Whimper-i feel so small at preschool functions:-(

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

DD's christmas show was this morning and she was incredibly cute. I loved watching her sing. she even called out "hi mama" in between the songs.
The problem, all the other parents are taller than me and older. It's a pretty fancy school that mil insisted on paying for. So fancy that most of the other parents are about 10 years older than me. I also noticed that i'm much shorter than most of the other parents. I'm only 5'4",but i guess that since dh is 5'10" that i'd come to see myself as average. Today i was reminded-i'm short.
All the other parents are very obviously better off financially than we are since they can afford to send their dc to this school. Everyone was there withe their camcorders,blackberrys and ity bitty digital cameras. I forgot our camera-but i'll never forget how she looked today.
Sometimes you just obviously don't fit in.

[kayte]

I am sorry to hear that you didn't feel lke ou fit in...


Your dd was so excited your were there--that's what really matter! How many of the ones with the video camera were taping it for a spouse that was working!

If you get along with the teachers and your daughter is happy and content than don't sweat it!!!

I'm short too --- and tend to gravitate to shorter friends--- sometimes I forget 5'3" is short!!!



Have a great day!

[Jenn98]

I'm sorry. My mom is not even 5" (4'11" on a good day!) so I get where you are coming from. We also didn't fit in too well at my private school I attended (we struggled financially), but you know what, it wasn't that bad. Even as a kid I could see the snobbiness of other kids and I just chose to be friends with other kids. It all worked out. (((hugs))) Just stand tall and kill them with kindness. They're probably jealous of you for being so young and cute anyway!

[dules]

Hang in there. Sounds like DD is thriving at that school and that's great. What a precious memory you have now of the day.

Think of it this way: the other parents might be older, that does not mean that THEIR mother (or MIL) did not also pay for the school. Speaking from experience, being older does not necessarily mean rich. :)

The tall thing I cannot explain. (Why the other parents are all taller than 5'4). LOL.



Mary

[aliceinwonderland]

Yup, same boat, except we pay for it ourselves and it's the same as our mortgage. Look at the positives, maybe they are jealous of your youth :).


I'm as short as you are too :)

[C99]

I can't relate to the height thing, but I do know what it's like to be among the youngest and poorest of the other parents in your social or school group. I often feel like the youngest, poorest parent of a child in DS's MDO program - this was confirmed for me last year when I went out for drinks w/ some of the moms and teachers after a parenting meeting. Someone had gone in to get a drink at the bar and made a snide comment about how she was dating her husband in 1984 ("You must be born before or on this date in 1984 to drink here") and everyone - except me - agreed or had similar comments. In 1984, I was still wearing plaits on a playground.

[Saartje]

> All the other parents are very obviously better off
>financially than we are since they can afford to send their
>dc to this school. Everyone was there withe their
>camcorders,blackberrys and ity bitty digital cameras.

It's more likely that all the other parents are in deeper debt than you are than that they're actually financially better off. :)

[sdbc]

People who are older have been working longer and tend to have more money. It's nothing to be jealous of. When you've been around that long, you'll have more money, too. There's no need to compare yourself to others.

In terms of the height thing, why would you think taller is better? It's just a difference. One isn't better than the other. I'm shorter than you, btw.

It will be hard to make friends with the other parents if you lack self-confidence and feel like there's no way others will accept you. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'll bet nobody else noticed if you had a blackberry or a camcorder.

[SnuggleBuggles]

At our preschool there seems to be a run on short moms (myself included). At 5'2" there are actually 3 moms shorter than me. :)

Remember- Money can't buy height. :) There would likely be taller moms everywhere else.

You really will get used to the age and height difference. You'll find that just having a kid the same age is a balancing factor for most everything else!

Don't let it rattle you that they have fancier stuff. It sounds like you are a great mom.

ETA: ask some of the other parents to email you pictures.
Beth

[maestramommy]

I used to work at a private school, and I was a little surprised at first at how old the parents were. But I later found out there was a range. Also, being wealthier doesn't necessarily mean "richer," if you know what I mean. They have their problems too, not the least of which is the pressure of expectations from your high achieving parents.

One of my favorite students was probably also one of the poorest. Her dad is a mechanic, and her mom is a housekeeper. They found out about the school because one of the families the mom cleaned for recommended applying. This student is a full ride scholarship and will hopefully be the first in her family to go to college. I don't think her parents worry too much about fitting in. They are so proud of their daughter.

[bubbaray]

I'm sure you fit in just fine.

Think of the height thing this way -- at least you can wear heels if you really want to be taller. I'm 5'9" and have been this height since grade 5. I'm not super tall, but because I was tall early as a kid, I'm very self-conscious of my height.

That must have made your heart melt when your DD said "hi mama". She obviously doesn't care about your height or money issues, she just was sending you her love! How cute!!!! And, kudos to your MIL for such a thoughtful gift as education.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: c/s 01/2007

[BaileyBea]

Awe!!!! I am short too 5'2" even shorter than you! I feel your pain on the height thing.

Well try not to be intimidated. I am an older parent but realize that judging still happens no matter what. And you never know what their situation is.. they maybe in debt over their eyeballs. You just never know. Other parents will get to know you and like you for who YOU are... at least the ones that count.

;-) I hope someone nice gives you a photo. Your DD sounds incredibly cute.

Nancy

[Radosti]

5'4" isn't short, it's pretty average. I am 5'4" and have never worried that I am short. I am average in height, above average in type A personality. I had one boyfriend in college call me shorty, but he also tried calling me Fatty (at 120 lbs at the time), so that didn't go over very well.

And yes, people my age have started out young and without money like you, but we've been working a long time... I just had to explain that to a 23 year old co-worker of mine. She was saying how the rest of us have gorgeous houses and can afford exotic vacations and expensive daycares. I had to point out that when she's our age, she will be able to afford all that too. She already bought a townhouse, so has shown that she is old enough to make good money decisions. In time, she'll be able to trade that house in for a single home. That's all. Man, I sound old... I'll be 30 this month.

[elephantmeg]

If you're short at 5'4 well then I'm tiny :) I joke that DS is going to outgrow me by the age of 5 (30 inches at not quite 10 months and I'm 5'2). I do however know how it feels to not fit in in a group and regardless of why/how it just sucks. I realized at my 5 year college reuinion that it's only been since I've started working as a nurse that I've felt comfortable with who I really am-and being back with college classmates made me feel like I did in college-different. Kudos to you for having such a great child and for being such a great momma.

[newmomto3kids]

Just to offer some perspective...perhaps all the other moms are not as better off as you think. I have a good friend who's kids both went to a very nice private school where the tuition is outrageous. I happen to know that her father pays the bill. She looks as nice as any other the other moms. My husband carries a blackberry he got from his work. You never know how people get their little goodies...
Don't worry about it, I bet you are more normal than you realize. Even if you don't feel like you fit in at all...it's all in how you frame it.
Good luck!

[katiesmommy]

Yup, same boat here to. I'm 5'1". My sisters are 8 and 9, and about to outgrow me.

[crAbbymom]

I'm btwn 5'4 and 5'5 and rarely feel short...May have to do with my MIL and SIL and MANY friends being 5'-5'2!

[fredsmom]

Is this a Catholic school? The only reason I ask is that my husband who is 5'4" made the same observation when he started going to mass with me on Sundays. Now that he has pointed it out, I have noticed that in our area, there are more tall Catholics at sunday services than tall Methodists at the Methodist services (the church he grew up in.) I'm not saying that statistically it is true, but it is interesting.

Kathleen

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I think when i said small i didn't necesarily mean heightwise. I just felt dwarfed.Outdone and out of place. The school is montessori and i'm extatic that dd is going there for the building blocks it gives her. But the tuition is almost 7,000 a year for preschool.
We are so out of the socioeconomic class at the school it's not even funny. I'm 33,dh is 36 and we're young. A lot of the kids at the school are adopted and their parents are obviously older. so we are very young in comparison.
We're also just too granola. I swear,sometimes i think i should just either grab a broomstick skirt and braid my hair or have something pierced and dye my hair purple. At least then maybe i'd look as differant as i feel.
But in the end it's worth it. DD loves her school and the kids she goes with. Ds will go also in a few years. I've just got to get over this.

[amp]

Try 5', old and fat. Yup, Im out of place. But I'm getting more comfortable.

[jal]

The important point is that you are not there for the other parents, you are there for your DD.

Last week, I went to DS's Christmas show. Afterwards, all the parents went with their children to their class room to share in snacks. My heart just sank when I heard one child ask "Where is my mommy?" His tone made it apparent that he had just realized that he was the only one in the room that didn't have a parent that came to school that day.

[maestramommy]

$7K a year for preschool?! eep! Yeah I'd feel small too, although I'm a wee bit ignorant on the current cost of Montessori preschool. But only for a while. I'll just keep thinking back to my little student. Imagine being a housekeeper, or machinist when your dd's friends' parents are docs, lawyers, rocket scientists, and the like.

Your dd was thrilled you were there, and that's what she'll remember years from now.

[cstack]

OK, now you're making me feel horrible. Tomorrow is DS's Christmas show. He's 6. When I was in college, I went to all of the school shows (all of DD's and most of DS#1's). When I started teaching, DH took over the Christmas shows (it's a tough time to need a sub and the sp. ed. kids I teach are more crazy and needy at this time of year). This year, he's not able to take the time off either, so my sister is going and is going to tape it for us, but DH and I feel terrible about it. To make matters worse, my aunt is dying, so I'm probably going to have to take off the last 2 days of the week anyway. If only it would snow tomorrow - I could probably pull it off...sigh

But, I've BTDT - felt "small" in the presence of other parents. i finally realized that I didn't care how they looked at me or thought of me...I was a giant to my kids and their opinions were all that mattered.