I hate being a military family.

[nfowife]

Since Oct. 25, DH has been home a total of 12 days. Now he's finally supposed to be home at the end of next week, and then 11 days later they are sending him out for another week. I am so over the military! We picked this assignment becuase it was supposed to be such a "good deal" in terms of time spent home, and it has just turned out to be a nightmare and DH doesn't even like the job. And they are planning to send him overseas for 60 DAYS in the beginning of March, while I am home with DD and a newborn with no relatives anywhere in the vicinity (like states away) to help. I'm just so sick and tired of this whole shebang, and the depressing thing is we have about 6.5 more years left to go before DH can get out. I'm 34 weeks pregnant, I'm hormonal, I'm tired, I'm emotional, and I'm sick of getting phone calls from DH with "I have some good news and I have some bad news" where the good news is always "I love you". Wow, honey, that's GREAT f-ing news.
Ugh.

[dules]

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I hope this assignment starts living up to expectation in the near future. :(


Mary

[Jenn98]

(((hugs)))) I cannot imagine how hard that must be. If you lived near me, I'd help you! It sounds cheesy, but thanks for the scarifices your family makes for mine. (((hugs)))) again.

[elliput]

Being a military family is a very difficult life choice. I know from first hand experience. My Dad is a retired AF pilot and was gone a lot until I was about 10. He was stationed in the Phillipines when I was born and made it home in time to take my Mom and I home from the hospital. There was even a full year when he had back to back unaccompanied tours in Korea and Thailand at the end of the Vietnam conflict. My DH was in the AF also, though his job was desk.

Your DH is providing a service to our country that is extraordinary, and, by the same right, you and your children are providing extraordinary service to our country. As one military dependent to another, I salute you.

[buddyleebaby]

There's nothing I can say to make it easier.
(((HUGS)))(((HUGS)))(((HUGS)))

[crl]

Big hugs to you. If you are in or near San Francisco, PM me and I will help you out while your DH is overseas.

(My DH got out of the Marine Corps about a year and half ago after 13 years in, my dad did 20 in the Army, my FIL did 20+ in the Air Force, my BIL is currently in the Air Force and my SIL was a Marine.)

It never really helped me much to hear this, but I do appreciate your husband's service and your hardships on our behalf.

[Wife_and_mommy]

Many hugs to you! You make a tremendous sacrifice for us all.

On the bright side, I think it's incredibly sweet that your dh says that to you. It sure brought a smile to my face. :)




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[ShanaMama]

"It sounds cheesy, but thanks for the scarifices your family makes for mine. "
Cheese or not, that's a beautiful way to say it, & I second the motion.

[DebbieJ]

Ugh. Military does suck, huh? My cousin's DH was in the Army until about 2 years ago. Towards the end he did a one year tour in Korea and left her at home with two small kids. Sucks big time.

(((HUGS)))

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org

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[denna]

I am so sorry Margaret. I completley understand what you are going through. DH and I are currently overseas, DH is in the military (I am prior military). I got out because I hated it so much(!) and when DH and I were dating he swore he wanted to get out and he hated it to. He has served 6 years and now has 2 left. He should have been done this month, but extended a year to come overseas, then after we were married they forced him to extend another year, which we did not know about before we were married. He is slated to deploy in September of next year which is very upsetting to me too. I will then have a 19mo, I will be working full time and I am over 6000 miles away from *all* of my family. I hate his hours, and how he works weekends etc. I did not sign on to be a military wife, and this is just not the life for me. I want to be able to chose where I live, when I take a vacation, etc.!

So girl, sorry to hijack your post but I just wanted to let you know I completely understand what you are going through. (HUGS) and email me if you ever want to talk, one military wife/mom to another.

[katiesmommy]

You know, I go through a lot of the same hatred. And I even signed on for this, I knew DH was going into the Navy right after we got married. I did it anyway, I didn't realize how hard it would be. We are currently 1000 miles from family, 2 states away. And looking at the prospect of going to Japan. Although I do feel lucky that, for the time being, DH is only at a hospital. So even though he works 10-12 hours a day, 36 with the occasional duties, he is usually home every night, and almost every weekend. Living in WA has been much harder then I originally thought it would be.

[MegND95]

You have ALL my sympathy. DH was in the Navy for 7 years, and it is such a difficult lifestyle. When he was on sea duty, we didn't have kids yet, so deployments were not too bad. Both my older kids were born while he was on "shore duty," and he still spent quite a few weeks underway.

While I would've supported him staying in until retirement, I was so happy when he decided to get out. I have all the respect and admiration in the world for our friends who are still serving. So many of the parents have missed births, and other milestones. And when I think about the deployments, being home alone for months with kids....it takes a tremendously strong person to face the challenges of being in the military and/or being a military spouse.


Hugs to you....

[almostamom]

Margaret, let us know what state you're in (if you're comfortable doing that). They are so many of us here, surely one of us is near you. If you're in AZ, please know you can count on me to help you out. I know how exhausted I can be with one toddler and a DH who is gone 12 hours/day. Hang in there, and know there are so many of us who appreciate all of the sacrifices that military families are making for the rest of us.

Hugs,
Linda

[starrynight]

That rots :(. I really hate when they sugarcoat an assignment and it turns out so much different than it was made to be. Dh is in the army but we aren't dealing with a job like that. (many hugs)

At times it has sucked, we have a good spot right now so I don't dare complain, I could have it worse. When my girls were both tiny (18 months and newborn) he was always in the field and he was on a schedule similar to what you are describing. I was also far away from all family, it was awful. I feel for you right now.

[elephantmeg]

Ugh, Margaret that sucks. Hopefully the next assignment will be better and I echo the others who say thanks for doing this for all of us.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

while noone in my family is currently serving in the armed forces, I was an army brat until i was 2. For what it's worth-thank you both for all your hard work and sacrifices. My father was an army doc (he was drafted) and wanted to sign up permenantly after his draft time was over. My mother put her foot down and said if he did that she'd take the kids and leave. She soooo hated being an army wife.
i ditto the pp idea-let us know where you are. Or maybe try to join a la leche group or a moms group of some kind. Maybe even organize one on base if that's where you're living. it's not much i know but it might help. Good luck and hugs.

jen

[nfowife]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts!! It really means a lot. We are in Oklahoma, not a huge BBB state unfortunately! But I do have a lot of mom-friends, am involved in a few playgroups and stuff like that. We usually have at least one activity per day and DD also goes to MDO 2 times a week (which I just signed her up for a 3rd day after the baby arrives, feeling guilty about that, but even if I don't take her every single week on that 3rd day I know I will be happy it's there occasionally especially if DH does go for the 60 days in March). So I do get a break sometimes. I guess I just feel like all that stuff isn't the same as having someone else to share the parenting with, you know? And it is very hard for DH too. I get so upset with him when he tells me about these last minute schedule changes and more time away and stuff, because to me it's just so easy for him, all he has to worry about is himself. But it really kills him to be away from DD for such a long time, and it is not an easy adjustment for her when he gets home- she is so used to just me, that it takes her a bit to warm back up to Daddy. It's just hard all around. We are dealing with it and I know there are many others who have it worse than we do- whose husbands/fathers are gone for a year at a time- so I feel bad whining when I do get to have DH home for a few weeks here and there. I am just tired of the whole deal, and feel like we were led to believe it would be a certain way and it's not. Maybe if DH loved it I would feel not as bad, but he doesn't really even like his job which makes it all the easier to hate the situation.
Anyhow, I'm feeling better and I know I will get through it, life goes on....
Thanks again!

[mommy111]

Ditto!
Hang in there, girl, hopefully things will get better