Not a bitch, maybe at myself -- I might have ruined Christmas

[KBecks]

Our family had a bassinet that I'm 99% sure was bought for me as a baby, and that had been used for my nephews and niece in my brother's family. I had it for Alek and John, then I gave it away to a pregnancy help center.

My oldest nephew is recently married and I found out a month ago that they are pregnant. I had no idea they would be starting a family so soon. I talked to my brother today to see when we should show up tomorrow for the family gathering and they said - bring the bassinet, and I told them I gave it away.

My brother sounded so disappointed. And I think I may have ruined Christmas. I am not a sentimental person, the bassinet is 35 years old, the mattress didn't fit well in it (big gaps at the sides) and I worred about the safety a little when we used it (put in rolled up towels).

Anyway, I told them I would get them a new bassinet. Off to shop. I'm afraid tomorrow is going to suck.

[jgriffin]

The bassinet went to someone who really needed it, and made their life better. Sure, maybe it's too bad it wasn't kept in the family, but at some point it would have fallen apart or been otherwise unuseable anyway, right? And I agree about the safety point. Tell your brother this is the start of a new family bassinet tradition; the next generation can use this bassinet when they have their own families.

At any rate, Christmas means a lot more than bassinets, or at least it should. I'm sure you didn't ruin it!

[KBecks]

That's how it should work in theory. In reality I bought a new bassinet and sheets and then got a call from my bro that my SIL wants to buy the new bassinet, rather than a replacement from me. I hadn't let them know I was getting a bassinet, but I called my nephew and his wife to see what their nursery plans were and what they might like, and my nephew probably called my brother.

So, I'm feeling like my efforts to make amends are being rejected, and I honestly feel almost like I'm having a nervous breakdown over it, but now I've decided I'm giving my nephew and his wife a card with cash they can use for the baby and I'll return the stuff I got today.

I don't even want to show up tomorrow for the family gathering, to be honest.

[oliviasmomma]

You did not ruin Christmas! You made a good decision in that the bassinet did not look safe anymore. Did your SIL already buy one too? Can you call and see if they want to go in together? It is too bad that families get so caught up in things like this (mine does too) and everyone ends up feeling badly. I'd say that you should of course go to the party--the fact is, your nephew and his wife either have no idea that this has transpired, or they don't care. You can give the cash, but maybe you could also start a new tradition? While I think it is a nice idea to hand down things like a bassinet, the truth is that they really should only be used for so many years before they need to be replaced. Maybe there is another tradition you can start to welcome new members into your family.

Hugs--if this ruins their Christmas, they need a bit of perspective, KWIM?

[psophia17]

Do not beat yourself up over this - I mean it.

DH's family has a family basinett, and I was ever so grateful I told them not to ship it to NY when DS1 was born as I was when I got my first look at it a year later. Safety concerns were the least of my worries.

[buddyleebaby]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I might have asked before giving it away but whats done is done.
And honestly, I am a sentimental person but if my mom gave me an old family bassinet I would probably get teary at the lovely thought, and then run right out and buy a new, clean, safe bassinet for my sweet baby.
You probably did them a favor by giving it away. Now they can get what they want without having to first come up with an excuse for your brother.

Either way, I don't think it will ruin their Christmas. Don't let it ruin yours. Hugs.

[KBecks]

I'm feeling mostly better. I called my MIL (completely other side of the family) and she advised to let my brother's wife pick the replacement bassinet (It is her first grandchild and if she wants the right to select the bassinet, then so be it.) and not give cash or anything right now, as it won't help, but to get my nephew's wife a REALLY NICE shower gift when the time comes.

So, I'll make a brief apology to my brother's wife tomorrow and then get on with life (I hope!).

Thanks. Now off to return the bassinet I bought this AM - great way to spend a Saturday, but oh well!

[elizabethkott]

We have a family bassinet that was used for my mother, uncle, me, my brother and my 3 cousins... it has been presumed that we will use it for this baby.
My mother was perplexed when I registered for a travel pnp to use in the bedroom. "But why do you need that when we have the family bassinet?"
Um....
Because it's like 60 years old? Hello?!
My dad got a little too excited and already repainted it, and my mom already got a new mattress made for it, so the family bassinet will be used *downstairs* in the living room while the baby is still a newborn, and only for naps during the day when I am not napping myself.
While I appreciate the thought of it, I wish I had more of a spine to have told my folks that I would have been fine using the pnp...
So good for you for recognizing a potential safety issue and donating it where it could be used rather than having it clutter up your home...
Because guess where the family bassinet will now be stored until it's used again?
Yeah. Great.
:)

[kijip]

No worries. In the end you likely made the mom-to-be's day as most people don't want such old bassinets unless they have a personal attachment to them. Your brother does have a personal attachment, but I doubt that his DIL (or even his son really) do have such an attachment. I had to talk my way out of a bassinet from the 1960s from J's family. :) Now she has the perfect excuse not to use it.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

ita-family traditions are nice,but i never understand why items like baby strollers,cribs and such are not only passed down-but that the older generation takes such offense when you say that you either don't want it or when you point out the obvious like "it's old and falling apart and i'd like for my baby not to fall on her head!" Hopefully when my dd has children i'll be able to be understanding.