you need. Your DH could just be honest and tell her that you can't afford gifts for the adults this year and ask your MIL what she wants to do.

Life shouldn't be so complicated. My brother always insists on gift exchanges even when we are both tight on cash. Last year, I tried to convince him no gifts, but to no avail, so we had to buy gifts. I'm hoping this year he'll listen to me!

[stefani]

Probably just ask DH to talk with her like PP suggested.

One thing that finally DH's family does is drawing names (in November). So the adults get one present (can be more, depending on the price). We have a price limit. Since DS is the only child, like MIL said "Grandparents will indulge, Uncle & Aunt are on their own, and parents can try to manage it" :-) My parents are overseas, and Christmas is a religious holiday we celebrate without gifts (the gifts are for Jesus - charity) so I don't worry about them. DH's family is not very big, but still, buying for 7 Christmas presents, plus 5 December birthdays can be a strain financially. The idea was brought about one year when so many of the family were out of work so money was very tight. Now that we are all working again, we still like it, so we keep the tradition (the price limit did go up though :-) It helps with the stress of looking for gifts.

I think the scrapbook is a great idea. My Dad has been bugging me about sending him pictures from DS's birthday party in September :-) so if I manage to do that, he'll be happy :-)