Why did I say yes.....

[robinsonbn]

My freind just got engaged. We knew it was comming, and it finally happened men take awhile sometimes...anyway they decided to have it on their 5th aniversry which is next june. Ok so a little over a year to plan a wedding no big deal, I planned mine in a year...though some things i wanted were already booked. So she asked me to help her plan and act as kinda of a consultant, ok I am the Maitron of honor so its kinda my job, well apparently she liked how i did mine so much she meant...be the consultant. I have spent the last two weeks (ever since she joined us at our other frienbachelorette party) talking to her every second i wasnt taking care of DS and researching things for her, discussing ideas ect. She is finishing up school as well only she is taking 8 classes this semester to finish on time..so she is really busy not that i am not cause I am! I haven't hardly been on here, I feel I should be getting paid for this. Its already driving me crazy, its all she wants to do, and I dont have the heart to tell her I have other things more important then her wedding, is that mean? I know she is super busy, and her finace' doesnt want ne thing to do with the planning, and neither does her mom...so she is leaning on me...but omg i am going crazy, i miss comming on here in my free time, watching some tv lol. Why oh why did I agree!

[npace19147]

Sounds like you need to sit down with her and lay out some boundaries, or ground rules. Not fair to you to make you do all the work to plan her perfect wedding! If she's that busy maybe she should wait a bit until she can do more of the legwork. Good luck!

[SAHMIL]

You want to be a good friend and that is understandable. I would say that you could help her do the legwork on some things. For example, why not just make a to do list for her about here's what htings are and give her some deadlines for picking out things to investigate, so that you have the opportunity to plan and organize some stuff. For example, 1st thing, set a date. (and tell her to have a couple backups in mind) 2nd thing, set up church or ceremony site, which is HER job. 3rd thing do a reception site choosing. Tell her to choose 5 sites for the reception and you'll go look at places with her, but tell her that you are going to have to bring your baby with you. Next, she and financé need to do the DJ thing. (my mind, their business because their musical taste isn't necessarily yours) And they should chooose a photographer together. Also, my opinion on finding a dress is that that's something for her and her mom to do, especially if she is the only girl in the family. Flowers, she should get 3 -5 names of different florists and go from there. Or, you can give her ideas on how to save some money (make own centerpieces and bouquets, etc.)

so, there's how you can make some limits, etc. and maintain sanity and be a good friend! :-)

[tarabenet]

It is *her* wedding, not yours. Lay out some boundaries and enforce them now. She is mistaken to assume that this event is all-absorbing to the rest of the world. Clearly, it isn't even the top priority in her own life. She needs to scale it way back or reset the date. And she needs to do the planning herself or hire a pro, not dump it on a kind friend. Stand up now, before it is too late.

[saschalicks]

I think it's time to tell her that you have limited time to help her. Here's a nice way:

Name I'm sorry but I've realized that in helping you for the last 2 weeks w/the planning that I've neglected my family and my everyday stuff a little too much. I loved helping you so much, but I gotta' scale back a little. I'm happy to help you, but we need to tone down the time a bit.

This way you nicely say it and you can then say the next time she asks that you are busy right then, but you can help at XYZ time.

HTH

[robinsonbn]

I just wanted to give an update, I know its been a bit. Anyway, the day after I posted I did set her down (well over the phone) and at first go off, but then calmed down. We had a long talk and I agreed to help her but couldnt do all that much. I gave her some ideas and said I would research things if i had time but that her Fiance' needed to get on board it is his wedding to. I think they ended up fighting about it which is never a good way to go into a marriage. Anyway, its been better, prehaps only because we have both been soooo busy with everythign we haven't really gotten to talk. We will see each other this weekend though so guess we will see what happens. Anyway, thankyou guys any one else woulda just said F, her let her figure it out. U guys actually helped and gave me ideas :)

[newnana]

I was following this, but didn't have a chance to respond before. The pp's gave you some excellent advice. Please keep us updated on how it goes!
Michelle