Help me get a better attitude!

[LarsMal]

SIL and her hubby are coming to visit tomorrow. They are staying for about a week (could be a b#tch of it's own!). Anyway, we haven't seen them in over a year b/c they have been out traveling the world- I know, poor them! While they were gone they kept blogs about their travels. Along the way the blogs started becoming very cynical (especially BIL) and started taking on this very negative tone. There was a lot of "Now I know why they hate Americans" kind of talk. I finally stopped reading the blogs b/c they would make me so mad.

I have such a bad attitude about them coming to visit now b/c I am just so afraid they are going to bring this new attitude, and I don't know if I'll be able to put up with it for a week. I have always loved SIL and BIL, but I just don't know how much this trip has changed them. (From what I've read, it's changed them enough for me to beg DH to pick other guardians for our DCs should something happen to us.)

I know I need to go into this visit with a better attitude or it will be doomed from the get-go. I just need to figure out how to get to that "happy place" :-)

Wish me luck!

[maestramommy]

Dh and I went to South Africa in the summer of 04. The Iraq war was well under way, and we were NOT supporters. Everywhere we went (in Capetown) there were all these signs dissing the Bush administration and the US Government in particular over the war, Gitmo, oil. It was all pretty negative, but what could we say when we agreed with a lot of it? In addition, a lot of the SA govt policies on agriculture and recycling were way up there in our book, and we wondered things like why we couldn't do that here. I'll tell you that for the first few weeks after we got back, we were so homesick for SA and I couldn't stand to watch the local news because it was about such superficial crap (I live in L.A). It did eventually fade though. I mean, we still have a lot of the same opinions, at the same time we are grateful to be living in this country for a whole passel of other reasons.

A classmate of mine had a fiance go to Germany for a whole semester. When he came back she freaked out because he had "turned into a Nazi or something" with his hail Germany attitude. But he eventually got over that too.

I could go on with more examples but you get the point.

Don't know if this will happen in time for your BIL's visit, but know that with most people it's just a post trip malaise that usually fades over time.

[LarsMal]

Thanks!
I'll keep that in mind and cut him some slack! We actually agree with him on most of his political opinions, we just didn't like the way he voiced them in his blogs. They did their trip on a very, very tight budget, so they spent most of their time in the poorest of poor areas. I think that gave them a completely different perspective than if they had done the trip with a different budget.

I think I'm also nervous about trying to entertain them while they're here. We certainly don't have the gorgeous scenery and activities as all of the great places they visited! I feel like they are going to be so bored with our lifestyle now- it's basically Kid Central around here!

Hopefully I'm make it worse than it will be, and it will be a very enjoyable visit.

[maestramommy]

Well, we spent half of our SA vacation building a Habitat for Humanity house in one of the townships (read shanty towns) outside of capetown with college students. So that may have colored our perspective as well. What they consider decent housing would never pass code here in the states (think cinderblocks with no insulation), and it's about the size of a 3 car garage. We were looking at houses before and after this trip, and what you were consider a comfy 3 bdrm house we almost considered embarrassing. When you see how the other side of the world lives, it always shakes you up a bit and re-think "needs vs. wants."

[bisous]

Hey, I have an idea for secretly making their behavior more bearable. If you promise to give us a juicy, blow-by-blow of any and all obnoxious behavior, it will give you a new perspective. That way, every time they do something a little "off" you'll have more fodder. Just think--its a "win-win" situation!

Seriously, though, that does sound like they had a tremendous experience that they were able to have. Maybe you can lead them through questions to talk about the stuff you are really interested in? I'm sorry if the attitude is a little grating. I had a small opportunity to travel after college and I know I must get a little bit annoying because I sort of feel like "the expert" about the countries I visited, lol!

Anyway, I hope the visit is pleasant and seriously, let us know how it goes!

[niccig]

I did a lot of travel too, I actually met DH travelling. It does open up your eyes to the rest of the world and to what's going on at home. But, there's no reason to be obnoxious.

Just forgive any "when we were in Paris/Istanbul/etc". They're probably still excited about their trip and what they saw/did. Someome commented to me when I mentioned Nepal, and I wasn't saying it to make myself look better, but that's where I met DH. I'm not American, so the fact that I'm here means that I've travelled somewhat, and I'm not trying to be annoying when I mention some place I've been.

I hope the visit turns out to be fun, and not awful.

[masha12]

I think everyone is raised to believe that the country where they live is the best place on Earth. Then, you travel and you realize that other countries have a lot going for them, too, and while the United States is great, it is not necessarily the "greatest" place to live because there are a lot of other "great" places out there.

I had a similar problem with a college friend who lived in Spain for a few years. She thought Spaniards were so much more sophisticated and intelligent than Americans. Well, that was because she associated with people in Spain who were well-educated and well-traveled. She would put down Americans as stupid and ignorant, but she didn't appreciate that while she has been exposed to a whole cross-section of Americans having grown up in a small town and then attending college in the city, she had not been exposed to an equally broad cross-section of the Spanish population and so it really wasn't fair to compare her Uncle Bob who has never left the State of Wisconsin to her Spanish friends who had all traveled extensively and had PhDs.

My advice would be to "take control" of the conversation by focusing the conversation on the things they saw and what they liked and if they start ripping on the U.S. and you don't like it, ask them more questions about their travels to steer the conversation away from politics and other things you don't like.

[gatorsmom]

People LOVE to talk about themselves. And they especially love to talk about places they just came back from visiting. If you are busying running about playing the hostess while they are with you, just keep asking them questions about the places they traveled. I promise, at the end of their stay, they will think they had the most fabulous time.

Plus, it will probably be like a new little adventure of itself, staying in an American home with kids. Bet they haven't had that for while!!!

As for their attitude, just tune them out, if you can. Hostesses are usually so busy, that you can just keep them busy talking and focus on what you need to do. It should go fast. HTH

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[LarsMal]

Thanks to eveyone, again, for helping me get *mentally* prepared for SIL and BIL's visit. It actually ended up being a GREAT visit, and I was sad to seem them leave.

When I first heard they were staying with us for six nights I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep them entertained. Being with a SAHM all day isn't quite the same as exploring the Amazon or driving through Africa! DH stayed home one day and we were able to go on a day trip. Besides that we did things like take DS to the park, went on walks, etc. SIL and BIL spent a fair amount of time on the computer updating their resumes and job searching.

They were also extremely helpful. BIL cleaned all of our moving boxes out of the garage. (I can actually park in there now- only 7 months later!) They cooked dinner for us one night and even watched BOTH kids while I got out one morning- for three whole hours!

The conversations were great. They talked about the trip, but not too much. I felt like DH and I brought it up more than they did. We only saw one photo album- the other 8,000 pictures will have to wait! They said they learned a lot from the trip, but it didn't change them profoundly. They seemed to be the same fun-loving people who left us a year ago. I guess I was worried for nothing!

I wish I had some good stories to share, but it was really a wonderful visit. I think the best part of all, though, was when DH talked to his mom last night (SIL and BIL are at the IL's now) and MIL told DH that BIL doesn't want to be a SAHD anymore- the job is too hard! That mad me feel good! They did tell me before they left that they have a new-found appreciation for SAHM. How sweet!

[elizabethkott]

So glad it all went well!
And hey - nothing ingratiates your host like watching the kids for a while!
:)

[elephantmeg]

that's great! Glad it was a good visit!

[maestramommy]

Hey, that's great! I'm glad you all had a wonderful visit! And good for your BIL, heh!