Here's my biggest pet peeve - adults that verbally pick at their kids

[KBecks]

It drives me insane. I hate it when adults moan, in public no less, about their kids.

I was at the vet a couple days ago and heard a grandmother say to her granddaughter, "When I'm not buying antibiotics for you, I'm buying them for the dog, I hope I don't need them."

I think that's so awful. It may seem like a small thing but I hate when I hear adults being negative towards kids like that. And this little girl, like 6 or 7, I mean the comment is negative energy directed toward her for something she has no responsiblity for.

This kind of thing drives me nuts and I hear things like this all the time.

[coachkath]

I agree. It's like people don't think their kids will remember, or actually hear them. However, recently one of my clients (I work for a weight loss company) spoke about how she remembered her mother talking about how annoying she was when she was a kid. Not really mean stuff, just that she was a bit of a tomboy and rambuncuous(sp?). Her mother always defined it in a negative way to others and this woman is now in her 50's and it still affecting her.
Also, I've been reading Dr. Northrup's Mother-Daughter wisdom and there are lots of examples where parents say things in front of their kids and they remember it when they are adults. The author herself remembered her mother saying she was built like a M-A-C-K truck. She didn't know what Mack was, but she knew what Truck was and when she was old enough she looked up Mack in the dictionary. All she did was overhear her mom say it to someone else. Makes me really pay attention to what I am saying to my DD - and what DH says, even if it's in jest.

[Melanie]

I agree. It breaks my heart.

[KBecks]

Yeah, I have things I remember from my mom that were just mean, I don't know if she really meant it, but it hurt and in fact still does when I think about those times. One I recall is when my mom and I heard a radio commercial for a place to give help to kids and teens with serious issues, and she said she wanted to send me there. I was a very compliant, non-rebellious, high-achieving teen. I wish I could go back in time and ask her just what she thought her problems were.

I think it's due to bad attitude. I'm very conscious of this stuff and hope to avoid it with our kids.

[DrSally]

Yeah, that's not good. Picking and also sarcasm. I think sarcasm can really hurt kids feelings. Not just what was said, but the tone of voice. Even for our 1 year old, we say his diaper smells "fresh", rather than "you smell stinky", just to keep things positive :)

[psophia17]

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...all I can think of is "Mom, do you ever feel, not so fresh?"

[DrSally]

That is funny! I never thought of it that way, thanks for the chuckle :)

[deborah_r]

I guess we should refrain from calling our DS "Stinky Pete", huh?

I think tone has a lot to do with it. I have always smelled DS's feet and said "Shoo, shoo, stinky!" and he laughs wildly.

[DrSally]

ITA, tone of voice is everything!

[maestramommy]

tee hee! I used to call Dora "stinky butt" all the time when she was an infant. She was bfing and pooping a lot more, and those poops smell! But yes, the tone makes a big difference.

[Puddy73]

We play the same "stinky feet" game with our DC and they love it. When DD was about 18 months old she was playing on the playground and a group of older kids were blocking a tunnel that she wanted to climb through. She whipped off her shoe, waved her foot around and said "stinky, stinky!" until they shrank back and let her through.

Getting back to the original post, ITA that kids pick up on negative comments more than many adults think they do. I was (and am) on the sensitive side and I can still remember some negative things that I overheard my mother say about me when I was 4 or 5. I try to be very careful of not only what I say to DD, but what I say about her to others. I read somewhere that one of the best ways to motivate your DC is to let them overhear you saying something positive to someone else, even if it is just a stuffed animal (such as "Wow, Teddy Bear, Annabelle just used the potty all by herself! She is such a big girl now!") It sounds goofy, but DD loves it.

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." - Jimmy Buffett

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

I agree 100% with this post. I was in the local mall a few weeks ago waiting in line to buy a coffee with avi. A man is standing a few feet away yelling at his kids. He is yelling at the older boy (around 6-7) for spilling the soda's while the dad took the younger child (around 3-4) for the bathroom. He was going on and on about these sodas and the boy was so sorry and so upset that they spilt. He was standing there yelling at this child for about 5 minutes. When he finally stopped he basically walked away and the older child had to run to catch up (he was holding the younger child).

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

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[Radosti]

My mom has never had one good thing to say to me. It didn't matter how high achieving I was, it was never good enough. It turns out it is some sort of a superstition with her that's cultural. According to her, if you tell your kid how great they are, they'll stop being great. And she is a loving mother to me. And she'll tell other people how great I am, but not in my presence. And not all the time. Sometimes, someone tells her that they do something great for a job, and she'll reply, "Oh, my daughter is just a scientist in a pharmaceutical company." This is stated in a tone that clearly means I have failed. I've learned to not take it to heart, although when I was little it used to bother me. She would never tell me I was pretty, actually told me I was ugly. But once I started to get noticed by boys, I figured out I was not hard on the eye.

Basically, she is being superstitious. If she says good things, she'll spoil me. She even tells me not to be so affectionate with my son on the off chance that I might cause the evil eye to fall on him. Or something to that effect, stated in Russian. I'm apparently not supposed to kiss his chubby cheeks, or blow raspberries on his belly, or at least not quite as much as I do. Apparently, my exuberance as a mother might cause him some harm.

I nod and go on my merry way. It's all filed in the same category as when my grandmother told me I was an old maid on the shelf at the ripe old age of 24. Or when my grandmother matter of factly stated that I'm going to be getting rid of the dogs and cats now that a REAL child will be entering my life (I was pregnant at the time). Ummm, yes, that's right. The girl who runs a rescue will be getting rid of her pets. Like that will happen... Oy vei!!!

[californiagirl]

When DD was little, I took her to see a Russian friend's mother in a nursing home. The grandmother was delighted to see DD, adored her, loved on her, said how beautiful she was (in English) and then turned to my friend and told her in Russian how crazy I was to bring such a lovely baby out and show her off to people who said things like that! Wasn't I scared of the evil eye? And letting old people hold your baby! Really! The danger of it all! My friend was having difficulty controlling her giggles...

[sarahsthreads]

Yeah, I do this too - I "brag" about DD's latest good behavior on the phone when I know she's listening. "Hey, did you know that this morning Carrie put away her laundry? She's such a great helper!"

But, I guess I fall into the verbally picking on kids category. I do call DD "stinker pants" - ALWAYS affectionately, and never when she's actually stinky, just when she's doing something she knows she's not supposed to be doing. Since I also call her "sweetheart", sometimes when I call her "stinker pants", she'll say, "no, Mommy, I your 'heart!"

Personally, I figure as long as I'm not being mean-spirited about it, they're just words. My mom called me "whingey-bird" because I was a champion whiner. I remember it, but I don't remember it causing any hard feelings, because it was just another pet name like "pumpkin" and "sweetie-pie".

Sarah :)

[Radosti]

My mom once panicked when I was visiting her while 7 months pregnant. Her friend was coming over and according to my mom, her friend was the jealous type, thus would bring the evil eye on my pregnancy. She actually made me leave. Which was fine by me because I was tired and ready to go home anyway.