grrrr.... get some manners girl!

[nfowife]

A few weeks ago I went to a baby shower of a mom-to-be whose husband works with mine (they are in the military together, both pilots). Anyhow, she just moved here and another wife was throwing her a shower. I had never met her before but I went as a gesture of goodwill. About 10 other wives showed up (most did not know her either, her husband is still in training and not in the office yet), plus some of her friends from her job. I got her a $25 gift.
So I just got her thank you note- via email!! How rude. I'm sorry, but I don't even know you, spend $25 on a gift for you, and the best you can do is a 5 line e-mail? Yuck!
I wanted to reply to her something like "It was nice to meet you at your shower. Thanks for letting me know you got my gift, I look forward to receiving your real thank-you note in the mail". But of course, I didn't!

[masha12]

Wow!! You actually got a thank you?

I was recently invited to a baby shower for distant relative who has never acknowledged anything sent to her by my parents, me, or my siblings. Nor have her parents or her siblings ever acknowledged a gift we have sent them. Not for baptism, First Communion, Christmas, graduation, bridal showers, weddings, anniversaries, nothing.

I can't attend the shower but will send a gift. I am tempted to enclose a self-addressed stamped thank-you note for her to fill out just so I know she got it because I know she would never send a thank you note on her own.

The sad thing is that it really isn't her fault. Either her mother never told her to send thank you notes or, more likely, she has been told that they aren't necessary.

The nicest thing you could do for this woman would be to reply to her e-mail and let her know that some of the women will be expecting mailed thank you notes and so while she doesn't need to send you one, she should send a handwritten thank-you note to the other invitees. You will not get a written thank you note, but you will have done her the huge favor of keeping her in good standing with the other women.

[s7714]

Perhaps since she just moved there, she doesn't have all your mailing addresses yet? That was my first thought.

I've honestly gotten to the point where I'm happy if I get any kind of thank you--regardless if it's an email, phone call or via snail mail!

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Limit Tester 6/05

Our bones may be brittle, but our spirit is unbreakable.
Osteogenesis Imperfecta www.oif.org

[new_mommy25]

Honestly, email thank you's do not bother me one bit. It's better than none at all. There is a chance she didn't have your address.

[SnuggleBuggles]

She just moved here so I would cut her some slack. Maybe her house is in dissary and she wanted to make sure thank you's got out promptly- which may not have happened if she had to search out her stationary or go to the store for new stuff.

Had it been a mass, generic email I would have been annoyed. But, if it was personal I wouldn't mind. I personally hand write all my thank yous but email is so common that I have been loosening up about it. So long as I get a personal thank you that's good. :)

Hopefully you'll give her another chance. I wouldn't let this be a deal breaker. I'd wait to see if she can prove herself with good manners in other cases. :)

I am sorry that you were bothered by her email though. That stinks when people let you down.

Beth

[Globetrotter]

Personally, I just want a personal thank you and don't really care how it's delivered. Sometimes people are so busy (especially someone who just moved and is having a baby) that sending out a hand written thank you would delay the process a lot.

I feel it's important to give new moms some slack, having been in their shoes :) The same thing goes for evites. I love them and nowadays practically everyone I know does it, but at one time I'm sure it was considered rude (probably is in some circles, but thankfully not mine lol). Just my two cents.

Kris

[LarsMal]

I agree with Beth- if it was a mass email, I would have been offended. If it was a personal email, I wouldn't mind.

I'm guilty of sending a couple email thank you notes. I sent mine to people who had mailed gifts, though, and in my email I said that the *real* card would be sent sooner or later. I just wanted them to know I had gotten the gift. In both cases I got emails back telling me to save my stamp, that my email was thank you enough.

The paper card is more traditional, for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if e-thank you cards become more popular.

[LarsMal]

I agree with Beth- if it was a mass email, I would have been offended. If it was a personal email, I wouldn't mind.

I'm guilty of sending a couple email thank you notes. I sent mine to people who had mailed gifts, though, and in my email I said that the *real* card would be sent sooner or later. I just wanted them to know I had gotten the gift. In both cases I got emails back telling me to save my stamp, that my email was thank you enough.

The paper card is more traditional, for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if e-thank you cards become more popular.

[nfowife]

Hmm, I'm really surprised that all of you seem just fine with an email thank you! Although it is better than nothing at all. I guess I just feel like since I went to all the effort to go to her shower, get her a gift, etc. (especially since I have my own newborn!) it wasn't much effort for her to write a thank you. She could have easily gotten my address from the hostess, or had us address envelopes upon arrival (though I think it is slightly tacky, I've certainly done this at other showers). I always send handwritten thank-yous for any gifts we get, and I guess maybe I'm expecting too much? I'm still kind of miffed, but I won't hold it against her. I've just never received an e-mail thank you before for a baby gift. Oh, and this was done through evites! I have no problem with that at all!

[nfowife]

Hmm, I'm really surprised that all of you seem just fine with an email thank you! Although it is better than nothing at all. I guess I just feel like since I went to all the effort to go to her shower, get her a gift, etc. (especially since I have my own newborn!) it wasn't much effort for her to write a thank you. She could have easily gotten my address from the hostess, or had us address envelopes upon arrival (though I think it is slightly tacky, I've certainly done this at other showers). I always send handwritten thank-yous for any gifts we get, and I guess maybe I'm expecting too much? I'm still kind of miffed, but I won't hold it against her. I've just never received an e-mail thank you before for a baby gift. Oh, and this was done through evites! I have no problem with that at all!

[kozachka]

I think the way you feel about e-mail thank you's depends a lot on where you come from and how old you are. Having lived in Silicon Valley for few years, I think nothing of receiving a baby shower invitation and thank you by e-mail. While I send thank you cards (I like sending cards in general) to everybody who attended my shower, I do not recall ever getting a snail mail thank you for any of the gifts that I gave. As long as my gift is acknowledged, whether by e-mail or phone call, I am fine.

[kozachka]

I think the way you feel about e-mail thank you's depends a lot on where you come from and how old you are. Having lived in Silicon Valley for few years, I think nothing of receiving a baby shower invitation and thank you by e-mail. While I send thank you cards (I like sending cards in general) to everybody who attended my shower, I do not recall ever getting a snail mail thank you for any of the gifts that I gave. As long as my gift is acknowledged, whether by e-mail or phone call, I am fine.

[nov04]

I think TY notes are essential to give and receive. I'll admit that I've let my most recent ones go for a few weeks, but it won't be much longer than that.

[nov04]

I think TY notes are essential to give and receive. I'll admit that I've let my most recent ones go for a few weeks, but it won't be much longer than that.

[jgriffin]

You got a thank you note, I really think that's better than a lot of people (myself included on occasion, sad to say!) I wouldn't have been offended at all, but maybe it's a regional thing. I'm in the Bay Area, and *everything* happens via the internet around here. Evites are common, as are emailed thank you notes. I know all of my friends' and colleagues' email addresses, but would be hard pressed to get all of their snail mail addresses. I do try to send hand-written thank you notes, but if I know it's going to take a long time to get to, I'd rather send an email and at least acknowledge that I received the gift than send nothing at all.

And who knows, maybe you will get a hand-written note, too.

[jgriffin]

You got a thank you note, I really think that's better than a lot of people (myself included on occasion, sad to say!) I wouldn't have been offended at all, but maybe it's a regional thing. I'm in the Bay Area, and *everything* happens via the internet around here. Evites are common, as are emailed thank you notes. I know all of my friends' and colleagues' email addresses, but would be hard pressed to get all of their snail mail addresses. I do try to send hand-written thank you notes, but if I know it's going to take a long time to get to, I'd rather send an email and at least acknowledge that I received the gift than send nothing at all.

And who knows, maybe you will get a hand-written note, too.

[gatorsmom]

You know, I can see it both ways, but I feel the same way as you do. If I go through the trouble to get them a gift, wrap it and show up, can't they send me a little card to say thanks?

I have to say, though, that for my own sanity, I've come to expect NOTHING from anyone anymore and thus am happily surprised when i get any kind of thank you!!!

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[gatorsmom]

You know, I can see it both ways, but I feel the same way as you do. If I go through the trouble to get them a gift, wrap it and show up, can't they send me a little card to say thanks?

I have to say, though, that for my own sanity, I've come to expect NOTHING from anyone anymore and thus am happily surprised when i get any kind of thank you!!!

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[SnuggleBuggles]

What if she had mailed you a card and it simply said, "Thank you for the gift. It was very nice of you. _name-"?

I have gotten thank you notes like that that were so vague and generic that it was hardly worth it. I'd rather have recieved a 5 line email than a 1-2 line hand written card.

If those were the choices which one would you prefer )what you recieved vs a 1-2 line card)?

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

What if she had mailed you a card and it simply said, "Thank you for the gift. It was very nice of you. _name-"?

I have gotten thank you notes like that that were so vague and generic that it was hardly worth it. I'd rather have recieved a 5 line email than a 1-2 line hand written card.

If those were the choices which one would you prefer )what you recieved vs a 1-2 line card)?

Beth

[Lovingliv]

>Hmm, I'm really surprised that all of you seem just fine with
>an email thank you! Although it is better than nothing at all.
>I guess I just feel like since I went to all the effort to go
>to her shower, get her a gift, etc. (especially since I have
>my own newborn!) it wasn't much effort for her to write a
>thank you.

nak

I have to agree with you, Margaret. You have a new baby and a toddler and you don't know this woman. You made a very nice gesture in giving a pretty expensive gift, given the situation.
She just moved here so her home may be in disarray. Everyone has their own unique situation. Everyone's life is hectic. It's how u behave in these situations that reveal what kind of person u are, or at least what kind of breeding u have had.

U all did something really nice,,,,she should have IMHO sent a handwritten thank-you note. I would certainly not be jumping to get her anything else, ever.

Thank-you notes are becoming a lost art....sigh :(

[Lovingliv]

>Hmm, I'm really surprised that all of you seem just fine with
>an email thank you! Although it is better than nothing at all.
>I guess I just feel like since I went to all the effort to go
>to her shower, get her a gift, etc. (especially since I have
>my own newborn!) it wasn't much effort for her to write a
>thank you.

nak

I have to agree with you, Margaret. You have a new baby and a toddler and you don't know this woman. You made a very nice gesture in giving a pretty expensive gift, given the situation.
She just moved here so her home may be in disarray. Everyone has their own unique situation. Everyone's life is hectic. It's how u behave in these situations that reveal what kind of person u are, or at least what kind of breeding u have had.

U all did something really nice,,,,she should have IMHO sent a handwritten thank-you note. I would certainly not be jumping to get her anything else, ever.

Thank-you notes are becoming a lost art....sigh :(

[Lovingliv]

oh yeah....My thank-yous for Tess just went out one week ago...for gifts given 3-4 weeks prior. I am appalled at myself( even given she was in the hospital with RSV)for taking so long!

People's thoughtfulness means so much to me, and a thank-you note shows that.

[Lovingliv]

oh yeah....My thank-yous for Tess just went out one week ago...for gifts given 3-4 weeks prior. I am appalled at myself( even given she was in the hospital with RSV)for taking so long!

People's thoughtfulness means so much to me, and a thank-you note shows that.