I guess this is a bitch...

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

The last few times we got together with family there has been a lot of strife over the stupidest thing ever. DD is a baby and she naps. Unfortunately, the family doesn't get that. DH's brothers are bachelors so I can understand that they aren't used to having a baby around and therefore have to be reminded to be quieter. (Not looking for silence here, just no yelling/screaming at the tv during football games.) Unfortunately, they took it personally and kept reminding us that they aren't used to kids and they "forget". Fine. But, you are nearly 30 and should be responsible for your own actions. I don't mind to occasionally slip up, but it was like every five minutes and I was getting frustrated.

They bothered me, but what really irked me was my own mom. Growing up, my family was very loud and my mom still is. (Must be that Italian blood in her!) She is always calling across the house and raising her voice. Unfortunately, sometimes DD is trying to nap. When we reminded her of this, she took offense right away and told us she isn't used to having babies around. (We weren't reminding her in a nasty way - just saying "we should keep our voices down, the baby is napping" and such) Then she got mad at us! She even told us that DD would have to learn to nap with the noise! It was a VERY frustrating week to say the least. (She also doesn't like how we are parenting DD so that is a whole other issue. And, she is letting us know it all the time.)

So, they are coming down next week for the holidays and staying a week. DH and I are VERY frustrated to say the least. I just don't know what to do. When we talked to her about it, she put all the blame on DH. She also told us we needed to be more flexible with DD so she could make the most of her time with her. (I agree with this, but I can't have DD not nap for a whole week. She is only 7 months old!) She gets hurt and starts the guilt as soon as we tell her anything she doesn't want to hear. It's just so frustrating and we don't know what to do. How can I make the coming week go smoothly? Is that even possible?

If you read this much, thank you... I just needed to vent a bit.

[Momof3Labs]

You need a white noise machine for your DD's room! Target has one by Homedics that runs about $13.

[elliput]

I would think your Mom should be solely responsible for making sure her Granddaughter is sufficiently napped. Screaming baby? Here Grandma!

[HGraceMom]

>Screaming baby? Here Grandma!

love it.

I was going to suggest having them share a room...

but seriously... scheduling things for her to do out of the house during nap time?

[rlu]

>I would think your Mom should be solely responsible for
>making sure her Granddaughter is sufficiently napped.
>Screaming baby? Here Grandma!

Second this one! They wake the baby up, they get to put the baby down.

[elizabethkott]

Since they are staying for a week, this seems like the ideal time for you to "get some last minute shopping done... would you like to spend some quality time with DD while I run out real quick? I'll only be about an hour... oh, and DD has her nap coming up in about an hour, so you'll just have to put her down.... she shouldn't be a problem at all!"

And then come back 3 hours later. Get your nails done. AND a pedicure. WITH a foot massage.

"Oh, there was traffic! Was DD any trouble?"

:)

[candybomiller]

Sadly, I have to say that you aren't going to be able to change your family. Can you try to stick them in a hotel? Or at least on the opposite end of the house? I'm sorry I don't have more advice for you, but I have lots of (((((HUGS))))).

ETA: Do you think you could make up a sign that says "Quiet, Baby is sleeping" and put it front and center when the baby is taking a nap? If anyone gets nasty, just tell them that it's your house and your rules. I know that family is so, so, soooooooooo difficult, but YOU know what's best for YOUR baby and in your house, that has to be the most important thing.

Good luck.

[maestramommy]

Wow, that's a really tough situation, and I don't have any BTDT advice. Is there any way you can arrange for the family to be out of the house during the naps? Like, seeing a movie or anything like that? Or (and I don't know if you can do this) put your foot down and say while you will try to be flexible, your baby needs a nap or she will be so cranky the time with your mother will not be fun anyway. Another option is to invest in a white noise machine?

[niccig]

I 2nd/3rd agree with the white noise machine. We've used one since DS was little and just to drown out household noise - dogs barking, phone ringing etc. We take it travelling with us too. I would also insist on keeping DD's schedule - it will be soooo much easier for you. Your daughter, your rules. I've never had to come out and say it that bluntly, but I did once have to say to my mother, "I said no and I'm his mother." She was POed, but she didn't try it again.

When family/friends are making plans I say what will/won't work for us. Often we say we'll meet up with them later or I/DH stays home, we don't expect people to change their plans for us, we work around them but DS comes first. They were a few niggling comments from both sides of family, but we ignore them. DS is older, so we can be more flexible and sometimes we are, but on the whole we keep to his routine as if he doesn't sleep, then I don't sleep and you do not want to deal with me then...both sides of family know that too.

You may have to accept that your mother will not like some things that you do with DD, but she doesn't have to, only you and DH have to agree. If she gives you grief, don't try to explain or convince her that you are right, as then that gives her opportunities to keep voicing her disapproval. Try something like...this is what DH and I have decided to do and we're happy with our decision....or thank you for your concern, but this is what we're doing...

I do think it takes some parents a while to realise that you are now a parent and you decide. Often what they do say is from geninue caring. I try to remember that too and not get too angry.

Good luck.
Nicci

[youngmommy]

Another vote for white noise machine.
We use ours for every nap and nightime.
In fact, when we went to visit IL's in Europe we brought it and went to an electronics shop to get an adapter so we could use it there too.
Total Lifesaver!!!

[bubbaray]

Yup, white noise machine was my first thought.

BUT, I also subscribe to the "you wake the baby, you put the baby back to sleep" theory. We have an open plan house and I had to remind people, DH even, of this early on. I do try not to be too quiet, though, as I would like DD to be able to sleep anywhere.... Yeah, right. I'd be happy if she just slept, but that's hijacking your bitch....

How about booking you and your DH into a hotel next week???


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: c/s 01/2007

[carryingandstrollingabout]

I hear you!!!

We have something similar. My in laws don't believe it should take more than 2 minutes to put a child to bed. My kids both have very involved routines, but that's what makes it possible for them to sleep. They are also light sleepers. My in laws tell people it is fine to call us at bedtime, or when they visit, they want to talk and have the TV on, because babies/children whatever should learn to sleep with noise. Well, ours don't. They wake up. Then they need their whole nite nite routine again,and the whole night is shot.

Why oh why don't families respect that some kids need quiet to sleep.

Hang in there. I don't think there's any soltion...

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Thanks so much for the suggestions and support. I think the white noise is a good idea. I wonder if just putting the fan on in her attached bathroom would work? Well, we will see. I just wish the family would be more accomodating, kwim? I like the, "you wake her, you deal with her" idea!

So, thanks everyone...you made me feel a lot better!

[Jenn98]

Try making tons of noise when it is her bed time and see how she feels in the morning. Or, just schedule things to go too late at night and see what she says about needing to go to sleep. And get the white noise machinge. My DD falls asleep with a particular CD and I have been know to put it on repeat when we have vistors in the afternoon.

[Melanie]

Some type of music in her room, on low, or like a PP white noise. I like those CDs that target has on display near their cards, you can pick various sounds.

As for the other issue, I would just flat out tell her that she got to choose how to raise her children and that worked for her, you are doing what works for your family now and if she doesn't respect that it will be very difficult for you to 'host' her visiting so often. It's not about HER. She is an adult, it is about a BABY.

[Momof3Labs]

I wouldn't recommend using her bathroom fan. My DH is a fireman, and he's seen too many of those go up in smoke, literally, when left on for too long. I think that they just aren't generally made to handle running for a long time - they overheat too easily. Spend the $13 on the white noise machine; you can always bring it back to Target if you don't use it or it doesn't do the trick.

[DrSally]

I totally understand the need for babies to have their sleep! It is so frustrating when they get woken up. In my book, those basic things babies need, they get, and everything else works around it, not the other way around. She will have plenty of time to play with your DD AFTER she naps, and she'll be more playful if she's well rested! Maybe they need to experience her when she's sleep deprived, and they'll get the picture! I think esp. when they're in your house you should be able to set the rules.

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

I had never heard of that. Thank you so much for telling me. I will definately go for the white noise machine now!

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

The funny thing is she comments on how happy and sweet DD is. This isn't by accident! She is happy because she is well-rested! Babies need sleep to be happy just like big people. It's just funny that she still doesn't relate the two things in her mind. She just thinks DD is an "easy" baby.

[nov04]

I despise people who can't have some consideration for the needs of children. Even worse are those that think a child should just have to get used to noise instantly (because its convenient/easier for the adult) when they've had quiet for so long.

dd sleeps like a log but even she has her limits.

[DeeEast]

OMG I could have written this post. My family is soooo loud that we call them "The Boomers!" lol Whenever my mother unloads the dishwasher it sounds like she is shattering every dish. She talks so loud even on the phone that I have to hold the phone away from my ear, and that's with the volume turned down. And my parents/family have no concept of trying to keep a lid on the most outrageous loud noises during nap time. I have no solution. Just commisseration.