Can I make a confession from a former newbie to a now moderate poster?

[denna]

When I was a newbie I asked typical new mom questions on nearly every forum and on just about everything I could think of :D. I got such great help, and this board was and still is a great place for me to come for anything I needed, being so far from family and friends this was such a great relieve to me.

However from time to time, I would get the blunt (maybe not meant mean but felt mean) comment saying something like <This topic has been discussed so much, search the subject>. I was momentarily hurt by this, and I felt hurt for others when I saw this response, but now that I have been here since January and reading through since October of 2005 I see what people mean. I mean dont get me wrong I am not annoyed by any of these posts, and I completely understand that ppl get here at different times, and ppl have similar questions. But it was just something I have noticed lately, seeing a lot of topics that look so familar.

Just an observation and confession not really a bitch. Anyone else have any board confessions or observations? Jump on in :)

[Jenn98]

But now that you've been around awhile think of all the things you could add to those posts!

[bcky2]

i look back at alot of what i asked in the beginning and yep, most of it had been talked about already and i could have done a search. it still didnt sting any less when someone would say to me this has been talked about do a search. now i do understand that some things are talked about so much that really most dont want to go over it again :)

here is my confession: i always feel bad when a newer member has a baby and only gets a few responses and a long timer here gets like 60 replies. i always feel so bad for that new mama. im sure that i have missed saying congrats to some of them too. i also understand that we all "know" some of the mamas here more then others. it still makes me sad.

[ShanaMama]

One thing I've realized lately is that tone & sarcasm the like can be lost when communicating online. I often post things with tongue-in-cheek intentions or a hint of smile on my face, but it can be understood as nasty or cold. I am trying to be extra careful about what I write, because I realize that things can be misconstrued easily.
I bring this up here because A- I don't want to be seen as a nasty person when I'm not.
B- I have made that comment "do a search for previous discussions on this topic" not at all trying to be unhelpful or nasty. Just trying to say that if you want more info in addition to the responses you get, try a search to see what was already written. I guess it would be nicer to actually do the search & give the link, but I don't always have the time to do the search.
Hope this gives you some perspective & helps others not be hurt when that isn't the intent. :)

[denna]

No I totally understand why it was said, but honestly IMO it seemed like the person was being snide. It was the first response to the topic so there was no in addition too (in this instance).

<One thing I've realized lately is that tone & sarcasm the like can be lost when communicating online. I often post things with tongue-in-cheek intentions or a hint of smile on my face, but it can be understood as nasty or cold. I am trying to be extra careful about what I write, because I realize that things can be misconstrued easily.>

ITA w/ this. I have often taken a few minutes to write a post because I try to *re-read* my post to make sure it doesnt come off different then I intend it.

[buddyleebaby]

No I totally understand why it was said, but honestly IMO it seemed like the person was being snide. It was the first response to the topic so there was no in addition too (in this instance).


I do that when I see a question with no replies and I want to help but really, really don't have the time. I'll just post one or two sentences suggesting they do a search and then if I have time later I'll come back to edit and add more.

I just feel bad when I see a thread with 300 views and NO replies, especially when it's from a newbie.

[maestramommy]

I have had people tell me about previous threads, but they always include a link to said thread, which I think is really nice. Sometimes when you do a search, it doesn't always come up with what you're looking for, so I always appreciate it when I get the link.

[psophia17]

I suck at searching. I tried as a newbie, and got nowhere, and gave up. Every so often I try to search, but I suck at it so bad that I never find the info I was looking for (even if I've seen the topic a dozen times and have key words). So I post the question...

When I say in the post "I don't have time to search" I mean it - what would take me a couple of hours usually takes someone else only a few minutes and I am profoundly grateful that we have super-searchers here at the BBB.

[LarsMal]

I first found the board back in October when I was beginning my search for double strollers. I ended up joining because I thought it looked like a great place to get info on "strollers". I didn't even realize there were so many other forums at the time!!

When I first joined someone warned me the board was addicting- she wasn't kidding! I've gotten some great advice from BTDT mamas and learned new things as well.

I'm sure I've posted questions that have been discussed...I didn't realize you could do a "search". How do you go about that?!- I knew I'd get my question in at some point :-)

I also agree with PP that sometimes email can be read incorrectly. I am a fairly sarcastic person, and will also make some tongue-in-cheek comments that I think get lost in translation. That's why I use a lot of exclamation points! (see!!)

Oh...and I'm SO excited I joined the book club- I'm loving Angry Housewives!

[buddyleebaby]

I use a lot of exclamation points too which make me sound much more chipper than I am irl, I think.
Also commas,
And my favorite...........

how I love the......

[crAbbymom]

me too!!......:D

[candybomiller]

I too am a .... lover. ....but it drives some people here crazy..... oh well.

[lisams]

I've been here for years, and almost every single topic has come up more than once! Everything from condoms to CIO to "what's wrong with my toddler". The fun thing is that there are always new members and new responses, and even old members change their answers as they become more "seasoned". Also, there are always new products/updated and people to review them. I don't mind the repeated posts at all. It's easy to skip over something you don't feel like reading or responsing to. If there was a rule that no question ever be repeated, these boards would be dead!

[s7714]

ITA. I was just thinking the other day about how my answers to some of the common "basic" questions have changed since I joined the boards.

And I agree with PPs about searches being difficult for some people, especially newbies who aren't familiar with all the lingo. I'm pretty confident in my searching skills, but sometimes if you don't get the wording just right you can miss out on a whole bunch of related threads or get overwhelmed with too many non-related ones.

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Antsy-Pants 6/05

Calling fellow BBB SoCal moms...we'd love to meet you!
(100 posts & BBB member for 3 months req'd)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybargainssocal/

[psophia17]

I curbed the impulse to .... most of the time - unfortunately I gained an impluse to - all of the time. It drives me crazy, and I do it!!!

:P

[ShanaMama]

Ditto to all of your punctuation favorites, Alicia!!
I sometimes reread my posts & instead of sounding like a conversation it just sounds like I was thinking out loud.....
LOL

[saschalicks]

I always feel when I post a topic no one responds. I know that I take it too personally but it's my confession.

[saschalicks]

Oh my gosh my answer have totally evolved and changed to everything. I thank g-d for the mamas here who have BTDT b/c I realize more then ever when there is a newby how much I didn't know.

[denna]

Id have to confess to that one too.

[candybomiller]

I secretly call myself the thread killer. It's a well proven fact that I can kill just about any thread. That's why I don't respond to you. ((hug))

[deborah_r]

Candy, I'll reply so you won't be the thread-killer!

[denna]

LoL! That is so funny, and only because I have thought of myself the same way. So now it shall end :). I sware I have thought that too. Good to see we're not alone, huh?

Wow, guess I did have more than 1 confession. (oops) :D

[elliput]

Ah, but if you have posted with the definitive answer, what point is there of others posting more? We have all killed threads at one point or another. It's not a big deal. :-) There are always more threads to start.

[denna]

Well put Erica, thanks :)

[DrSally]

I agree, sometimes an often repeated question can get fresh responses or updated info. And sometimes, like pp said, searching for something specific can be hard. Then again, there are those questions that were just posted last week and you see them again, so I see that perspective too.

I've learned so much from you guys about all kids of things, and I love that no question is too minute to throw out there--all the things we wonder about inside our heads (e.g., do you wear Robeez with or without socks?), lots of great deals, and reassurance and advice. Many of the posts have a great tone that seems like your talking to the person and there are so many people with a great sense of humor (e.g., I hate target (but I love it)--I had to laugh at that title today).

The only time I've felt badly was when writing to the B**ching post in an upset state, and getting a one liner I felt was dismissive. But 1 out of 100's is not bad. I appreciate all the great advice and this community of very knowledgable and supportive mamas!

[clc053103]

I've been around over a year, and I have one "newbie" observation. There are certain subjects, when asked by a newbie, they get, well, attacked. While I can appreciate the point of the posts, there has to be a nicer way to say it.

Example: if you ask about a snap and go, you most likely will get an angry plagiocephalgy response from at least one seasoned vet. When I first arrived here I never even heard the word- you really can't blame a newbie for asking about a snap n go with the best intentions. A kind mention of the dangers of spending too long in the infant car seat is fine-but some of the responses have been hostile. Talking about how you should never, ever use a snap and go or your child will need a helmet, can be seen as attacking. If I were the poster, I'd hesitate to post ever again out of fear of looking stupid.

[DrSally]

Not to look stupid, but what's a snap and go? You mean a carseat that snaps into carts, so you carry baby around in it alot?

[clc053103]

It's a stroller frame that accepts infant car seats- no seat, just a frame to snap the car seat into. They are smaller and lighter than a regular stroller.

They are great for getting baby in and out of, say, the grocery store for a quick errand. The problem is, if people use them often for extended periods, it can add up to a LOT of hours for baby in the same position- which can lead to plagiocephalgia (sp?). For that reason, they recommend you put baby directly into a stroller for longer strolls.

And no question is EVER stupid! That's what's great about this board :-)

/edited for spelling error!

[DrSally]

Oh, I see, thanks.

[julieakc]

>No I totally understand why it was said, but honestly IMO it
>seemed like the person was being snide. It was the first
>response to the topic so there was no in addition too (in this
>instance).

Whoops I think I'm gulity of recently doing this. ;( In my defense I really didn't have time to do the search to look for the prior threads at that moment, and wasn't entirely sure if the discussion had been here or on another board, and I felt like letting the op know that something had possibly been mentioned was better than no one giving any response....that's what makes me sad...seeing no responses to a post.

[LarsMal]

I'm going to tuck this question in here to hide my stupidity...

What is a "siggie"? I know it means somewhat is expecting, but what does "siggie" mean- literally?! I looked at the newbie/questions forum, but didn't see.

Thanks!

[DrSally]

Someone's signature they use at the bottome of posts.

[LarsMal]

OOOHHHHH- gotcha!!! That makes sense now- DUH!

Thanks!

[robinsonbn]

I got that sometimes when I first arrived. I would feel so defeated. Now though I find myself searching before I ask. Though sometimes I ask anyway..just in case things have changed :) plus everyone helps me here so much. I would have been lost without everyone.

My Confession: Sometimes I don't read all the reply's :( I know its bad this is a discussion board, but there are times I am just so anxious to respond. Also, I often feel bad because I am a very wordy person so my posts are often much longer then they need to be :).

[cmdunn1972]

Confession: I don't always read all the replies either, especially if the OP is a long one. I guess I'm just one of those anxious people too. :) I do try, however, to read other replies after posting my own, and I'll sometimes go back to edit my post accordingly. But, all that's only if I have the time.

My best posting is probably done when DS is either napping of DH is home from work to take care of him. DS will literally pull my away from the comp otherwise! ;) Time (or lack thereof) is therefore always an issue. I think most of us understand that.

[cmdunn1972]

Everyone feels that way from time to time. You're not alone!

Candy: I've killed my fair share of threads too! :)

[kijip]

I don't read all of the replies either. Sometimes because I don't have time and some other times because I just don't want to "go there", LOL.

[Fairy]

We're not supposed to use stroller frames? Like the Baby Trend? That BB rated highly? I think? Um. Hmm. Well, DS is well out of the infant carrier stage (waaaa!), but I loved, loved, loved, my Baby Trend stroller frame. If we have another one, I'll remember this and read up on it ...

(there I am with my elipses)

[Fairy]

This is a great thread. I've been up to *here* in the crap that life throws at you, so I've missed alot on the BBB in the past couple weeks. So, for what it's worth, here are my former Newbie-to-currently-seasoned observations:

1. I do feel bad when I see a compelling Newbie post that gets little or no play, probably cuz they're a newbie. Sometimes I want to reply to them but have nothing of value to add, so I don't want to really talk for the sake of it. But, I've been that newbie before that was kind of ignored; without malice, I'm sure, but it was kind of hard to "break in" to this group.

2. This board has a culture, just like all social circles do (brick and mortar or virtual), but when a newbie or newly delurked person posts a pro-spanking post, we tend to pounce on them. Good!

3. What's with the ************************************************** ************************************************** ***********************************************? Seriously, why? I'm not a newbie, and I still don't get that. If we don't want the content of the post to show in the list, then why not just insert some line spaces in there?

4. I got a little snarky with some posts about somewhat controversial topics way the hell back when I was lurking a long time ago. I regret it. Stupid newbie.

5. I don't have a number 5, but I like nice round numbers.

[s7714]

>3. What's with the
>************************************************** ************************************************** ***********************************************?
> Seriously, why? I'm not a newbie, and I still don't get
>that. If we don't want the content of the post to show in the
>list, then why not just insert some line spaces in there?

Because the message board software will automatically remove and condense "blank" spaces at the top of a post when displaying it as the first post in a thread, even if they are there because a person intentionally added extra spaces or returns. People put in the *** characters to thus create a buffer that the software won't override. Any characters would work, but people seem to like the *** for some reason.

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Antsy-Pants 6/05

Calling fellow BBB SoCal moms...we'd love to meet you!
(100 posts & BBB member for 3 months req'd)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babybargainssocal/

[Fairy]

Ooooh. That makes sense. Heh.

[redhookmom]

I don't like that response. I think it is rude. You wouldn't say a to a Mom at playgroup -you could find some great books on that subject at the library and walk away.
I don't mind when someone gives some advice and then also suggest a look back at old posts for additional advice.