Visitors' (relatives and not) kids running all through out the house

[jacksmomtobe]

Am I crazy to expect kids who visit to stay in our playroom or in our yard or anywhere on our first floor?? The last few times we've entertained and people have brought their kids over the kids have ran all through out our house. We have a playroom where there is another tv and our yard is a good size fenced in yard. These kids have been in the 7-13 range. I know they might be a bit bored. They sure wreck the playroom quicker and more severely than ds group of 2 yr old friends but do they have to mess up my whole house? They have been running upstairs and into another living space we have in the non attached converted garage if it happens to be open which it often is if we are using the extra fridge out there (last time when DH was not here I did not unlock this space). I think last time they were playing hide n seek and I found closets open, ds' bed was unmade (eventhough it was made before everyone arrived and he had not been upstairs), etc. It really has ticked me off that the parents don't say you know what you need to stay downstairs. One time it was a long afternoon into evening of having people over and I was trying to put ds to bed and a group of kids (including cousins) came up and wanted to hang out in ds's room. I told them they needed to go downstairs. Ds was already at the meltdown stage he didn't need any further stimulation. I know the adults want to have fun so I don't expect them to watch their kids every second but couldn't they lay some ground rules. I wouldn't feel it acceptable for my kids to be running through someone else house. Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks for listening!

[Momof3Labs]

At that age, IMO they absolutely should be able (and expected) to attend a party without tearing apart the host's home. It's just basic manners, and sounds like the parents never bothered to teach them (or there are one or two who are awful, and take the bunch down with them). Sorry, no suggestions - I haven't dealt with this age group in a long time!

[hwin708]

I don't think you're being unreasonable AT ALL to not want them running all over your house. I have certain "kid-friendly" rooms, and that's it.

That being said, I do think it's unfair that you want the other parents to set your house's ground rules. If you don't want the kids going upstairs, say so when they come in, making sure both the parents and kids hear it. It is kind of hard to confine kids to one room. Doable, but difficult. But they do understand things like upstairs is off limits. But the other parents don't know what your boundaries are. They're not going to tell their children upstairs is off-limits, only to have upstairs be the place you'd rather all the kids disappear to. They're also not going to lay out individual rules for their kids, only to have the other parents not give out those rules, so their child is sitting downstairs all by their lonesome while all the other kids run upstairs. You need to set some specific rules, and then worry about those who can't follow them.

[ajmom]

It's your house and you set the rules- the other parents should help you enforce them. Period.

Around here, my rule when other children come over is that all toys stay in the kids' rooms. And I have no problem reminding other people's children of the rules. I would expect that the parents, if they are aware of the rule, wopuld help to regulate also.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

[elizabethkott]

Have you tried addressing the kids themselves? Maybe as they are coming into your home, you could lead them to the playroom, and just offer a "You guys are welcome to do whatever you want to in here and out back, but the upstairs is off-limits so some of the younger kids can nap if they need to, okay?"
No 7 year old will want to associate themselves with "the younger kids" if there are 13 year olds around! This approach worked well for DH and I when his nieces and nephews come to visit with his brother and sister.
:)

[chlobo]

If I were you I wouldn't be shy about letting the kids & parents know the house rules. I know that I had to ward my nephews off from eating in our family room. They eat wherever they want at home but we only eat in the kitchen around here.

[Jenn98]

I agree with PP. At that age, you get to talk directly to the kids. When they get there tell them they can play here, here and here, but they cannot open any closed doors, for example. And don't be shy about reminding them. Good luck!

[maestramommy]

You are not being unreasonable. Parents who let their kids run amok in someone else's house are displaying pretty bad guest manners, IMO. I know that kids get bored or restless, but in that case, the parents need to make them take a break, either outside, or just from the scene. Or they need to go home. Maybe in the future, if the visit is going to be a long one, the parents can decide in advance some sort of activity they can be engaged in. With a wide age range, more than one activity might be necessary, or a video perhaps?

[boys2enough]

Something that you may be able to do is to close the doors to the rooms that are off limits, and announce it and the other ground rules as the guests arrive. "Hi, welcome to our house. Etc etc. We have a playroom for the kids. You can go play in the yard, etc etc. Please do not go into rooms that are closed. etc etc. Thanks!"

With the older crowd, they do get bored easily if they are not running around. It is sad, I think, that kids nowadays expect to be entertained every waking second. Since we don't have any Gaming device (Game Cube, etc) in our house, my older DS's friends get bored very soon, and that is when they get into trouble. At that moment, the best (and easiest) thing to do is to put in a DVD and have everybody sit down and watch a movie. Really. That quiets them down right away. And when the movie is over, it should be time for them to go home. Hurray!!!

Just to share with you something that happened to us: I have an 8 yo so I have a different problem: my 8 yo actually led his friends into our bedroom for hide and seek! One of the kids pushed over and broke a brand new wooden/bamboo screen that we had purchased the day before. We were livid, but it was not solely the other's kid's fault. We believe that DS was responsible for making sure his friends know the rules of the house. Now we close the door to our bedroom before his friends show up. One good thing about not having a game system in our house: his friends now request that DS go over to their houses to play. LOL.

Cheers, Lin

http://smilies.vidahost.com/kao/otn/pnkypanda.gif