Actual quote from my boss:

[Lynnie]

"Wow. Look at all these tight fitting jeans. I like casual fridays. Go on there and walk across the room. Let me see you shake it."

This was to me and the woman who had gastric bypass surgery 7 months ago.

He followed up with her: "I saw you bending over to pick up those papers. You wouldn't have been able to do that six months ago."

[elliput]

sexual harassment contact HR now

[jgriffin]

OMG! I agree with Erica: run, don't walk, to HR!

[newmomto3kids]

Ewwwww!!!!

[bcky2]

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k271/frogandlily/wtf1.gif that would so tick me off. i agree, go to hr about it.

[almostamom]

What a moron! A trip to HR is definitely in order.

[tarynsmum]

:o :o :o :o :o

That is nuts. What a (Richard's nickname)!

[Lynnie]

This is wierd: now I have a "Carrie Bradshaw-like voice" speaking in my head asking questions like she would when she did the voice overs in sex in the city.

But, in thinking about this ( - I am fairly certain I will not go to HR about this for various reasons, although it was not the first inappropriate thing he said, and it did actually make me uncomfortable - the whole being told to walk across the room, even in a joking way was quite offensive and demeaning -)I wonder:

how much are women to blame who do put up with this kind of thing so that someone in a pretty high position thinks its acceptable behavior. Is not saying anything and just blowing it off, while maybe better for the individual, just perpetuating the problem, and making it worse for society. And, who will feel the most heat should an investigation be made ? If it is annoying but no big deal to the individual, but evidence of a pervasive problem in society, should we expect the individuals to report it and suffer the consequences for the good of society ?

And, should the boss be told first that his behavior is offensive ? Personally, I'd have no qualms telling him; while he can fire me, I don't feel threatened by that, and think he might appreciate knowing, cause I really think he's clueless. I was just to stunned to say anything.

And, now, outside the carrie bradshaw voice, I wonder how retaliation would work. Would a certain someone who may be on the internet too much at work be busted for that... ??

Ah. well, since I am not writing a column, I don't have the answers. Do feel slightly guilty towards society and women in general for choosing not to say anything about this. May tell him it made me uncomfortable. And will definitely make a mental note not to wear these jeans to work. yick.

[candybomiller]

insert jaw dropping smilie -----> here.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Next time he is wearing jeans tell him that his package might be shown to better advantage if he would try out a different fit of jean. Seriously.
Susan

#1 Nick 11-18-04
#2 Kate 04-26-06

[Lynnie]

ya see, its occasional banter like that (well, almost like that) in the office that probably leads him to think that what he said is ok

And, besides, he wanted us to feel his bicep once, so .... I don't think I want to go there !!

[jgriffin]

I wonder if you can go to HR and just make a record of it, even if no action is done. I can't remember from sexual harrassment training what the laws are (they may be required to do something). While I can see that you may not want to make a big deal of it, if his words (and actions) do escalate it would be good to have a history of it.

But if you can bring yourself to do it, at the very least you should tell him something like it made you uncomfortable. If he's as clueless as you say he is, he may genuinely not realize how it made you feel. Although guys like that need a whack upside the head, IMO.

[Beth568]

Well, his comment was vile and inappropriate. I'm sorry that you even have to consider the repercussions you might have to face if you reported him.

I'd advise anyone in your situation, whether it was part of a long standing pattern or not, to begin by confronting your boss. You don't have to go in there, guns blazing, but I think you owe it to yourself, your coworkers and in fact to your boss to point out to him that his behavior was inappropriate and offensive. If you really think he has no clue, help him get one.

[tarabenet]

You shouldn't have to tell a grown man such a thing, not these days. He *knows* exactly what he is doing, but clearly he is allowed to get away with it.

As for repercussions, the problem with sexual harrassment is that it is all about the power. He is having fun putting you in awkward situations and watching you just suffer it. But if you report it and he takes it out on you, then you report that too.

I can recognize that it may be flattering. That is a sucky feeling, too, being offended but flattered. Ick-o. But just because you felt a little flattered doesn't mean you should smother the other feelings.

My thought as soon as I read your first post? Simple: I would OWN the company! He's being a bully. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

[elliput]

It is illegal to fire someone who has reported sexual harassment. You really should take stock of his past actions and decide if he is somebody that will continue to behave this way even if you tell him it is a problem. Most harassers have NO CLUE that what they are doing is inappropriate and will continue to behave in the same manner.

Maybe you should consider sending an anonymous note to HR that it has been awhile since your company has provided sexual harassment awareness training for all employees.

[dcmom2b3]

Yuck. On so many levels. Yuck. I often wondered if I would rather my boss just grab my a$$ than to make such comments. At least inappropriate physical contact would better justify the slap on the hand (face, wherever) that demeaning words do . . .

Don't feel guilty if you choose not to do "something" in response -- you'll act if/when you are ready to do so, and any guilt would be tacitly feeding the power dynamic that makes sexual harassment such a demeaning experience. But to give yourself ammo should you choose to take action in the future (since this *is* a pattern), consider keeping a written record of all of his inappropriate actions. Just a simple notation in your day planner is all you need. It also might give you (and your company's HR director) a different perspective on his conduct if it can be viewed cumulatively over, say, 6 months.

I'm sorry this happens to any of us, and that the same unanwerable questions still present themselves.

Mary-Helen

[kozachka]

I can not believe your boss said that! Not in America, not in this day and age. I would probably say something like "I beg your pardon? That's one expensive comment you just made, Sir". And stare at him and wait for his reaction. I'd be very surprised if he did not get the message.

[Sillygirl]

If you need extra cash, you have a ready-made lawsuit waiting.

[KBecks]

How about a simple, non-threating reply -- "It's not cool to talk to me like that, and it's not appropriate for the office. Please don't do that."

And then swiftly change the subject to your project or whatever is going on -- don't expect an apology or anything, just move on.

Rinse and repeat every time the boss is inappropriate. Be brief, non-threatening, but let him know his comment isn't OK.

It's sort of how you might like to be treated for internet time -- a very quick heads up to get back on the ball, without a lot of fuss.

[Hallie_D]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. If you are comfortable talking to him about it, I would definitely let him know that his behavior is inappropriate/unprofessional/offensive--whatever adjective you want to use. Hopefully he'll hear what you are saying and take it seriously.

And if he did fire you, you'd have one heck of a strong legal case against him and the company.

[Melanie]

Did he escape from "Nine to Five?"

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Yuuuuccckkyyyyy!! blech. That's awful and so insulting to you. I agree w/ the pp-run don't walk to hr. He needs to learn his lesson,it's 2007 not 1977!! sheesh.

Thanks for reminding me of another one of the perks of being a sahm.
I don't have to deal with this stuff anymore. I'd rather change really poopy diapers and deal with other kid unpleasantries than that.
Good luck

jen

[cmdunn1972]

Benet, I absolutely agree with your take on this.

For me, and this is just my personality, I'd be fighting the urge to literally slap the guy upside the head. I'd be totally, spitting-bullets, pissed. There are two kinds of people I can't stand: jerks who say things they shouldn't because they think they can get away with it, and anyone who tries to use gender for power. Screw 'em.

But, while my guns-blazing attitude might work as a temporary salve, Benet's is probably (okay, not probably, it is) better in the long run. It's professional and unemotional, and you better bet your bottom dollar that this jerk wouldn't even think about saying such a thing to you (or anyone else for that matter) ever again. Or, at least he wouldn't get away with it it he tried.

Go out there and OWN this guy's a$$! (Just don't comment on how it looks while in the process.)