Things I hate about being a mom and wife.

[gatorsmom]

Don't get me wrong- I've never felt more fulfilled in my life than I do now being a SAHM. However, there are certain aspects I unabashedly admit that I hate, hate, HATE. Here are some:

I hate putting my 20 month old son in his crib for the night when I know that he will scream as I'm walking out his door, closing his door and walking away from his room. And he'll continue for anywhere from 1 to 20 minutes. I hate that!

I hate when my husband says he feels like he has a fever and needs to lay down- right before it's bedtime so I"m stuck doing the night time routine ALONE with the kids. I hate that.

I hate when I get the kids to bed and go back downstairs to see the house is a huge mess and now instead of going to bed I should clean it up so I don't have to wake up to it in the morning. I hate cleaning when I'm exhausted!!!

I hate that it's almost the time of the year for the mice to start breeding and so will make a beeline for our warm basement to burrow, chew and invade and breed. blahhhhhkk. I hate even more that my husband refuses to see this as part of his job so I"m left to trap them and dispose of them. grrrr...

Just had to get that off my chest.

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[overcome]

>Don't get me wrong- I've never felt more fulfilled in my life
>than I do now being a SAHM. However, there are certain
>aspects I unabashedly admit that I hate, hate, HATE. Here are
>some:
>
>I hate putting my 20 month old son in his crib for the night
>when I know that he will scream as I'm walking out his door,
>closing his door and walking away from his room. And he'll
>continue for anywhere from 1 to 20 minutes. I hate that!
>
>I hate when I get the kids to bed and go back downstairs to
>see the house is a huge mess and now instead of going to bed I
>should clean it up so I don't have to wake up to it in the
>morning. I hate cleaning when I'm exhausted!!!
>


I'm totally with you on these Mama!!!

[robinsonbn]

I totally understand what you are saying. I have two to add to that;

I hate when DH gets off work or is leaving for work he makes messes of my nice clean house, even if I leave them and tell him to clean it up he puts it off so long I end up doing it anyway. If it was one dish that would be one thing, but it will be pop cans, dishes, spattered food (he is the messiest (sp) cook, DS's clothes all over the floor, even diapers on the floor! If the Pale is getting remotely full he outs it to the side for me to throw away god forbid he change the pail)
I hate that DS gets in these moods now were I can't leave his site or he screams, I have to be with him every second and all he wants to do is play so I never get a minute to just breathe, I know this is a normal one but then when he is sleeping and i take a second to myself I either feel guilty because cleaning needs done, or DH is home and decides he wants company (so I have another baby to take care of :) )
I love DH and DS and I love being with them, Until I wrote this I never realized I had so much to gripe about :). I love being a SAHM wouldn't change it for the world, but sometimes I want to sit in quite and just be :). Put Finishing school with all this and I feel a nervous breakdown may happen :)

[wencit]

Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto. (Although with my DH, he conveniently needs to go to the bathroom. And it's ALWAYS #2.)
Ditto. And...
Eww! Mice?! Mama, you are a braver soul than I am. There is NO WAY I would trap those things myself. If DH refused to do it, I'd put my foot down and tell him that either he'd be doing it, or I'd be paying lots of money for a professional exterminator. {{{shiver}}} Yuck.

[coachkath]

Sorry about the mice...I'm with PP, I'd call an exterminator, or at least get a cat, if DH didn't take care of it.

I hate not being able to read a book for more than 3 sentences.

I hate not wanting to have sex. Sleep is sooo much nicer

I hate not having privacy in the bathroom

I hate it when DH wonders where *I* spend the money. No, it's not Spa treatments and Brazilian Bikini waxes honey, it's milk and diapers b/c you forgot b/c they weren't on the list (consider them ALWAYS on the list, you know, like your beer)

Waiting to get a shower in. DD will scream bloody murder unless I take it while she's asleep.

Should I go on??? Oh, and one more thing - just b/c I'm a SAHM now, doesn't mean I have turned into Julia Child. Pick up a pizza on your way home!

[maestramommy]

Well, the only thing I have about hating being a wife and mom is right now I HATE BEING PREGNANT!

I hate walking around with a gimpy hip and making time as a 90 yo.

I hate not being able to sleep in a normal position like a normal person, without having to get up to go pee 3 times a night.

I hate not being able to go running, climbing, heck, just for a good brisk walk.

And number one? I hate having sexy dreams, waking up and being in no condition to act on them.

[VClute]

I am RIGHT there with you, Sistah! I am FULL of baby, and still have to do everything DS-related. DH acts like he's so put upon if I ask him to help with bathtime because I can't easily lift DS and bend over the tub.

And worst - even the sex dreams have stopped. DANG!

Amy in NC
mom to Dixon, born 2/14/05
...and let the shopping begin!

A GIRL (!!) Due 3/30/07

[maddyzmommy]

Lisa,

This post cracks me up! My turn!

I hate, hate, hate cooking meat for my family because I'm vegetarian and the smell is utterly nauseating. I dislike that my husband offers to clean the funky meat skillet after the meal but always finds his way to some other task immediately following the meal and then there I am reliving a vegetarian nightmare again. I'm glad, though, that we have money to buy our children meat and that I have a DH who is around in the evenings. He should just follow my every whim - or at least clean the meat utensils.

I hate not being able to have manicures last more than five minutes. I love that one day I'll get to have them last five days.

I hate going to my daughter's speech path appointments and having them stare at me while I talk to her, whispering ocassionally and making me feel totally oafish. I love that one day we'll walk out of that office for the last time and that my daugther will be able to TELL me how glad she feels.

I hate going to private school events and having no one to sit with because it's our first year and the mothers are still sizing me up and I'm always chasing out toddler anyway. None of them have toddlers. I believe that one day I will have a friend there. I have seventeen years of events ahead of me at that school.

I hate the mountain of laundry and that I miss stains in my rush to wash my way to the bottom. I love that one day I'll have days at home with all three kiddos at school and that I'll find my laundry groove and get it all done without causing toddler tears. For now, it gets done when it gets done.

I hate giving three baths when those baths must be hurried - I adore Saturday baths when they get to play - and rushing to get them all to bed so that I can feel like a good mother. I love the idea of showers and that my girls will one day wash their own hair and that maybe they'll still let me brush it.

I hate running out of milk. I'll always hate this.

I hate running to the store for said milk, this morning, only to have my toddler melt down and cry through the entire process. I love that one day my toddler will be able to articulate her needs rather than screaming about them.

I love that we're all mothers supporting one another. Talking about the down side sometimes makes the upside seem a little more precious. Thank you for listening to me. Great topic!

Andi

[maestramommy]

Actually I'm very lucky with the childcare duties. Yesterday was the first time I gave DD a bath in months (it's usually Dh's job), and wow I was really feeling it with the gimpy hip. Good thing she can stand up and stuff on her own now. It's the sex thing that I find most aggravating. What's the point in being horny if your body won't cooperate?!

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

Love this thread-

I hate-the neverending pile of dishes that starts to smell because ds is teething and won't let me put him down.

I hate- Having more of a roommate realtionship with my dh than lovers because we're always caring for the children and when after they're asleep dh falls asleep on the couch.

I hate- the mindnumbing 50 mile round trip drive every day to pick dd up from preschool.

I hate- the ache in the back of my breast and chest when all my 16 month old eats is breastmilk because he's teething.

I hate- and this is the biggie right now: that last week the stupid mechanic flirted shamelessly with me and instead of being horrified and offended I actually liked it and even though I told dh about it and he thought it was no big deal and a little cute that i'd feel guilty for liking the flirting and attention I still feel freaking GUILTY. whew-felt good to get that off my chest.

[katiesmommy]

Oh, I so hear ya on this one.

I hate that DH seems to think I do nothing but sit around eating bon bons all day, just because the dishes don't get done everyday.

I also hate that I can't seem to get a shower in until DH is home to "watch" DD.

I hate that DH's idea of "watching" his daughter is letting her play while he plays video games.

I hate that I am constantly picking things up.

I hate that if I'm sick, I still have to care for DD, but if DH is sick, he gets to take a nap. Even if we are sick at the same time.

And lastly, I hate my DH's incesent video game usage, which leaves me doing litterally everything.

[maddyzmommy]

Hide the video games. Seriously. I did. It made a huge difference once DH realized how frequently he turned to them. I made it a joke with the kids and said Daddy's games were on a time-out. I gave them back two weeks later and now he only plays after they're in bed if I'm watching a show he hates. Works for me!

Andi

[katiesmommy]

LOL, that's something I hadn't even considered. However, I can't really take away the Warcraft. Anyway, he had a dream the other night about being paralized in some mud or something, and came to the realization that he's been putting his games first in his life and it's caused him to ignore his family and become stagnent. So he's quit all game playing until he can get to a point at which he's not idolizing the games.

YAY for me.

[scoop22]

i hate watching the simpsons every night from 7-8. it is the longest hour.. especially on Fridays when all i want to do is relax..


love this post. it makes me feel like i'm not doing such a bad job after all.


http://b2.lilypie.com/XbITm4.png

[nfowife]

I hate feeling like I'm barely passing as a mom these days. I spend so much time nursing DS on the couch and feel like I am really neglecting DD who just plays around us, occasionally pointing to something she wants me to get her, which I can't right then, which brings on a tantrum. Ugh.

I hate that my DH is gone for work right now for 2 MONTHS. Seriously, if I make it through these next 7 weeks, I will be looking for my $1 million dollars because that will make me the ultimate survivor!

I hate that no matter what, my house goes from spotless to pigsty in a matter of minutes.

I hate that I'm not enjoying nursing much this time around, not becuase it hurts or is difficult for me or DS but because it is just so darn inconvenient with a toddler and not wanting/being able to sit home all the time.

I hate that I'm 7 weeks pp and all I have to wear are some fugly maternity jeans becuase my regular stuff doesn't fit (yet!) and I refuse to buy a ginormo size in regular pants.

However,
I love my in-laws, who when they found out DH was going out of town, arranged visits and their schedules so that I am not alone more than 2 weeks in a row without visiting them or them visiting me.

I love my local MOMs Club, because we always have cheap, fun stuff to do and I can get some adult convo in for myself.

I love my cleaning lady, even though the house is messed up 5 minutes after she leaves.

...and I love my babies! Even though the toddler gets on my nerves and the newborn never sleeps when I want to :) .

[firsttimemommy]

This is just the post I needed today (any advice to my whining would be greatly appreciated - I'm really down right now)

I hate that I can't be "normal" without lots of anti-depressants (and then I still don't feel "normal".

I hate that my DH works 14 hours a day and the one hour he is home at night before bedtime, he CHOOSES to spend it on the computer. I asked him to choose US once in awhile and he said he can't b/c the computer (analyzing sports crap) is his release for the day. So he does not interact with the kids or me at all 5.5 days a week.

I hate that on Sundays, he is only "able" go spend a couple of hours with us as a family b/c ALL DAY is just too much for him. He needs his "other" time on his only full day off.

I hate that he says I'm pathetic b/c I have no real hobbies - that shopping is a complete vain waste of time. (but it's what I like to do!) I tell him I think fishing is boring - he says he doesn't care what I think.

I hate that he never looks at me when I'm speaking anymore.

I hate that he has never ever once given them a bath.

I hate that he could care less about sex anymore. (not that I really care anymore either)

I hate that instead of feeling like I have a partner, I have another child or someone I "work" for.

I hate that we do NOT communicate. when I want to talk, he says my "feelings" are just a bunch of BS and that I need to just come out and say what I want from him. So I do - then he tells me he can't give me what I want and to stop trying to make him a person he isn't and if I don't like it I can "do what I need to do".

I hate that I'm so scared of the future right now - that I don't know which is harder - trying to make something work that really isn't working (for the sake of convenience, $ and the kids) or to just let it go.

I hate that I know he loves me despite his crappy attitude. I know he's not TRYING to hurt me, he just is who he is with NO flexibility, kwim?

I hate that I still care enough that I don't want to hurt him.

I hate to think that I've spent 17 years building something that is cr*p basically.

I hate that my kids and I may become a "statistic"

I hate that I do 100% of the parenting.

I hate that when I asked him if he would rather us get fiesta texas or sea world passes this year, he said "don't bother for me - I don't really want to go". So I got three passes and will take them alone.

I hate that when I tell him I want us to do more as a family he says "what are we gonna do? sit around and look at each other? the kids are too young to really "do" anything" Ummm, they can fly kites, ride bikes, go to the park, go to dinner, etc etc.

I hate that he is so stressed at work and I know part of this attitude is stemming from that - when he is able to be home more, he does *try* a tiny bit harder.

I hate that when I asked him how he felt about me and "us" he said he has "mixed feelings". I asked him what were those feelings and he said "I dont' want to talk about it - I've got enough other problems as it is right now" Thanks for making me and "us" a priority hun!

I hate that he thinks the kids don't NEED him or want to be with him since they are "only 2 and 4". He says he has tried and they don't want to (hello, when have you tried and hello, if you spend no time with them, why would they want to be with you?)

I hate that when I told him I feel like we are living our lives so seperate, almost parallel at times, he said "that's the corniest thing you've ever said".

I hate that he talks on the phone with his friends for hours on some nights (even after "bedtime") and he laughs and jokes and SMILES. I don't expect to be the same as a guy buddy, but I never get that part of him.

I hate that I made a vow, a promise, to love, honor and cherish him til death do us part and I feel like a failure if I do not do that.

I'm sorry if mine got too heavy, but like I said, it's a low time for me right now.

Yes, I am in therapy...no, he won't go. Thanks for listening :)

Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet

[coachkath]

Wow. I am sooo sorry you are going through all this. Sounds like he's really checked out. No advice, you know what you will do when the time is right. Just lots of thoughts and hugs your way.
Kathy

[firsttimemommy]

The saddest thing is, he really thinks nothing is wrong - that this is just the way life is.

I think he thinks I am a drama queen/wimp about everything - he had me convinced I was until I got wise enough to figure out it was not ALL ME and how I feel is OK and "right".


Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet

[Lilysmom06]

Reading your post broke my heart. Just wanted to send support your way, and hope that things work out for the best (whatever that may be).

(((HUGS)))

Kathy

[firsttimemommy]

Thanks to both of you :) I didn't mean to hi-jack the thread - I am sure it was meant to be much more light-hearted thread than I made it!

I re-read my post to see if it was a little overly dramatic (which I tend to often be) and no, it was pretty much right on. I may have been a little hard on him on one or two points (bitterness!) but even so, the rest is *enough*.

BUT today he came home and he told me:

"you know, I love you as much as I did when we met in high school".

I almost fell out of my chair. I cannot remember the last time he has told me he loved me. Then he said

"I am really worried though - you are so upset all the time - I think we are fine but I know you are unhappy and that concerns me".

(falling out of chair again) who the heck is this guy?

For now, I'll take it. Does it change everything - NO, not at all - but it's a baby step....(talk is cheap though, right?) :)

Some bit of good news - found out this afternoon his job is changing - he won't be working 14 hour days anymore - he'll have more flexibility which = him picking up the kids some, doing some of the chores and running a few errands. I think that will help. So I told him I will take his "I love you" comment and hold onto that and see what happens when his schedule changes. Maybe the less stressful environment for him will mean more of him for us :) Maybe that is where the "lovey dovey concerned" talk came from - his change with his job means he is less stressed which means he is in a better mood?

Anyway thanks again :)

Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet

[nfowife]

I hope things are on the road to improvement, you deserve to be happy! Take care of yourself.

[kozachka]

Hugs, Ronda. Your post made me so-so sad because I can relate to many of the issues with your DH too much. I hope things improve as result of your DH's new job arrangements.

We are currently in a better place (not sure for how long though) and I know this would sound cliche but couple time, having sex (even if I am not initially in the mood) and me having outside interests has helped tremendously. I also feel much better about myself since I started working out. It's been just over a month but I already feel better about how I look, it gives me energy, relieves stress and a chance to chat with people who don't talk shop or kids. And on Saturday mornings it gives DH a chance to be with DS ;).

About a year ago I was in a scary place where I felt that I could not leave DH should I decide to for the fear of not being able to provide for myself and DS. I also hated being home all day. Luckily I got a chance to work in the same industry which I left years ago, and I jumped at the opportunity. I might not have negotiated the best of terms :( but I became much happier person as results of returning back to work and DH attitude towards me and spending time with DS changed as well. If only DH would abstain from drinking too much when he goes out...

Try working on making yourself happy, whatever that means for you. And even if that does not improve your relations with DH, you'd still be better off. Some of the comments you made (about becoming "statistic", feeling like a failure for not keeping your vows) indicate to me that you care about how outside world perceives you maybe... too much. Love and cherish yourself and maybe others will do it more as well.

Please feel free to e-mail me through the boards.

P.S. I also need to unwind at the end of the day in front of computer, here at BBB for most part. DH complains about it but I need it, this is me time, even if it's kids related.

[firsttimemommy]

Thanks Elena :)

I actually look for your posts because it seems you are in similiar situation. I didn't even mention my DH drinks too - it's rare, but when his buddies are over, it's always in excess. I loathe him at those moments.

About doing something for me, about 6 months ago I tried - I got really interested in biking and even bought a really nice road bike. I enjoyed riding, loved that it gave me exercise, etc. But then I have the issue of no one to watch the kids since DH is gone too much (and asking relatives to do it for such a trivial thing bugs me) So I bought a Burley bike trailer and figured I'd take them with me - it's not "me" time anymore, but I still get alot of other benefits. Sadly I haven't even hooked it up yet, but we just moved into a new house in December and I still feel like I'm moving in.

My schedule *hopefully* will be more part-time next year so I think that will help things too. That's why I'm holding on :)

You are 100% right about caring too much what others think. I had a "revelation" the other day when I realized that I think part of why I'm unhappy is that all my life I have tried to be what others wanted me to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be or what I SHOULD be and was never just ME. I'm a total pleaser and I want everyone to like me. I hate conflict or competition of any kind. For example, I HATE cooking, but I stupidly thought that was what I was SUPPOSED to do to be a good wife - take care of DH (my mom did that for my dad for 50 years so that was my experience - but times have changed!) So I have done it for 17 years, slowly becoming more resentful for having to do something EVERY DAY that I hate - feeling like a servant - but really I have no one to blame but myself. So i just broke the news to DH the other day that I will cook on some nights, when I feel like it - but on others he's on his own. He was suprisingly ok with that (I had never asked b/c I thought he would not think as much of me if I didn't take care of him - sad, I know)

BTW, I told DH about my "revelation" and he said "so basically you have been misleading me all this time". It's about HIM! He cared how it effected HIM! Not that I was making things right for me to make me happier!!! GRRRRRRR.

Most days I feel like this relationship is a sinking ship - I just have to decide whether to keep patching the hole, or just let her go down! (another thing I am SURE my DH would think is CORNY to say)

As far as $$ - I work full time and make decent money, and with child support he'd have to pay, I think I'd be okay. So that's not a huge deal. But just the thought of trying to sell this new house, divide it all up, blah blah blah is too overwhelming for me right now. So I think that tells me I'm not ready (yet). I also REALLY worry about the kids. They are my life and I want the very best for them.

Thanks for your input and I will email you :)

Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet

[stella]

I think you should hook up that bike trailer. Or hire a sitter.

Seriously, you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel when you're doing something fun for just you!

(You make me want to get my bike out, too!)

[maestramommy]

Wow Ronda. I think I will stop complaining now. Your post made me really sad, but I read all the way to the end, and I really hope things get better for YOU, whatever you end up doing. And I agree with Stella(?). Hook up that bike trailer! Honestly when I felt the best about myself was when I was able to go running again, and THAT is what I'm looking forward to when this baby is born.

[firsttimemommy]

Thanks all - I know it sounds horrible. And honestly, he is not truly not a horrible guy. Just maybe not the right guy for me....does that make sense? I mean someone else may not "need" so much attention...

Of course there are some things that are just plain wrong - for anyone - and some that are just "guy" things. And again, being so immature when we met and married, we (especially me) have grown and changed a lot and that's a fact I can't change.

I did wonder if some of my "misery" is from not feeling 100% great about myself, you know? We are hooking up the bike trailer today, and I've been kickin butt on my diet and exercise for two weeks now and I do feel better :)

I've decided that I've invested 17 years and I want to try everything I can stand trying to make it work - it's too complicated to just toss out right now. It's a process :)

Thanks again for listening!


Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet