The only question I hate more than, "Is she sleeping through the night?"....

[sadie_beth_1124]

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..."Is she sleeping through the night *YET* ????"

Urrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. x( Don't these people have anything better to worry about? That question is less about genuine interest in DD's sleeping habits and more about trying to make me feel inferior.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.

[Melanie]

Just say "yes." It will save you SO much grief.

[ellies mom]

Yeah, that one killed me too. People just didn't get that it wasn't a big deal to me. Once she woke up, I just took her into bed with me or when she got older, I just crawled into her bed with her and fell back asleep. She has the most comfortable bed in the house and she doesn't snore.

I agree, it is definitely a "test" of some sort. Just silliness to me.

[DDowning]

I learned a great comeback from the momma's here whenever I got asked that question. When they ask "how are they sleeping at night?"
I replied - "Like a baby!" and leave it at that, with no other qualifiers/explanations.

Then I have to do everything in my power to contain my amusement from looking at the person's puzzled look on their face as they sitting there trying to figure out what exactly you meant....

[DDowning]

I learned a great comeback from the momma's here whenever I got asked that question. When they ask "how are they sleeping at night?"
I replied - "Like a baby!" and leave it at that, with no other qualifiers/explanations.

Then I have to do everything in my power to contain my amusement from looking at the person's puzzled look on their face as they sitting there trying to figure out what exactly you meant....

[jgriffin]

In defense of the people asking this question....

Before I had kids, I knew very little about them and their habits. I was interested in my colleagues' kids, though, but had no idea what sort of things to ask about. I knew sleeping through the night was often considered a "big" milestone, so I'm sure I asked about it. I didn't mean it as a test, or to try to make the parent feel inferior. And since once a kid starts sleeping through the night, the parents are able to also, it was also (in part) a question of how the parent was doing, too.

But yeah, I can see how it could get irritating after awhile.

[jgriffin]

In defense of the people asking this question....

Before I had kids, I knew very little about them and their habits. I was interested in my colleagues' kids, though, but had no idea what sort of things to ask about. I knew sleeping through the night was often considered a "big" milestone, so I'm sure I asked about it. I didn't mean it as a test, or to try to make the parent feel inferior. And since once a kid starts sleeping through the night, the parents are able to also, it was also (in part) a question of how the parent was doing, too.

But yeah, I can see how it could get irritating after awhile.

[Beth568]

This is my MIL's favorite question for any new parent. No matter what the response, she goes on to say that DH slept through at 7 weeks and his brother at some point after that, she's not sure when, because eventually she just put a pillow over her head to drown out his crying. :( And she delights in playing me against my SIL, who has done CIO with her daughter. She tells me how great it is that she can just put my niece down to sleep and leave her, and she tells my SIL how bad she felt when my older DD told her that I never let my babies cry. She wants us both to feel bad, I guess. Ridiculous.

Anyway, when my girls were little I finally just started answering that question by saying, "She sleeps just fine." It was true - I had no issues with continuing to nurse my babies at night.

I agree that it's perhaps a benign question from people who don't have kids, or perhaps even from someone whose kids are older and who has forgotten the way the early years work, but from some people, my MIL included, it's a pointed question.

[Beth568]

This is my MIL's favorite question for any new parent. No matter what the response, she goes on to say that DH slept through at 7 weeks and his brother at some point after that, she's not sure when, because eventually she just put a pillow over her head to drown out his crying. :( And she delights in playing me against my SIL, who has done CIO with her daughter. She tells me how great it is that she can just put my niece down to sleep and leave her, and she tells my SIL how bad she felt when my older DD told her that I never let my babies cry. She wants us both to feel bad, I guess. Ridiculous.

Anyway, when my girls were little I finally just started answering that question by saying, "She sleeps just fine." It was true - I had no issues with continuing to nurse my babies at night.

I agree that it's perhaps a benign question from people who don't have kids, or perhaps even from someone whose kids are older and who has forgotten the way the early years work, but from some people, my MIL included, it's a pointed question.

[klwa]

Ooooh, yeah. And then it's usually followed by the story that their child slept through the night at 4 days old because they added rice cereal to the bottle. And even at 6 years, their child has NEVER woken up in the night and needed them to come hold them. And having done that, you're a BAD parent!

[klwa]

Ooooh, yeah. And then it's usually followed by the story that their child slept through the night at 4 days old because they added rice cereal to the bottle. And even at 6 years, their child has NEVER woken up in the night and needed them to come hold them. And having done that, you're a BAD parent!

[maestramommy]

This is probably true. Although I did not know this until Dora was born. I didn't know anything about "sleeping through the night" as a concept. But when people kept asking this question we just kept saying, "no not yet." Luckily most people just nodded in that commiserating way. Only one of Dh's coworkers, who babywised all his kids, said they were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. Dh really admires and respects this man as an engineer, so it suprised me a little that he didn't seem affected by those comments at all or didn't feel that we needed to give babywise another look (we read it before Dora was born).

I have to admit there were times when I wondered if people cared about anything else though :-)

[maestramommy]

This is probably true. Although I did not know this until Dora was born. I didn't know anything about "sleeping through the night" as a concept. But when people kept asking this question we just kept saying, "no not yet." Luckily most people just nodded in that commiserating way. Only one of Dh's coworkers, who babywised all his kids, said they were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. Dh really admires and respects this man as an engineer, so it suprised me a little that he didn't seem affected by those comments at all or didn't feel that we needed to give babywise another look (we read it before Dora was born).

I have to admit there were times when I wondered if people cared about anything else though :-)

[SummerBaby]

I remember that one- along with the comment "surely at her size she really doesn't need to eat!"

Just wait, another 2 years and you'll be hearing "She's not potty trained yet????"

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Val
DD 2.5 years old
another summer baby coming in 2007!

[SummerBaby]

I remember that one- along with the comment "surely at her size she really doesn't need to eat!"

Just wait, another 2 years and you'll be hearing "She's not potty trained yet????"

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Val
DD 2.5 years old
another summer baby coming in 2007!

[elizabethkott]

You could always reply,
"Yes, AND she's doing our taxes this year, too, as well as earning her doctorate in quantum physics!"

[elizabethkott]

You could always reply,
"Yes, AND she's doing our taxes this year, too, as well as earning her doctorate in quantum physics!"

[KBecks]

LOL! I got this one all the time, and I really don't know why other people care. I was able to blow it off, but I imagine it really grates on the nerves when sleep deprived!

Hang in there.

[KBecks]

LOL! I got this one all the time, and I really don't know why other people care. I was able to blow it off, but I imagine it really grates on the nerves when sleep deprived!

Hang in there.

[DrSally]

How about "He's still nursing?"

[DrSally]

How about "He's still nursing?"

[rgors]

I have asked this question of friends TONS of times, and it was never to make them feel inferior. I can't say all of your friends are the same. If any of *my* friends ever felt this way, however it was their own insecurities getting to them -- in no way was it something I was putting on them! I'm just encouraging you to be open to the fact that the askers of this question may be truly oblivious to the stress they have put you though.

Reasons I have asked that question:
- the last time I talked to the friend, they complained about no sleep, so I am now asking to see how they are doing
- I know very little about this other person, and it's a common question to ask that seems (to a non-parent) to be innocuous. To be honest, all those times I asked, it never occurred to me that a child's ability to sleep through the night was a direct result of good parenting. I just figured "you get what you get" and I am just inquiring to ask something (that I thought was "safe") about the child.
- most recently I have asked that question because as an anxious new parent, I am anxious to know when *I* might be able to start getting normal sleep again. So my motives are entirely selfish. :)

[rgors]

I have asked this question of friends TONS of times, and it was never to make them feel inferior. I can't say all of your friends are the same. If any of *my* friends ever felt this way, however it was their own insecurities getting to them -- in no way was it something I was putting on them! I'm just encouraging you to be open to the fact that the askers of this question may be truly oblivious to the stress they have put you though.

Reasons I have asked that question:
- the last time I talked to the friend, they complained about no sleep, so I am now asking to see how they are doing
- I know very little about this other person, and it's a common question to ask that seems (to a non-parent) to be innocuous. To be honest, all those times I asked, it never occurred to me that a child's ability to sleep through the night was a direct result of good parenting. I just figured "you get what you get" and I am just inquiring to ask something (that I thought was "safe") about the child.
- most recently I have asked that question because as an anxious new parent, I am anxious to know when *I* might be able to start getting normal sleep again. So my motives are entirely selfish. :)

[masha12]

In defense of the moms who ask this question, as I am one of them, they don't all ask it just to make you feel inferior. Trust me, I am too busy trying not to feel inferior to those moms out who look like they managed to get a shower in this week to put any effort into trying to make you feel inferior.

I ask the question to show I am interested in how things are going and to provide an opening for her to share or discuss whatever if it is she might want to as one mom to another.

This is not to say that some people don't ask the question to brag about their own children's stellar sleep habits, but when I ask, it is because I do genuinely care about how things are going for that mom.

[HHCs Mom]

We have friends who were in constant 'competition' with us as their son is 4 days older than DS. Their son slept through the night pretty early whereas DS finally slept through at 11.5 months -- and by sleeping through I mean ALL night long without waking.

At about 9 months, I had had ENOUGH. I told DH that the next time they asked that I was going to flat out lie and say things were fine. Had to get our stories straight so DH could play along, too... They asked and I told them that DS was sleeping fine. They never asked again. I felt no guilt about fibbing and still don't to this day. Being lied to is one of my pet peeves but D@MN were they making me totally nutso with their constant barrage of questions!!! I was never so glad to get them to leave me alone about it! And, I know it was to make themseleves feel better since everything was a competition with them --- sleeping through the night, who was going to deliver first, and now that the boys are turning 3 in the next week, who will potty train first. Ugh!

I say tell them whatever you want and I promise people will leave you alone!
Kim
~ mama to a sweet boy named Harrison ~ April 2004
...and baby boy #2 due 5.24.07!