My head is going to explode!!

[annasmom]

I just got off of the phone with my sil and she never ceases to amaze me. Some background . . . my dh's family doesn't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, but does get together as a family and exchange gifts. About a month or two ago, I suggested to dh that we set in motion a date when we could all get together at our house and celebrate. Anyway, somehow it got changed to my sil's house. I think because her dh is working that day.

A side note- my sil refuses to drive alone with her ds for distances greater than 10 minutes (I kid you not). She says that he once threw a sippy cup at her and she cannot do it. So there is no way she would come to our house with her ds without her dh. She gets no sympathy from me who routinely drives 1.5 hours to my parents' house alone with 3 children.

Anyway, we have been trying to call her for about a week now to solidify plans, and guess what! There are no plans. I know this may sound petty, but the last time I spent a major holiday with this woman was a Thanksgiving and I kid you not the only food we were given was chips and salsa. Oh, and she ordered take-out at about 10:30 at night. So someone tell me please, why I am packing up my three kids to go to her house??? OH!! And, her house is completely not child-friendly. Even though she has a two year old she refuses to child-proof her house. Again, I kid you not, instead of child-proofing her house she sends her ds to child care 3 days a week. I am not kidding- that is the reason she sent him to daycare.

I just so wish that we had stuck with our original plan to have everyone over here. I guess a good point about going to their house, is that we can leave!!

O.k., vent over. I feel better now.

[casey0729]

does his family not find this unusual? I can't imagine that anyone in my family would sit around on Thanksgiving and not make a comment on not being fed.

I would approach this one of two ways - keep in mind I am not you, and I don't know your family dynamics.

1) Don't go. I would tell DH that based on the last holiday spent at SILs no one was served food so you will be making a dinner at your house so, um, I don't know, your kids can eat before 11pm at night. Anyone is welcome to join you. (Then either go to her house after or don't go at all, depending on if someone shows up at your house. If his sister wants to participate she can drive over there with DC in tow. Tell her to wear a helmet in case of flying sippy cups.) I know that my DH handles all his family stuff and I handle mine. That way he can tell his sister to get bent without it reflecting on you.


2) Show up at her house with all the food. Say, unapologetically, that your kids need to eat a certain time and you brought stuff along to make sure that they do. It would be funnier if you brought an uncarved turkey and all the trimmings. In fact, why don't your or your DH contact his family members and arrange to bring the whole thing? Just because you have to go there doesn't mean you have to suffer. My DH worked at his bros for an entire weekend and SIL wouldn't feed them. My MIL brought over an entire dinner - even flour for gravy because they were starving and SIL didn't bat an eyelash. Some people just don't get it.

I hope you enjoy your holiday regardless!!

KC

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[dules]

I love option #2. Make it into a family potluck, and gee thanks for the space, SIL.

Good luck, she sounds like a nightmare!


Mary

[chlobo]

Wow, that sounds pretty awful. I agree that you should plan to do whatever will serve your family's needs - whether its bringing the food or staying home.

[KBecks]

Wow. Maybe you can bring some appetizers and soda or something so at least you will get something good to eat. Why not suggest a pot luck -- she'll have the pressure off her and you know you'll get fed.

Leave early!!

[cstack]

I like option 2 also. And it works for you, because you do not have to clean up afterward. As for the house not being child-proof/friendly, maybe take some cheap oulet caps (I know, not recommended, but it's temporary) and put them in in front of her.

You could also just stop for a nice dinner on the way and let everyone else suffer for agreeing to go to her house in the first place.

[annasmom]

Thanks for letting me vent!! I am really feeling much better about this now. We will plan on getting to her house early, order in some lunch, and then leave in time for naps in the car on the way home. At least if we go to their house we can leave, whereas if they all came over to our house we would never get rid of them.