Stupid comments about not doing Santa

[dogmom]

OK, for various reasons my DH and I have not to "do Santa" for our children. I think this year is the first year that it makes a big difference, and so far it hasn't really made a difference. We decided this for various reasons ranging from Santa was a part of Christmas, but not essential in our childhood, to feeling sort of uneasy about deceiving our children, to wanting to tone down Christmas, to just sheer laziness on our part. (Don't have to stand in line to get those Santa pictures.) So when this comes up in conversation I get stupid questions/comments.

1)Who brings the presents at your house, Baby Jesus?
Although the thought of a babe in swaddling clothes wriggling his way down the chimney reminds be of a certain scene from "Trainspotting" it is a stupid question. WE buy the presents, Mom & Dad.

2)How do you keep your kids in line? I start threatening them with Santa not bring them gifts because they are bad in August.
The same way I do the other 6-8 months a year. Besides, I can threaten them about not giving gifts directly if I was so inclined, instead of going through a middle man.

3) I didn't know you were Jewish.
Umm, no comment on the Jewish faith, but no, I was not raised or am now Jewish. And exactly which Gospel was Santa in?

4) What do you tell him about the guy in the red suit at the mall.
See, that's the beauty of the plan. There is no reason for my child to see the inside of a mall between Thanksgiving and New Years.

5)Well, but I want my kids to believe in Santa and your kid will ruin it for them.

This is the most sticky one. My DS is a little young and it doesn't come up his preschool yet, but I'm sure it will some day. Right now I just explain what Santa is and how some kids have him bring presents, or something like that. He tends to just play with his cars and ignores me. I think once he gets older there is a good of chance of some kid labeling him "bad" and that is why Santa doesn't come to his house as much as him "ruining" it for some other kids. I believe that by the time the kids are actively talking about this there is already doubt about the whole Santa, so I'm not too worried about it. But part of me thinks, why is it my responsiblity to carry on a myth you want to impart on your child? We aren't talking about a religious belief here, it's Santa. They all find out in the end there is no Santa.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve 6/18/06

[oliviasmomma]

It's funny you should post this, because Santa is a toughie for me too. We did not celebrate any holidays until I was 8, so I never believed in Santa. I always thought I'd "do" Santa, but now that Liv is getting to Santa age, it just feels so unnatural. I think we will end up with a hybrid--we'll talk about Santa, but keep it to a minimum in order to downplay it. We will also (as she gets a bit older) explain that there was a real St. Nick who brought presents. I don't think we'll go so far as to leave "footprints" in the living room or have her write letters to Santa. It will be more of an, "Yes, Santa exists as the spirit of giving" rather than as a guy who slips into our house. (Unless it gets easier for me to do.)

I think it is possible to teach your kids not to tell others about Santa, and, the fact is, if your kids do believe, they will find out some day. Somehow, the non-believers and believers coexist and kids manage to go a long time without finding out. The above comments are pretty funny, though--people just assume everyone does the Santa thing and that's got to be annoying.

[buddyleebaby]

1)Who brings the presents at your house, Baby Jesus?
Although the thought of a babe in swaddling clothes wriggling his way down the chimney reminds be of a certain scene from "Trainspotting" it is a stupid question. WE buy the presents, Mom & Dad


Just to shed some light on this one, in certain South American cultures children are told that the baby Jesus brings presents for them when he comes. There is no Santa.
So as weird a question as its sounds, it may very well be an honest one from whoever is asking.

[SnuggleBuggles]

"5)Well, but I want my kids to believe in Santa and your kid will ruin it for them.

This is the most sticky one. My DS is a little young and it doesn't come up his preschool yet, but I'm sure it will some day. Right now I just explain what Santa is and how some kids have him bring presents, or something like that. He tends to just play with his cars and ignores me. I think once he gets older there is a good of chance of some kid labeling him "bad" and that is why Santa doesn't come to his house as much as him "ruining" it for some other kids. I believe that by the time the kids are actively talking about this there is already doubt about the whole Santa, so I'm not too worried about it. But part of me thinks, why is it my responsiblity to carry on a myth you want to impart on your child? We aren't talking about a religious belief here, it's Santa. They all find out in the end there is no Santa."


Just because they start to question it doesn't mean that they are having doubts. My ds is 4.5 and just very curious. The talk starts earlier than you may be thinking so I would just suggest talking with your kids about keeping their Santa beliefs a bit on the quiet side for a few years.

I can personally play off any doubts that ds might pick up on (like the movie "Polar Express") and try and keep the magic alive a bit longer but imo it is just a bit easier if there won't be a kid going around actively telling him there is no such thing. (My SIL teaches kindergarten and there is a little boy this year who has been doing that. She just pulled him aside and said that some kids do believe in it and it is OK to let them believe that.) So, you don't have to carry on the myth or say anything to your kids that you don't feel comfortable with but I just wanted to throw out that perspective.

I liked Santa when I was little. I loved the stories and the idea of him. I am glad that I was able to live in my bubble for a while. It was fun.

YOu certainly don't have to do Santa. There is no rule for sure and I am not trying to say there is.

Next year will probably be the big year for your ds, I know it has been for us.

Merry Christmas. :)

Beth

[Pennylane]

We just had this situation come up in my daughter's preschool class. She is 5 and another there is a boy in her class who's family does not do "santa". They choose to celebrate the more religious aspect of Christmas.

He came in the class last week and informed my dd and a few of her friends that there is no santa it is just all make believe. Of course my dd comes to me and tells me what he said. I asked her what she thought and she replied that of course there is a Santa! He sent her a letter and she saw him at the mall!

So as long as she believes,I will let her. But when she asks me I will tell her the truth.

Ann

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds just like ds. Though, I have told him that all the Santas around town (mall, museum, countless events...) are all Santa's helpers. :)

He did ask me if dh was Santa this year...because dh has a beard. I felt Ok saying that dh was not Santa since he was merely basing it on a physical connection.

Beth

[Pennylane]

Beth,

That's what we told her too, but she still calls him Santa...We see the same one every year!

That is funny about your DH, my ds who is younger yells "ho, ho" at every person in a santa hat!

Ann

[AngelaS]

Some people just don't get it and I'm sorry you're dealing with them.

We've never done Santa and my oldest will be 9 (tomorrow!). We have several 'preprogrammed' responses that we've taught our kids when people ask them about Santa and that seems to help.

"What do you want Santa to bring you?" A says, "We celebrate Jesus's birthday, not Santa."

If another child says, "Santa brought me ...... for Christmas" or "I want ...... for Christmas, what do you want?" A says, "I want or I got ....."

So far, she hasn't "ruined" anyone's Christmas. Now my next two.... hard to say... LOL

[maestramommy]

Thanks for posting this. DH and I decided not to do Santa either, before Dora gets to the age where any of this will register. I did have some questions as to what to say when she goes off to school and starts really hearing about him, but I talked with a good friend who doesn't do Santa either. Our plan is to wait until she asks about it, then tell him about the real Santa, who he was, and explain that the man in the red suit is merely someone playing Santa, much like she might play someone in a play or on Halloween. Now IF she says her friend believes all this other stuff about Santa, then I will tell her, some kids do believe that, and that's okay, and she should let them have fun doing that. Or something. I don't think it's your responsibility to to carry on a myth, and it sure isn't mine either. It's hard enough to impart faith in one divine being you can't see, let alone two.

[dogmom]

I was actually aware of that custom, but the comment came from an Irish Catholic, so I don't think it was a cultural thing.

[KBecks]

Thanks for sharing. I am not a fan of Santa, mostly for the deception factor.

But we've decided to do Santa very very very small at our house. As in, the presents come from us, we won't talk about Santa much at all, but we won't deny the Santa experience. Does that make sense? At the in-laws Christmas celebration, Santa visits and brings small gifts to each child, and so that tradition will probably be the only Santa we do.

Although as a kid I loved setting out cookies and milk, so I may cave. Maybe Santa will just do one small gift at our house, or just small gifts in the stockings.

I hate the bribery of being good for gifts.

Anyway, thanks for sharing the experiences. It's amazing how dominant Santa is in our culture!! While I like that he is about bringing happiness to children, I hate that he is also a consumer idol. And mall Santas just suck.

[KBecks]

Happy birthday to your Christmas baby!

[Wife_and_mommy]

Happy bday to G, Angela. :)

I think I got the idea for a birthday cake for Jesus from you. It was a smashing success last night. Thank you. :)

OP, I'm sorry you have to deal with people. It's almost over for this year. :)



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[tarahsolazy]

I'm with you Jeanne, all the way.

I hope to avoid the whole Santa thing as much as possible. As in, I will never tell my son he's a real person, never threaten, ring bells outside his window on Christmas Eve, etc. I have no problem pretending about Santa if he finds that fun, but I'm not starting it. The deception part feels queasy to me, so I don't think I should be forced into doing it.

I hear this the most, "oh, but you'll miss the magic of Christmas". Well, I never believed in Santa, and I thought Christmas was pretty darned fun as a kid.

We'll see what next year brings, when he's almost 4. It was easy to avoid this year, since he's just almost 3.

[C99]

>This is the most sticky one. My DS is a little young and it
>doesn't come up his preschool yet, but I'm sure it will some
>day.

Really? My DS is a week younger than yours, attends a twice-weekly Christian-based Mother's Day Out program that emphasizes the religious aspect of Christmas, and Santa Claus has come up among his peer group already. As for us, we're not actively promoting Santa, but not actively discouraging it. By the time my parents told me about Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny, it really wasn't a surprise. I don't ever remember feeling betrayed. I was more irritated with the crazy story my mom told me about ear piercing than finding out that Santa didn't exist!

[buddyleebaby]

I was actually aware of that custom, but the comment came from an Irish Catholic, so I don't think it was a cultural thing.

Right, but just because THEY are Irish Catholic does not mean that it is not an honest question. They, like you, could be aware of the custom and are trying to see where you're coming from.

OR they could just be being sarcastic and stupid. : )

[crayonblue]

I totally understand! We don't do Santa either and people kept asking Lauren if Santa was going to bring presents. They seemed totally shocked when she would reply, "Santa isn't real and Daddy puts presents under the tree!" (not sure why only Daddy does this, but that's ok!)

I don't have anything against Santa really; I just don't see him as necessary. We are trying to focus on Jesus's birth at Christmas and adding Santa in the mix isn't something we feel like doing.

[punkrockmama]

I'm sorry you've had to deal with some real knuckleheads, Jeanne. People just don't get that not everyone does things the way they do, and that it's just fine that way.

We do Santa over here (left cookies out for him and stuff). But one thing I will never understand is the whole threat thing. If you're not good Santa won't come or he's watching you. That makes my skin crawl when I hear about it.

[dogmom]

In my orginal reply to you I put something in about the lack of cultural diversity awareness in my workplace and my fairly firm conviction that is was a sarcastic remark, but that sounded to petty so I edited it out.
;)


Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve 6/18/06

[jgriffin]

We got a bit of the opposite this year. I got flak from a family member when I posted a picture of E on Santa's lap on my blog (it was the typical screaming child photo and very funny). The comment was essentially how could we bring E to see Santa and fill his mind with falsehoods, and she hoped it was just for the sake of a photo and not because we were planning on teaching E the mythology of Santa.

*sigh*

E is not even 17 months old, and still has no concept of stuff like Santa (heck, he finally figured out opening presents this year, but has no idea where they're from). And Santa came to the daycare party to give out presents, anyway (the photo was obviously not a mall Santa!)

Our plan for E is not to lie to him, but to tell him that some people believe there's a guy named Santa who gives presents (which is true). If he wants to believe in Santa I'm not going to try to convince him otherwise, but if he asks, I'll tell him it's me and DH. We haven't worked out the logistics yet, but we've got another year to worry about it, at least. :)