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Radosti
12-22-2006, 07:33 AM
OK, I'm Jewish. My holiday is almost over. He's Catholic. His holiday is coming up. Do you think he spent one split second in a store to buy anyone in his family a gift??? NOPE. Did he expect me to? YUP. Did I? Not for a while. I am too tired. When I realized that his family still needs gifts, I was quite unimaginative. I got all of them LL Bean Polar Fleece pull-overs. Nice ones. His nephew, sister, and other sister's DH are also getting $25 Gap gift cards. The other sister is pregnant, so she is getting two Babystyle maternity shirts. DH's dad is also getting a Land's End windbreaker (canvas style zip-up). DH's grandpop is getting 5 $10 gift certificates to his favorite diner. DH's mom was getting just the polar fleece (me being passive aggressive). But DH insists that she won't ever wear it and needs something else. I got myself a $50 bennigan's card from my credit card rewards. He's telling me that I need to give that to her. I told him that I'm returning the fleece then since she won't wear it anyway. I get a very curt "FINE!"

Background. This woman has been passive aggressive to me for a long long time. She can't stand that her son married a Jew and is raising his son Jewish. She is randomly pushing her christianity on us and doesn't acknowledge anything jewish. DS didn't get anything for Hanukkah from her, but I bet there will be a stocking waiting for him. I was fine with all that. But two recent events convinced me she is snubbing my one year old. At Thanksgiving, DH's cousins were there with their kids (not her grandchildren) and she fussed with them and left me to manage a one-year old in a house that was very not child-proofed. DH acts like he's there to relax only and is barely any help with DS while we are there (normally he's a wonderful father). OK, you know, DS was fussy (ear infection) and she didn't want to deal with him. OK, I got it. But then, we celebrated DS's birthday. DH's cousins were here again. Two of their kids were being entertained by the clown. So, that left the cousin with a 6 months old.

DH's mom was holding the 6 months old constantly. My mom asked me if I wasn't letting DH's mom hold DS. I told her she doesn't want him. My mom thought that was preposterous of me to assume. So, she took DS to Dh's mom and gave him to her when DH's mom wasn't holding the 6 months old. Literally, 3 minutes later, she gave him back to my mom because "she had to go help with the 6 months old". The woman didn't kiss DS at any point. She didn't pay attention to him at all at MY house on HIS birthday.

I am through trying to make nice nice with her. DH isn't going to say anything to her. I'm done. Why should I give her something I got for my own family to have a nice dinner with. Grrrr....

Wife_and_mommy
12-22-2006, 08:47 AM
I'm sorry you're dealing with nonsense during your holiday.

I have to admit I used to gravitate to the youngest baby when I was around them. The younger the better in my eyes. Maybe she feels the same? I don't know. I would think she'd still want to be with her grandchild at his bday party.

I don't have any answers for you but do send hugs.



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ShanaMama
12-22-2006, 10:09 AM
Well, sounds like not-D-MIL wins the grinch award in your family! I think it's time for her to grow up & accept you. You aren't going anywhere after all, & she's the one who will ultimately lose out by not having a relationship with DS.
No advice about the gifts, but hope DH gets you some great big diamonds this weekend to make up for all your trouble! Sounds like you picked out nice stuff- nothing cheap or thoughtless there.
Hope you enjoy the rest of Chanuka & DH enjoys his Christmas & you all live happily ever after! LOL

buddyleebaby
12-22-2006, 10:22 AM
If your dh wants his mom to have a Bennigan's card, he can go out and buy one for her. His mom, his job. Expecting you to give her yours, especially considering your less than perfect relationship with her, is unfair.

candybomiller
12-22-2006, 10:24 AM
Quite simply put: his holiday, his family, his responsibility to buy gifts. If he drops the ball, so be it.

You and your child do not deserve to be treated like second class citizens, especially in your own home. I completely understand her not getting A anything for Hanukkah, as it's not her holiday, but the way she's treating the two of you is unacceptable. Quite frankly I would say that if she doesn't shape up and start acting like a grandmother, then she'll be excluded from any future celebrations at your house.

Huh, guess I feel strongly. ;)

elizabethkott
12-22-2006, 07:25 PM
Any way you can casually mention during Christmas dinner that Jesus was Jewish?
:)
Probably not the *best* idea, but boy, would it feel good, huh? :) :)
How sad for your DC that his grandmother can't get over her picture of what *she* wanted to happen enough to foster a loving, caring relationship with her own grandson.
She deserves to be pitied.
Have a very Happy Hanukah!!!

Radosti
12-22-2006, 09:18 PM
Thanks! Oh, no... that's not how it works in his family. DH walks on water don't you know? If they get gifts they like, then HE obviously bought them! If they don't get anything, I must have FORBIDDEN him to get stuff. If they get something they hate, I must have bought it!!! Grrrr... OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's something to that tune.

I went ahead and returned the fleece I bought for DH's mom to the LL Bean store today (what a nuthouse that was with last minute shoppers). DH asked me why I bought her something she wouldn't like. I was being cross and told him that I apparently enjoy getting her gifts she hates. Same as her buying me shirts I wouldn't wear ever (her CHRISTMAS presents to me because Hanukkah doesn't exist you see). DH then tried joking by saying, "Why don't the two of you stand in front of each other and burn money as entertainment for the rest of us." The look I gave him must have gotten my point across because he stopped pretty fast.

Why is a holiday that's not even mine becoming so stressful for me???

On a separate note... my parents decided that they want to bring my nephew from Colorado here for 5 weeks. They have no contingency for babysitting the 8-year-old, so right now he goes to work with them and they are taking a few days off here and there to spend with him. They asked me if I could take him next Wed-Thursday as they will be very busy at work. OK, no problem. Except that now I am absolutely certain that there will not be any sort of party for my 30th birthday... which is on Thursday. They've forgotten completely and DH isn't the planning type. Oh well, guess we'll make the most of it and take him to Ben Franklin Institute and such. At least that will force us to go out and seek out fun/tiring things to do with a very energetic kid.

dules
12-22-2006, 09:38 PM
I say give her the polar fleece. If she won't hold DS, chances are good she won't use *anything* that you give her. What a b*tch. Sorry, had to say it. To treat her own DGS and DIL like that - ouch. Wish there was someone in DH's family who could stick it to her and call her on her attitude, antisemitism or whatever you want to call it. Being a Catholic actually requires her to treat others with love and respect (as is the tenet in most religions in some way or another) and it would be great if someone could remind her of that.

So sorry, and I hope you had a nice last night of Hanukkah. DD was mesmerized by all the candles tonight - then I went out to pick up dinner and came home to find her and DH (Jewish, I was raised Catholic) watching the Polar Express. (shrug, lol!)


Mary

Oh, you bought DH's family much nicer gifts than we usually exchange with mine. Good shopping! :)

KBecks
12-22-2006, 10:19 PM
Kudos to you for pulling through on the shopping. Hope you make it through the holidays OK. It's got to be difficult feeling like your child gets less attention and love than the cousins. Hang in there!

KBecks
12-22-2006, 10:24 PM
I think the thing is that Christmas isn't your holiday, but it is your DH's, and so you're kind of dragged into it. Do what you can, but it might be a waste of time to put much emphasis on the religious difference. If their family does everything at Christmas then it's probably the most convenient way to do it. Try not to take it personally, even though MIL is a witch. :)

Happy holidays and I hope you make it through the weekend!!!