DH wants me to include ex's boss' girlfriend in all my Mom activites.

[jacksmomtobe]

Let me preface this by saying I am generally a more the merrier type of person when it comes to organizing things but in this case I'm really ticked off. DH keeps pushing me to include his ex boss' girlfriend in my Mom's activities. He even put me on the spot when they were here about it (the first time I had seen them in about 2 years). I was so mad. I am ok inviting her for a one on one playdate here or a playdate with others that makes sense but every time I mention an activity I'm doing he asks if I've invited her. I organize a weekly playgroup (which is becoming casual in Jan with no set playdates :() with babies & Moms I met when ds was born and a few of their friends. We are a friendly group however I feel that is my place. DH could possibly work for this guy again (it's been talked about) and my group is where I can talk about whatever is going on with me without worrying whether it be to vent about dh, etc. I had to explain to him why I couldn't invite her to a playdate that I was not hosting. Their oldest child together is almost a year older than the rest of the kids. One on one that is less of an issue than in a group. I feel it would be better to get her together with my one friend who has a daughter between my son's and this woman's oldest child's age. When I mentioned that I would probably do one on one dates with her instead DH said well how is she supposed to meet people. That is my problem? I have to figure out activities etc for us and make my owns plans now that our playgroup is going more casual. They have a ton of money so she has every opportunity to go out and take classes as a way to meet people. There is a place in her own town (i'm at least 20 or 30 min away from where she lives and some in my group live 35 min from me in the other direction)which is a great resource for Moms and offers a broad variety of Mom & child classes. Even if she is not outgoing the people who take classes there are generally very friendly (my group is from another site of this same place) so it's a great opportunity for her to meet others. She is nice enough but just is not on the same wavelength or parenting style of my Mom's group. When DH first suggested that she needed some friends... I tried to probe a bit because who knows she may prefer to be a home body and this may have been his own interpretation of the situation and he got all pissy with me. Or it may be that her boyfriend who is a workaholic wants her occupied more so she isn't putting pressure on him to spend more time with her. I guess I will invite her to our last playdate which I'm now hosting since the person orig scheduled to can't. I don't feel like I have a choice. DH doesn't get the social dynamics of a group and the fact that just because we are mothers doesn't mean we are all alike and have all that much in common. I feel like if I try to explain this to him he will just think I'm justifying not including her and not really understand that there is reasoning behind when I feel it's appropriate to include her and when it's not.

Just had to vent!

[elliput]

And your DH's ex-boss's girlfriend has what type of relationship with you? None, is that right? I am failing to grasp why your DH thinks you should be the cruise director for somebody with whom you have nothing in common other than you both happen to have children. She's a big girl and can make friends on her own if she wants them.

[jacksmomtobe]

Erica,

Exactly! You hit the nail right on the head. I need my thing. I'm more than willing to invite her to a play date her and there even though we don't have much in common but I don't feel like she has to be included in everything I do especially to a group where everyone else is on the same wavelength. I need my own outlet where I can say whatever and not worry about it being discussed with her & her boyfriend. She can go check out the place near her which has excellent classes. It's an incredible resource within walking distance of her house.

Thanks for listening!

[DrSally]

I'm just wondering why this is sooo important to your husband? Is he hoping this will maintain ties with his ex-boss and it will lead to a job? Do you think he's gotten actual requests from his ex-boss? It isn't fair when your spouse pressures you into socializing with his colleagues wives and you can't feel free to be yourself.

[kijip]

That is really annoying. Perhaps she is not all that interested and will decline. I'm with Erica- you don't need to be her social planner.